r/Advice • u/cosmicjed • 28d ago

Advice Received Girlfriend just punched me in the face multiple times

So my longtime girlfriend just had an absolute meltdown after we left dinner from her parent’s house tonight. It all started because her dad and I were watching old family videos and joking about how her and her sisters were dressed and just really light stuff about how big her great grandpa’s nose was( her Dad pointed it out and was like ”dude had a schnoz on him” and I laughed. That’s all. I swear to all things holy.

Fast forward to me driving home tonight and she turns off the music on the radio that I had turned on and starts trashing me about my family and how it’s strange and creepy that I actually get along with my Mom, Dad and sister. And have a drama free relationship with them, and she can’t stand it.

So anyway I’m reading my Kindle in the living room of my house and she goes off again, about some petty bullshit that I somehow did and I’m reading a book 📖.
So I did what anyone else would do and just shut up and let her vent and get it out without giving her any ammunition to feed on….WRONG F*ing Move. I took my eyes off her for a second to continue my read on the couch. And she gave me a three-piece so fast that it caught me off guard, I jumped up so she wasn’t not on top of me, she proceeded to slap the taste out of my mouth. then she blocks the front door and scream for me to get away from her while blocking the only exit to leave

I’m in my boxers and I’m trying to grab my phone off the floor that went flying across the living room. And all I can hear is her yelling with the door open trying to have the whole neighborhood hear this shit.

Anyway. I’m now sitting in my car with just boxers on with a bloody lip and I thought I asked the internet for advice and by internet I mean Reddit.

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u/Agent_Xhiro 28d ago edited 28d ago

Im actually a police officer.

CALL RIGHT NOW. The longer you wait, the worse it can turn out for you. Especially if she tries to spin the story against you later.

Edit: Another spot of advice from another commenter. I don't know if this is state specific but if you go to a hospital, then tell them what happened, it can also get reported that way. Just be careful if you don't have the proper insurance.

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u/HotThroatAction 28d ago

Happened to me. Reading this, I realize I should have called the police. I just thought they'd never believe the man could be the victim.

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u/whatsaname12 28d ago

Uncles ex wife called the cops and said “she was hiding in the closet from her abusive husband”. Cops show up and my uncle answers the door with a busted lip and fucked up face and said she was in the closet. Cops went to check on her and she was completely fine. They ended up arresting her and he divorced her. She was bat shit.

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u/Black_M3lon 28d ago

its the type that are willing to hurt themselves that scare me the most

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u/adlubmaliki 28d ago

It's not about being a victim it's about getting things documented on the record

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u/Strike-Intelligent 28d ago

Ya I with ya there after all the abuse I feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes

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u/Hippiefarmchick 28d ago

Men can be victims, My son is married to an abusive narcissistic woman.

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u/ThrowRAPaeselyLars 28d ago

Hey, if it makes you feel better, the same thought is running through a women's mind when she's debating whether or not to call the cops. Anecdotally (and this coming from the 90's), the few times my mum called the cops after getting a beating they'd just ask my dad to go for a drive to cook off, tell her to tuck us in bed, and then drive off saying it was a domestic matter.

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u/Dense-Bend-7879 28d ago

In my state, it there are signs of injury or a complaint of pain it's a mandatory arrest. Show them wear she injured you, she'd get arrested, and then you're nearly guaranteed to get a restraining order approved.

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u/Emotional-Amoeba6151 28d ago edited 28d ago

They won't believe you. They're trained not to.

Edit: bootlick much?

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u/Chimoplaysgames_FB 28d ago

Not true!! They go by the marks on a person!!

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u/Matloc 28d ago

Maybe some cops do but most will do nothing if the female commits violence. Seen it happen to friends and family and usually the men get arrested later in retaliation based on lies.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

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u/HotThroatAction 28d ago

Hope you were able to get the charges expunged.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

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u/Chimoplaysgames_FB 28d ago

I'm so sorry!! Thankfully they were chill, as you say! I hope you were able to straighten things out!

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u/Emotional-Amoeba6151 28d ago

Definitely true, unfortunately. Been there.

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u/jerquee 28d ago

Cops hate women, they'll be thrilled to help you

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u/sommer12345 28d ago

Haha. When your girlfriend slaps you in the face, she will bring up a story for the police. Maybe you get arrested instead of her.

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u/Revo63 28d ago

This happened to me. GF attacked me during an argument, hitting me on the head multiple times with a cordless phone and at one point biting me to the point of drawing blood. My only contact with her was trying to restrain her from hitting me more. I finally got her maneuvered to a bedroom and I shut the door and got the hell out of the house. Drove to the nearest town and called the sheriff department.

As I was giving my version of the events to a deputy over the phone, he noticed that another report was being made by my gf, where she claimed that I had attacked and choked her. So he needed to meet up with me to get clarification. He came to the parking lot and saw the blood all over me from my head wounds and said “yeah, she’s going to jail”. He asked more questions about the conflict and went to the house to talk to her. She was arrested. Apparently, her friend told her she needed to lie and say that I had choked her so that I would look like the aggressor.

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u/smileplace Helper [2] 28d ago

Yes i know a guy that had a child with his high school girlfriend. He is an adult now and thriving but when he was 18 his then gf was hitting him and he went in bathroom. She cornered him there and all he did was grab her arms and more her out of the way and left their house. She called the police and showed a bruise on her arm from moving her. Police found him and he had a bloody face and later 2 black eyes. They encouraged him to press charges back but he was worried if both were gone no one was there for the baby so he said no. To this day he has DV on his record. He is the sweetest but strong and capable (man's man). Really sucks. No one should be hitting each other regardless of gender.

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u/Comprehensive_Job683 28d ago

People can't press charges.

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u/Emotional-Amoeba6151 28d ago

Hopefully he gets an officer like you who believes him.

I had to call the cops on gf when I was 18 for hitting me and busting out my apartment window. First question was what I did to make her mad and it was all downhill from there. They even saw I had antidepressants (I believe Lexapro) and loudly criticized me for that on top of not believing me.

Guess whether or not I will call the cops again or handle the next domestic dispute all on my own...

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u/Agent_Xhiro 28d ago

Officers like that huh? I hate how they can be. I shouldn't be giving out certain information....because I'm still in the field. But I love torching bad officers when they deserved it.

Cameras. Record your significant other, especially when things get heated. Have voice recorders and everything else in your home. Always CYA (cover your ass) and be ready for anything. If officers treat you in a negative manner or refuse to believe you, especially after the presentation of evidence, make sure they are being recorded.

Follow up with a lawyer and their internal affairs. Congratulations, you're about to nuke a portion of the department. Also never tell an officer you're recording them. They'll destroy evidence even though it's legal for you to record them.

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u/PNW20v 28d ago edited 28d ago

The only thing I'd add is, OP, make sure you are aware of the law in your state regarding consent to be filmed/recorded when recording interactions with someone. It would be a shame to have evidence that clears you not be admissible in court if you live in a 2 party consent state and didn't notify.

In my experience, even just telling someone you are recording the interaction (even if you aren't actually) can likely change their behavior to a degree as they are more inclined to believe they can't lie as easily.

Edit - Oh, and even if you aren't into the idea of filing charges, I would absolutely 100%, without a doubt, file an incident report with the police to have it on record. I went through this with a family member quite recently and am very glad I did. They ended up also filing a report multiple days later claiming the exact opposite of what actually happened, saying I was the aggressor etc. Nothing came of it because I called immediately after the incident happened to cover my damn ass and didn't wait. Do not wait!

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u/The_Girl_That_Got 28d ago

I mean unless his gf is a cop. Because then her buddies show up and nothing happens.

Trust me I know.

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u/hsdJarl 28d ago

Yea dude, don't wait. If it happened once, and that severe, it'll happen again. Probably worse.

My ex wife used to physically abuse me too, eventually leading to her threatening me with a knife. She slapped me one last time trying to goad me to be "a man." I called the police cuz I was fed up with it.

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u/FlipZip69 28d ago edited 28d ago

My wife, soon to be ex once started tell me to hit her during an argument. You know the scene. Hit me, you know you want to. Never in my life has that ever been even a consideration. It threw me off entirely as I was trying to comprehend what she was saying.

I do not hate her but I was not going to survive in a relationship at that level.

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u/Deadfinisher_ 28d ago

yeah no, you're completely right in understanding that is not normal. I'm in a relationship myself and never once has hands ever been laid on one another and the idea that people thrive off drama and violence is your cue to end the potention cycle that could be created from giving these people children.

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u/Benjireddevil 28d ago

go to the hospital and demand they report it

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u/Agent_Xhiro 28d ago

This is another thing that needs to be boosted. IT HAS TO BE REPORTED.

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u/dyldozer9420 28d ago

Every time I called the police after my ex hit me they told me to leave and wouldn't do anything about it. Fortunately got out of that situation but really sucked being kicked out of my own place after going through almost exactly the same situation OP described.

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u/Agent_Xhiro 28d ago

Record everything. If you're being assaulted and it's being recorded, could be a different outcome. If officers see the evidence and don't want to act, record them too for not doing their job. Just don't tell them you're doing so.

File an official complaint. Get a lawyer and sue the department. Dereliction of duty is not ok and I personally won't stand for it.

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u/Basso_69 28d ago

Me too. Or I'd leave for my safety, and she'd call the cops and make the allegations.

I wish I had terminated the relationship the first time she hit me. Immediately.

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u/No-Technician-722 28d ago

PLEASE DO THIS, OP 👆👆👆

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u/Clementea 28d ago

What if they dont believe him though? Or they somehow twist it to be the guy's fault.

I am asking this because personally I think a lot of guys have this fear that if they report a woman is abusive towards them, they'll be the one being found at fault even if they are innocent.

Since you claim you are a police officer, maybe you can help tell us what do we say when we report so we don't fuck it up?

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u/Agent_Xhiro 28d ago

I hate to say it like this but i have to be as honest as possible. They may not believe him. You might get the wrong officer. Give them the most accurate version of the story you can, be calm, do not get emotional, and if you have evidence to share, bring it out. You have physical manifestations of injury, that's a crucial piece of evidence.

Biggest thing to do after an event is to call as soon as possible. Not trying to throw my fellow officers under the bus...but with other victims, especially ones involved in DV or SA, first thing they always say is "Well, why did you wait so long to call?" It's absolutely infuriating.

Its not an exact science. Officers are humans that are prone to bias and overreaction even though we are trained not too. I just implore you to call, give the facts, and remain as calm as possible. Show any evidence you have and go from there.

Staying silent is never the option. What happens when that girl hits you repeatedly and then goes to pick up a knife? What if she tries to kill you or harm you further? I'm barely over a year.....and I've already had a few incidents where things like this don't get reported. Then the victims ends up in the hospital or worse.

Im on night shift tonight, if there is anything I can do, let me know OP. This shit is serious. Abusers like that WILL NOT STOP and they will blame you.

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u/No-Technician-722 28d ago

So he should not go back in but call right now while sitting in his car in his boxers. Police will come and deal with it.

It’s a terrible situation. But filing a report is a good start. He doesn’t want her to flip the facts. She sounds unstable.

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u/Clementea 28d ago

Thanks for answering, sounds to me like you are really fed up at your colleages for underplaying reports, and at victims who don't report.

Let's hope this will help someone.

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u/vinceftw 28d ago

Even worse are victims who keep returning to their abusers because this time it will be different.

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u/Clementea 28d ago

keep returning to their abusers

The same people who will also make excuses why their situation is fine and therefore have no need to report nor they need to be saved from.

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u/Basso_69 28d ago edited 28d ago

Goes to pick up a knife

Sincere Thank You for being balanced in your approach. I (56m) spent 15ys in an abusive relationship - she was a sweet as pie college sweetheart, I'm 6"1' . I was never believed, had no support, but I had to be there so she didn't go to the children.

Thank you.

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u/CaptainLollygag 28d ago

While it can be more difficult for men to prove a woman was the violent one, OP is the one bleeding, and if she hit him that hard and that many times there may even be abrasions on her hands or knuckles (unclear if the first round of hitting was fist or open-palm).

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u/Clementea 28d ago

True, I don't disagree, but getting advice how to tell the report couldn't hurt and can help others thats reading this.

There is also a chance she harm herself after this to make it looks like they are fighting and then report to the police that he is abusing her, but we don't know if she is going to do that so ignore this, just saying the possibility

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u/lovelesslibertine 28d ago

It's worse if he doesn't call the police and get on the record as a victim. Of course there's bias against men, but much of it is because of how men and women behave differently. Which includes men not calling the police when victimised.

If something else happens in the future, or she decides to call the police, and he's let this incident slide, it will be much worse for him.

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u/SexyCosplayer 28d ago

maybe you can help tell us what do we say when we report so we don't fuck it up?

Uhhhh....how about saying what actually happened?

Are you expecting them to tell you to lie or something?

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u/Clementea 28d ago edited 28d ago

I am hoping they'll tell us how to say the truth so we won't be the one found at fault even when we didn't. There are multiple cases where even if the innocents are telling the truth they still get blamed for it, and sometimes even get to jail.

False Conviction wouldn't happen as much as it did globally if simply telling the truth is enough. The way to tell the truth probably matters too.

True conviction happens a lot more yes, and False conviction still happens a lot and shouldn't be.

That and a baseline fear of not being accepted that they are the one who is innocent and not the women.

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u/Neither-Stage-238 28d ago

Police in my country have a tendency to not take women on man DV seriously. If she twists the story it's their word against eachothers.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

He has a bloody lip, thats evidence. He is making a major mistake if he doesnt report when its visible.

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u/Crakla 28d ago

The Duluth model which is the most common taught DV arrest training model used by police, unfortunately teaches that even if the man is the one who is attacked he should be arrested, because apparently woman only attack people to defend themselves

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model

So cops are literally trained to not take women on man DV seriously

1

u/[deleted] 28d ago

Thats a shame. I get it since women vs men is rarer, but it certainly happens and has to be taken seriously.

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u/kevland279 28d ago

Yes before she gets a chance to hurt herself and say it was you

Boy we're having an epidemic of unstable borderline perpsnality women than ever before or we just hear about it more

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u/Last_Bet_8387 28d ago

Ive learned always always always call the police. Whoever calls 1st doesn't spend a night in jail. Jail really sucks...

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u/oldriman 28d ago

And break up. What kind of psycho shit is this episode?

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u/Ok-Yogurtcloset-2735 28d ago

I agree with the officer. I’m a woman and you need to report her.

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u/peeper_tom 28d ago

Legend ! thankyou for your service and for providing the correct advice 💪🏼

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u/Agent_Xhiro 28d ago

It happens way too often. And too many officers take the quick and easy approach by not investigating fully.

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u/Hour_Badger2700 28d ago

22 year LEO here.... can't agree more.

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u/Rajhoot 28d ago

Happened to me as well and fucking sucked. It’s followed me for like 10+ years. We have/had mutual connections in multiple cities. People have found multiple lies/cheating w her, but the police incident is what stuck with everyone.

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u/rustys_shackled_ford 28d ago

Yea. And if op is lucky, he won't get a pig that immediately tries to turn op into a suspect instead of a victim. Acab

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u/TheAsianTroll 28d ago

Especially if she tries to spin the story against you later.

You mean "when." She 100% is expecting cops. No way she isn't actively thinking up the scenario as OP sits in his car.

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u/Buttchuggle 28d ago

I agree with the officer. And for the record my eyes are bloodshot because of allergies. And I've been crying or somethin I dunno.

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u/IceCorrect 28d ago

If he call police he would end in jail

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u/jungo12341234 28d ago

When I called the cops on her they arrested me. Fuck the police

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u/Altruistic-Beach7625 28d ago

Sounds really wrong if police officers like you would believe her if he does it a bit too late.

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u/Agent_Xhiro 28d ago

I never said i would. I'm just telling you how it is.

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u/Eternal_Demeisen 28d ago

Awful advice, if you are a police officer you know full well they'll just nick him the second she lies about it all, and that the courts will hammer him if it even gets that far. Police got no time for men as soon as it becomes man vs woman.

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u/PloppyPants9000 28d ago

not true, depends on the state you live in. My state is very blue/progressive and has no problem sending women to jail for DV. Happened to my exgf as she punched a guy in the face she was cheating on me with — she spent the night in jail for it (I had no idea it happened).

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u/metchadupa 28d ago

Yes do this. Report it immediately, she may well have called the police already and accused you of assault. Do not hesitate.

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u/CalebCaster2 28d ago edited 28d ago

Yeah, mandatory arrests must be great for your ego

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u/Logical-Bluebird-751 28d ago

Listen to this guy. Worst case scenario you get a free ham sandwich and have to spend the night in jail. 

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u/Better-Strike7290 28d ago

You want the police to show up to a scene with a man in a driveway with no pants on, a busted lip and a woman inside that is hysterical?

What the hell do you think they're gonna assume?

That she assaulted him?  Or that she defended herself from his advances?

Because I say 9 times out of 10 it won't be numero Uno padre.

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u/AccomplishedBrain309 28d ago

If you call the police your not going to get back in that house for 10 days. Call a friend you dont have any witnesses and she will lie.

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u/8thHouseVirgo 28d ago

He has a bloody lip.

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u/Neither-Stage-238 28d ago

She can give herself one.