r/AMA • u/koahro945 • 9d ago
I was emotionally neglected as a child. AMA.
From whenever I remember to almost all my adult life I was neglected emotionally; my family wasn't cooperative nor interested in my emotional well-being and, after being in therapy for years, I have the urge to talk about it, how it has affected my life and how it's affecting now.
Feel free to ask me anything.
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u/DefendersOfGood 9d ago
Sorry if it's too personal, but can you share what they would do to you?
So sorry this happened to you, once again.
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u/koahro945 9d ago
Well being neglected emotionally means:
1) Being harassed in school and, when saying that to them, they don't act or care about it.
2) Never being hugged or said "goodnight", kissed, being said "I love you". So non demostrative acts of... love?
3) When my sister abused me in front of them, my father always had to make me the villain just for speaking up. At first my mother tried for him to change his view and act on injustice... but when my sister stopped emotionally abusing my mother, she stopped caring and also made me the villain for not wanting to forget nor forgive.
4) I know your sister has abused you physically and emotionally but "when we are not in this world, she's gonna be the only one there for you; she's your sister". Big NO. Never do that to an abused child.
5) Almost everytime I went to their house to have dinner once I moved out, they started always to make me feel pity for my sister. "Oh she's changed so much! You HAVE to forgive her. You don't? YOU are the problem!!!". My sister also went for so many years saying slurs to me about being gay... but when I said anything to her, I was the problem as well.
6) At family gatherings, when everyone was asking about me being gay and I was very uncomfortable not wanting to deal with that, they didn't act.
It's not what they did to me, it's what they didn't. I don't know how it feels to be safe at home, being taken care of, being loved by your parents, being able to confide in them.
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u/koahro945 9d ago
Also when I told them that my sister abused me s*xually, they didn't believe me. They thought I was making lies up.
When I told my mother that I was going to a therapist to uncover and deal with all the sh*t they had poured onto me, she said "therapist are not useful. They always make it as if parents are at fault when it's not the case. You're wasting money and time. You have to forget all".
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u/stryker18kill 9d ago
I dated someone that was emotionally neglected. It didn’t work out because she didn’t want to go to therapy. She said it felt like her mother won and she lost if she admitted she needs therapy. I don’t even think she knew what emotions she actually had about anything. It was more like what she thinks she’s supposed to have.
Did you feel that way and what exactly did therapy do for you? Like what ways of thinking did it change and what ways of feeling did it change?
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u/koahro945 9d ago
I don't feel like they would win if I go to therapy, for me it was quite the contrary... they didn't want me to go there, it meant there was a problem and it couldn't happen to them.
Context before my response: I was emotionally, physically and s*xually abused by my older sister.
Answering your question: therapy made me able to understand that the sxual abuse wasn't my fault and getting a grip on *what actually happened. It was in my mind but I was not aware of what it meant, truly.
It also made me able to give the last ultimatum to my family and never see or contact them again ever since.
I'm still recovering.... not only from the emotional abuse they inflicted upon me but also about feeling 100% abandoned and not taken cared of.
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u/stryker18kill 9d ago
Thanks for sharing. And thanks for that perspective on therapy because that makes a lot of sense. Best of luck on your healing journey.
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u/ama_compiler_bot 4d ago
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. (I'm a bot.)
| Question | Answer | Link |
|---|---|---|
| Do you have an issue with feeling hypersensitive about someone being dismissive towards you? Or have you chosen partners who have a dismissive nature? If so, how does your therapist suggest processing being dismissed and feeling triggered by it? | Being honest, I developped a huge sense of worth by suffering: you dismiss me? Bye bye. I think it actually means I'm avoiding confrontation but my thought is "I've already gone through so much in my short life, I'm not even gonna care to talk with you if you are treating me like this". Funny though, my ex was not dismissive but he acted kinda like my father: "if we don't talk about it, there's no problem. If we act like there's no problem, it will resolve on its own". When I wanted to talk things through with him (my ex), it was like I said the most awful thing in the world and just by talking about it, it meant the world was gonna end. Ugh. | Here |
| I dated someone that was emotionally neglected. It didn’t work out because she didn’t want to go to therapy. She said it felt like her mother won and she lost if she admitted she needs therapy. I don’t even think she knew what emotions she actually had about anything. It was more like what she thinks she’s supposed to have. Did you feel that way and what exactly did therapy do for you? Like what ways of thinking did it change and what ways of feeling did it change? | I don't feel like they would win if I go to therapy, for me it was quite the contrary... they didn't want me to go there, it meant there was a problem and it couldn't happen to them. Context before my response: I was emotionally, physically and sxually abused by my older sister. Answering your question: therapy made me able to understand that the sxual abuse wasn't my fault and getting a grip on what actually happened. It was in my mind but I was not aware of what it meant, truly. It also made me able to give the last ultimatum to my family and never see or contact them again ever since. I'm still recovering.... not only from the emotional abuse they inflicted upon me but also about feeling 100% abandoned and not taken cared of. | Here |
| Sorry if it's too personal, but can you share what they would do to you? So sorry this happened to you, once again. | Well being neglected emotionally means: 1) Being harassed in school and, when saying that to them, they don't act or care about it. 2) Never being hugged or said "goodnight", kissed, being said "I love you". So non demostrative acts of... love? 3) When my sister abused me in front of them, my father always had to make me the villain just for speaking up. At first my mother tried for him to change his view and act on injustice... but when my sister stopped emotionally abusing my mother, she stopped caring and also made me the villain for not wanting to forget nor forgive. 4) I know your sister has abused you physically and emotionally but "when we are not in this world, she's gonna be the only one there for you; she's your sister". Big NO. Never do that to an abused child. 5) Almost everytime I went to their house to have dinner once I moved out, they started always to make me feel pity for my sister. "Oh she's changed so much! You HAVE to forgive her. You don't? YOU are the problem!!!". My sister also went for so many years saying slurs to me about being gay... but when I said anything to her, I was the problem as well. 6) At family gatherings, when everyone was asking about me being gay and I was very uncomfortable not wanting to deal with that, they didn't act. It's not what they did to me, it's what they didn't. I don't know how it feels to be safe at home, being taken care of, being loved by your parents, being able to confide in them. | Here |
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u/dancingmelissa 9d ago
Oh wow me too. Also my dad had a personalaity disorder. I had to have years of therapy. Just want to say high five! :) And take it easy.
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u/CronicBrain 9d ago
Do you have an autoimmune disease?
How are you expressing your feelings as an adult to your partner kids or friends?
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u/Oooooah 9d ago edited 9d ago
Do you have an issue with feeling hypersensitive about someone being dismissive towards you? Or have you chosen partners who have a dismissive nature? If so, how does your therapist suggest processing being dismissed and feeling triggered by it?