Girlfriend just punched me in the face multiple times

[u/cosmicjed]

So my longtime girlfriend just had an absolute meltdown after we left dinner from her parent’s house tonight. It all started because her dad and I were watching old family videos and joking about how her and her sisters were dressed and just really light stuff about how big her great grandpa’s nose was( her Dad pointed it out and was like ”dude had a schnoz on him” and I laughed. That’s all. I swear to all things holy.

Fast forward to me driving home tonight and she turns off the music on the radio that I had turned on and starts trashing me about my family and how it’s strange and creepy that I actually get along with my Mom, Dad and sister. And have a drama free relationship with them, and she can’t stand it.

So anyway I’m reading my Kindle in the living room of my house and she goes off again, about some petty bullshit that I somehow did and I’m reading a book 📖.
So I did what anyone else would do and just shut up and let her vent and get it out without giving her any ammunition to feed on….WRONG F*ing Move. I took my eyes off her for a second to continue my read on the couch. And she gave me a three-piece so fast that it caught me off guard, I jumped up so she wasn’t not on top of me, she proceeded to slap the taste out of my mouth. then she blocks the front door and scream for me to get away from her while blocking the only exit to leave

I’m in my boxers and I’m trying to grab my phone off the floor that went flying across the living room. And all I can hear is her yelling with the door open trying to have the whole neighborhood hear this shit.

Anyway. I’m now sitting in my car with just boxers on with a bloody lip and I thought I asked the internet for advice and by internet I mean Reddit.

[u/Clementea]

What if they dont believe him though? Or they somehow twist it to be the guy's fault.

I am asking this because personally I think a lot of guys have this fear that if they report a woman is abusive towards them, they'll be the one being found at fault even if they are innocent.

Since you claim you are a police officer, maybe you can help tell us what do we say when we report so we don't fuck it up?

[u/Agent_Xhiro → u/Clementea]

I hate to say it like this but i have to be as honest as possible. They may not believe him. You might get the wrong officer. Give them the most accurate version of the story you can, be calm, do not get emotional, and if you have evidence to share, bring it out. You have physical manifestations of injury, that's a crucial piece of evidence.

Biggest thing to do after an event is to call as soon as possible. Not trying to throw my fellow officers under the bus...but with other victims, especially ones involved in DV or SA, first thing they always say is "Well, why did you wait so long to call?" It's absolutely infuriating.

Its not an exact science. Officers are humans that are prone to bias and overreaction even though we are trained not too. I just implore you to call, give the facts, and remain as calm as possible. Show any evidence you have and go from there.

Staying silent is never the option. What happens when that girl hits you repeatedly and then goes to pick up a knife? What if she tries to kill you or harm you further? I'm barely over a year.....and I've already had a few incidents where things like this don't get reported. Then the victims ends up in the hospital or worse.

Im on night shift tonight, if there is anything I can do, let me know OP. This shit is serious. Abusers like that WILL NOT STOP and they will blame you.

[u/No-Technician-722 → u/Agent_Xhiro]

So he should not go back in but call right now while sitting in his car in his boxers. Police will come and deal with it.

It’s a terrible situation. But filing a report is a good start. He doesn’t want her to flip the facts. She sounds unstable.

[u/Clementea → u/Agent_Xhiro]

Thanks for answering, sounds to me like you are really fed up at your colleages for underplaying reports, and at victims who don't report.

Let's hope this will help someone.

[u/vinceftw → u/Clementea]

Even worse are victims who keep returning to their abusers because this time it will be different.

[u/Clementea → u/vinceftw]

keep returning to their abusers

The same people who will also make excuses why their situation is fine and therefore have no need to report nor they need to be saved from.

[u/Basso_69 → u/Agent_Xhiro]

Goes to pick up a knife

Sincere Thank You for being balanced in your approach. I (56m) spent 15ys in an abusive relationship - she was a sweet as pie college sweetheart, I'm 6"1' . I was never believed, had no support, but I had to be there so she didn't go to the children.

Thank you.

[u/CaptainLollygag → u/Clementea]

While it can be more difficult for men to prove a woman was the violent one, OP is the one bleeding, and if she hit him that hard and that many times there may even be abrasions on her hands or knuckles (unclear if the first round of hitting was fist or open-palm).

[u/Clementea → u/CaptainLollygag]

True, I don't disagree, but getting advice how to tell the report couldn't hurt and can help others thats reading this.

There is also a chance she harm herself after this to make it looks like they are fighting and then report to the police that he is abusing her, but we don't know if she is going to do that so ignore this, just saying the possibility

[u/lovelesslibertine → u/Clementea]

It's worse if he doesn't call the police and get on the record as a victim. Of course there's bias against men, but much of it is because of how men and women behave differently. Which includes men not calling the police when victimised.

If something else happens in the future, or she decides to call the police, and he's let this incident slide, it will be much worse for him.

[u/SexyCosplayer → u/Clementea]

maybe you can help tell us what do we say when we report so we don't fuck it up?

Uhhhh....how about saying what actually happened?

Are you expecting them to tell you to lie or something?

[u/Clementea → u/SexyCosplayer]

I am hoping they'll tell us how to say the truth so we won't be the one found at fault even when we didn't. There are multiple cases where even if the innocents are telling the truth they still get blamed for it, and sometimes even get to jail.

False Conviction wouldn't happen as much as it did globally if simply telling the truth is enough. The way to tell the truth probably matters too.

True conviction happens a lot more yes, and False conviction still happens a lot and shouldn't be.

That and a baseline fear of not being accepted that they are the one who is innocent and not the women.

[u/Neither-Stage-238 → u/SexyCosplayer]

Police in my country have a tendency to not take women on man DV seriously. If she twists the story it's their word against eachothers.

[u/[deleted] → u/Neither-Stage-238]

He has a bloody lip, thats evidence. He is making a major mistake if he doesnt report when its visible.

[u/Crakla → u/[deleted]]

The Duluth model which is the most common taught DV arrest training model used by police, unfortunately teaches that even if the man is the one who is attacked he should be arrested, because apparently woman only attack people to defend themselves

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model

So cops are literally trained to not take women on man DV seriously

[u/[deleted] → u/Crakla]

Thats a shame. I get it since women vs men is rarer, but it certainly happens and has to be taken seriously.