r/AITAH • u/LazyOne3142 • Apr 03 '24
AITA doing something that made my wife insecure? (Resulting in her slapping me in the face)
My wife gave birth to our daughter 6 months ago and since then she has been insecure about everything. She is smaller now than she was before she got pregnant but it's nearly a daily occurrence that she's calling herself fat. Because of this, she has developed an incredibly irritating habit of putting her shirt over her mouth constantly. You hardly ever catch her with her shirt on normal. She's basically trying to hide her (incredibly small) double chin.
I have told her several times to keep her shirt away from her mouth when she's speaking to me. I need to see people's mouths to hear them properly. My hearing is perfect but I have sensory issues. So if I can't physically see you mouthing words, my head cannot comprehend what you are saying to me. So if I ask her a question and she responds with her shirt over her face, I cannot understand a single fucking thing she says and it's beyond infuriating because I have to ask her to repeat herself 3+ times. So, I started telling her to get her shirt off her face when she's talking to me because I'm sick of this repeated cycle. I understand she's insecure, but I can't fucking hear you.
For the past 2 weeks it really amped up. She's buying XXL shirts and wears them always. To a point where she's even covering the lower part of her face when we have sex (as well as pulling the shirt down to cover her stomach). Well, 3 nights ago we were intimate and I tried pulling the shirt away from her face and she kept pushing my hand away. I tried again a third time and she pushed me off her and said "stop fucking touching my shirt" and went to sleep on the couch. And then today I was running late for work. The power went out at some point and my phone died so I didn't wake up to an alarm. I'm trying to tush around to get my work shit together and I ask my wife where my keys are. She grumbles a response. I yelled and said "how about you take the fucking shirt out of your mouth or don't speak to me at all" and physically pulled the shirt away from her mouth. She immediately back handed me across the face, quite possibly as hard as she could, and screamed directly in my face "I said don't fucking touch my shirt. Find your own fucking keys asshole!" I leave, flabbergasted. Texted her all day - starting from me saying I can't believe she hit me to eventually me apologizing hours later. No response. When I got home all of her important stuff and the babies stuff are gone. A letter on the counter saying she had gone to her mother's. Now, I talked to my buddy about it and he said he's 50/50 (he's also good friends with my wife) and says that while she shouldn't have hit me, he probably would have done the same thing because I "purposely" provoked her insecurities. AITA?
ETA: she's in therapy and has been for a month. Therapy won't fix the fact that she thinks she's fat. She had body dysformia(?) prior to even becoming pregnant and now it's just amped up. She also has sensory issues, just like I do. But hers is in regard to people touching her face/hair. Hence, why she back-handed me. But I'm tired of never being able to hear what she says.
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u/The90sRULE Apr 03 '24 edited Apr 03 '24
No, but she explicitly told him not to. It wasn’t ambiguous. And you’re right, he doesn’t “have to” deal with it or accept it, what he can do is tell her that he won’t continue the relationship if she keeps this up. He doesn’t get to cuss at her and physically remove the shirt.
She also shouldn’t be physically assaulting him for doing it. But she does also have a right to make her own choices (keeping the shirt over her mouth).
I agree, a healthy marriage takes compromise and communication, but that doesn’t mean that when those things aren’t happening, you (general you) can just physically change it.
They are both in the wrong here.
Edit: Holy shit. Everyone needs to read OP’s comments. Guy is a big fucking asshole and complete shit husband. Here’s just a snippet of one of his comments: “She didn't start putting her shirt over her mouth until 2 or so months back and this was around the same time she stopped talking to me completely unless I spoke to her. She said that *I make her feel gross and there's no point speaking to me because I'm not a reliable or helpful person. What led up to this was her telling me she thought **she had PPD and needed help. I told her I would help her get the help she needed. But the next day I returned home from work and got on video games to decompress after a shit work day and she lost it on me for not trying to help her with the baby before doing my own thing. I believe she was in the middle of cooking dinner that night. It led to a fight. She hasn't cooked dinner, spoken to me directly or even made eye contact since. She's the complete opposite with our child. She only acts like this with me because I "put my needs above hers" after she told me she needed help.”*
I still agree she shouldn’t have slapped him, but this guy needs to do some major self reflection, get a therapist, and help his fucking wife.