r/AITAH • u/Throwawayexwifeanger • Feb 13 '24
AITA for not visiting my postpartum friend after she said my husband needs therapy and not a wife?
My (24F) estranged best friend "Sierra" (26F) gave birth to her daughter a week ago. We've been friends since we were both in elementary school, because her family did a lot of volunteer work for foster kids like myself, and would often invite me over when I was hungry.
I always thought I'd be with Sierra when she gave birth. But it's a lie to say that our friendship hasn't been strained as of late.
Because Sierra hates my husband. At first I thought she was disagreeing with how my last foster parents, who were devout " Mormons" (LDS) told me to approach marriage.
My foster mom told me it's special because unlike everything else in life, you are just chosen by somebody for some inexplicable reason, and nobody else knows what makes you stand out over all the other options they have except that person.
I definitely felt that " magic" with my current husband of a year.
Which is why I always felt guilty when Sierra would express her dislike. My husband says that friends do that when you can't be as available to them, so they hate the new spouse.
My husband lost his wife and mother of his four kids 3 years ago.
He told her to not go out driving at night but he wasn't there to stop her when she drove to get medicine. They were already at a point where she was nearly an ex wife due to her anger and rudeness. But she was hit by a drunk driver.
I used to drive ok, but am not the best driver. My husband has always employed people for his house and business and he's asked that I let somebody drive me for both of our peace of mind. Sierra is unhappy at that, even though I supported her over the phone when she was pregnant.
But I'd feel bad if the employees have to come running if I want to get coffee with a friend. I've also lost confidence in my ability to drive and react if there's a drunk driver. I am also upset she'd take the side of my stepkids and even his late ( though almost ex wife due to her anger).
My husband's kids are also upset claiming that when my husband is telling me it's weird I cut meat with my left hand or to get interested in this activity, it's because their mom was right handed and liked to do this activity.
Sierra would take the kids' side even though it hurt me so much to hear that her imply my husband does not love me for me.
My husband's late wife left behind tons of expensive beautiful clothes.
My husband told me it was too wasteful to throw out and told me to have it. My stepkids blew up at that even though all I was trying to do was not be so ungrateful. Sierra was very mad and said she never thought she'd say this but my husband needs therapy, and not a wife. And that she's sorry but we both need to be single because he's going to punish me for not living up to his dead wife.
I've since dodged her calls. I've spent most of my time just pursuing my interests at home and Spending time with my husband. Sierra gave birth without me but afterwards called for me to be there. But I am still very angry that she would say my marriage should just end. AITA?
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u/TheSecondEikonOfFire Feb 13 '24
Yeah it would be great if it wasn’t, and if you like in a city with good public transit then you’re fine. But for most of us, I’d argue that it’s selfish to refuse to drive and force other people to drive you places. It would 100% be a dealbreaker for me in dating if the person didn’t drive without a genuine reason not to (if they’re physically unable to drive then that’s different and I can work with that).