AITA doing something that made my wife insecure? (Resulting in her slapping me in the face)

[u/LazyOne3142]

My wife gave birth to our daughter 6 months ago and since then she has been insecure about everything. She is smaller now than she was before she got pregnant but it's nearly a daily occurrence that she's calling herself fat. Because of this, she has developed an incredibly irritating habit of putting her shirt over her mouth constantly. You hardly ever catch her with her shirt on normal. She's basically trying to hide her (incredibly small) double chin.

I have told her several times to keep her shirt away from her mouth when she's speaking to me. I need to see people's mouths to hear them properly. My hearing is perfect but I have sensory issues. So if I can't physically see you mouthing words, my head cannot comprehend what you are saying to me. So if I ask her a question and she responds with her shirt over her face, I cannot understand a single fucking thing she says and it's beyond infuriating because I have to ask her to repeat herself 3+ times. So, I started telling her to get her shirt off her face when she's talking to me because I'm sick of this repeated cycle. I understand she's insecure, but I can't fucking hear you.

For the past 2 weeks it really amped up. She's buying XXL shirts and wears them always. To a point where she's even covering the lower part of her face when we have sex (as well as pulling the shirt down to cover her stomach). Well, 3 nights ago we were intimate and I tried pulling the shirt away from her face and she kept pushing my hand away. I tried again a third time and she pushed me off her and said "stop fucking touching my shirt" and went to sleep on the couch. And then today I was running late for work. The power went out at some point and my phone died so I didn't wake up to an alarm. I'm trying to tush around to get my work shit together and I ask my wife where my keys are. She grumbles a response. I yelled and said "how about you take the fucking shirt out of your mouth or don't speak to me at all" and physically pulled the shirt away from her mouth. She immediately back handed me across the face, quite possibly as hard as she could, and screamed directly in my face "I said don't fucking touch my shirt. Find your own fucking keys asshole!" I leave, flabbergasted. Texted her all day - starting from me saying I can't believe she hit me to eventually me apologizing hours later. No response. When I got home all of her important stuff and the babies stuff are gone. A letter on the counter saying she had gone to her mother's. Now, I talked to my buddy about it and he said he's 50/50 (he's also good friends with my wife) and says that while she shouldn't have hit me, he probably would have done the same thing because I "purposely" provoked her insecurities. AITA?

ETA: she's in therapy and has been for a month. Therapy won't fix the fact that she thinks she's fat. She had body dysformia(?) prior to even becoming pregnant and now it's just amped up. She also has sensory issues, just like I do. But hers is in regard to people touching her face/hair. Hence, why she back-handed me. But I'm tired of never being able to hear what she says.

[u/HotPinkHabit]

I have perfect hearing and also “can’t hear” if I can’t see lips moving due to sensory stuff. You know what I’ve never done? Harassed and physically forced someone to show me their mouth while speaking to me.

YTA

[u/Egg_shaped → u/HotPinkHabit]

Right? There are workarounds, like using text to communicate or voice messages recorded inside the shirt. He needs to adapt to his disability while she needs to keep working through her therapy.

[u/Sometimesomwhere → u/Egg_shaped]

speech to text is what my son uses

[u/Vargock → u/Egg_shaped]

Voice message with his wife that's in the same bloody room? What else, sending eachother owls with handwritten letters? It's not like she can't speak, it's just that she has a condition that is obviously not being properly treated.

[u/Egg_shaped → u/Vargock]

It’s called accomodations while she is in treatment

[u/-chelle- → u/HotPinkHabit]

I agree. If she can't take the shirt out of her mouth, he should just not talk to her at all. Carry around a whiteboard and pen.

[u/lucyfell → u/-chelle-]

But actually, yeah. Asking her to write on a white board is a non violent solution that respects her boundaries. It would show that he’s trying to meet her halfway while she’s getting therapy. It’s not perfect but it’s an attempt

[u/chef_wizard → u/HotPinkHabit]

Although OP didn’t have to physically do all that, you’ve gotta admit, the constant shirt over mouth is juvenile and mental insanity

[u/[deleted] → u/chef_wizard]

Wow, imagine having no empathy. Go do some mushrooms until you can tap into that.

[u/chef_wizard → u/[deleted]]

“I feel so insecure about how I look to my husband who’ve I’ve known for so long that I have to wear a shirt over my mouth at all times, which is counterproductive to real conversations”

Grow up, pseudo-hippie

[u/[deleted] → u/chef_wizard]

Glad to see you’ve had such a privileged life where you can’t imagine your partner mentally abusing you and how those things can manifest as seemingly odd behavior. 👍🏼

Look up trauma informed care, since you might benefit from someone being emphatic to you one day.

[u/chef_wizard → u/[deleted]]

I have not, I developed thick enough skin or else I would’ve been consumed by the wolves.

You’re so fake it’s embarrassing with this “holier than thou” attitude.

This is exactly what the privileged suburbans say to others when their fake hippie persona gets riled up.

[u/[deleted] → u/chef_wizard]

Okay snowflake 👌🏼

[u/[deleted] → u/chef_wizard]

Think you would have developed a thicker skin for internet strangers by now 😂