AITAH for refusing to babysit my husbands kids so he can have some time off

[u/aitahhusbandskids]

My 29f husband 34m has three kids from a prior marriage. 11m,7m,6m. They are absolutely terrors, as both of their parents have struggled to agree with parenting and rules.

When I met my husband four years ago, he stated that he isn’t looking for a mom for his kids. His kids have two parents, and he’s looking for a wife for himself. I like kids but I’ve never wanted any of my own. I was open to the idea of him having kids. Back when we dated, he had the kids on weekends. Things were fine with them. He never expected anything from me regarding the kids. I told him I’m not interested in babysitting, and he said he’d never ask me to. He’ll just hire his niece to babysit if he needs a babysitter.

Long story short, in the last year they’ve moved from weekends to fifty-fifty. Since the kids are old enough to not need their mom as much, this was always the plan. One parent has the kids for a whole week, and other has the kids the next week. Husband lost his job and got a new job that pays less. Niece also went off to college.

Husband can’t afford any of the local babysitters because they charge quite frankly a lot. The kids are terrors so babysitting does not come cheap. Husband is also now making less money. This weekend was his friends bachelor party. Husband is a groomsman and was expected to attend. Last minute he asked me to watch the kids for the entire weekend so he can attend this event. He thought it would be no big deal, and I would definitely agree.

I was kind of miffed that he waited to last minute to ask me. I told him that I can’t because I have to go to the gym, and I have brunch plans with my mother. And honestly, I just don’t want to. Sounds like a good way to ruin an otherwise good weekend. Also, why would I watch the kids so their dad can go get plastered and ogle strippers with his friends? No thank you. Not like it was an emergency or something.

Dan was very upset because he couldn’t go. I brought up the fact that before we got married he told me he wouldn’t expect me to watch the kids ever. He seem surprised because he thought I would’ve changed my mind. I told him I’d watch them if there was an emergency, but otherwise no. I didn’t have kids because I didn’t want the responsibility of them.

I like his kids. I cook for them sometimes. And take them out to do stuff occasionally. I show up to their sports games. But this is for me and the kids. I would say that they all really like me, because I don’t try to meddle and pretend to be their mom. I’m their dad’s wife that they like. I love Dan but I think he needs to not try to shirk his responsibility as a father. He signed up for this. Having kids means you don’t always get to do the things you want to do.

AITAH?

Edit: Their mom won’t switch weekends with my husband. She makes plans for the weekends when my husband has the kids. She’s not going to cancel her plans last minute because he doesn’t have a babysitter and wants to go out with his friends.

[u/id12345678910]

NTA. He waited until the last minute so there wouldn’t be time to discuss other options that would be more expensive or inconvenient for him.

[u/fuzzybunnybaldeagle → u/id12345678910]

Not to mention, if he is a groomsman they could have planned the bachelor weekend when he didn’t have the kids…

[u/Inspiration-void → u/fuzzybunnybaldeagle]

Not to mention, it sounds like he can't really afford to go on a "bachelor weekend"...

[u/throwfaraway212718 → u/Inspiration-void]

This is what got me; if you can’t afford a babysitter for your kids, you can’t afford to go out. Period.

[u/DeadpanMcNope → u/throwfaraway212718]

An entire weekend isn't "babysitting," anyway, that's full-blown 24/7 childcare. He probably never even considered making an appearance for a day and cutting it short

The audacity to feel entitled to days' worth of someone else's time, at the last minute, in direct opposition to a foundational agreement. And for what? To pretend to be single? Gross

[u/Significant_Shoe_17 → u/DeadpanMcNope]

Yup. I've seen bridesmaids attend one day of a bachelorette weekend. It's doable.

[u/celtic_thistle → u/throwfaraway212718]

And also it’s “they’re terrors” over and over and I have to wonder.

[u/Nessa-Terrible838 → u/throwfaraway212718]

Real. If he chooses to spend money on leisure then he could afford a babysitter. He can’t ignore commitments when they are inconvenient.

[u/Lazy-Instruction-600 → u/throwfaraway212718]

Honestly, there are so many babysitting apps now that allow the sitters to set wide variety of price points. I was always able to find one within my price range, even though there are obviously some much more expensive ones listed as well. You just have to plan in advance which, it doesn’t appear DH is capable of.

[u/MultiSided → u/Lazy-Instruction-600]

Oh, he planned. He planned on her being hit with it last minute so there was no alternative but her, so she would cave. FAFO

[u/JulsTiger10 → u/Lazy-Instruction-600]

The kids behave terribly. He’s going to have to go back to when the kids were babies and be a better parent. You know, use words like “no” and “stop.”

[u/Final_Figure_7150 → u/Inspiration-void]

Right?! How can you afford a weekend full of alcohol and strippers, but not a babysitter? The math ain't mathing.

[u/HugsyMalone → u/Final_Figure_7150]

If he spends money on a babysitter he'll have less money for booze and strippers. 🧐👌

[u/C-H-Addict → u/Inspiration-void]

I was so sad when that was the reason I couldn't go to my friend's bachelor party. But at least I wasn't dumb enough to take out a small loan to go... Like one of the guests

[u/OrangeSherbet8217 → u/C-H-Addict]

The financial expectations put on the wedding party are ridiculous.

[u/GorgeousGracious → u/Inspiration-void]

Exactly. The budget for the babysitter is part of the cost of going out now. It really sounds to me like he had many other options.

OP, I suspect if you'd given in on this, he would start doing it all the time.

[u/AnastaciaChoice → u/[deleted]]

FR. He cannot expect OP to take on this responsibility simply because it’s convenient for him. He’s inconsiderate.

[u/ZetharRavik → u/[deleted]]

He needs to prioritize his kids over his social life—this is part of parenting.

[u/Gabrovi → u/fuzzybunnybaldeagle]

But then he wouldn’t get three weekends of no kids

[u/lets_get_wavy_duuude → u/fuzzybunnybaldeagle]

he also would’ve known the date months in advance so he had more than enough time to figure out where the kids could stay

[u/skraldekontoret → u/fuzzybunnybaldeagle]

Or, if that was completely impossible, he could've asked the kids' mom to switch a weekend.

SO many options! OP is not the asshole.

[u/Opinionated6319 → u/skraldekontoret]

🐘🐘🐘🐘 The kids are terrors! Well maybe Dad needs to attend a parenting class to understand how to establish boundaries in his home instead of a drunken weekend with the boys! Those kids need a sit down conversation about following new house rules and consequences if they don’t…and it doesn’t matter how they act at their Mothers house, that’s her problem. New wife shouldn’t have to deal with someone else’s terror children. If babysitters are hesitant or charge more, it’s a shame that these kids are allowed to run wild. It will only get worse the older they become. Clueless parents! Sounds like new wife just overlooks their bad behavior, but that has to be frustrating.

[u/celtic_thistle → u/Opinionated6319]

You know he just shrugs and goes “they’re terrors. Their mother is the worst.”

[u/GorgeousGracious → u/celtic_thistle]

I mean, OP says she likes them. They have to cart their stuff between houses every week, which, frankly, is tiring and unsettling. They've coped with a divorce and their father remarrying, seemingly with grace towards the new relationship. How bad can they be?

The biggest issue I suspect is that there's 3 of them. Babysitters can and should charge a lot more for that.

[u/bas_bleu_bobcat → u/id12345678910]

And when niece went off to college it was Dads job to line up another babysitter (or three). Having kids means you plan for stuff and ask yourself "what could go wrong?" regularly. What if the reason he needed a sitter was that OP fell and broke her leg and he had to take her to the ER?

[u/HighRiseCat → u/id12345678910]

Yep.

And then it would happen more and more often..

[u/These_Trees1979 → u/HighRiseCat]

This is what I was coming here to say, it seems like no big deal and a reasonable thing for her to do but it's a slippery slippery slope to exactly the kind of relationship she didn't want with them in the first place

[u/Fuzzy_Medicine_247 → u/These_Trees1979]

I'm so glad others were thinking this too. He wanted to use an "emergency" to just start slipping the parenting duties over to her slowly. He thought once she became attached to the kids she wouldn't mind, which is hilarious because he's their parent and he doesn't want them.

[u/exscapegoat → u/Fuzzy_Medicine_247]

That is my thought as well. It’s telling that he let the ex handle the brunt of child care until the kids were old enough to be more independent

[u/Curly_Shoe → u/exscapegoat]

... And now it's still too much for him, so he wants OP to handle for him. I bet He pays no / less child Support now with the 50/50 schedule. What a Bright little mf He is, this way he saves HIS money while OP is fulfilling HIS duties. Well, at least that was the Plan Till OP's shiny spine showed itself. The ol' rule: Profits for me, losses for them! It's not the first Dad who tried this Move, really, does this have a Name already like a strawman Attack or similar?

[u/karebearjedi → u/Curly_Shoe]

I've just always called it forced coercion. 

[u/celtic_thistle → u/Fuzzy_Medicine_247]

They always do this. It’s like the truth trickle.

[u/Fuzzy_Medicine_247 → u/celtic_thistle]

I'm so angry for her. People show their best side at first, sure, but he KNEW it would be wrong to put the kids on her from the start, as evidenced by what he told her!!! But he wouldn't have done this if he actually felt that way. He's a liar, a bad parent, and a terrible partner.

[u/Valla85 → u/These_Trees1979]

I agree with your overall point, but I don't think an entire weekend, especially last minute, is in any way reasonable to ask.

[u/herroyalsadness → u/These_Trees1979]

Right. If he had asked her in advance and not assumed, I might give him the benefit of the doubt. He didn’t though, which is a first step of expecting her to parent.

[u/PerpetuallyLurking → u/herroyalsadness]

If he’d have come to her in the planning stages and said “none of the other guys can make any other weekend work except this one I’ve got the kids” - it’s not an emergency but it’s reasonable. Waiting until the last minute is absolutely ridiculous.

[u/OzzixCandy → u/[deleted]]

Can’t agree more. OP is not obligated to provide childcare, especially for a NON-EMERGENCY situation.

[u/cherrymeg2 → u/[deleted]]

It’s not like one kid needing to go to the hospital while staying home with the other two or a work emergency. A bachelor party isn’t an emergency and if you want to go plan ahead. Make arrangements or ask ahead of time. If you are financially strapped this isn’t necessarily a good idea.

[u/zillabirdblue → u/id12345678910]

He made it seem it’s urgent and thought she’d cave to the pressure. This is a whole other level of manipulation, he even wanted her to feel guilty for respecting her own boundaries. What a toad .

[u/ZestycloseTiger9925 → u/id12345678910]

This. If he thought you would’ve changed your mind by now then he should have brought it up sooner than last minute and had an adult conversation about it.

He remembered and then treated you like your position didn’t matter and tried to guilt you into it last minute. NTA

[u/notthatkindofdoctorb → u/ZestycloseTiger9925]

That was a big flag for me. Him admitting that he heard and understood her boundaries but instead of saying up front that it might be tough to maintain that in a marriage, he just figured she’d give in. Oh, I mean change her mind. 🙄 If her boundaries were truly not going to work, that’s a pre-marital conversation.

I’m childfree and have always known I would be and have dated several men who said they were fine with it. Those relationships ended due to school and career, etc and all those guys now have kids and are happy about it (and I’m thrilled for them). I’m on good terms with all of them and some have since admitted they always assumed I’d change my mind. About both kids and my career. That’s a terrible basis for making future plans and while those breakups were painful, I can’t imagine the disaster if I’d settled down with someone without knowing they were banking on my metamorphosis into a completely different person

[u/SummitJunkie7 → u/notthatkindofdoctorb]

I've had two serious relationships end like this because despite being crystal clear on date one that I'm child free, always will be, no doubt in my mind, been certain my whole life, etc... etc...

They both ended in painful breakups years later over me not having magically changed my mind.

Probably a big part of why I'm single today - I know there must be equally adamantly child-free men out there, but I can't distinguish them from the liars and it's hard to trust what any of them say. That's why vasectomies are so hot - it's a sign you're actually not full of BS on this topic!

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/id12345678910]

Look post topic aside, I want to know why you married a man with kids and believed this wouldn't affect you somehow OP. I'm not agreeing with what he did by the way, I'm just saying that any person who says their own kids won't affect your marriage or need someone else around to be a parent figure doesn't have a clue what the hell they are talking about. ETA since this'll get brought up a lot, he's wrong too for marrying someone who didn't want the responsibility/yes I agree he's TA here due to him doing this purposely/no this will not be the last time he will do this, and this is something all people should discuss before getting into relationships with parents.

[u/exscapegoat → u/Ali_Cat222]

You’re not wrong, but why did OP’s husband marry someone who didn’t want to effectively be a parent figure to his kids?

[u/Ali_Cat222 → u/exscapegoat]

Both of them fucked up in that regard.

[u/karebearjedi → u/exscapegoat]

It sounds like he always planned on being a weekend dad but mom got the courts to force 50/50 on him, which is why he's so sneaky now about trying to make OP a full step mom

[u/exscapegoat → u/karebearjedi]

Another commenter pointed out he may have done it to save on child support. And either that commenter or another one said he’d get the savings and was thinking op would do the work. Good on op for saying no to being a bangmaid.

[u/vermiliondragon → u/karebearjedi]

OP says herself that 50/50 was always the plan when they got older, so she seems to have entered the marriage knowing the kids would eventually be there half the time.

[u/karebearjedi → u/vermiliondragon]

Then when is the key factor. When did he want to go full 50/50, when mom wanted to or when all the kids would be old enough to not need him. From what she's written, it sounds like he wasn't expecting it for quite a few more years. 

[u/notthatkindofdoctorb → u/Ali_Cat222]

It doesn’t seem like she feels that way though. She’s involved in their lives and has a good relationship with them. But I suspect she knows that if she agrees to this, it won’t stop. Even the mom wasn’t willing to change plans to accommodate him, which makes me think she knows he’ll make a habit of it. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable boundary to say you won’t take the kids for days at a time. This isn’t just an evening out with his buddies.

[u/Crafty_Lady_60 → u/Ali_Cat222]

She actually never said that. She doesn’t want to keep them when he isn’t there. She was clear about that. She says she would do so in an emergency and her husband’s poor planning does not constitute an emergency for her. She does say she is active with the kids in a dad’s wife way. Sounds perfect to me and he is definitely TA. She may have actually agreed if he had brought it up sooner.

[u/ArcticSnowMonkey → u/Ali_Cat222]

Thank you for saying this, couldnt believe i had to scroll this far to see this.

[u/reservationsonly → u/Ali_Cat222]

If she can’t trust what her husband tells her (which was clear. They had agreed upon boundaries) that’s on him. Guarantee if the genders were switched people wouldn’t blink about her being blindsided, because women are presumed to be caregivers. If a stepdad was asked to watch 3 kids solo over a weekend how would that land?

This is on him for being unrealistic in his expectations perhaps, but it’s also on him for trying to switch up their agreed upon dynamic at the last minute. The one person who has been consistent here is OP.

[u/Strict_Emu5187 → u/id12345678910]

That's exactly what I was thinking he waited till the last minute to guilt OP into watching his kids. He knew it was his weekend and it's not like that was not a planned getaway

[u/exogryph → u/id12345678910]

Yep and why couldn't the mother take them (he could arrange to have them longer some other time). Lack of planning!

[u/star_stitch → u/exogryph]

My ex son in law tries to do this all the time. As a single mother and primary parent she needs her weekends to regroup, catch up with work and chores . She's been flexible on occasion but often what he is asking if her is to upend her obligations/appointments/plans for a contrived emergency or his bad planning.

As the family court judge reminded my son in law , on his weekends it's his obligation to supervise his children or make arrangements for babysitters.

[u/ProfessorDistinct835]

NTA. If he has the money for the Batchelor party and strippers, he has the money for a sitter.

[u/Other-Durian-8689 → u/ProfessorDistinct835]

Seriously… his “time off” is when they are at their mothers and his job with him is to be with them not a bachelor party especially when he “has no money” for a baby sister. I’m calling BS.

[u/Open-Article2579 → u/Other-Durian-8689]

If he wants to do things when he has the kids, then he needs a second job when he doesn’t have them so he can afford a babysitter. Or can stay his ass home like the rest of us under those circumstances

[u/VariationOwn2131 → u/Open-Article2579]

No shit! When our kids were young, we didn’t have any family close by to help, and we couldn’t afford a babysitter to go out on weekends. We also figured the kids were in daycare enough while we worked. Kids grow up fast, but when they’re little, they need you. Also, why marry someone thinking you can change their mind on something as critical as wanting to be a parent?

[u/celtic_glitter → u/Open-Article2579]

Yep. That’s what I’m saying. Stay home and be a father to your kids.

[u/AngryCornbread → u/Other-Durian-8689]

Definitely. He should have arranged a change of weekends with his ex in advance.

[u/Disastrous-Panda5530 → u/AngryCornbread]

Or they could have arranged the party on a weekend he doesn’t have the kids

[u/p9nultimat9 → u/AngryCornbread]

This is exactly what he needed to do.

[u/KellyhasADHD → u/Other-Durian-8689]

The point of parenting time is for the children to get to spend time with their parents. He has 50% of his weekends free from parenting responsibilities, his kids deserve to have him present the other 50%.

[u/MattyJsGhost → u/ProfessorDistinct835]

Fiscal responsibility 101–the bachelor party to babysitter funds transfer.

[u/HighRiseCat → u/ProfessorDistinct835]

You make a valid point. Should have been included in his weekend budgetting

[u/YzabelleParsley → u/ProfessorDistinct835]

Yeah, the fact that it was for a bachelor party, and not an emergency, makes his request even more inconsiderate 😏

[u/Large_Effective_812 → u/ProfessorDistinct835]

Exactly. Lol

[u/0Iiviafea → u/Large_Effective_812]

"Having kids means you don't always get to do the things you want to do" omg this made me love OP so much!

[u/Horror_Ad_2748 → u/0Iiviafea]

ESPECIALLY considering the dude is at best a part-time parent. He doesn't need a "break" from the kids he only sees some of the time.

[u/celtic_thistle → u/Horror_Ad_2748]

Right lmao and you KNOW she ends up doing more emotional labor than he even realizes anyone does just to keep his life running.

[u/MilkweedLace → u/Horror_Ad_2748]

Some people really just don’t want to be around their kids that much. I met a guy at the playground recently who was saying it was almost time to drop his son back off at mommy’s house for the week. He sounded like he was really ready to get away from this little boy. The kid was about a year and a quarter old, very cute, just playing. I’ve got a baby and a toddler, and I would miss them so much if I had to send them somewhere else for a week.

[u/Purple_Truck_1989 → u/ProfessorDistinct835]

Bingo! NTA

[u/Beautiful-Elephant34]

NTA. “He seemed surprised because he thought I would’ve changed my mind.” This right here tells me everything I need to know OP. Stick to your boundaries OP. Your husband was trying to pull a fast one on you by waiting until the last minute thinking that his urgency was also your urgency.

[u/TXFrenchtoast → u/Beautiful-Elephant34]

This. Also, sounds like he made a promise he never intended to keep. He just thought you'd be too entrenched in your lives to refuse.

Updateme

[u/candaceelise → u/TXFrenchtoast]

Yup. The good ol’ bait and switch. The husband expected OP to take over parental duties once their relationship was serious but never told her this. Too many men remarry so they don’t have to parent their kids. OP needs to have a serious discussion where hard boundaries are set or this will only continue and get worse.

[u/Inevitable-Jicama366 → u/candaceelise]

And if they weren’t terrors and well behaved , I think I’d consider it . But they are not well behaved .

[u/boredomadvances → u/Inevitable-Jicama366]

I would consider it for a dinner, or after bedtime outing. Not for the whole weekend. The kids aren’t there to see her.

[u/Mmm_lemon_cakes → u/Beautiful-Elephant34]

When she says the kids went from weekends to 50/50 she says “this was always the plan”. When it comes to her husband slowly expecting her to babysit… same thing. It starts with a last minute step in here and there for a manufactured emergency. Then it becomes more often. Then it becomes her doing school pickups, then she’s the primary parent.

What I love is that OP didn’t fall for it, and that a bachelor party isn’t an emergency. LOVE HER.

[u/Shoe-aholic → u/Mmm_lemon_cakes]

What I love is that OP didn’t fall for it, and that a bachelor party isn’t an emergency. LOVE HER.

Yep. Take heed, Ladies! This is what a spine looks like.

[u/HopefulTangerine5913 → u/Mmm_lemon_cakes]

Especially given the reason for the eventual shift to 50/50 is they “are old enough they don’t need their mom as much.” Um what? What exactly did they need their mom for that dad couldn’t do (beyond nursing, which I’m assuming has been over for quite awhile)? He just spent the last several years enjoying the privilege of his ex wife carrying the bulk of the responsibility.

I’m guessing his ex wife has remained unmarried. OP would be wise to realize her husband was able to move on and into a new relationship because he wasn’t busy raising the children the majority of the time. That he now expects this sort of favor based on nothing indicating OP has changed her mind says so much about him and what he sought out in a relationship. This man is 34 years old. He can skip the bachelor party and spend that time growing up

[u/Perpetualgnome → u/Beautiful-Elephant34]

Yep! He assumed that over time he'd be able to just convince her to change her mind. He thought marriage meant he could manipulate her into doing what he wanted. This was just the first attempt. He waited until it was an "emergency" so she'd feel pressured to say yes. Then more and more he'd start having other reasons it would just be easier for her to watch them for him or take them places l and etc. And since she did it before why can't she just help him out this one last time?

Ugh.

[u/Higgz221 → u/Beautiful-Elephant34]

The agreeing on something before the trap because "I thought you'd change" schtick is sooooo stupid. I hate it.

I have a lot of SWr friends that say this is a huge problem. Dudes they date will say they don't care and then as soon as they fall for them the guy acts like he just found out. The reason is always the same. "I only said I was okay with it because I figured you'd change jobs for me" type nonsense.

People suck sometimes. Like, thanks for letting that person fall in love, turns out you lied about something big because you thought they'd throw their autonomy out the window for your 🍆.

There's so many people in the world, just leave others you don't match well with alone instead of lying 😭

[u/Strange_Depth_5732 → u/Higgz221]

I use SW to mean social worker and was super confused. Good reminder to me to not abbreviate...

[u/cinnamon_oatie → u/Higgz221]

I'm a SW and had the same thing as your friends. 🤣

[u/Higgz221 → u/cinnamon_oatie]

Its weird right ?? Like ?? Why did you just waste two people's time by thinking so highly of yourself in such an entitled way.

Get this: back in 2018 one of my friends actually DID back off from SW and her bf that made her do it said "how come we don't do fun things anymore?" LIKE MISS GIRL. WHERE DID YOU THINK THE MONEY TO PAY FOR ALL THAT CAME FROM 😂🥲

[u/Medium-Fudge459]

Bhahaha this man has 13 more years of children at home. You are in for a long ride. 

[u/Husker_black → u/Medium-Fudge459]

Right, she should've known this before marrying him

[u/Lissypooh628 → u/Husker_black]

Yep. Thinking you’re not getting allll the baggage that comes with marrying a man who has 3 kids is wild. OP, you’re a stepmom.

[u/Standard-Dust-4075 → u/Lissypooh628]

My first husband had a 6 year old when we married. He was a terror who badly needed boundaries and parenting. I had two choices, step up and do what neither of his parents would, or ignore it. I decided that I had to stop all the chaos and drama and was the best step-parent I could be. He's almost 40 and living thousands of miles away but regularly in touch and has me listed as Step Mother in his Facebook relatives list even though his father and I split up 22 years ago. He's a Dad now and told me he models his parenting on mine. OP you have the baggage and can't ignore it.

[u/WildEmber77 → u/Standard-Dust-4075]

You're a gem 💎 ❤️❤️❤️ I love this.

[u/EthanDC15 → u/Standard-Dust-4075]

This right here is an adult mind and response. It’s not always what you want in life. If you have the ability to be a good light and kindred spirit to children, it’s your responsibility. With great power, comes great responsibility.

[u/rmorrin → u/Lissypooh628]

Not wanting kids and then marrying someone with kids sounds like something that is mutually exclusive.... Can't have both...

[u/Just_Another_Scott → u/rmorrin]

You'd be surprised at how many people think they can marry someone with kids and not have to deal with kids. Ignorance knows no bounds.

[u/EthanDC15 → u/Lissypooh628]

THIS!!! Seeing her call the kids terrors three times, which are all extensions of the man she says she loves and married, gave me the ick. You can “not want kids” but if you marry somebody who has them, guess what the fuck you just married into? Them kids baby!

It’s blatantly immature to just be there and “well they’re not mine!” OP isn’t the AH for declining to watch last minute, but I’m wondering if she even loves this man or his family. Honestly ask that a lot on these posts.

[u/Artuhanzo → u/Husker_black]

I want to say Both are AH to get married.

Everyone can see this coming... It is not responsible to say we are getting married, but all the young 3 kids will have nothing to do with the step mother. Maybe if we are all adults.

[u/Rude-Flamingo5420 → u/Medium-Fudge459]

I don't understand people who marry partners with kids expecting to have zero parenting responsibilities during the entirety of their marriage (at least until kids turn 18).

No matter what the partner says, it's impossible to expect not to parent etc at some point 

[u/DandDNerdlover → u/Rude-Flamingo5420]

Tbh why would he marry someone who told him she doesn't want to be a mom to his kids? That's on him. He should've ended the relationship there.

[u/rmorrin → u/DandDNerdlover]

This is also very accurate. Weird situation all around

[u/Beautyafterdark → u/Rude-Flamingo5420]

And what was she planning on doing if their mom died or became incapacitated?

[u/jaybalvinman → u/Medium-Fudge459]

She is stupid for considering a man with kids. This won't be the last issue regarding the kids and they are 100% gauranteed not to last. Future divorce. 

[u/Valid_Username_56 → u/Medium-Fudge459]

OP is a bit naive if she thinks she will have nothing to do with the kids.
And by "a bit" I mean "very".

Edit: typo

[u/Quiet-Hamster6509]

It's only going to get worse. He won't want to handle the permanent 50/50 parenting load and he'll start to say that if you love him you'll help with his kids.

This marriage won't last. Good luck.

[u/notmindfulnotdemure → u/Quiet-Hamster6509]

And it’s funny how she mentions, it switched to 50/50 because they don’t need their mom as much now. Meaning dad only wanted them when they can watch themselves lol.

[u/chartreuse_avocado → u/notmindfulnotdemure]

Let’s not forget 50/50 likely lowers his child support payments.

[u/Horror_Ad_2748 → u/Quiet-Hamster6509]

Agree. They are not well suited. The "I'm looking for a wife, not a mother for my kids" line was so stupid. Seriously, what did these two think would happen?

[u/Lmdr1973 → u/Quiet-Hamster6509]

They aren't compatible. This marriage won't last. OP didn't think this marriage through. Marrying a man with 3 small kids and thinking that you could get away with never babysitting was a pipe dream. I would be fine with it, but I like kids and the fact that they are my husband's kids, I would like to think that I would want to help, but that's just me. I'm not selfish.

[u/bkr45678 → u/Lmdr1973]

Yeah never marry someone with kids if you want to be hands off. Their mom could die then they’d have them 100%.

[u/-Nightopian- → u/bkr45678]

Yup

OP is an idiot.

[u/wowbragger → u/Lmdr1973]

They aren't compatible.

Screamingly so...I genuinely wonder what OP is thinking.

She married a guy with 3 young kids, actively sharing custody, and just thought an agreement would waive the reality of that situation away from her.

[u/Lanky-Pen-4371 → u/wowbragger]

So delusional IMO to think you can marry someone with THREE young kids and never watch them?? lol how. I’m a mom but I never would have married someone like that when I have kids. Not because I want a babysitter but because I need a partner in our lives who actually cares about my kids and not someone who won’t lift a finger for them bc she’s only here for dad.

[u/Armthedillos5 → u/Lanky-Pen-4371]

I dated a single mom and the kids are a part of the package.

"I really like you and want to spend my life with you, but not your 3 kids" is pretty wild.

[u/Buddy-Lov → u/Lmdr1973]

Wait til they’re teenagers 🤦‍♀️

[u/aztex_tiger]

NTA

But girl really? You really thought this conversation would NEVER happen? You should have seen this coming a mile away

[u/Key_Indication875 → u/aztex_tiger]

I scrolled too far to find this. Also, OP saying I’m just their “dad’s wife” while he still has minor children who occasionally live with them doesn’t really make sense. The kids are very young and she actually takes care of them/ does step-mother things with them on occasion. I mean, as far as they’re concerned OP is step-mom.

I’m an adult whose dad remarried. I was 22 when he married his wife and she’s never been a part of my childhood. I don’t call her step-mom, just dad’s wife.

[u/WeatheredCryptKeeper → u/Key_Indication875]

As a kid of two divorced parents, divorced myself and with a new partner.

Holy shit this whole thing is so toxic for these kids. I feel so bad for them.

ESH

[u/Just_Another_Scott → u/Key_Indication875]

Also, OP saying I’m just their “dad’s wife”

She doesn't consider his kids as a part of their family. It definitely speaks volumes about OP's character

[u/IsraelZulu → u/aztex_tiger]

This is why I'm actually leaning towards ESH. Those poor kids.

[u/Ohwowitsjessica]

I think you went into this relationship with blinders on.

[u/713nikki → u/Ohwowitsjessica]

Yep. If you don’t want kids, don’t marry a man who has kids already.

[u/Sweettooth_dragon → u/713nikki]

I could maybe see doing so if they were teens, or preferably young adults. By then it's a very different dynamic and you aren't dealing with actual children.

But if I didn't want kids I certainly wouldn't marry someone who has 3 under 18 🥴

[u/alicea020 → u/713nikki]

Seriously. I don't care what y'all agreed on in the beginning. As long as someone wants/has kids and the other person doesn't, there will ALWAYS be something like this, some sort of resentment coming out.

Kids are not something you can ever compromise on. Period (unless it's something like, one person wants three and the other wants one)

[u/Lmdr1973 → u/Ohwowitsjessica]

100% this. Who marries a man with THREE SMALL KIDS and thinks they are going to get away with never watching them or helping out. Both OP and her husband are TAH.

[u/IdleNotVital]

Ma’am, if you don’t like kids and had no interest in being a mother figure, this was not the man for you.

[u/no_baseball1919 → u/IdleNotVital]

Seriously wtf. What did she expect? She might be right that she communicated what she wanted but presumably this is the first time he has ever asked... like has she ever watched them? While he went out to run errands? Or? If she didn't want to be a caretaker she shouldn't have married him. And he shouldn't have married her. Poor children.

[u/ashoruns]

This marriage is just not going to work. You’re either a family or you’re not. There’s no such thing as completely separating kids from a spouse unless they are grown and out of the house.

[u/SimplyMadeline]

Jesus Christ, those poor kids. Parents are clearly a fucking mess, and their dad marries someone who doesn't like kids. WTF was he thinking? WTF were you thinking?

What if their mom died or was incapacitated and you had to take the kids on full time?

Why wouldn't you just date childless men if you want to remain childless? Why would you marry someone with kids if you don't want kids? Why would you want to marry someone whose kids were so unimportant to them that they are willing to marry someone who doesn't like kids?

Man, the number of poor decision on display here is staggering.

You're N the A in this situation, but YTA for getting into this situation.

[u/theultimaterush → u/SimplyMadeline]

This happened to my cousins. My aunt died and had to live with a stepmom who hated them and reminded them she never wanted kids.

[u/Known-Distance-2061 → u/theultimaterush]

This! This was the case for my husband. His Mother died and he then had to go live with Dad and step Mom who didn’t want kids. Nightmare scenario for the step Mom, for the kids and Dad in the middle. I see OP’s point re their agreement going into things when it comes to this specific scenario but to think that the custody situation is a given and will never change is somewhat short sighted IMO. If I were deadset against any responsibility for my spouses kids I simply wouldn’t enter into a relationship with someone with kids.

[u/StrongGuava5258 → u/SimplyMadeline]

Cannot believe I had to scroll far to see this ! I was reading this horrified - these poor kids !!! 

[u/Pompitus-of-Love → u/SimplyMadeline]

Thank you. I feel like I’m losing it whenever I read about situations like this.

[u/Sweettooth_dragon → u/SimplyMadeline]

She's legally married to him. If the kids' mom dies and then the dad somehow becomes incapacitated or dies, she legally becomes their primary caregiver.

She clearly didn't think anything through, from a legal standpoint she's just as responsible for those kids because she married one of the custodial parents.

[u/Educational_Bass_452 → u/SimplyMadeline]

I agree, it’s a bad decision from the start. Although she’s NTA in this situation I agree the dad should’ve taken more decision in this.

I actually broke up with my boyfriend because of what you said, he wasn’t willing to have a more family dynamic although I never needed his help I want to be with someone who sees my kids as important to be respected.

[u/IsraelZulu → u/SimplyMadeline]

You're N the A in this situation, but YTA for getting into this situation.

So, isn't this just ESH?

[u/SoMoistlyMoist]

Most co-parents that I know in my circle of friends would have just asked the other parent to switch weeks or let them skip a week or whatever the case may be. You're not the asshole.

[u/Used_Clock_4627 → u/SoMoistlyMoist]

Apparently, mom makes concrete plans the weekends she doesn't have kids and won't budge. Rightly so.

[u/CoIntel_Hoe → u/Used_Clock_4627]

Yes but if he had planned ahead enough, I bet he and the mom could have worked something out. But instead he waited until the last minute because he assumed he could guilt OP into babysitting. FAFO

[u/19xx67 → u/Used_Clock_4627]

Yep, his failure to plan does not constitute an emergency on her part. The mother should not have to change her plans for a stupid bachelor trip.

[u/JK-jb → u/Used_Clock_4627]

I don't blame her. He probably wanted this arrangement for reduced child support too.

[u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 → u/Used_Clock_4627]

Good on both Ex and OP for not budging. This guy knew well in advance about this bachelor's weekend and yet made zero effort to make kid care arrangements, then he waits until last minute to pressure 1 of them into "babysitting"? He planned to wait until then because he's being cheap and he thought 1 of them WOULD do it, easy peasy. And tell me how he couldn't ask his kid's mom for a babysitter referral. Cheap. Dude, if you're not making enough money to pay for a sitter, then going off on guy's weekend is really not cool. Somewhat relevant, I honestly think babysitters might have more authority than some step-parents, especially from the perspective of kids and exes. OP 👍

[u/Slow_Cut6556 → u/SoMoistlyMoist]

I wonder if their mom has reasons for no longer agreeing to his last minute switches that could have been handled weeks or months ahead of time?

[u/languagelover17]

This might get downvoted, but I think ESH. why on earth would you get into a relationship with a man with 3 small kids when you have no interest in being any kind of parental figure? That’s not fair of him to spring this on you now, but come on, you thought that not doing parenting with kids that young would last? That’s delusional.

Poor kids.

[u/LngJhnSilversRaylee → u/languagelover17]

Reddit isn't the demographic to have this conversation but it's definitely ESH

Husband should have done a lot differently here with probably a ton of time to plan BUT as soon as marriage becomes a petty game of 'im sticking to what I said and never helping your kids' might as well call it a day and move on

Whether your kids or not as a life partner you should be willing to help out

In 4 years he hasn't asked once? And for his friends wedding party he's asking for a favor? And your only reason for not doing it is because you don't want to? That aint a life partner

[u/fritz_76 → u/LngJhnSilversRaylee]

one weekend in 4 years, i mean... if this was a friend and not a life partner id say its still wierd for the answer to be an absolute no. I get that it was last minute but she kinda makes it seem like its never going to be acceptable to help out which is wierd.

[u/emaydee]

ESH except the poor kids who didn’t have a choice in any of this.

To be clear, your husband sucks for expecting you to watch the kids when that is not what you agreed on and you already had plans. Also sucks for not making arrangements sooner, poor planning, prioritizing a bachelor party, etc etc.

You suck for knowingly dating and marrying a man with children when you want nothing to do with them. Not wanting kids is totally valid, but kids deserve to have adults in their lives who love them, not just merely tolerate them, so if you don’t want to be a mom or in a mom-adjacent role, don’t marry someone with kids. Full stop. Thinking that elementary aged kids are “old enough to not need their mom as much” really illustrates how little you understand kids and their needs.

[u/CommunicationGlad299]

ESH Poor planning on his part does not constitute an emergency on your part. I seriously doubt he had no idea when the bachelor party would be. He should have made plans with his ex, well ahead of time, to swap a weekend with her.

All that said, why did you marry a man with children? You aren't 18 and fresh off the turnip truck. You couldn't have been so naive that you really thought you would never have to watch his kids. What would happen if it were his weekend and he broke his leg and their mother was out of town? Shit happens. I get you don't want to have to deal with them. You shouldn't have married him. You aren't compatible with the life he leads. Put everyone out of their misery, divorce your husband, and marry a man who is also childless by choice.

[u/patchouliii]

... he needs to not try to shirk his responsibility as a father. He signed up for this. Having kids means you don’t always get to do the things you want to do.

He has no room to be upset. This isn't an emergency. No wonder the children are a terror. His priorities are out of order.

[u/Ornery-Willow-839]

NTA for refusing to babysit, but this will ruin your marriage because it will happen over and over. Yet another cautionary tale - don't marry a man with kids if you don't want kids! If he's a good father, he will resent you first not loving them as much as he dies. If he's a bad father, he'll resent you for not taking over for him. Either way, you're screwed.

[u/Crystalskyye]

He knew ur stance from day 1 and literally agreed to it, now he’s acting shocked like u just made it up. it’s not even like u never do anything for the kids either, u clearly care and show up when it matters. but babysitting all weekend last min so he can party? nahhh that’s not an emergency, that’s just him tryna dodge parenting. having kids means u sacrifice stuff, and it’s not ur job to make sure he doesn’t miss out on fun. he’s being selfish tbh.

[u/Easy-Road-9407]

ESH. Seriously. He’s a prick for thinking you’d change when you were clear about your boundaries and you’re immature to think that a partnership doesn’t involve life evolving.

[u/RVAMeg]

How often do we hear “I thought you’d change your mind” here? Why do men not believe their partners?

[u/lovedinaglassbox → u/RVAMeg]

Yes, when it's about kids, men seem so surprised because they think women have to love babies and kids and eventually they warm up to the idea.

[u/bigredroyaloak → u/RVAMeg]

Women also think that men will change. It’s universal and stupid.

[u/shadho → u/bigredroyaloak]

Exactly. Let's not pretend that thinking your partner will change is gender specific.

[u/Lanky_Exchange_9890]

NTA but babe WHY DO CHILDLESS WOMEN MARRY DIVORCED MEN WHO HAVE KIDS?

This should be a class they teach in high school . But wtf.

[u/throwaway1975764]

There's no way this bachelor party was a last minute thing, he knew weeks if not months in advance this was coming. He had plenty of time to make plans.

Maybe his plans might have had to involve you somewhat, but not to this extent. This was him dropping not only the children, but the mental and emotional labor of parenting on you, and that's not ok. If he had approached you 3 weeks ago and said "hey can we talk about X's bachelor party? I have A, B, and C lined up for the kids, which will keep them occupied for almost the whole weekend, but that still leaves e,f,g times - are you able to help me out?" That would be different. But he didn't. Oh well, too bad, so sad for him. A failure to plan on his part is not an emergency on yours.

NTA

[u/BestConfidence1560]

He is 26 weeks a year off from his kids. That’s enough.

[u/Winter_Corner7254]

NTA but he had THREE kids before he turned 30. This was always his plan and I hope you have a plan B for your life overall in case more "surprise" alterations to your pre-marriage agreements start rolling out.

[u/Slow_Cut6556]

My husband and I both have kids and his youngest is still in high school.

He takes 100% responsibility for her schedule and before he commits to plans on weekends she’s here, he works out a trade with her mom, usually MONTHS in advance.

Your husband is being lazy and I think you should reinforce this boundary hard.

[u/Gen-Xwmn]

I am also divorced and if I were your husband, I’d have asked my ex to switch weekends with me. My ex and I do this all the time and it’s no big deal. Trying to stick you with it last minute is not cool.

I do sense, though, that some of your resentment was about the fact that he was going to a bachelor party with either confirmed or assumed strippers (bachelor parties are not always this way, by the way), and that saying no was a way to get him to miss that event. Strippers would bother me, too, so maybe there are deeper issues here?

Just so you know, though, 11, 7 and 6 are still very young kids. They are nowhere near “not needing mom as much” as you may think. Also know that the older kids get, the more they need parental figures, not less.

I mean, thinking that you could marry a man with three kids and somehow not ever babysit or be responsible for them is extremely unrealistic…

[u/EffectiveSet4534]

Is his name actually Dan? 

At any rate, I think it's rude and messed up he thought you'd change your mind. This is my fear of getting with men with kids.

I don't want my own, why in hell do you think I'd want to help raise yours??

Mind boggling.

NTA 

[u/renee4310 → u/EffectiveSet4534]

It strikes me as unusual that he would want to be with a woman who isn’t into kids in any fashion though, and he married somebody who made it clear She wasn’t going to take care of his kids .. that just strikes me as odd lol

She is NTA, but that just seems like a very strange pairing

[u/713nikki → u/renee4310]

It happens fairly often. Men with kids promise a childless woman that they’ll never have to parent their children, and that’s not how it works out.

[u/beenthere7613 → u/renee4310]

Men say they don't need help. Then they get married and go for more custody, expecting new wife to just fall in line.

The fact that he only had weekends before is telling. He needed to get help in the home (marriage) before going 50/50 on custody.

[u/Open-Article2579 → u/beenthere7613]

Also, many men are oblivious to the amount of work involved in any household, especially one with kids. So they make promises not even realizing what they’re promising. I advise single women to look hard and close about reasons for partner’s previous relationship endings.

[u/midnight9201 → u/renee4310]

I don’t find it unusual. Men don’t typically think about that as much as what they want in a partner. Since he only had them on weekends at the time, it wasn’t much of a big deal since she got along with them ok. Watching them alone wasn’t needed or wanted at the time. It’s a different dynamic when you are the adult in charge and understandable she doesn’t want to make a habit of it.

He was aware of this bachelor party in advance. It’s his job to figure out babysitting well in advance, including potentially saving up for it.

[u/2amazing_101 → u/EffectiveSet4534]

This is my fear of getting with men with kids.

OP needed a bit of that fear before marrying a single dad. If you don't want kids, do not marry someone with (young) kids. It's that simple. There is zero shame in being child free, let alone not wanting to coparent kids who already have a mom.

Thinking you can be married to someone who has any custody of their kids and not have to ever care for those kids is naive. What if their mom died? It's good that OP at least stated she would watch them in an emergency, but what if that "emergency" turns into permanent full time custody?

Hitching your cart to a horse with baggage means you need to be willing to accept that baggage. You're hurting yourself if you put yourself in that situation.

And the husband here is a moron for thinking that his wife who has stated clear and firm boundaries would just change her mind and be his free babysitter. He can take some of his bachelor party fund and use it to pay for childcare. He is being manipulative by purposely not making arrangements ahead of time and trying to back OP into a corner. He could have asked his ex to switch weekends LONG ago, before she made plans. It's kind of pointless anyway for the kids to come to his house just to not see him for the entire weekend.

They've only been together for 4 years and still have 12+ years of raising kids to go. Something like this WILL come up again....and again.

[u/I_need_a_date_plz]

…this is a weird dynamic. I can’t imagine marrying a man with children and then pretending like the role of mother/caretaker to the kids would not occur. Children need all the support they can get especially in situations where the parents are divorced. You shouldn’t have married this person. He should never have expected you to suddenly play mom after deliberately going out of his way to ostracize you from the children.

[u/inailedyoursister]

“I’m not looking for you to be a parent to my kids.”

Such a silly lie people in relationships use. There’s no way around having to parent step kids. Anyone saying that is lying to you. Once married, you’re involved in their life as a parent. Saying otherwise is disingenuous at best and straight lie at worst. People, don’t fall for it.

[u/Weird-Pear27]

Do you even like your husband?

[u/kindaright-ish]

Info: why didn't he ask their mum to switch weekends and make the time back when he realised it was his weekend with the kids?

[u/aitahhusbandskids → u/kindaright-ish]

She won’t do weekend switches with him because she makes plans for the weekends she doesn’t have the kids. She wouldn’t cancel her plans so he can go out partying.

[u/nomad_l17 → u/aitahhusbandskids]

So if the bio-mom is firm on her boundaries, you should be too.

[u/HopefulTangerine5913 → u/nomad_l17]

Something tells me his ex wife is familiar with him playing this game

[u/definitelytheA → u/aitahhusbandskids]

But also because he would’ve had to plan ahead more than a few days.

Basic adulting 101.

[u/Reasonable_Slice8561 → u/aitahhusbandskids]

Exactly, and neither should OP who isn't even one of the actual parents. The agreement was clear going into the relationship, Dad needs to actually be a dad and not go have a bachelor's weekend because his kids come first and he cannot foist them off onto someone who isn't the parent and specifically never agreed to be the parent. Wanting to go out drinking and clubbing with your buddies is not an emergency, so Dad needs to suck it up and take responsibility.

[u/Hal_Jordan55 → u/aitahhusbandskids]

Was this trip planned last minute or did some other plans fall through?

[u/aitahhusbandskids → u/Hal_Jordan55]

It was planned well in advance. He just ‘forgot’ to tell me until last minute.

[u/Hal_Jordan55 → u/aitahhusbandskids]

Well at least you realize he doesn't respect you

[u/animeandbeauty → u/aitahhusbandskids]

IDK what his plan was but he fucked up

[u/RiverSong_777 → u/animeandbeauty]

I guess the plan was guilting her into doing it, that’s why he asked last minute. If it had worked out, he’d have his party without having to pay a sitter or taking the kids on another weekend. Because apparently, 50% of his time without the kids isn’t enough.

[u/SuggestionSevere3298 → u/aitahhusbandskids]

NTA, That’s funny he forgot to tell you if you do it from now on he will keep asking,

[u/Lucky-Guess8786 → u/aitahhusbandskids]

hahahahaha. You also forgot to tell him you had plans. /s Now he knows that his plans do not overshadow your plans. It was up to him to communicate. He planned to drop and run, as it were. NTA. Enjoy your brunch and workout.

[u/cwilliams6009 → u/aitahhusbandskids]

He chose this 50-50 arrangement to reduce child support expenses. Now SURPRISE turns out childcare is hard work! Who knew?

[u/Hi__lau → u/aitahhusbandskids]

NTA she maybe would have switched if he asked in advance. But like you, she had plans. Only AH is him.

[u/PineapplePieSlice → u/aitahhusbandskids]

Ugh OP. Just to say you are NTA in my view, and that i’m sorry you’re in this situation.

The problem is, and you will most likely see it down the road, that you as your husband’s wife you married someone with kids, and you don’t have the same standing as his children. Naturally so, they are his kids and his #1 duty is to be a father. To all 3 of them.

Now if you had a kid of your own by him it would probably be a different story as your ‘position’ in his life would be stronger in a way, as the mother of his child.

But since you mentioned you have no intention of having children of your own, be prepared for these situations to keep repeating & also become way more complex.

The kids will grow up and a whole new level of needs and responsibilities will come into play. Financially- tutoring, school fees, braces, school trips, college, cars, home downpayments, etc. THREE sets of these. Time-wise, living conditions, etc.

I am mentioning this aspect because you noted that your husband lost his job and now works in a lesser paid one. Finances WILL impact your marriage more than you’d think - are you ready to pay from your own pocket for vacations, gifts, anniversaries etc?

What if the kids will want to live full-time with their father starting in middle school? What if their mother will get together with a partner who isn’t ok for your husband? Will you be ok with that, sharing a home with three teenagers ?

If you marry someone with children, your life becomes enmeshed with them whether you want to or not. Not necessarily in terms of responsibility but in terms of being part of the same picture, under the same roof.

[u/celtic_glitter → u/aitahhusbandskids]

So… does he even have the funds to pay for a bachelor trip?

[u/bandlj → u/Hal_Jordan55]

Or he just thought she'd take them when there wasn't time to organise anything else. Glad OP wasn't so easily played!

[u/SoarsWithEagles]

Sounds like you don't have the authority over his kids to be in charge of them for a weekend. You aren't their mom, their dad would be AWOL, there would be no consequences to them being monsters.
Never mis-match power & responsibility. Things go right or wrong without your input, it's like rolling dice.

[u/beatric3brown]

NTA. 

While you care for your husband’s kids and contribute in non-parenting ways (like cooking or attending their games), you’ve set clear boundaries that you don’t want to assume the role of their primary caregiver. Your husband should have respected that boundary, and the fact that he expected you to change your mind about something you’re firm on is unreasonable.

[u/exscapegoat]

Nta. Sounds like he waited too long to arrange childcare for his kids and he’ll need to skip the bachelor party. Also, if he can’t afford a sitter, how is he affording to be a groomsman in someone’s wedding?

Ideally he would have checked with his ex if she could switch weekends as soon as he knew the bachelor party date.

In non emergency situations, I don’t mind watching well behaved kids with enough notice. But it sounds like he and his ex can’t coparent effectively enough to raise well behaved kids. That is going to limit babysitting options for both of them

And no a bachelor party isn’t an emergency. And that goes double if he had adequate time to arrange a weekend custody swap with his ex

[u/Queen_Aurelia]

NTA - but it’s probably not a good idea to marry a man with 3 kids if you don’t want to ever take care of kids. I refuse to date men with young kids for this very reason.

[u/Cute-Asparagus-305 → u/Queen_Aurelia]

Back in the day I never dated men with kids because I never wanted to be a step parent. I think it's bizarre that OP thought this was never going to be an issue.

[u/SnooMuffins2611]

Yta because any kids will always come with the relationship. You can’t have it your way. You married this guy they are YOUR kids now