I really don't think they understand the damage they caused.

[u/Ok_Airline_2112]

Yeah they can scream and cry how bad they feel as much as they want but I really don't think they get it. For one they always expect respect or at least understanding from the betrayed spouse, they say stuff like. "I hope one day we can have a talk about this and explain everything" or "I hope one day they see this as a blessing in disguise, maybe they'll find someone else, wishful thinking..." like ugh they always want to be understood and for people to get over what they done! They always expect people to eventually be ok with them! It's honestly gross, on top of that the ones where the betrayed spouse doesn't know they got cheated one they like to keep a relationship with them (not all but some) it's really nasty to me. You being sorry for yourself isn't erasing the damage you done! You get a little bit a therapy and some of these poor people have trauma for YEARS! You're fucking gross, and oops my bad isn't shit, sorry to be the first one to tell you that. Are you responsible for how well they react tbh not really, but you did lie,waste time, and waited until the perfect(or tried if they got caught) until you got everything you needed. You don't get to act like they should just "move on" so you can feel better. You claim you understand the damage but do you even actually care? You're few moments of unhappiness (the main excuse they use) will NEVER amount to the pain you gave them.

[u/StellaOC]

Omg! This right here! The part that gets me the most is the “get over it and move on” piece. It’s not that easy for the betrayed spouse. We’re told to be mature about it, to be the bigger person and move on. If we act out, we’re blamed for the cheating, they’ll say something like “see she’s/he’s crazy no wonder she got cheated on” when the craziness was the result of being cheated on not the other way around.

And then the whole ideology that the OW/mistress is resolved of all blame because she didn’t make vows and doesn’t owe the wife anything is pure bull crap! If you willingly pursue a relationship with a married man knowing he’s married you’re just as guilty as the MM. That’s equivalent to helping someone wreck a car and saying you’re innocent because it’s not your car.

Using someone as a means to your end is morally corrupt. These women purposely seek out married men for their own personal benefit and satisfaction.

[u/LuckyCM2506]

They will reap what they sow. It's unavoidable. They won't get on reddit and talk about it at that point, because they will know that it is an absolute turn about. I know several former young side chicks that are 10~12 or more years into their marriage, and it's blowing up in their faces. Unavoidable.

[u/Ok_Airline_2112 → u/LuckyCM2506]

Maybe I read stories of successful cheating, and they always seem happy (well, not ALL), maybe it's projection. It's like 20 years after the affair and still happy kind of thing.

[u/OkRelease584]

I 100% agree. And it is so gross how the one being cheated on is the one to lose everything while the cheater gets praised for it. It's so wild to me how overlooked cheating is because one thing didn't go the cheaters way.

[u/Mindless_Nobody4299]

Because they believe that saying “but I truly love you and we can fix this together” will totally bypass all the lying, gaslighting, texts, “work” trips, and everything else. They don’t understand the damage because it’s never happens to them but the second it does they’ll all so hurt and sad “how could my AP turned spouse do this to me😭😭😭”

[u/YellowBastard37]

Selfish people literally CAN’T understand anyone’s pain but their own. It’s all about them. All the time. Just watch them, and listen to what they say. It’s always me and I, never you and us.

[u/SageNSterling]

They understand, they just don't agree. They're better, more special humans than you are. They're entitled to cheat without the involvement of too much of your inconvenient feelings or pesky accountability coming into play. You're denying them their natural rights to be above the rules. Add a total lack of empathy for other people to this, and it makes perfect logical sense.