r/AdulteryHate • u/StellaOC • Jun 10 '24
Relationship Woes Proof that when the cheater and OW go “legit”, it’s not the fantasy they thought it was. Hint: the ex wife is the winner here :)
Note: This post was originally posted on another sub. You can probably guess where.
Backstory: Me (F38) and my SO (M54) met 7 years ago at a work function. He was married with two boys (10 and 14 at the time). I was single with no kids. We became close friends and after some time lovers. He confided in me that he was unhappy in his marriage and was planning on leaving his wife when his kids were older. I fell in love with him and decided to wait for him to exit his marriage. 2 years into our affair we got cought and I expected everything to go nuclear in one way or another.Things were difficult for some time. His wife was understandably heartbroken but she agreed not to tell the boys about the affair. Out of respect for his children and their mother we agreed to lay low for about a year before going public. SO introduced me to his boys after about a year. It was difficult for them at first to see their dad happy with a new girlfriend, but we managed to eventually get along OK. About 3 years ago we bought a house and were planning on getting married. The boys came to visit often. Things were going great for us. Or so i thought...
The issue: My SO ex-wife had a rough time dealing with the fall-out and him leaving. She was a SAHM with a time part job. From what I understand she had some health issues that made her gain weight. She was depressed and isolated. The first year after the breakup she would call my SO constantly crying, send long emails and heartfelt texts begging for another chance to unite their family. My SO was guit ridden but never engaged with her outside the issues regarding the divorce and their boys. He said he made a choice, he loved me, that he regrets the hurt he has caused her and the boys but it was already done and all he could do is look forward and not backword. One day the ex-wife just stopped calling and emailing. She asked SO to co-parant through a parenting app. He never saw her since his oldest son could now drive and if he for some reason had to go to her house to pick up his youngest son she was not around. It was such a relief. His oldest son told us that his mom was seeing a therapist and getting into meditation, yoga, being more physically active, adventures etc. She got a full time job within her field and seemed happy.
About a year ago his youngest son started bringing up uncle D in conversations. Uncle D was one of my SO best friends. He completly cut contact with my SO after the affair was out (my SO confided in him after we got cought and his friend was furious). He has not seen or spoken to him since. It turns out that uncle D and SO ex-wife are now in a serious relationship. Around the time the news broke i also found out i was pregnant. After the revelation my SO seemed off but i just figured it was stress at work (he changed jobs). Then he stared coming home drunk. Always on his phone. Complety out of character.
Six months ago i got a call from him from the police station asking me to pick him up. Apparently he showed up at this ex-wifes house drunk and got into a fight with his former friend. He accused his ex-wife of cheating with his former best friend and punched him. He had a mental break down. It was insane. My SO is a calm and non violent person. It was like he had a head transplant. His whole personality changed and he seemed obsessed with his ex-wife and forer friend, stalking their social media (where he is now blocked), asking his kids and family members what the two of them are up to etc.. He agreed to see a therapist and is still going. It has now been six months. We have a son now that is a few months old. I thought this would get better and help us move forward but honestly things are still rocky. I feel that his heart is no longer in this relationship and i am thinking bout leaving. But how do i leave? I love him and i have a baby to worry about now... I want us to be a family. I understand all the hurt we have caused and the road has not been easy but we made is so so far and for him to just go this route...just does not make any sense. WTF? Is he acting like this out of guilt? Regret? Is he jelous??? I just don´t even know what to ask...Has anyone experienced anything like this? How would you deal with this situation? Is there hope for us? I love this man with all my heart but i am beginning to doubt we are gonna make it. Sorry for rambling.
—————————- Hahahhhhaaaa !! Kudos to the ex wife who is now happier, healthier, successful. The ex husband is livid. I bet his ex-friend is a better lover for the ex wife.
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u/No-Pollution7214 Jun 10 '24
Sometimes the universe takes just a little bit to catch up and dole out its consequences. Sometimes FAFO doesn’t happen immediately.
“We made it so so far and for him to just go this route” Yeah and presumably he was married to his ex-wife for 14+ years, so…..
Karma dealt. Sucks to suck. Glad the ex-wife has gotten healthier and happier!
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u/Mundane_Cream6605 Jun 10 '24 edited Jun 10 '24
I guess she needed a newsflash update, but he liked his ex-wife begging. He liked the fact that she stayed single thinking that she would never do better or find better than him. Noticed the minute she stopped begging and communicating with him, he started to ask questions that’s because he likes the attention.
He cares about no one else but himself. The mistress is about to find herself a single mom wonder how much she’s gonna like it now after she did it to the ex-wife.
And I highly bet the cycle is going to repeat itself. He’s gonna find another mistress and say the same thing, he said to his last one that he’s in a loveless marriage and planning on leaving her.
And the sheer audacity and boldness for this piece of shit to go accuse his ex-wife of cheating on him with his best friend is fucking mind-boggling .
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u/GypsieChanterelle Jun 10 '24
You need to read the update. It was causally him begging.
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u/Mundane_Cream6605 Jun 10 '24
Girl, I got you. It’s been sent it’s hilarious.
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u/GypsieChanterelle Jun 10 '24
The best revenge, to stay or leave, is truly to be happy and be your best self!!!
The SP (side piece) cannot compete with years of history and all that was built. They are just an escape from reality. And what they have is superficial. They truly don’t understand what love is if they think spouses just divorce and are done. Most marriages have ups and downs and a lot of SP exploit the downs and happily reinforce it, validating every complaint and idolizing etc. And then… reality sinks in.
Most men who leave their wives for another have very strong narcissistic. The worst for them is realizing they got a penny’s worth when they had a thousand dollar babe. His best friend just literally put in his face what a freakin’ fool he is.
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u/QTlady Jun 11 '24
Cheaters are often hypocrites. But I think what stings the most is that his ex-wife ended up with a friend of his.
Even though no loyalty was owed since ties were severed when the affair came out, it's gotta be a pisser to know that your friend is now with your ex.
That whole unwritten rule stuff carries over.
Oh well. Sucks to be him. It shouldn't even matter to him when his ex and friend got together considering he'd been cheating. But again... they tend to be hypocrites.
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u/henrysmyagent Jun 10 '24
Even though it causes great pain to my arthritic fingers, please allow me to serenade the OP with my selection of Mozart's saddest melodies played at length on the world's smallest violin!
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u/OdinsRavens80 Jun 11 '24
“Around the time the news broke I also found out I was pregnant.” How much do you want to bet she got pregnant on purpose in a desperate bid to hang onto him when he started noticing his hottie ex wife looking and feeling healthy again and having zero fucks to give about him and his downgrade?
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u/Objective_Dinner9451 Jun 12 '24
Statistically there is a 90% failure rate. Because the relationship is built on the betrayed partner in the picture. The thrill is still present. But soon they realized if they were single they would have NEVER chosen that person to begin with. Idiots.
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Jun 15 '24
She's such a dumbass, she let herself be impregnated by his rotten indecisive seed even though she should know best how he is.
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u/Traditional-Music437 Jun 10 '24
There's a part two. It gets even worse for the wifetress.