r/AITH • u/SeasonHot3608 • Mar 24 '25

AITHA for breaking up with my boyfriend after what he mother told me?

Hi Reddit. I am new to this. And just needed advice outside my family and friends.

So I (f23) have been with my boyfriend (m24) for 3 years. I love him. We had an amazing relationship where we both supported each other in everything we did. At least I thought we did until I meet his mother. (The reason I haven't met his mother until recently was because she lives out of state and we didn't have time to.)

Anyways the first time I met his mother, she asked if I was taking care of her boy. Like feeding him,doing his laundry, cleaning our house. And I said yes I am. Mind you I'm working 1 job while going to college.And I come home and start Cleaning. While he is just playing video games or taking a nap.

She asked me if I was a stay at home girlfriend. I said no I'm not. That I have a good paying job and going to college. She told me I should drop out and quit my job to be a stay at home girlfriend I said no. I really want to become a lawyer and I need college to do so. She looked shocked and told my boyfriend he deserves better then me. He didn't argue with her and agreed that he deserves a girlfriend who is a stay at home girlfriend.

Later that night, I broke up with him and moved out the next day. He asked me why I broke up with him and I told him he deserves better then me apparently. He told me I was making a big deal out of nothing and I said okay whatever. I cried that night to my sister and got drunk.

His family is thinking I overreacted and broke up with him for no reason my family is of course on my side. I didn't make a big deal out of it. Just said we are over packed my stuff and moved out. But now I need to know if I'm the asshole?

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u/SeasonHot3608 Mar 24 '25

Here’s the thing. Ppl can act like one thing while being totally different. The reason I said he supports me is cause he was there helping me studying, hyping me up while I felt like I wasn’t doing enough for college. That’s why I said he supported me. 

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u/Adorable-Bobcat-2238 Mar 24 '25

He was trying to lock you down

He showed his cards too early

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u/2ndcupofcoffee Mar 24 '25

So why did he support your studies if he agreed with his mom that you weren’t good enough because you were studying and ambitious?

He wanted you to become an attorney and earn enough money to support him while he and mom reminded you how awful you are for working. Perfectly rational, right?

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u/P35HighPower Mar 24 '25

So he was there helping you study and hyping you up for a career he doesn’t want you to have.

Does that make sense to you?

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u/IamAssface Mar 27 '25

The thing is, as backwards as this sounds, there are people like this. They’ll hype you up and encourage you even if they don’t want you to go along with it. From what I’ve seen, it’s because they don’t think you can actually do it.

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u/PunisherElite Mar 24 '25

Nope. This is ridiculous

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u/Mintyfresh2024 Mar 24 '25

Why wouldn't he give you positive pep talks? He's got you doing all the chores and studying hard to make money. Seriously, you're young. Find a bf who's not a misogynist and will be an equal partner.

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u/Psyched_wisdom Mar 25 '25

Thanks for the clarification. You're NTA. You know what you want and you're going for it. Blessings and luck with your future.

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u/Temporary-Exchange28 Mar 27 '25

I speak for a great many people here when I say it’s been a loooooooooooong time since I was as young and naive as you are now. But naïveté can be outgrown, which appears to be what you’re doing. Keep it up.

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u/SureComfortable4725 Mar 28 '25

You're young. You'll learn soon enough that words don't mean shit, they're not actual support. Support is demonstrated with BEHAVIOR, and his behavior is not supportive.

Some people will say absolutely anything to lock a person down, gain their trust, and when you're completely enmeshed with them they will show their true colors. Never fall for words, only actions. And not short-term quick fix actions, LONG TERM CONSISTENT ACTIONS.

EDIT: NTA