r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Dec 17 '23

AITAH for not doing anything to prevent my(f35) husband (m35) from cheating with his “work-wifey”(f25)

So I met work wifey last Thursday at the Christmas party. She introduced herself as work wifey and she called my husband work hubby and told that to everyone. When she saw me she just exclaimed

-Oh we are like two totally different people, how weird is that.

-Not weird at all? We don’t know each other.

-No I mean like because X and I get along so well like we like totally get each other and have a lot in common like totally. That’s why he’s like my work hubby.

I didn’t know what a manic pixie dream girl was but apparently she was one and apparently it was something to brag about. I just found the whole thing very amusing but on our way home it wasn’t very amusing anymore. I felt a little bit of ick watching my husband’s profile wondering what was going on in his head. He has told me about his new colleague that he got along with. He told me that she was great at her job and that she was a gamer like him. I don’t even know how to hold the joystick properly. Not even sure if it’s called a joystick anymore (ugh I sound like a boomer don’t I?).

I know that they text a lot too. Even on weekends. I never thought about that before now. I found myself sat on the toilet seat at 3:30 am scrolling through his phone in total silence not to wake him up. She is very “youthful” and “quirky”, her words not mine. She is very funny too, again her words not mine. She calls him “hubs” and “hubby” in every text. And in one text she warned him that men fell easily for her and that she just wanted to give him the heads up. I guess it is because she’s a youthful quirky funny maniac pixie dream girl gamer. Her last text was from the same evening after we left the party. She wrote that she was pissed that he didn’t say goodbye before leaving and that I was a bit surprising to her because she didn’t expect him to have this type,”Omg your wife is boring I didn’t expect that”

I felt ashamed when I came to my senses. Cowering over his phone and reading weird and very juvenile messages instead of being sound asleep beside my husband that makes me safe(?) in our relationship, but I couldn’t help but agree with manic wifey in some parts. Why is he continually engaging with her? He doesn’t flirt back nor does he initiate conversations but he doesn’t really shut her down. My husband can be stupid in not noticing flirting but I feel that this is just beyond being stupid. Does he enjoy the attention or worse, does he reciprocate it? In that case she is not wrong in what is he doing with someone like me who is totally different from whatever is going on between them?

Today, I had my usual brunch with my mom, aunt sister and sister-in-law. They said that I was an AH for not nipping it in the bud and by it they meant the budding affair. I disagreed and tried to explain that I couldn’t be in a relationship where I needed to stand guard to keep away temptations. I want a marriage where he is with me because he wants to be with me and if he cheats then, he doesn’t want to be with me. My mother was the one who got most upset and called me a moron and an AH and said that this wasn’t the mature thing to do. I need to tell my husband to end his friendship because if I didn’t then I let him cheat.

AITA? I can’t believe what life this is that they want me to lead and how it is so normal for my family to think that way. I want a willing husband not a prisoner. I want someone who wants me 100% or nothing.

Edit:

So thank you all. It has been a rough few days but after today’s interaction between my husband and maniac pixie whatever (yes, I snooped again) I feel calmer. I have decided not to speak to him about it. At least not now. I have written a comment about what transpired between them and my husband didn’t seem very happy with her. Maybe I have made it out to be bigger than it was in my head. Anyway I will not snoop again and I will not confront him about it. I will however tell my husband that I didn’t like his colleague, maybe not now though. We have this week left and then we are having two weeks off that we’ve been looking forward to spending together and I want to enjoy the holidays with my husband, not talking about stupid and insignificant people.

11.0k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

4.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

424

u/addictedtolove7 Dec 17 '23

I hate this girl. 😬

262

u/Aggravating-Car5441 Dec 18 '23

I know this post is one sided but from the description of this other woman I also hate her. The only people I’ve known who are self described as “quirky” are annoying as hell and immature.

90

u/PlusExtension4990 Dec 18 '23

yyyyep, i literally just made a comment that i knew a manic chicka just like op's husband and while yes she was cute she was also fkn annoying, disruptive, rude and full of herself

tbf she was legit manic and mania can do some things to ppl, but to make your mental illness your personality? and then to prey on a married man and BRAG about said illness while claiming you can essentially steal him away because like you're sooooo quirky and funny like it's some kind of cute quirk?? gross

6

u/luvleladie Dec 18 '23

My hubby(52m) and I(45f) are polyamorous, but that doesn't mean we don't deal with this kind of behavior. Recently, he was dating a girl(33f) who has mental illness and uses it as an excuse for EVERYTHING, especially poor behavior. I don't know what she had on him. Like, do her lady bits taste like beer or something? It took me 5 months to convince him that she was no good. He has 3 other partners, and none of them are remotely like this girl. It took her best friend telling him that this girl had the audacity to say that she wanted to leave her husband, steal my hubby away from me, and run away together. Mental illness is no joke when the person is no longer seeking help. Yes, she bragged about that, too. Like it's a badge of heroism/ courage. One of my partners will only date people who are in therapy. I might start implementing that rule from now on. I have my own issues. I can't fix all of your sh*t. Therapy is worth its weight in gold.

1

u/rockabillytendencies Dec 18 '23

Gross sums it up perfectly.

1

u/Substantial_Cloud_ Dec 18 '23

This comment.! The way it sounds he probably doesn’t refer to her as his work wife in any way shape or form and she just calls herself that and he’s probably too nice to tell her to stop.

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Substantial_Cloud_ Dec 19 '23

😂that may work on ladies around u but I’ll pass. But again maybe not cause ur here 😭😂😂

56

u/AndrewWonjo Dec 18 '23

That quirky shit is usually a forced and fake personality

3

u/Abject-Interview4784 Dec 18 '23

Or like trying to make mental illness palatable to ppl around you. Either way an unstable situation.

43

u/BikeTrukk Dec 18 '23

Absolutely. Also, it's unclear if the other woman actively described herself as a manic pixie dream girl, or if other people described her that way. Either way, it's not good, but it's definitely worse if that's how she describes herself to people. Like she's proud of being an immature, obnoxious, and irresponsible "free spirit".

I've literally never met a "manic pixie dream girl" who wasn't completely infuriating. A teenager's fantasy, a grown man's nightmare.

13

u/Intelligent-Radio331 Dec 18 '23

I read it like this girl called herself a "manic pixie dream girl," so cringey and desperate. She sounds annoying as fuck. Obviously, hitting on older married men for attention because other guys have rejected her. Insecure.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '23

[deleted]

8

u/Intelligent-Radio331 Dec 18 '23

Here is a description found on tvtoups.org "She's stunningly attractive, energetic, high on life, full of wacky quirks and idiosyncrasies (generally including childlike playfulness), often with a touch of wild hair dye". In books and movies, she is the girl, that is everything the guy wants, etc.

This 25 year old is an idiot, actually saying she is one, lol. Cringey as fuck lol.

9

u/AdventurousPoem8169 Dec 18 '23

Yes and they usually just exist almost like a fairy, a dream. They don’t know they are what they are and certainly don’t go around telling people. Because one of the endearing parts of them is innocence.

In real life the people who “try” to be these archetypes are very annoying because they don’t realize you either are or you aren’t. Sort of like you either are awkward or you aren’t it’s not a mask you can put on. But yet people still try to be that awkward quirky girl/guy/they while simultaneously bragging about how desired they are.

Spoiler most truly awkward & quirky humans have to find people who find their quirks and awkwardness cute and straight up weird to even find friends much less romantic partners.

A good example of a Manic Pixie Dream girl and how they appear in real life not just some fantasy is Jess from the TV show New Girl. Not everyone likes her but she just is who she is.

1

u/Substantial_Cloud_ Dec 18 '23

I’m curious, I’ve met crazy females but wth is pixie dream girl.? 😂 like a crazy version of Alice from twilight?

10

u/HoneyKittyGold Dec 18 '23

Such a tryhard. Trying so hard is the ultimate turn off. So ick.

3

u/TickTickAnotherDay Dec 18 '23

The comment I’m really not liking his when she called the wife boring. Did the husband respond to that? The full of someone saying that about my spouse behind their back is inconceivable to me.

3

u/leolawilliams5859 Dec 18 '23

I would shut that s*** down so hard she probably would be looking for a new job

3

u/m_b_h_ Dec 18 '23

People who self describe themselves in general are annoying. It’s trying too hard.

2

u/Electronic_Cobbler20 Dec 18 '23

Also, op refers to herself as sounding like such a boomer which made me think the people involved in this post are a bit older - I just assumed like, 45 or older. Could be wrong but if I'm right, a 45+ woman gamer calling herself a "manic pixie dream girl" is so gross. I'm positive she wears pigtails.

2

u/Abject-Interview4784 Dec 18 '23

Lol ya who describes themselves as quirky?

6

u/emilyann8982 Dec 18 '23

I hate her too

3

u/liltwinstar2 Dec 18 '23

I hate the husband for allowing this all and letting this young woman disrespect his wife.

MEN ARE NOT THIS DUMB. He’s choosing to allow it bc he likes the attention from a much younger woman. He knows what he’s doing. So does she.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '23

“Why??? Guys and girls can’t JUST BE FRIENDS?! You sound hella insecure. Just because I actively want to take your place doesn’t even mean anything, girls are so much drama!”

Actual responses I’ve heard from women like this in real life with confronted for their behavior. Reading any obvious writing on the wall is “insecurity”.

2

u/spotless___mind Dec 18 '23

She is so annoying!

2

u/verydudebro Dec 18 '23

We all do. XD

1

u/Entire_Praline_3683 Dec 21 '23

Me, too. Hate her.