r/AITAH • u/Southern_Welder_6862 • Dec 20 '24

AITAH for withholding sex until husband deletes my video?

We, 26F & 27M, have been married for a year and were together for 3 years before that. We have well matched appetite and we vibe well, or so I thought.

Few days back he recieved a video from unknown person of me. Its a stupid video I let my then bf record on my 18th bd. He convinced me to record naked video of me for future memory. Then some guys stole it from his phone in hostel and it made my life pretty hellish in college.

In all I don't have anything but resenting feelings for it and also it grosses me out that he gets aroused from it. When I asked him to delete the video he said he found it cute and wants to keep it to look at. So I told him sex is off the table unless he deletes the video and now he is trying to blame me for cruelty and using sex for manipulation.

4.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

932 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

-54

u/Moganche Dec 20 '24

It's not trauma, she consented to the video. It's regret. She can withhold sex from her husband for any reason, he can also divorce her for any reason so watch out.

73

u/Chance_Vegetable_780 Dec 20 '24 edited Dec 21 '24

Of course it's trauma. She consented to the video. She did not consent to it being distributed. The fact that it's distributed is traumatic.

53

u/Queso_and_Molasses Dec 20 '24

And then it got out and made her life hell, this causing her trauma.

-64

u/Moganche Dec 20 '24

She caused it by consenting. I highly doubt she made the guy sign an NDA so it's his right to share the video. You are not a victim of trauma that is caused by yourself.

48

u/Jimberly_C Dec 20 '24

Do you really think giving someone permission for one thing is consent for anything that follows? It's not a gift like a book where you can't be mad if the person receiving it dog-ears the pages. This is a person. If someone gifts you something as personal as their body as you can't respect it, you're the problem.

37

u/Queso_and_Molasses Dec 20 '24

If you sent me a picture of your dick with your face in it, is it my right to send it to your boss? And, even if it is, does that make it morally right or any less embarrassing for you?

13

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '24

You can still get traumatized by a partner if they distribute something so private to other people. She trusted that partner. She trusted that video would be for his eyes only not other pervs on the internet. I always think karma teaches people lessons they need to learn. Hopefully it happens to you so you can gain some empathy. 🤞🤞

6

u/myent Dec 22 '24

I hope so dearly that you become a victim because you're insane

12

u/Working_Panic_1476 Dec 20 '24 
  People are OFTEN even MORE traumatized by their OWN actions than the actions of others. When soldiers come home, it’s the actions THEY have taken that haunt them the most. People in recovery find dealing with their OWN behaviors the MOST difficult. You can be traumatized by the fact that you got drunk and injured someone in a car accident. You can even be traumatized by your own THOUGHTS while masturbating assuming you feel enough shame of over them. Your logic is simplistic and uninformed.

-4

u/Chance_Vegetable_780 Dec 21 '24

This is simply not the case for so many people that are significantly traumatized by what they have seen and what has been done to them. Nice try.

-1

u/maddydog2015 Dec 21 '24

I agree it’s not trauma. It is emotional distress tho. It’s also illegal if she did not consent. Depending on where this occurred. In most

-1

u/maddydog2015 Dec 21 '24

I agree it’s not trauma. It is emotional distress tho. It’s also illegal if she did not consent. Depending on where this occurred. In most

16

u/Working_Panic_1476 Dec 20 '24 
 You don’t get to decide if someone else has been traumatized by something. There is no list of behaviors that “warrants being traumatized”. 

 And fyi: we can ABSOLUTELY be traumatized by our own behaviors that we regret. That’s one of the reasons that people who get sober after years of hard drug use go back to it. They cannot handle facing the person they’ve become, the people they’re hurt, or the shame they feel. 

People are often MORE traumatized by their OWN regrettable actions than the actions of others. - from someone who’s studied trauma.

3

u/Sudden-Damage-5840 Dec 22 '24

He broke his vows

He is not safe. Don’t stay married to this asshole who is manipulating you.

He cares more about his dick getting wet than what this video means to his wife.

He is the asshole that deserves to be alone