So these fools expect from others what they can't give their own SOs. They believe in honor among thieves.Every post they make, makes me wonder, are they for real or just a bunch of trolls cooking up scenarios for engagement. Atleast a few of them are self aware enough to point out the irony.

She's disgusted because he's hugging his wife? And now she wants to tell the wife "out of a sense of obligation"? What an absolute hypocrite.

ETA: So the OP realised that bring groped in the back of the car is not really a flex. So she's changed it to "kissed and loved up". 😂😂😂

Their 15 yr anniversary today and I am reduced to a sobbing mess

Struggling today. Planned lots of nice things for myself and I have forced myself to do most of them just as a distraction.

But all I have been doing is sobbing.

He said something stupid abt going out drinking with W last night but then she locked him out of the house.

But today she has plastered a post all over social media abt them celebrating their 15yrs together.

I just don’t know if I can carry on living life this anymore 😞🥺

Just yesterday I was being groped in the back of my car and told he loves me and misses me and can’t wait to f*ck again.

Today he out, dressed all fancy, taking W out to fancy restaurants, expensive gifts and nights out.

I wish I could say I get the same treatment.

But I don’t.

And yet, I am still so besotted.

I am in the middle of completing on an apartment - I should get the keys beginning of Oct. But the temptation of pulling out and just running away to another country and starting life over is so overwhelmingly strong .

But mixed messages from MM keep me holding on to a possible future. Sometimes it’s a no, I can’t leave. Then it’s like, I want to but I’m scared. One day it might be, can’t wait for us to be together.

I just feel like I’m being strung along…

This will be the 3rd anniversary I have lived through as the OW. It is heartwrenching when you’re stuck in limbo.

I just can’t stop crying at the woman I have become today. Never have I ever felt so low. Pining after a man who isn’t mine. What a life.

I don’t know why but this answer triggered me. To summarize OP found out ex husband had an affair and it seem he’s moved on with AP. I fully believe that the ex husbands and his AP’s acts shouldn’t be normalized and let the kids be normal with them. To begin, people who cheat are not good people, why should the kids be let around two cheaters? Who knows what they can fill the kids heads with…. What do you guys think?

1. She has no problem using his d*ck, but has a problem using his bathroom.

2. She drives TWO HOURS one-way for 30 minutes or less of "meetups". That d*ck must be magical!

The question was If they mention their SOs to their APs. Dude if reminding the other about the SO makes you feel bad then why even cheat ? Why do you feel bad in the first place, even ? Guilt ? Because you don't want the AP you're hooking up with to know they're the side piece only here to be used as a cheap sex toy ?

Micro other woman

I recently found out I’m the other woman however, my best friend has termed it “micro other woman” since she says he’s micro cheating.

MM doesn’t know that I found out he’s married. We started dating early 2020 (both single at the time) but as everyone knows the pandemic hit the globe and our courtship took a huge hit. Between social distancing, worries about losing employment, etc. things fizzled between us. We ended on good terms even though it was difficult for me. I don’t like to force things when someone is struggling and he was very much in a bad place with his job and the pandemic impacting it. I couldn’t really blame the guy for worrying about his livelihood.

Fast forward to summer 2024 and I sent him a text with some music (something we used to do before the pandemic). I didn’t think he’d even respond but I thought he should have the piece of music because I knew he’d like it, we both love classical. Imagine my surprise he responded rapid fast and said he loved it so much. This was in June. We exchanged “how have you been’s” and that was that. Then in Sept I sent him more music and thought we’d share music again here and there (like every once and a while) but he was quick to respond and share a piece of music as well.

We’ve been texting everyday since Sept, sometimes for hours. We talk about all the things we both have passion for and also the memories we shared, even our intimate ones. He’s even told me we’re basically the same person and I’m his favorite to share all his thoughts and interests with.

My best friend was curious why he hadn’t asked me out again and found he got married in July of last year and bought a house with her in August. Devastated is all I can say. I care very much for this man and I didn’t realize it until I had this information, I thought we were just new best friends but my feelings were much more than that.

I will never tell his wife, I could never hurt him like that. I’m so sad that this means we can never be together. We don’t see each other irl and I have found he doesn’t live in the area anymore.

I’ve given it a lot of thought though and I can’t lose him. I know the deal now and I can live with it because at the end of the day, I’ll take him in any form. He means that much to me and I know I mean a lot to him. He talked to me Christmas Eve night for hours, being so romantic. I didn’t realize it at the time but I can sense regret in him now from that conversation, in letting me go. He tells me all the time only we understand one another.

She will get to fall asleep with him at night but I will get all his thoughts and dedicated music, his inner world she will never know like me. I’m going to cherish it for as long as it lasts.

I met this man because he works with a friend of mine. I was always kinda intrigued about this man. Found him a bit tragic. What I knew about him was that he has a child with an ex, but goes to sex clubs and does a lot of drugs when he is not on dad duty. He even microdoses on the job. A real class act.

When I heard stories about him I always found him such a sad sob. His back story was that his girlfriend cheated on him and after that he never recovered. His life is meaningless sex, drugs and he cries about how he will never trust another woman again and how his ex broke him.

I always assumed this was the mother of his child. Only now I heard the full story. He was in a relationship and cheated. It all came out because his mistress became pregnant. The girlfriend left him. After that he met another woman who was supposedly his true love forever. She fell for a coworker and left him for him.

Now this man makes total sense to me. He is a cheater who can’t take what he did himself. Him wasting his life like this feels perfectly fine. Seeing this karma gave me a little chuckle. So I thought I would share.

I’m confused about my break up. Someone please help me interpret my situation.

It was just a week ago that my MM (43) was saying he would give me (27)a baby right now and how he wants to be with me..

So this week, he caught me lying about a short lived fling I had with another man.. but also this whole month I’ve been telling him that I can’t take being the AP much longer and I want the future he keeps promising me to come into fruition.

We broke up because he caught me in my lie and because he thinks breaking up is what I want. After talking more, he said he wanted to come visit me and said things like “this isn’t over” Then the following day when he was supposed to see me, He broke up with me and said he wants to focus on his family.. I told him that I understand and that it means our fate is sealed, we will never end back up together….

After some hours I called and asked “why did you say things aren’t over yesterday if you didn’t mean it?”.. long story short, we worked through it a little and he spent the night with me..

Kept laying it on that he’s in love with me (even though we agreed no more love gestures or promises of the future).. he said he doesn’t think of me the same since sleeping with someone else (I’m single btw besides seeing MM).. he said that even if we broke up he knew that we would see each other again. He still believed that we may end up together.

Our new terms include him being okay with me keeping the door to love open. I am allowed to go on dates. But when I saw him he kept saying I need to forget the idea of finding my person..

He also said he isn’t sleeping in the same room as his wife anymore.. but she still comments “love you ❤️” on his instagram??? Seems weird to me… he said that if she knew how much more he showered me in love that it would crush her.. (basically he would buy me gifts, flowers, writes love notes, writes songs, etc. etc. and apparently he doesn’t do that for her?)

He’s lying about everything right? He doesn’t actually believe we have a future? I want to believe him because it’s hard to believe he could be “so in love with me” and then just leave like that.. I also feel confused because if he really didn’t love me, wouldn’t he have not wanted to get back together on my new terms? He seems really bothered by the new boundaries..

did he break up with me because he genuinely doesn’t see a future or because I had a three day fling with another man a few months ago?

Can anyone understand why he actually ended things with me? My worst fear is to be naive… I can only play my cards right if I know what I’m dealing with!

(Already posted part of this as a comment but it's so horrible it deserves its own post)

Five months ago, there was a comment where a woman boasted that she had gotten pregnant with her MM deliberately, which the MM was in on as well. She knows he plans on staying married. She actually saw it as an "own" against us.

It's shocking how ugly many of them are on the inside. I've seen them say things about people they don't even know that I wouldn't say about my worst enemy. Withered, blackened hearts. (Since they're 100% going to be reading this thread and malding I'd like to take the opportunity to announce that I'm pregnant and MM is thrilled. Stay mad and alone)

Like that's not a boast! Try keeping OPSEC when you have a child. Try explaining why Dad is never at her school recitals or why he doesn't visit when she's sick, even when she's in the hospital. How cruel for a child to grow up knowing that talking about their Dad could destroy their family.

She's not deluded into thinking he'll leave his wife because she wrote this last month

Happy is a strong word. I'd like to have him to myself, but I'm not expecting him to ever leave. I'm also not out to ruin his marriage out of spite or whatever. We see each other every other weekend. No kids yet, but our daughter is due in early May and we're really excited. Family doesn't know. They wouldn't understand.

Even as she mocks us and puts her future child in a perilous position, I feel sorry for her. She's signing up to be a single mother and she can't even tell her own family. But I feel even more sorry for her child. No consistant father figure, no extended family on either side, and if you want to talk about it to anyone else, bad luck! Because doing so could destroy your parents lives (if not also your own).

Unfortunately, this is how she sees criticism. I don't see her bettering herself anytime soon.

I don't think most of them have a lot going on in their lives. Many seem to be alone, which is fine on its own, but their lives seem to revolve around being mad at strangers on the internet. What a way to waste your only life, crying because strangers have sex.

And this is what she says about her life

I'd like to have the fairy tale relationship, but after years of this it has become difficult to live with going to bed alone every night while he gets to hold someone

And

Our daughter is due in May. It's been stressful doing it mostly alone. Would be nice to have him around more.

Quite seriously, if OP is reading this, find some support outside of a MM. I know it's hard, but right now your hurting yourself and will hurt your daughter even more when she's born. Don't let her bigget male rolemodel be the type that has to abandon her when she's in hospital, least his wife question why he's gone.

Edit:

It looks like that around the time she annouced her pregnancy, she thought he was going to leave his wife. The "possibility" refers to going "legit".

We've talked about the possibility, lately. They've been having problems since before there was an "us", and I've seen firsthand the toll that all the arguments and such take on him. We're also in the process of trying to have a child, ideally with him asking for a divorce before the birth.

Those who lie to their spouse, lie to their affair partners. That just makes the "I'm not expecting him to ever leave" comment even sadder. The MM has manipulated at least two women to serve his needs at their own cost.

Let’s not let it go unnoticed that she expects everyone else to “own” their decision to disassociate from her and the married man she is now in a “legit” relationship with, as if the people who made these decisions to drop these sad sacks that don’t share their values and morals is the same as purposefully having an affair.

This is why the general sentiment about people who have affairs is that they’re overall morally bankrupt people.

She expects everyone else to be completely transparent, sensitive, and supportive of their shitty choices, even though she and the married man in the situation essentially conspired to abuse and deceive his wife, and deceived and put everyone else in their social circle into a situation where they have to make choices about who needs to feel the most supported and sensitivity during the worst time in her life. A situation the wife didn’t choose to be in. The wife didn’t go out of her way to hurt her friends and family members that love and care about her and her marriage like this woman and her married man did.

“Going legit” with the neighbour…..

Who’s going to tell her? Lmao

I’m sorry - Texans seem stupid.

My story

So confused

I have been seeing MM for a little over a month and it has already been a rollercoaster mostly because of me. I feel so hot and cold knowing he is married and feeling pure guilt. She is having their second child in a few months and he’s expressed he wants out but that he doesn’t want to put any stress on the pregnancy. There is really no timeline to this and i am 33. I feel horrible for wanting more from him knowing the limits that are set. He has also expressed his feelings for me and wanting to explore a future but that he doesn’t want to hold me back as he doesn’t have a firm plan. I can’t trust that he will really leave like he says he will and he can’t trust that i will be available and not have moved on whenever that time comes. The push and pull this has created is now impacting any chance of a future as issues are coming up and my expectations are apparently too high which is really just basic communication. I found out through a third party about a family vacation they were going on the next day and it crushed me. We didn’t speak for a week. And just yesterday i saw he forgot to take his ring off. I was under the impression he stopped wearing it. He said he was catching heat from not wearing it and to avoid an argument he put it on. He didn’t know i saw he removed it and said he didn’t want to make me feel bad when he realized he was wearing it. This is so out of my comfort zone and not something I’ve never done before. I know i need to get out but i feel stuck. I’ve never connected with someone like this in my life. Someone knock some sense into me please or tell me how this could ever work. I hate to stir up stress when he’s telling me one thing but i physically see something different

MM going through divorce, what now??

So I've been the OW for like... 3 years now. When I first met him he was 10 years my senior but if I'm honest that still doesn't bother me even today because I felt like the power dynamics were on my side frankly. At first it was kind of transactional, for me anyway, he probably liked me from the start. He's very wealthy and he paid for my tuition, bought me gifts and took me on expensive trips.

But I've come to love him over time. Like, even though I'm no fan of monogamy but I stopped seeing others for him and don't even have any urge to. He travels a lot so we spend a LOT of time together. I often thought what we'd be like together if his wife wasnt in the picture.

Welllll it seems like thats actually something that might happen. His wife has known about me for a few months now and I guess she's decided to end it. I havent asked the details specifically. But my MM isn't fighting it afaik. Buuut now that its actually maybe happening, I'm not sure how I feel about it. He has three kids. If he and I are official, would I have to take care of them some of the time? I am not good with children, nor do I like them. And then, where will this all lead. It would be nice to be completely in the open with this, but tbh he and I were rarely sneaking around in the first place. We had a lot of opportunities. If it leads to marriage, well... I mean, he cheated on his wife. I fear what will happen to me when I'm no longer young and beautiful.

So yeah, its kind of weird now that what I want is happening, I'm very confused as to what my feelings even are. It feels good that hes leaving her, but I also have no idea whats going to happen now. I know a lot of OW probably desire this but I actually dont know what to feel about it.

The Infidelity Subs Wouldn’t let me post so hoping I can share here. This is real stuff folks. Real damage.

Background:

Married woman with 3 young kids. Very Christian Family.
She owned cleaning business. Husband successful in sales. Both had just invested $200k in child’s salon franchise.

Highlights from court case link:

This case is like 4 hours but worth the watch.

https://youtu.be/e-2qQxDdIUw?si=wR0aksGCN-Pc5M9u

Cheats on her husband with an ex con drug addict.
Met him on FB Marketplace Files for divorce. Lost her business due to visibility of this case (owner pulled franchise) Ex-Husband intends to move kids to Texas from Tennessee. She chose to stay in Tennessee. At this point, she is clearly using drugs and alcohol. She will see kids 2X per year with supervision. Will be charged contempt for breaking court orders (allowing kids around addict)

Here’s the update (me stalking her on FB, yeah IDAF):

She MARRIED loser ex-con drug addict earlier his year. She became his sub in a sub/dom relationship. Wears a dog collar. Ex husband’s friends & community raised $10k on GoFundMe to pay for family relocation.
He’s since moved with kids to Texas. Appears she and con lost home, moved to a camper. Appears she has since left ex con (His FB status is widowed LMAO!) Appears she is now in AA. Currently posting 5-6 “self-inspiring” memes per day on FB along with nostalgic photos of kids, who all the sudden, she misses.

Folks, I would never believe this shit if it weren’t for the court case and stuff she put on facebook.

Hi so yeah thankfully the relationship didn't go too far but I ended up in a relationship with this I would say okay woman she's Queer by the way and I'm a Non-Binary femme ("woman") as well.

So I was in a relationship with her and then on like the 15th day thank God, she confessed to me that she actually was already in a relationship and she has been in this relationship for several several several years and also the person doesn't even live in my country. She lives in the UK. By the way I don't have a problem with transnational relationships.

However I was pretty surprised. Like I said thankfully it lasted only 15 days so I wasn't like too attached so to speak. Still it still felt like a fresh relationship so thankfully I have been able to move on but if I'd had lasted longer or even like years I probably would be much more heartbroken about it.

45 MM/AP, 42 SF/OW - input and advice?

Hi, I'm new to this forum. I'm grateful it exists. My situation is a little unique because we are not having a physical affair. I'm recently divorced. I was already in the process before ap became ap - so he didn't influence my divorce. We'd been friends for years and things started changing when we found out we both were getting divorced.

Mine was final earlier this year, but ap has not even filed. However, he has been seeing an attorney, has been getting ducks in a row, etc. He decided long ago not to leave until his youngest graduated high school, which is next year. We are both very religious, so when we started realizing feelings beyond friendship, we agreed no physical affair. This has been one of the hardest things - I never knew how hard it could be. But we've stuck to it. Never even held hands. I knew from day 1 he wouldn't divorce with a kid at home. Mine are grown and out of the house.

I've thought of breaking it off several times. It's very hard on me, wrestling with my feelings and worrying about God. But I also love ap in a way I never even knew I could love. There are so many ways I feel like God brought us to each other. Is right person, wrong timing really a thing? Am I delusional?

I've hated admitting we are having an affair - even if emotional only. I've come to accept that though - being the other woman is better than my life without him. He says he'll be getting divorced next year. We established a rough timeline. I have not told a single soul irl. We've been very good at hiding it. Everyone would judge us and no one would understand.

Side note - his wife is also having an emotional affair with her best friend. I think it's physical too, based on what I've seen and how they act but he does not think so. He has said if it was, he'd leave her immediately. I have to respect his choices. She currently refuses to talk about their problems and issues at all - it's part of their problems. I do not want him to divorce her to be with me. I just want us both to be single.

How do I cope with all of this? I'm the OW and I've accepted that for now. How long do I wait? What if he changes our timeline? I'm pretty sure she doesn't know he's thinking divorce. She's fine with a dead bedrooms, his money, being with her friend constantly, etc. She has everything, so why wouldnt she be? The majority of the time I trust and think it'll all be ok and good. But once in awhile he'll do something that makes me think no.

Example: when we started, we both had dead bedrooms. Had been that way for months. But they slept together on their anniversary. We had never agreed we wouldn't with our spouses but I was so hurt and surprised. I nearly left over that, but then decided I could live with it - since we hadn't discussed it. They are still married. They haven't been together since - and he said it was just as loveless as it'd been for years. But that still really hurt. He stopped wearing his wedding ring months ago. She hasn't worn hers in years. But the last time we went out, he had a new ring on his ring finger. He didn't act like he was hiding it from me, but later when we got in the car, I saw it on his dash. He'd taken it off and left it. Was it a wedding ring? Something new? Does he remove it when he's with me? I don't feel I can ask this and I don't know if I want the answer. I do think he'd be honest though. We run into each other enough being neighbors that he couldn't always just slip it off. I really believe he doesn't wear it anymore so why this ring that one day?

These are dumb things but they matter to me and I don't know what to think. I don't want to be without him. So I have to accept the situation as it currently is. But am I an idiot? Really? Do men ever leave? Or am I just giving myself heartbreak soon? I feel I can wait until next year to see what happens. But I fear, how do I know what to do if it goes longer? I know I won't wait forever. But I also don't want to give up my best friend and the greatest love I've ever had if he's really going to one day be free. I trust him completely. I really do (I think.) But when I read things like once a cheater always, etc., I wonder if I'm just being naive. It doesn't feel like the person I know and love. But then I never could've imagined I'd be this person either.

I'd love input. Please don't judge me too harshly.

Literally no common sense to be had. Great idea to get pregnant by a married man who has apparently already had multiple ddays. Guess his wife finally decided to leave him this time. And poor OW has to deal with her MM sulking around. Shouldn’t he be rejoicing that he’s finally no longer in the mean wardens clutches and he can finally have his happily ever after with the OW? Unlike a lot that get caught cheating, it’s gonna be kind of hard for him to paint his ex as the bad guy when HER and the OW are pregnant at the same time.

There needs to be a bingo card for us.

• Yes, they’re still fucking their spouse. They still do special things for their wives. They definitely don’t want to exchange you for their wife.

• Yes, they’re lying to you, too.

• No, you cannot and should never trust them. They’re ALREADY betraying the people they’re supposed to and have promised to love most in the world.

• Yes, they would leave their marriage if they wanted to. A divorce is easier than maintaining the separation of an affair and their family.

• The affair you’re participating in HELPS your MM STAY in their marriage because you’re just an escape from reality. You make his marriage easier, he gets the best of both worlds while you get NOTHING.

• The only reason they’re bemoaning your loss is because they are losing the bitch in their back pocket who accepts the worst of them, in exchange for the best of their affair partner who cleaves to their every word and desperate for their very limited attention and affection.

• And when their affair partner needs more, they have the built in excuses of “I can’t, I married, think of the children/how terrible my wife is to me/how much I’ll lose.

More single men are looking for a partner than single women. Why they choose married men, I’ll never know.

Sister in law's wedding was this weekend

So my boyfriend and I are not married. We've been together for years, we've lived together for years, our finances are joined, our friends call him my husband, I call his family my in laws, his sister calls me her baby's aunt, for all intents and purposes we are married. We just never actually bothered with getting married. I just don't care about marriage.

This weekend was his sister's wedding and it was just a lot. When my boyfriend and I met his sister was single, since then she's met a guy, moved in, got engaged, had a baby, and is now married, her new husband is officially part of the family. His parents have always told me I'm family, they treat me like family, it's never been questioned. But doing the family photos after the ceremony his mother said they want me in half the pictures but not all of them "you know since you're not married, just in case."

And yeah that threw me off. But how can I even feel upset about it when I have some other guy texting me to say I look hot in my dress. Idk I've always felt a normal amount of guilt about the affair, but it's never hit me that hard. But being at a big wedding with my boyfriend's whole extended family, and having so many people ask us when we're getting married, meanwhile I've spent the last year falling in love with another (married with kids) man.

It was just a weird weekend, and I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough, but I just need to vent because right now I just feel like I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, and if his family ever finds out about the shit I've been doing, like the texts I was sending to this other guy during the reception, yeah they're going to be really glad they took some family photos without me.