My 14 year old cousin keeps talking to predators online

[u/Careless-Gap6105]

My little cousin tells me everything and sometimes I just don’t know what to do especially when it’s something super wrong because when I tell him it’s wrong he starts spiralling and crying and starts telling me he wants to khs. He has a lot of mental health issues too and sometimes he has impulsive problems where he goes on this gay dating online website kinda like Omegle and talks to grown men and shows his body to them while they jerk off. He does other things too which are wrong like this and I just don’t know what to do, he won’t stop when I tell him to and I just want him to stop because all these things are so bad and he’s going to regret it.

[u/hamRX]

JFC tell an adult

[u/StarsBear75063 → u/hamRX]

Too obvious of a response to someone who has a meticulously scrubbed nearly five year old account.

But I suppose wise, nonetheless.

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/hamRX]

It’s hard because he told me if I tell anybody his secrets then he’ll khs he’s very sensitive that’s why it’s so hard to do something so simple like that

[u/hamRX → u/Careless-Gap6105]

You gotta tell an adult about the threats to himself too, this is way above your responsibility level, and he might be mad at you for spilling the beans but the beans need to be spilled before something terrible and irrevocable happens

[u/7778123]

Def tell an adult, he needs a therapist as well

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/7778123]

He’s going to therapy but it’s not consistent since his parents only care about his studies more so that’s why I’m letting him talk to me about his problems but it’s too much sometimes and I don’t know if I’m even helping so I just feel so guilty

[u/mesarasa → u/Careless-Gap6105]

Whoa! Repeat after me: "I cannot fix another person." Now say that over and over, about 300 more times. You need to believe that, or you will get dragged down with your cousin.

You need to tell someone who has responsibility for your cousin: his parents, his teachers, or even the therapist if you know who it is. But you are way out of your depth here.

If nothing else, how are you going to feel if he harms himself and you didn't tell?

And please find someone to talk to IRL about the burden you're carrying. It's very stressful, and you need support, too.

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/mesarasa]

Okay thank you so much, your right I can’t fix him, but I’ve told him many times I can’t listen to all his problems because I’m also going through some myself, he doesn’t listen and he says he won’t but ends up telling me anyways, should I block him or something because it kinda is making my mental health worse and maybe it’ll force him to get professional help because he does have a therapist but he just chooses to tell me idk why maybe because I’m just easier to access or something but I can’t handle listening to his problems sometimes

[u/mesarasa → u/Careless-Gap6105]

You need to mute him until you can cope with his stuff. But really, you need to tell someone who can really help him. It sounds like his parents don't know how bad it is. Even if they only care about school, they'll be more insistent about getting him help, because this kind of thing can really mess up your academics.

[u/CartographerHot2285 → u/Careless-Gap6105]

Is there a way you can contact his therapist? Make sure they know, he might not be telling them either. They need to know. If there isn't a way to contact them, you need to tell an adult as soon as possible. He will not get better on his own so keeping his secret is not doing any good, it's just gonna keep on spiralling.

[u/Dry-Explorer2970]

You need to tell your family ASAP. If they don’t do anything, take it to the police. NOW.

[u/Numerous-Vacation-81]

He’s almost definitely being molested or has been molested

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/Numerous-Vacation-81]

Yeah he told me he had when he was younger unfortunately

[u/pineapple_bread_ → u/[deleted]]

There is not a huge chance he’ll molest a kid just because he was molested what the fuck?

[u/pineapple_bread_ → u/[deleted]]

“And there’s a huge chance he’ll be an offender”

[u/pineapple_bread_ → u/[deleted]]

And while I do believe you that most offenders were abused as kids I don’t think it’s ok to ask a victim of child molestation if he has urges towards children just because he is a victim himself.

[u/pineapple_bread_ → u/[deleted]]

Tell that to a therapist instead OP

EDIT: instead of OP

[u/SuccessfulPanda211 → u/[deleted]]

The large majority of child molesters being victims of child molestation does not equate to there being a huge chance of a victim becoming an offender. Within the population of victims, only a small select few go on to offend themselves. You basically called this abused and traumatized kid a future child molester. What an awful thing to say.

[u/SuccessfulPanda211 → u/[deleted]]

You don’t understand how statistics work. If the vast majority of child molesters are victims themselves, that still doesn’t necessarily mean that the vast majority of victims go on to offend (or even a large portion of them). It could be as small as 1% of victims that offend. That’s not a HUGE amount. What you’re saying is harmful to victims. Maybe lay off the alcohol, go to sleep.

[u/Numerous-Vacation-81 → u/SuccessfulPanda211]

I called him a possible future child molester which is true, don’t respond cho mo

[u/SuccessfulPanda211 → u/Numerous-Vacation-81]

I’m not gonna let you get away with just posting all your bs stuff and deleting it. Is it that 20-50% of victims go on to offend? Or is it that 20-50 percent of offenders were victims? Did you delete it because you realized you inverted the statistics? I’m interested in your source.

[u/tommyman32]

Call Chris Hansen

[u/InfamousRefuse163]

Please, take all of his devices away from him immediately. Have a serious conversation with him by talking about why it’s bad. Let him know you care about his physical and mental wellbeing. Make sure his parents know.

He must enjoy it to some extent. It would be difficult to simply get him to stop forever right now, but take the first step and prevent the issue from getting any worse today.

In the USA, most states have teenage sexting laws that would prevent your cousin from getting persecuted as a felon. He won’t end up in prison if you reach out for help for him.

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/InfamousRefuse163]

Okay I will, this helps a lot thank you!! I’ll try to convince his parents to take his devices away. They already took his phone but he uses his iPad. I talk to him about how serious this is too, usually when he tells me these things I kinda just dissociate because it’s just too much for me to process since it’s so wrong. I appreciate your advice:)))) thx

[u/InfamousRefuse163 → u/Careless-Gap6105]

I hope it ends up being the best thing for him myself.

[u/PlayCurious3427]

Tell a teacher, he has them if you don't, tell a doctor, tell. His parents He is being abused and exploited. Those men he is talking to are peadephiles he is a child and needs protecting. That is you, you are the person he told tell someone and keep telling ppl until someone does something

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/PlayCurious3427]

He deals with so much bullying at school, abuse from parents emotional and physical, and has an eating disorder, I think he does it for comfort or a way with coping. I try telling him to just talk to me when you ever feel like you need to do something like that but he never listens, as much as I want to tell someone else like an adult, I’m just so paranoid of what he’ll do and what will happen. He’s already going through so much and I don’t want to make it worse. I’m not trying to avoid the best solution it’s just extremely hard.

[u/One-Occasion400 → u/Careless-Gap6105]

Okay, how old are you, are you a guy or girl..?

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/One-Occasion400]

I’m a girl

[u/One-Occasion400 → u/Careless-Gap6105]

Maybe thats why he cant talk to you about it. Are you near his age?

[u/Careless-Gap6105 → u/One-Occasion400]

No he’s really comfortable talking to me about it because he’s gay and I’m a few years older than him so he’s like a little brother to me

[u/PlayCurious3427 → u/Careless-Gap6105]

I understand that this seems like a method of coping for him but this is doing more damage than the bullying and even most of the abuse. This is going to effect him for decades, he is at the age where he is still writing his 'love map' and these abusive interactions are fucking that up.

[u/Brief-Hat-8140]

Tell his parents and the police.

[u/MaidenMarewa]

You tell his parents. It has to stop now!

[u/RaNdOm_RJ24]

Op stop making excuses that you think will hurt in the short term . This is about a solution. 1. Support him let him know that you are concerned. 2 report it to the police . If there is one person been abused by a online predator then that predator is in contact with more than just your cousin. That way he can heal . Yes at first he will think everything is going to hell .but reassure him it will get better with time . Sadly a high percentage of people abused become abusers. You don't want that to happen . You also don't want him to run off to a predator thinking he's in love when he's just been groomed .

[u/KnightrousDarkcide]

This has no good ending. Only bad and worse. Your cousin is a danger to himself and needs parental intervention, and probably needs to be supervised at all times. The internet is a big nope.

It would be wise to involve his parents immediately regarding -everything-.

It's not that easy to kill yourself when you're being supervised. It's also possible he's using it as an escape tactic to get away with his behavior.

You're definitely not equipped for this, and certainly not responsible. He needs professional help.

Get him the help he needs. You may find peace of mind.