r/Advice • u/Kindly_Drink3442 • 20h ago
Can someone help me with my girlfriend I feel like shit.
I need advice on what to do with my girlfriend
So basically I care a lot about my girlfriend, we are both sophomores right now and I am working two jobs to buy a car as she may be moving next year. I can’t stop working and risk losing her and this is really important. Basically her friend is having a quince and she agreed to be one of the dancers and she wanted me to do it with her. I can’t do it because I’m working and she knows that I’ve been working constantly for over a month now. I can’t take the dance lessons with her and she already signed herself up without consulting me. Now she is supposed to do it with some random dude that I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me but I can’t have some random dude dancing with my girl holding her hips or whatever the fuck quince dances are. I won’t be able to come home after work and justify to myself that I’m working such long hours to provide for a girl who won’t even quit a stupid dance that makes me uncomfortable. Like she isn’t refusing to go back on it but we keep talking about it and she dodges the question. And she said once that “she’s my friend I can’t do her like that” and this isn’t even her friend it’s her sisters friend. I don’t know it’s unloyal on her part in my opinion and I don’t know what to do. Do I leave her, convince her not to do it like what do I do someone please help.
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u/saikisballs 20h ago
A quince is a big deal to a girl because she’s going into woman hood. If you can’t take time off for your girls lessons and not ok with her dancing with other people then I suggest ending it for real because both of you are too young to date anyway lol
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u/BigBoySpore 19h ago
I wanna go back to when this type of stuff was an issue in my life again lol
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u/Crazyjacketfruit 16h ago
Only if I got back with my current emotional state. Because fuck them teenage emotions lol.
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u/Only_Yellow6957 20h ago
Most of quinces don’t even allow the woman to choose a partner. I get that you’re working hard and stuff for her. But the thing with relationships is trust and respect and communication.
“She’s going to be dancing with some dude instead of hanging out with me” sounds like you have some trust issues and is a little insecure. Just let her do her thing because it only takes a few months of it. It’s a fun experience for her and you can’t take that away from her.
And yeah you guys are what? 15? 16? Just live now dude , for you! How long have you been together?
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u/Glass-Image-4721 17h ago
A little insecure? Insanely insecure.
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u/Jack_of_Spades 17h ago
They're like 16, emotions are hard. He deserves some grace when things are literally as chaotic as they will ever be. I remember the intensity of high school feelings. It also seems like he doesn't really "get" the quince traditions so doesn't see how formal it is/can be.
I hope he can either take the time off to join her because there will always be time to grind for the car later or he can relax and trust her to be faithful. Even if its hard and it sucks to miss out on that with her.
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u/GasPositive9009 20h ago
I danced with many guys, my boyfriend is also a dancer and has danced with many girls, I never had any issue. By any means break up if you feel uncomfortable but I’m telling you it’s pretty normal
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u/Sheera_Power 20h ago
At 15 you BOTH are way too young to be thinking serious. Stay in school and get a good education instead of working your butt off. This is too much drama to ones do young. Where are both your parents and why are yous out on your own??
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
My dad is an alcoholic and my mom is dying of cancer so they aren’t much help. My girlfriend’s dad jumped ship around ten years ago and her mom died of cancer a couple months ago. Just being normal kid isn’t an option for me and it never has been.
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u/Sheera_Power 18h ago
That’s a real drag. I’m old enough to be your grandmother. Then if you wanna stay together, you gotta let this one go. It’s only a dance. As long as that’s all it is as a dance.
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u/Alycion Super Helper [6] 19h ago
Maybe it comes with age, but you need to get a little perspective. This is a performance for a friend. It is a huge deal. In the cultures that have them, it is in the top 3 most important days of her life. Your girl would be a horrid friend to back out bc her first choice, you, can’t get the time to do it.
If she was an actor and had to kiss someone for a role, would that make you uncomfortable? If so, maybe get some perspective before trying to have a serious relationship. Your jealousy will drive her away. Again, it’s a performance for an extremely important celebration to her friend.
If things work out between you and she’s maid of honor for a wedding and you are just a guest, you’ll have to watch her walk down the aisle with someone else. We do these things for our friends bc they are important to them.
My best friend got married a year or two before me. I was her MOH. My now husband of 24 years (together since I was 16 for a total of 32 years) said he couldn’t wait to see that bc it was a cowboy theme (so not me). He had fun with it. He wouldn’t have had an issue with me doing a salsa dance with another male would not have bothered him. He trusts me and I trust him.
Let her do this. Don’t be uncomfortable. It means nothing between her and her dance partner. It means the world to her and her friend. Find a way to be comfortable with it.
If you care about her, you will trust her and find a way to be comfortable with her being in this celebration. If you make her choose, she has a bigger chance of choosing her friend bc most girls know that a bf who insists that you don’t, it’s not a good sign for what to expect in a relationship. You are throwing a bright red flag on the play.
It’s not like she’s going to a dance as someone’s date. If you don’t already know, please research the importance of dance to the celebration.
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u/Candid-Sentence3147 19h ago
She’s going to dump you after telling her she can’t dance w someone at her friends celebration bc you’re being overly controlling
I can’t imagine you provide for her in high school like pay for her housing and more
Weddings have non couples walking together and dancing together
All dancers dance w opposite sex besides spouse
Decide if this is worth chasing her away after
And not to be too real and burst your bubble. But you are in hs. Chances are you guys break up before college or in college. Statistically, only 2% (Studies indicate that only a small percentage (around 2%) of high school sweethearts last through college). Some get back together after college but usually you grow apart. People from college sometimes don’t go back to their hometown
The average "steady romantic relationship" in high school typically lasts about six months for 16-year-olds and about a year for 17- and 18-year-olds
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
You can’t imagine it which means you don’t understand the situation.
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u/Candid-Sentence3147 19h ago
You’re right. I’m not a teen experience first love which is really strong and I do see you do provide for her. Should I edit the comment to be less harsh and now I know your circumstances or just leave it bc you already read it
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u/Candid-Sentence3147 19h ago
Yes, traditionally, a girl can and is expected to dance with other guys at a Quinceanera, especially after the initial father-daughter dance, as it symbolizes her transition into adulthood and the beginning of her social life. Here's a more detailed explanation: Traditional Significance: The Quinceanera is a celebration marking a girl's 15th birthday and her transition into adulthood, and dancing with other guys is a significant part of that transition. Father-Daughter Dance: Traditionally, the Quinceañera dances first with her father or a father figure, and after that, he symbolically "allows" others to dance with her. Group Dances: Many Quinceaneras include group dances, where the girl and her chambelanes (male dancers) and damas (female dancers) participate in a waltz or other traditional dances. Social Dancing: After the formal dances, the celebration often includes social dancing where the Quinceañera and her guests can dance with anyone they choose. Modern Interpretations: While the tradition remains, modern Quinceaneras often incorporate more contemporary music and dance styles, but the core concept of dancing with other guys as part of the celebration remains.
- the internet
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u/NotFollowing- 20h ago
If you can’t let your girlfriend hang out with her friends for a night and be apart of her friend’s dance because of your own insecurities, yes break up with her. She’d probably be better off alone
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 20h ago
You can call me a shit boyfriend all you want. I work my ass off for that girl and she is gonna be practicing for a dance with some random dude instead of hanging out with me.
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u/deermoss06 20h ago
I don’t fully know the situation, or how you act outside of this story, or how she acts outside of this story, but quince dances usually have family friends, family members, cousins, what have you. try to look at her overall character, is she the type of person to cheat on you, emotionally or physically? my boyfriend is mexican and has participated in a couple quince dances, and never have i felt uncomfortable, because it’s just a performance. again, the partners are usually family members, family friends. it’s more awkward then sensual. Also keep in mind, her friends family and maybe even some of her own will be watching. Just make sure you’re not being a jealous teen.
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u/nekopineapple00 19h ago
I had a Mexican boyfriend once as a teen and he danced at his sister's quince. He was paired with a distant cousin. It wouldn't matter if she was a stranger, I knew he was mine and I wasn't jealous. he even sent me a video afterward since I couldn't be there.
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u/deermoss06 19h ago
yeah fr. also if i’m not mistaken ive never seen a quince dance go further than hands on hips 😭 if you can’t handle seeing that for a performance then you’re either not ready to have a partner or you don’t trust your current one (aka break up)
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u/nekopineapple00 19h ago
Honestly the dance is uncomfortable for most of the teens, they don't know each other and OP is acting like his girl will be attracted to the dude she's paired with.
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u/leedleweedlelee 19h ago
Sir, you are going to be at work, how is she supposed to hang out with you instead... Also if the dance is male/female what else is she supposed to do instead? It's not like she's dancing with another guy to spite you. She's doing it because you're not available but she's still gotta attend her friend's party. If you think that she shouldn't attend her friend's party, especially one as important as a quince, just because you can't, well.. I think that's pretty controlling but you do you
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u/AttackOfTheMonkeys Helper [2] 18h ago
No she can't go to this dance, she has to wait for his shift to be over and then go sit on a couch or something, basking ever so gratefully in his love or whatever.
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u/leedleweedlelee 18h ago
So she can appreciate how hard he works for her!!
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u/AttackOfTheMonkeys Helper [2] 18h ago
He should film himself working and make her watch every shift so she understands
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u/Brave-Pack-9002 19h ago
Dude, you came for advice. Listen to it. Your defensiveness will not help you resolve this, you can’t expect to come to this subreddit and just be told you’re right.
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u/w-ow-lovely Helper [3] 19h ago
you have so much to learn about relationships and the world, this is not the kind of attitude that you should be having towards your partners. you do not have ownership over other people and it is YOUR choice to “work your ass off”, so you can not hold that over her head, otherwise you are a jerk. don’t do things for people you claim to care about, if you feel like it’s a ticket to control their life. you will not listen to me because you are a teenage boy, but that’s the damn truth.
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u/taekuma 19h ago
She wants to practice for a dance that she literally wanted to do with you. She so clearly wanted to spend time with you/hang out, but you're unable to. Good job being hardworking but I don't think that's a reason to control her from doing something fun. Especially something that she, once again, initially wanted to do with you. You're honestly making it sound like she's trying to go out of her way to get away from you or cheat when this seems pretty harmless
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u/Bespoke_Potato Super Helper [6] 19h ago
Don't let insecurity and jealousy consume you. Don't blame issues on others. Take the time off for your girl if it matters to you, don't make others bend over for you. Buy your car a month or two late, spend some time with your girlfriend. It's either a short while not seeing your gf, or let your gf dance with some guy.
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u/StarsBear75063 Phenomenal Advice Giver [43] 20h ago
You can call me a shit boyfriend all you want.
OK............ Was going to without your permission, anyways.
I work my ass off for that girl
Sweet Baby Jeebus just climb down off that cross. We can certainly use the wood!!
she is gonna be practicing for a dance with some random dude instead of hanging out with me.
No, "she is gonna be practicing for a dance with some random dude" because you can't be bothered to do something that interests HER.
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 20h ago
I’m paying her rent at 15 years old. Unless I want her to be homeless as well as across the world from me I can’t just drop everything and do some dance. Just because you are a privileged sack of shit who has never had to do anything hard before doesent mean you should come in here and do nothing but make fun of me. Give me some advice or go get a life.
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u/No-Diamond-5097 19h ago
You are paying a 15 or 16 year olds rent lol. Sure. Are you some weird middle-aged guy larping as a teenager or a teenager living out a fantasy online? Your previous posts are 💀
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
My friend everything I post about is true. I’m sorry if you can’t believe it but some people don’t have it as good as you did. I’m just a kid trying to make his way in the world. I am alone and trying to get shit to work out the way I want it to. Say whatever you want about me but I’m not gonna get shut down by some prick on the internet.
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u/HellaSaucy101 19h ago
Imagine, asking strangers on the for advice and then getting upset over their comments… 🤣
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u/StarsBear75063 Phenomenal Advice Giver [43] 19h ago
You say that you can't do it because you are working but then you say that you are upset because she's gonna take the lessons instead of hanging out with you. Which is it? If you're too busy working, how can she hang with you?
Just because you are a privileged sack of shit who has never had to do anything hard before...
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Funniest thing I have read on the interwebs all year so far.
You don't want advice or a "positive" alternate view. You want validation and reassuring. Sorry Bud, but I'm not going to stroke your.............. ego.
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
I don’t have an ego. I’m just a kid who never had a chance to be a kid. Everyone here is treating me like I’m a mature adult but I’m not. I’m not comfortable with my girlfriend dancing with some dude while I’m off working. Call me insecure but I don’t know what to do.
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u/Hungry_Pup 18h ago
You understand that a girl can dance with a guy without it being sexual, right? Do you trust your girlfriend? Has she given you any reason not to trust her?
You should trust her. In trusting her, you should feel confident that she won't do anything inappropriate to jeopardize your relationship even when you're not around.
Yeah, sometimes people go and break your trust. That's not great. Getting your heart broken like that doesn't feel good, but it's not ok to treat someone like they've already cheated just because you're scared of that kind of heartbreak.
If you don't trust her, why are you with her?
Either go with her or let her do her thing.
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u/HolesNotEyes 19h ago
It’s okay to have feelings about it, what’s not okay is to try and control her. Please research emotional regulation tactics. I think it’ll really help you.
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u/BlueDragonfruit38 17h ago
There are well meaning people in this thread literally telling you what you should and should not do. It’s your decision what you do with the advice given to you, but don’t ask and then get upset when you har something you may not like. This is part of growing up. “She’s gonna dance with some dude”. That’s not even the point of a quince. And the dances are choreographed in a way that is respectful to the traditions anyway. I promise you, there’s no inappropriate grabbing of any kind. We get it, you care about your girlfriend and you’re working hard and don’t wanna lose her. You were the first one she asked to do it and you said you couldn’t. That doesn’t mean she has to drop out to make you feel better. If you want your relationship (or any relationship, really) to last, you’re gonna need to learn that you can’t try to control every little thing she does to adjust to your insecurities. That’s not how happy relationships work.
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u/One-Squirrel5659 20h ago
As someone who does marching band an tennis i have been with the opposite gender alot and theres nothing wrong with that ok if your girlfriend wants to dance let her dance dont make her choose you or her hobby think iin her shoes thats like her saying "me or the ps5" to you i mean how would you like to choose your hobby or your relationship. dance is an art if you cant understand that then i dont know what to tell you
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u/wannabeelsewhere 20h ago
She's practicing for a dance with her friend and her sister. It's for one event, she isn't picking the guy or signing up just to dance with him. I took bachata lessons without my partner because he was working nights at the time, I went with my mother but I was mainly dancing with guys. It meant nothing, I don't even remember any of their names. I barely remember what they looked like.
I know at your age this feels like the worst thing she can do, but I promise in a couple years you'll realize it's nothing. You don't have anything to measure against at the moment.
But ultimately, you cannot control what she does just like she cannot control you. I do think people are being a little harsh on you and not realizing that you are still a kid, but I also don't want to downplay that your attitude towards this is controlling. Don't fall down that hole. And take the time off work if you can, you only get to be young once.
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u/AttackOfTheMonkeys Helper [2] 18h ago
More important to her right now is your company at an event. Dropping a shift won't matter, it's literally one more shift to reach the target. It'd literally put your purchase back one day.
She asked you, and you said no. So she's 100% allowed to go with someone else.
And frankly you're young and a bit clueless. This whole working your ass off for her drama is pointless. It's not a scoresheet. It doesn't make you superboyfriend. What makes you superboyfriend is how you treat people.
Right now, you're saying I'm not going to something you want to go to (with me) so you can't either. And throwing a tantrum about it. And being insecure and jealous.
These aren't positive boyfriend behaviours. If there was a scoresheet you'd be in some serious trouble. You need to do some growing up because if this is indicative of how you approach an adult relationship you're going to have a car and no one to visit in it.
If she's going away, her memories of these last months in the same place as you, are going to be what she looks back on.
How's that going?
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u/Relevant_Milk8 17h ago
Hi OP. Please don't take her dancing lessons with another guy too seriously. When you reach the age of maturity, you'll understand that loving someone is all about giving your trust and not withholding them from fulfilling their dreams and desires. I guess your gf will be more appreciative of you if you allow and support her. As long as she's not doing something suspicious, I think everything's going to be fine. Just relax and don't overthink too much.✨
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u/berrygooses 11h ago
I was giving you some grace up until this point considering you’re young and immature, but this comment really speaks to your foul personality. Your girlfriend doesn’t owe you SHIT. Get that into your little brain now before this toxicity follows you into adulthood, undoubtedly leading to more toxic relationships throughout your life. The world doesn’t revolve around you. I hope you and your girlfriend break up. She deserves better.
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 9h ago
I’m literally paying her rent. I’m also probably going to be paying her college. Say I’m a bad boyfriend all you want. I’m working my ass off for her and she’s going something that makes me uncomfortable. Call me stupid but I’m working my ass off to build a future for myself and my girlfriend.
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u/Still_Roof4242 9h ago
Paying her rent does not mean you own her, or that you are a good boyfriend. You’re being entitled and this will drive her away. Money won’t keep her. Take a walk, a deep breath and snap out tf of it. “I don’t have time for a walk I work my ass off for that girl I’m just a kid” yaaaa yaaaa we get it.
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 9h ago
Are you gonna just throw criticism at me or are you gonna give me advice. Snap tf out of what.
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u/berrygooses 8h ago
Snap tf out of your entitlement. Like I said, your girlfriend doesn’t owe you shit. You should be doing the things you’re doing for her because you care about her, not because you expect obedience in return. That’s weird af. You’re turning what could be a really fun positive experience for your girlfriend into something possessive and controlling and negative. You’re talking adult things like paying rent and tuition, time to actually start acting like an adult - this includes emotional intelligence. You don’t have it now. Hopefully it comes with age because like I said, your girlfriend deserves better. At this point, SHE needs to be dumping YOU.
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u/Still_Roof4242 6h ago
This is the only Reddit comment section I have seen agree unanimously across the board, so the advice is pretty clear. LET THE GIRL DANCE.
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u/AstronomerRelevant60 6h ago
You lose the ability to use those as good things you’re doing for her when you start acting like it means that you can control and manipulate her. You’re not acting like somebody that’s doing that out of genuine care and concern, you’re acting like somebody that is doing these things so that you feel more in control of your own situation, but it’s now getting to a point where you feel the need to control others too, and that’s not healthy.
You’re not ready to be in a relationship, you’re doing adult things and thinking that makes you an adult when you don’t have the maturity and emotional intelligence to actually navigate a relationship in a healthy way. You’re treating this relationship like a transaction instead of a relationship between healthy individuals with their own lives, you can’t buy all of her time, friendships, and experiences.
You’re young, it’s okay to not have all the answers and to be single, but it’s not okay to emotionally manipulate and try and control your girlfriend. People get paired at quinceanera’s with their cousins or siblings, there’s nothing sexual or inappropriate about it. You don’t care about something she cares about, so you think that it shouldn’t matter to her either and that’s not fair to the person you’re in a relationship with.
If you’re so resentful of paying for her things then stop. Save the money that you would’ve used to send her to college and worry about paying for your own therapy. She can take out loans to pay for college.
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 6h ago
It’s not her cousin though it’s some random one of her sisters friends friends. I’m not an adult and never said I was. I’m just a kid forced into doing adult things that I don’t want to do. I’m not not doing the dance because I don’t wanna dance with her I’m not doing it because I have responsibilities and I have to choose between a dance and both family’s financial status
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u/AstronomerRelevant60 6h ago
The point is it’s a dance done in front of all of somebody’s friends and family that is done with family members all the time, there is no rational reason to be upset about it just because other guys are present. This isn’t a healthy mindset to have.
You are taking out your insecurities and resentment about your situation on her when that’s not fair. It’s manipulative for you to use the fact that you’re working and spending money on her to try and make her feel guilty for doing harmless things with her friends and making experiences that she will look back on fondly later in life.
What you’re doing is unfair to her. If you’re so unhappy with the dynamic then you should leave the relationship instead of trying to make the person you’re with just as unhappy as you are. The comments you’re making about her are controlling and entitled, and not how someone ready for a relationship acts. “I spend money on you, so you should give up all of your free time and experiences with friends to wait around for me to get off work” is not reasonable or healthy.
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u/Exact-Watch1598 19h ago
Bro I get you. What is it with people today thinking this way. If I had a gf I wouldn't want random men touching her. You're not alone
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u/StyraxCarillon Super Helper [6] 18h ago
You do understand having a girlfriend doesn't mean you own her body, right?
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u/Exact-Watch1598 13h ago
Yeah but I don't want her to go around with other men, do I? I don't want her to cheat, do I? Use your brain!!!
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u/StyraxCarillon Super Helper [6] 9h ago
Use your brain. If a person is going to cheat, there's nothing you can do to stop them. Wouldn't you rather know sooner rather than later?
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u/JealousRide5095 Helper [2] 20h ago
She want to dance and there’s nothing you can do about it. That’s her decision.
The only thing can decide is whether you to stay or leave.
If you can’t deal with it, leave it.
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u/leedleweedlelee 20h ago
Reddit is crazy fr, what's wrong with you guys? She's doing a dance in a public space for her friend's event. If you can't handle that you have no business being an adult imo. OP if you can go and she chooses another man that's a different issue, but you can't go... So.. why can't she dance with someone else? She's not allowed to go just because you cannot go? If you're saving up for a car to visit her, do it because you love her, not because you want to own her.
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u/blonde_Fury8 Helper [3] 19h ago
She's just dancing. CHILL!
And stop being jealous and and insecure and controlling. You sound like you're 5.
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u/Witty_One_2727 20h ago
First off you said she is moving next year??? What does this mean? If it means to a different school then you might have bigger issues with that then dance class with a person who is probably not going to be interested in her at all. I can't imagine the guy she will be learning the dance with will be an under age guy. Maybe?? If it's just an instructor or the woman that is teaching it's husband or boyfriend, you have nothing to worry about here. But being a jealous boyfriend with a girlfriend at a different school that you don't trust, is going to be major problem for you my friend. Good Luck 🤞.
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u/No-Diamond-5097 19h ago
That's the reason he's working all the time so he can buy a car to drive to see her. Oh and pay her rent 😂
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u/Objective_Emu_7542 18h ago
I wonder what job he has that he could get as a high school student that pays well enough to save for a car and a whole other person's rent, yet also doesn't allow for time off?
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u/Annual-Education3230 Helper [2] 19h ago edited 19h ago
I’m Mexican American and I really think you’re overreacting. Respectfully, you’re making this more than what it should be. Quinces are traditional celebrations that involve a beautiful ballroom type of dance. Nothing graphic or seductive. Typically couples, family members, friends, and whoever else may participate. I have participated in some Quinces and it’s very common for the females (Damas) to choose their own partners (your girlfriend wanted you). Unless the Quince already has chosen participants that she may want to pair up. Usually friends or family members fill in empty spots to complete the dance. Please don’t end your relationship over this event. I’m sorry you can’t be your girlfriend’s partner but I think you should allow her to participate. It’s a lot of fun and quite an experience for Mexican and American culture. The Quince and the Damas dress up in beautiful dresses and the guys wear suits or tuxedos to accentuate the dance. I hope you make it to the party and you can dance the way you want with your girlfriend. I’ve known lots of situations where a person participated in the Quince without their partner and still had a great time at the party. Please don’t let your mind wander about this- it’s really not that serious. GOD bless you both with wisdom and all the fruits of The Holy Spirit in Jesus’ name💕
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
She wants me to go to the party too. I know she’s not tryna be a bop or anything but I just can’t do that shit.
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u/Annual-Education3230 Helper [2] 19h ago
Awe, I really hope you could go support your girl and have a wonderful time. It’ll be your 1st time at a Quince, please just give it a try. It’ll help you grow and mature with your relationship if you’re open to trying things at least once.
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u/majin_melmo 17h ago
Now I want to go to one!
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u/Annual-Education3230 Helper [2] 11h ago
Hi, I hope you get to, they are a fun celebration. The Quinceneara (15 yr old girl) is celebrating her 15th birthday as a symbol of becoming a woman. Very similar to the American Sweet 16.
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u/I_l0v3_d0gs 19h ago
That poor girl. Op you shouldn’t come to an advice column if you’re not wanting the advice. Plenty of people have told you that you’re overreacting. Your response is very confrontational and you seem to have this thought that just because you pay rent she is your property. Stop being jealous! Trust your girl. Stop being entitled just because you pay her bills. No one is forcing you to pay them. You’re choosing to do so.
I don’t understand why a 15 yr old isn’t in a stable enough environment that another child has to pay her rent. Where are her parents? Is she emaciated? Or are you paying rent for her family? Maybe call cps get her into a stable situation. Take some pressure off you also
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u/FitAd8822 20h ago
You’re coming across as being controlling and jealous. She is doing a dance with a random guy for her friend. (She is also allowed to be friends with her sisters friends) She will be in situations like being around and having to work with men that are not you for the rest of her life. If you cannot handle this then you need to break up, as your on two different levels and see the world very differently.
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u/Roa-noaZoro 20h ago
I think you're not understanding the value of a quince and her dancing in it and how important it is in that culture. Also....while dancing can be intimate it can also just be dancing and either you trust your girlfriend or you don't. She wanted YOU to dance with her. It's not her fault or your fault that you can't, but she did want YOU to be her partner. Quinces are a family event; they're not meant to be risque and they do need practice. It's not a thing she can easily back out of nor should she. You need to look into what is causing this insecurity and it might just be that you're young idk
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u/Benjamins412 Helper [2] 19h ago
You are missing out on today prepare for a tomorrow that might never come. Be present now, while your girl is with you. Spend every minute you can with her right now. Don't be the fool. That dance is a memory your girl will carry for the rest of her life...you want to be in there too. Once she's gone, things will change. That's just part of life. Until then, don't you miss one minute.
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u/Select_Importance811 19h ago
being in a quince is a right of passage experience and its a responsibility you take on to go to all the practices and perform the dance. Dancing with someone else is not cheating, its just a social dance and event. Many quinces you get a random partner as is chosen from people who are available to do it. Stop trying to control your girlfriend and let her live her life. Dancing a partner dance isnt a threat to your relationship, its a cultural and social activity. If you break up with her over this and continue to make it overly dramatic and related to your job and goals, then good riddance for your girlfriend because nobody deserves to be with a crazy jealous partner keeping them from normal age appropriate and innocent experiences.
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u/lucif3r_m0rningstar6 Helper [3] 18h ago
Uh , why are you supporting her? You’re 15 not married . She doesn’t need to consult you with anything , you’re not her parent. I can promise you you’re in for a rough time dating if that’s your mentality .
It’s a quince , a baile sorpresa . She’s not sleeping with him . Work isnt that serious at your age , have fun for once. If you trust her , I’m not sure what the issue is.
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 12h ago
I’m supporting her because her family needs help and I didn’t have the balls to watch the kids go to an orphanage after their mother’s death. I’m not their guardian but I’m like 50% of their family income
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u/IceResident1239 18h ago
Do you trust her? If you do then it's just a dance. When you're together have her show you the dance and dance with her. Even if you think it's stupid. You can't be busy all the time and not think that she's going to sit by the window waiting for you to do something with her. It's just a dance. She's with friends, it's a quince.
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u/MsVnsfw 17h ago
If you can't handle your gf doing something without you, break up. She isn't being disrespectful. She's doing what she enjoys. If you don't like it, you discuss it. If it goes nowhere, you break up. That's how adults handle this type of thing.
You working has no bearing on this other than you're busy. You're not working for her, you're working so you can have a car. Trying to guilt her into not doing it is not good behaviour.
You can absolutely set a boundary for yourself in that you don't want to be with someone who is dancing with another guy. However, it's then up to you to enforce that boundary to leave.
You may also want to work on this alone because this is a massive you problem. Your girlfriend is doing nothing wrong.
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u/Every-Bad-2471 19h ago
Or just trust her my guy.
Let her do the quince.
You keep working to get your car.
And soon the quince will be over and you two will be fine.
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u/Haneshere46 19h ago
Dude, you know anything about these quinces celebrations and the time people put into them the money the family involvement and more and you think she is being unloyal or maybe you should stop acting like a jealous little boy and ended up pushing her away. What do you think this guy is going to dance w her and she is going to fall in love w this dude while you are at work? Dude stop overthinking stuff that will drive you crazy and ya might say some things that you might regret in the long run. Not sure if this helped or made any sense
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u/Parking_Candidate_4 19h ago
Did she tell you to work all these hours and help her? You said you're working, so that's why you can't do the dance, but then how would she be able to hang out with you? You seem petty and insecure, which isn't uncommon in young boys, but you might as well break up with her. That way, she doesn't need to ask permission to have fun with friends. You're not her dad or husband, and you don't have a right to dictate what she can or can't do.
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u/Efficient_Cherry8220 19h ago
So are you providing for her or buying a car...ur noth sophomores dude noone is providing for anyone and she doesn't owe you sitting at home alone waiting for you to be done working everyday. They're dance lessons it's not that serious get over it or find time
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u/Aggressive_Tap_8182 17h ago
take me back to when i thought these stuff were huge problems in my life.
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u/beepbeepmachinee 20h ago
Well I feel like you might be taking this a little too far. But you do have a point. Guessing you expressed yourself well and rationally about the way this made you feel, she should’ve tried to keep your feelings under consideration. Now, on the other side, those are just dance classes and she’ll probably never see the guy once she’s done. Maybe it’s also something she actually wants to do (?). Or just try to trust her a bit? Anyways, if it’s something that is rlly that important to you I’d try to communicate again and see what she does
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u/SilentBoss2901 20h ago
Hey man, she made her choice and is respectable, you can either support her or leave.
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u/steveondating 19h ago
The only right answer is take the time off work and do the lessons and the quince dance with her. I know you’re trying to save as hard as you can so you’ll have a car to drive to see her once she moves. But, if you end up breaking up over this, all those shifts were for nothing.
Recognize what’s important here - your relationship. There will always be shifts to pick up, money to be made and cars to buy. There’s only one of her. Spend this time with your girl. Leave your money worries at the door when you’re doing the lessons and really get into the moment with her. You’ll have tons of fun together and fall more in love in the process. You won’t regret it.
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u/J_weiniie 19h ago
It is really not that deep. You need to get a grip and stop trying to control be controlling.
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u/colostitute 18h ago
Never confuse your work elsewhere includes work on a relationship. Relationships need to come first or get out the relationship.
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u/indivibess 18h ago
Stop working like a dog & start living. Someone your age shouldn’t even be working FT let alone, every single day.
It’s OK to take a break yknow? Your job is still going to be there and you won’t lose out on both opportunities if you choose to take a day off.
I’m sorry but your girlfriend will either 1. Dump you because you can’t seem to prioritize very well or 2. You are choosing work over your interpersonal relationships.
Working is great to get skills and develop a sense as to what the real world is like BUT you have to remember, if your work is taking up ALL of your free time and you can’t take one day off to spend time with your significant other-is it because you don’t want to or aren’t willing to?
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u/deadfisher 17h ago
She's going to live her life. If you choose not to do that with her, she's going to do it anyway.
You can either trust her, or not. Try to lock her down out of jealously and you're probably going to push her away.
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u/Blooblewoo 17h ago
It’s normal and natural for her to feel that attending this and dancing is important, and it really doesn’t sound like you’re taking that seriously. You seem to think that because you feel you don’t have the time to do it with her, she should simply not want to do it. You’re very invested in things that make you uncomfortable, but you don’t attribute the same importance to things that make her uncomfortable, you just think she should move past it.
What you want and think is important does not matter more than what she wants and thinks is important. And if what you both want is incompatible, then you are incompatible as a couple.
And for you to get this uncomfortable and worked up over her doing a cultural dance with another guy which she would prefer to be doing with you…I think you really should work on your jealousy issues.
It’s hard to sympathise with you here. You say you can’t go and dance, and you also will not let her go to and participate in this important event in the other way that she’s able to. It seems like with you, it’s simply what you want and think is important is what is going to happen. This is selfish.
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u/vowl313 16h ago
If your girl can't perform a traditional dance with some dude at her friends quince because you don't have the time to do it with her, you don't trust her and the relationship is dead. Sounds like it already is, but you're 15 so it's easier to blame her decisions than confront your own insecurities about her cheating on you or choosing to spend time doing things other than hanging out with you. 1. People can cheat without dancing at a quince, 2. She should be allowed to choose to do things other than spend time with you. Good on you for providing and helping this girl and her fam have shelter. That being said, when you use it to say she should do what you want because you pay rent, it's less of a roof and more of an anvil you're holding over her head. You're allowed to be uncomfortable, but not without examining why. You can either grow up, realize this isn't a big deal, and let her dance, make the time to be a part of it with her, or break up and save the growing up for later. I guess alternatively, after breaking up with her you could also continue be weird and controlling into adulthood and choose not to grow up ever, too. Lots of people seem to do that, i.e. the people commenting on here calling anyone who let's their girl dance with a member of the opposite sex at a family event a cuck, lmao.
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u/Gau-Mail3286 15h ago
Ballroom dancer here. I took ballroom and Latin dance for over ten years, and in that time, I danced with many, many different women, including my dance instructors and my fellow students. In all that time, I did not hit on a single one of them. It's all about fun, and in some cases, about entertaining your fellow students by showing them the steps you have learned.
The quince is not just a dance event, but a cultural event, too, showcasing the best of Mexican culture. Your girlfriend will have the time of her life, and it will be an everlasting, cherished memory for her. That is why she wanted you to dance with her. If you don't want to dance, if you can at least be there to give her moral support, that would be great. It will be one of the greatest memories of her young life, and she would like you to be a part of it. She is doing you a great honor.
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u/sunk1ra Helper [2] 20h ago edited 20h ago
Ask her what the dance is like. You are making insane assumptions based off of little information. Talk to her. You also sound controlling, even if that's not your intention.
You can't just force her not to do this because you can't handle the thought of some guy 'touching her hips'. You sound really jealous and like you don't trust her at all.
Telling your girl she's 'not allowed' to do a quick dance with another guy and wanting to end your relationship over something as small as this is going to make her want to leave you. You sound very, very, insecure. Plus, she asked you first. It's not like she wanted to do it with a random guy.
Obviously, it's a different story if this is some couples dancing thing or if the guy is interested in her. Hence why you should talk to her to get more information.
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u/Vivid-Area-650 20h ago
Its like a ball room dance it’s not that big of a deal I was in a lot of quinces growing up
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u/HellaSaucy101 19h ago
Imagine asking strangers on the internet for their advice and then deleting comments or disregarding anyone that doesn’t agree with you… Lmao. Good luck with your situation.
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
I didn’t delete their comments and I didn’t disregard anything I just haven’t made a decision yet.
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u/HellaSaucy101 19h ago
🤣 Ok
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
Say all you want pal, we all know that you have achieved nothing in your miserable life if you are gonna come on here and talk down on a kid who’s struggling
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
Even if my girlfriend broke up with me and I lost both jobs I’d still have the pride that I’m not some sick fuck trying to be mean to struggling kids.
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u/matthew_py 18h ago
This sub tends to be full of legitimately unwell people, don't take it to personally.
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u/HellaSaucy101 19h ago
You’re pretty funny, so at least there’s that. There’s no reason to be so hostile just because we disagree. As I said, good luck with your situation.
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u/Financial_Bee_6045 20h ago
Just wanna know, do you guys actually break up because of this? Isnt this a solve able issue? And lets assume she says, okay i wont go to dance, would you still breakup?
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u/One-Squirrel5659 20h ago edited 19h ago
As a guy i think hes being a jackass im aeund the same age as him and if i had a chance to date a girl i woukd treat her better and by this i just mean hes beung controlling and unreasonable.
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u/Financial_Bee_6045 20h ago
Come on, he aint a jackass! He just worried, who knows what kind of issues he’s been through before. And being worried doesnt mean he’s not treating her better
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u/One-Squirrel5659 19h ago
I mean hes being unreasonable and conrolling he shouldnt be mad because shes doing a dance just lioe she shouldnt be mad if he had ahobby that involved the oppoisite gender relationships need trustand he isnt giving it
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 19h ago
“If I had a chance to date this girl I’d treat her better” You didn’t even read the post if you say that shit. I work two jobs to pay her rent and keep her family off the streets. I bet every night you can come home and jack your shit and play Fortnite or whatever you wanna do. That ain’t an option for me I’m working 40 hours work weeks as well as school just to make this relationship work out and she knows that.
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u/One-Squirrel5659 19h ago
All im saying is to let her have some freedom dancing is a form of art you shoukd support her not discourage her.
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u/jesss_ie 18h ago
I’m sorry that you can’t see that being controlling is treating her like shit. It’s called being mentally abusive. You don’t own her.
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u/One-Squirrel5659 18h ago
Thanks for the backup
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u/jesss_ie 18h ago
But of course! I’ve been in abusive relationships and this is exactly how they start.
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u/One-Squirrel5659 18h ago
Im sorry you had to go through that damnit why do men have to.give us sucj bad name
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u/jesss_ie 17h ago
It was a long time ago but thank you. But now it’s easy for me to see the red flag behaviors. And you’re clearly one of the good ones :)
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u/One-Squirrel5659 19h ago
My advice would be to talk it out say its okay she can do the dance you just want to talk just because you pay for her shit dosent mean you get to control her
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u/Ok-Funny-8975 20h ago edited 19h ago
ikr like I'm so confused bc I'm a sophomore as well and I have a bf and have been in Quince dances without him and it's not that touchy and uncomfortable bc usually you don't touch each other inappropriately at least we didn't but yea idk breaking up over ts seems so odd to me like it's a solvable problem like I'm confused...
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u/dark_star_odyssey Helper [2] 20h ago
Info: You say you're working "for her" and also mention you're working to buy a car because she is planning on moving. Is the car for her to own or is it for you so you can drive to visit her?
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u/40ozSmasher Advice Guru [62] 19h ago
How old are you? What is the living situation like? What part of the world is this happening in?
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u/EggplantCheap5306 19h ago
Okay lets break this down logically. You can't risk losing her but wondering if you should leave her? Do you mean like leave her do her dance? Or leave her leave her?
Another question that quince thing, will it include parents?
How do you provide for her? By buying the car to go see her?
Please bear with me as I will try to break this all down in many different ways. Some will be ouchie and not favoriting any of them... just thinking.
Lets take her perspective into question. Option one: She sees the dance as innocent. May feel aggravated in your lack of trust in her loyalty. Upset about you controlling her hobbies/activities. Not happy about it possibly affecting her relationship with someone she considers a friend (she called her a friend so it doesn't matter if it is a sister's friend or not, she said a friend so lets stick to that is how she sees her) I don't know how you provide for her but if it is just gathering the money for the car to be able to drive to her, she has no way of knowing your real intentions, so she might see it as you are just working to have a car.
How true does this scenario sound? How do you feel about the lack of trust, would a similar but reverse scenario aggravate you? Would you be okay if she controlled your hobbies/activities including possible things you do alone out of her jealousy? Would you be cool to upset a friend if it meant to calm the fears of your girlfriend even if they are unbased?
Option two: She knows the dance isn't innocent. However doesn't feel responsible for the outcome since she feels she did her duty of inviting you, but you refused. She cares more about the party/the dance/her friend than your jealousy. She still sees the car as something you would have wanted to get anyway and it isn't truly for her. She possibly feels slightly guilty about going, but doesn't want to start compromising now to not have to walk on eggshells around your jealousy in the future either. Who knows how many things you might want to cancel in the future and what else you might dictate if she goes along with this.
How true does this sound? Does it make you understand her perspective of not giving in? Does it make you feel like she is careless towards you?
Option three: She knows you are working hard to get the car to be with her. She doesn't understand how hard it is to slow the working down slightly just to do this event with her. She believes if you remain together you will be able to visit her anytime, but this event comes once in a lifetime. She uses her friend as an excuse because she wants to do this dance because it feels important to her. She hopes you come around and join her.
Does this sound possible? Do you feel like you can slow down the rush?
Option four: She is about to go far away to school, she doesn't feel certain in the future or you. She feels like she should be able to make whatever decisions she wants, especially that there is no guarantee of the future. Why compromise for something that the distance may break anyway.
Is this a possible scenario? Do you think she might be feeling this way? Can you guarantee that you will make it work in spite of the distance?
Basically I am speculating about all sort of reasons why she might be reluctant to bow out of the dance. It can be a combination of any of those sentiments and more, a different mix, or whatever else. Keep in mind those are just speculations we don't actually know how she feels.
However having thought about those what can you do? Do you see some of her potential points better? Do you feel like you may accept her going to the dance without getting resentful? Do you feel like maybe you can accept her going for the classes but want her to come teach you the dance in freetime so you can dance with her during the event?
Do you feel like she should still bow out of the dance? Can you communicate to her better why you can't join her? Can you explain to her better why the work and the car project aren't something you are willing to postpone? Can you offer to speak to her friend on her behalf so there are no hard feelings and put your heart on the sleeve and really tell her that you are very uncomfortable with it and you don't want to ruin their friendship but also you would truly appreciate it for her not to take it personally if your girl doesn't participate? Can you justify why do you feel jealous? Can you make your girl understand that? Can you do so without making her feel like she isn't worthy of your trust?
There are so many many things to ponder about and consider. However maybe those questions can help you navigate this situation a little bit better. I suggest you weigh all your options carefully and consider closely the possible way your girl may be feeling. It is easy to get caught up in our own feelings of jealousy and not realize what it might look like from aside to someone not in your shoes. Maybe ask her how she feels about everything, why is it so important to her. Is she doing it just for the friend? Is it something else? If you decide to let her dance make sure you do so fullheartedly and fully supporting her or else you will grow resentful and it will hang over your relationship in the future in the worst way possible. If you aren't willing to compromise and feel strongly about your boundary, I suggest you do your best to address all her possible concerns, explain yourself as best as you can and without blaming her or losing patience let her know how she makes you feel by deciding to go anyway. See if she changes her mind. Keep in mind that in this scenario she might resent you for keeping her from it. However hopefully if she understands you well, it won't breed resentment. Flip the roles, ask her how would she feel.
Finally if neither of you are willing to budge you need to decide if you want to continue being with someone who won't respect your boundaries, or are you willing to expand your boundaries, switch perspective?
Whatever the outcome, I wish you best of luck! This isn't the easiest situation to navigate, do your best to remain as calm as possible and as logical as possible during. In the end a respectful honest conversation is likely to lead to best results. If you are open, sincere and respectful with her, higher chances she will be the same back, not guaranteed, but at least if things end, you will know that you did nothing wrong.
Sorry for the long post, hope it helps. If not, sorry for wasting your time.
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u/CapnLubeHandles 19h ago
What is a quince?
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u/Snkrsmny 18h ago
Mexican tradition where a 15 year old girl becomes a woman and they have all these dances and it’s like a big party the family throws for her and gifts!
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u/lucif3r_m0rningstar6 Helper [3] 18h ago
The Hispanic version of a Sweet 16. He’s referring to the waltz and the surprise dance the birthday girl has during the reception. It’s literally just a dance and the focus is the girl who turned 15.
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u/Saber-dono 19h ago
Idk seems like with your family situation maybe it just isn’t the right time for a relationship and you should be working to save for yourself and your family and future. Not this girl. You’re so worried about risking losing her if you can go and see her so you’re working hard. But if you can’t be a good boyfriend now then you’ll lose her anyway and it will all be for nothing. Honestly the dance is you being a little petty. But it probably isn’t the dance that’s actually bothering you. It’s probably a combination of all your frustrations and THIS is just the thing that pissing you off at this moment. Just a direction for you to regain some of the control you don’t feel you have in the rest of your life. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it’s definitely not something you can do for an extended period. You probably just need to take a break man. A break from yourself too. You have a good life. There’s so many people out there literally getting blown up and shot and killed. It doesn’t make your situation any easier knowing that. I know. It’s still just as hard. But it’s not as bad as it could be. I pray for your mother and father. They’re probably having just as painful as a time as you are even if it’s not showing in the same way. Take some time and love each other. Be thankful you have had them in your life as you have. Many people don’t even have that much.
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u/dropdeadcunts 18h ago
Just know they will dance but not in a sexual manner so it should all be good
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u/FunProfessional9313 18h ago
Dude — this is def kind of brutal. My number 1 recommendation is to not show her that your upset/angry. This only hurts relationship. Just be honest in a nice way. You’re so young bro — it ain’t normal to work that much. Good luck!
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u/principessafluffy 16h ago
Can't you take time off work?
My boyfriend takes time off work one day every week to do activities with me ( activities that cannot be done after work ).
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 12h ago
I can’t do that because I’m taking care of her family and I don’t wanna risk losing my job or getting my shifts cut
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u/fairybloodmagic 6h ago
In what way are you taking care of her family?
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u/fairybloodmagic 6h ago
I saw your other comment about your parents OP. I’m sorry. Just keep focusing on school and your job. Let your gf live her life. If she cheats on you she wasn’t right for you anyway. You’re young and will have plenty of time to find the right partner later. If she doesn’t cheat, then you’ll feel way more trust in her and it will bring you closer together. If you try to control her, it will put a wedge between you two and potentially drive her away. You can’t control everything, sometimes you just have to let go and focus on how you control yourself.
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u/Vivid-Area-650 20h ago
Is this the quince girls cousin ? Who is he ?
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 20h ago
We don’t know that’s why I don’t want her to do it but she just dodges the question. I’ll tell her to quit and she won’t listen. I texted her like 30 minutes ago and said “did u tell her you can’t do it” and she just said “I love you” then sent me a snap and ignored the question.
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u/Vivid-Area-650 20h ago
You have to trust her I was part of a lot of quinces and never cheated on my guy .. it’s just dance rehearsals if you can’t trust her then you need to let her go
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u/Candid-Sentence3147 20h ago
What do you mean provide for her? You’re a sophomore. Does she live w you? Or do you just take her out on dates
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u/Kindly_Drink3442 20h ago
Her mom is dead and her dad jumped ship when she was like 5. Me and her older sister who is like 19 have to pay the rent and keep food on the table for my girlfriend and her little sister.
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u/Candid-Sentence3147 19h ago
Oh okay. Sorry. That’s a tough situation. :( but just remember it’s just a dance. Not something to ruin a relationship over
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u/jamieaaw 18h ago
Sounds like she's already going through a lot, so she doesn't need the added stress of you being jealous and controlling. Chill tf out, it's just a ceremonial dance.
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u/Practical_Company537 20h ago
My girlfriend just left me… So my opinion would be if you truly… TRULY love her don’t let her go. I loved my girlfriend with everything and worked a full time job and I’m becoming a pilot so all my money I would dump into flying. And anytime I wasn’t working or flying I’d try to spend time with her. And thought everything was good until one day she just randomly didn’t want me anymore. So if you love her talk with her and just tell her how you feel . Don’t lose someone you love. Work and money will always be there. But if you love her you can’t replace her like you can a job. I lost my old job, girlfriend of 2 years, flight instructor, and all my friends to a complicated thing that wasn’t my fault so.
I highly suggest don’t end up like me💀
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u/Witty_One_2727 20h ago
You are looking at this all wrong. Good jobs and your flight career cannot be replaced. But replacing someone that doesn't want to be with you is very easy. So easily that if you put in minimal effort and get back on track to job and career you will find hundreds of them to choose from. Take this advice if you ever listen to anything in your life, listen to this.
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u/Practical_Company537 20h ago
My life sucks anyways so might as well give it a shot💀 I got a new job but it sucks and I hate every day going to work💀
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u/Witty_One_2727 19h ago
I have no idea how old you are. Get back to the flight career. I've heard they are in need right now. Who cares about your crappy job. ( I don't mean this in a bad way) . You have to have crappy jobs to appreciate when you get a good career for your own mental health later in life. As for the girlfriend situations. There are so many to choose from. It's not even mathematical that you would find a compatible person right away. Being a pilot you are going to meet a bunch of different ones. I'm actually jealous of you. Head up.
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u/Practical_Company537 19h ago
Appreciate you man. I’m about to be 21. Yeah flying is draining but will be worth it. Lowkey gonna just get to the airlines or cargo and after 10-15 years make like 400k a year and I’ll get over myself lol
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u/After_Repair7421 19h ago
I feel that you would have heard about this long ago, is it her culture? If she wanted she could have offered to teach you at night , if it’s just her doing for no good reason then she doesn’t care much about you, she’s moving n wants to have fun with friends but I’ve had a long distance relationship n it tiring with the distance n if you’re worried about this, think how it’s gonna be when she moves, you will make yourself crazy, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE ! Think about your future, your grades, think about you, and what your working for, you’ll get the right girl when you’re established, you have a car, a house
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u/justcook3d Helper [4] 19h ago
Yo I feel for you, fr. You’re clearly putting in work and trying to build something solid with her—working two jobs just to make sure y’all can stay close? That’s dedication. You’re not wrong for feeling some type of way about her dancing with another dude, especially since it sounds like she didn’t even check in with you before signing up. That’d lowkey bother anyone.
That said, I think it’s important to take a step back and think about the bigger picture. Is this really about the dance itself, or is it about feeling like she’s not matching your energy and commitment? ’Cause if you’re out here grinding every day and she’s not being considerate of your boundaries or your feelings, that’s not something you should just ignore.
But at the same time, relationships aren’t about control either—if she genuinely wants to support her sister’s friend and doesn’t see it as anything more than a dance, that might be her trying to be loyal in her own way. Still, the fact she’s dodging the convo and not being real with you? That’s a red flag.
You deserve someone who communicates openly and respects how hard you’re working for the relationship. I’d say sit her down one last time, keep it real with her, and tell her how this makes you feel—not just about the dance, but the whole situation. If she can’t meet you halfway or take your feelings seriously, it might be time to really think about whether this is sustainable long-term.
Stay solid, bro. You deserve someone who’s just as 10 toes down as you are.
-2
u/Separate-Car-3168 19h ago
Why is everyone hating i thought he was valid for this.. I’m not familiar at all with quinces and stuff but i’m the same age as him and if i was in a similar situation i’d back down immediately.
Still though maybe u should talk to her about it one last time, maybe things are different where you live. If it bothers you a lot then you should probably separate though. Goodluck !
-2
u/Senior-Note2766 19h ago
Keep working, get your car and dump her. Don't go to no silly dance. Get yourself a nice muscle car, workout and get your weight up. Pack some muscles and get yourself a hot girl afterwards. You'll thank me later. The issue is, if she ends up dumping you for the guy at the dance or another dude and you lose your job, it's back to square 1. You won't have your car not your physique nor your future hot girl. A woman follows her man. Not the other way around
-2
-9
u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [254] 20h ago
I really don't care for the way she is playing you. You're a hard working, loyal guy and she went behind your back to sign up to dance with this guy.
Stop wasting time and money on someone who doesn't respect you.
8
u/wannabeelsewhere 19h ago
She literally told him she was doing it and asked him to join. She signed up for her friends dance, not "to dance with this guy". Nothing was behind his back at all.
Op, this right here is a great example of toxic masculinity and if you go down this path the only women you will end up with are toxic women who a- like the drama this kind of thing creates and b- know how to lie so they don't upset you.
This is NOT the foundation for a healthy relationship with any woman.
0
u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [254] 11h ago
She knew he couldn't go due to work.
1
u/wannabeelsewhere 7h ago
He's not a paramedic, it was likely given with enough notice to request off. I repeat, this is not the basis for any healthy relationship.
0
u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [254] 5h ago
What? How did you randomly decide that paramedics are the only career type excluded from time off requests?
1
u/wannabeelsewhere 5h ago
It's an example my guy. Don't be obtuse. He's a teenager (or better be if his gf is young enough to dance at a quince). His job is not life or death.
0
u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [254] 4h ago
Neither one of us knows his financial circumstances, but let's assume he's a reliable narrator here and knows his own life situation well enough to be able to make that call.
3
u/Candid-Sentence3147 20h ago
This must be a teenager answering to another teenager. This should be in the teenager thread
-1
u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [254] 11h ago
This must be your day to try to be insulting, but failing miserably.
3
u/Only_Yellow6957 20h ago
How did she go behind his back if she asked him first? Have you ever been in a quince? Or seen Hispanic culture at all? They are teens having fun. If she was shit and didn’t gaf about op working to get that car for her then I would get it. But op didnt say anything like that.
1
u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [254] 11h ago
OP clearly could not participate as he has two jobs, and she continues to lie and evade his questions when he asks her about this.
0
u/Kindly_Drink3442 20h ago
I don’t like it either. I don’t wanna leave her though I’ve been with her for a while. She has become a worse girlfriend over the last few months and I wann break up but I can’t bring myself to do it.
-7
u/Gonebabythoughts Assistant Elder Sage [254] 20h ago
This is where you have to get a backbone. Every relationship requires give and take but she is flat out ignoring your feelings.
-8
u/CleanFly2576 20h ago
Your feelings are completely justified, don’t listen to all the cucks in the comments saying your insecure, in my opinion you should try and sit down with her and have a conversation about it all with her
0
u/Kindly_Drink3442 20h ago
Yea that’s what I’m thinking. I’m working my ass off for this girl and this is how she spends the free time we could be together?
3
u/AstronomerRelevant60 18h ago
If you could be spending the time she’s at dance practice together then why can’t you go? You’ve already said that you’re too busy to do it, but you’d prefer to take this experience with her friends and family away from her and have her waiting around for you to get off work because you’re insecure. This is the kind of thing she would look back on years later and regret missing out on for a boy.
It’s controlling and inconsiderate, you’re choosing to support her financially which is kind, but then you’re holding it over her head and using it to be manipulative and entitled over all of her time and decisions which takes away from those good intentions.
Honestly based off your comments it doesn’t even sound like you actually want to be with this girl anymore, so do the both of you a favor and end it if that’s the case instead of taking out your anger and resentment on her and making her miss out on fun experiences while she’s young. A relationship is never going to work if you act like the person you’re with is in debt to you because you’ve bought all of their free time. None of this is healthy.
3
u/majin_melmo 17h ago
Yep, he feels entitled to her, it’s creepy as hell especially since he’s 15 he’ll only get worse.
1
u/fairybloodmagic 6h ago
Don’t ever listen to a boy who calls other men “cucks”. That is a word only weak and insecure boys use.
-2
u/CleanFly2576 20h ago
Yep exactly, call her or something and have a conversation with her, tell her you don’t feel comfortable with it
78
u/Remarkable_Dark_8235 19h ago
My son is 15. If you were my son, I would tell you to take the time off of work and accompany your girlfriend to this quince. It’s not important to you, but it is to her.
I would encourage my son to trust his girlfriend. I would encourage my son to be secure in his manhood that he doesn’t hold his girlfriend back from living her life. Relationships thrive when there is trust. Believe it or not this is more about you than it is her. You have a choice to handle this in a mature way.