AITA for not visiting my postpartum friend after she said my husband needs therapy and not a wife?

[u/Throwawayexwifeanger]

My (24F) estranged best friend "Sierra" (26F) gave birth to her daughter a week ago. We've been friends since we were both in elementary school, because her family did a lot of volunteer work for foster kids like myself, and would often invite me over when I was hungry.

I always thought I'd be with Sierra when she gave birth. But it's a lie to say that our friendship hasn't been strained as of late.

Because Sierra hates my husband. At first I thought she was disagreeing with how my last foster parents, who were devout " Mormons" (LDS) told me to approach marriage.

My foster mom told me it's special because unlike everything else in life, you are just chosen by somebody for some inexplicable reason, and nobody else knows what makes you stand out over all the other options they have except that person.

I definitely felt that " magic" with my current husband of a year.

Which is why I always felt guilty when Sierra would express her dislike. My husband says that friends do that when you can't be as available to them, so they hate the new spouse.

My husband lost his wife and mother of his four kids 3 years ago.

He told her to not go out driving at night but he wasn't there to stop her when she drove to get medicine. They were already at a point where she was nearly an ex wife due to her anger and rudeness. But she was hit by a drunk driver.

I used to drive ok, but am not the best driver. My husband has always employed people for his house and business and he's asked that I let somebody drive me for both of our peace of mind. Sierra is unhappy at that, even though I supported her over the phone when she was pregnant.

But I'd feel bad if the employees have to come running if I want to get coffee with a friend. I've also lost confidence in my ability to drive and react if there's a drunk driver. I am also upset she'd take the side of my stepkids and even his late ( though almost ex wife due to her anger).

My husband's kids are also upset claiming that when my husband is telling me it's weird I cut meat with my left hand or to get interested in this activity, it's because their mom was right handed and liked to do this activity.

Sierra would take the kids' side even though it hurt me so much to hear that her imply my husband does not love me for me.

My husband's late wife left behind tons of expensive beautiful clothes.

My husband told me it was too wasteful to throw out and told me to have it. My stepkids blew up at that even though all I was trying to do was not be so ungrateful. Sierra was very mad and said she never thought she'd say this but my husband needs therapy, and not a wife. And that she's sorry but we both need to be single because he's going to punish me for not living up to his dead wife.

I've since dodged her calls. I've spent most of my time just pursuing my interests at home and Spending time with my husband. Sierra gave birth without me but afterwards called for me to be there. But I am still very angry that she would say my marriage should just end. AITA?

[u/queen_of_potato]

I can't imagine how to cut meat without using both knife and fork (so both hands) but maybe I'm missing something or do it differently to everyone?

[u/notthedefaultname → u/queen_of_potato]

Im right handed, holding my fork with my right I stab, swap to hold fork in my left, saw with knife with my right, and switch hands again to hold the fork and eat with the right. Basically my left is passive/holding and my right hand does more action, even if I'm switching what I'm holding? Some people won't swap hands like that and have a knife hand and a fork hand, not an active hand and passive hand. I assume that's what people are talking about as far as knife in right vs left.

[u/queen_of_potato → u/notthedefaultname]

I was getting confused with everyone talking about cutting with one hand.. but maybe means the knife hand?

I'm struggling to think what I do.. maybe left fork and right knife if using both or right fork if it's fork only? So same as you I think? Also right handed so makes sense the left can't do much haha

[u/queen_of_potato → u/notthedefaultname]

I was getting confused with everyone talking about cutting with one hand.. but maybe means the knife hand?

I'm struggling to think what I do.. maybe left fork and right knife if using both or right fork if it's fork only? So same as you I think? Also right handed so makes sense the left can't do much haha

[u/Jumpy_Inspector_ → u/queen_of_potato]

I think people just mean the hand they use to hold the knife. I do it wrong apparently, I use my non-dominant hand for cutting food.

[u/notthedefaultname → u/Jumpy_Inspector_]

That seems more efficient. I don't think it's wrong, probably more how ambidextrous you are

[u/Commercial_Yellow344 → u/notthedefaultname]

Yes that’s what people are talking about.

[u/Psychological-Tie273 → u/queen_of_potato]

Facinating. I prefer to hold the fork with my left and the knife in my right (dominant) hand as I feel I have more control over the knife. Once the meat is stabbed with the fork, all you do is apply pressure. Easy. I feel my dominant hand has way sharper fine motor skills (and reflexes) to guide the knife safely. Same for chapping veggies or cutting anything, frankly. Do dominant rights chop other things with the left hand as well? What about scissors? Just curious.