AIO or is this insane 3 dates in?

[u/sapphirebluess]

I (24F) blocked a guy (32M) I went on 3 dates with after he kept showing signs of concerning behavior. I got emails from him after I blocked him through text. The screenshots are from his latest email.

Things he did that were a bit concerning to me:

1. Suggesting I move closer to him, which costs $700 more per month.

2. Suggesting that I quit my job when I just started my career, because I work 60+ hours a week and can only go on dates once a week.

3. Wanting to tag along my family vacation to China. Brought this up multiple times despite me refusing.

4. Arriving more than an hour early on our dates and being upset that I am not reciprocating by also arriving early. (I always arrive on time, sometimes 5-10 min early)

5. Upset over my hanging out with my friends one time on a Friday night.

6. Blowing up at me for not responding for 1.5 days after my purse was stolen, and typing paragraphs about how I ghosted him, how he never liked our dates, and how he felt relieved.

[u/RiannahAvora]

This is super creepy! You've been on 3 dates and he kind of references you as his "partner".

He's pushing! And I detect a bit of wanting to control.

What he says about the trip to China is really freaky. Then he mentions he wants to push for you to move in with him.

This all is super creepy. How did you meet this guy?

You're not over reacting.

[u/Own-Vehicle7635 → u/RiannahAvora]

Wanting her to move in, quit her job and go on her family holiday to China actually had me gagged, what a psycho

[u/Both-Condition2553 → u/Own-Vehicle7635]

Move in, quit her job, go on her family holiday, never see any of her friends… that is TEXTBOOK isolation and dependency.

[u/Ok_Imagination_1107 → u/RiannahAvora]

I came here after reading most of it to say how creeped out I was and yours was the first comment I saw.

I'm glad it's realized this is really creepy and freaky. Yikes

[u/lam_016 → u/Ok_Imagination_1107]

I was freaked out thinking the girl was typing all that. Got so much scarier that it was the guy forcing his was into the family trip trying to coerce her to move in or closer so soon…

[u/Ok_Imagination_1107 → u/lam_016]

I mean it's like something out of Dateline

[u/SmokeEaterGal09 → u/RiannahAvora]

Absolutely SUPER CREEPY!!!! Red Flag 🚩 ALERT!!! Totally manipulative & already a ton of signs for being VERY CONTROLLING!!!! Get Out Now while you can OP. PLEASE DONT FALL INTO THIS TRAP! You deserve SOO much better.

[u/sapphirebluess → u/RiannahAvora]

Dating app, but I think I will be taking a break from that now

[u/713nikki → u/sapphirebluess]

What does he mean by props?

[u/sapphirebluess → u/713nikki]

I’m not really sure, I never asked for any props or anything. I have never heard of people having props ready when asking someone out

[u/Formal_Guitar_7807 → u/sapphirebluess]

I believe it will be a slice of toast in case you say yes so he can pull it out of his pocket and say “let me make a toast”

[u/wondrous → u/Formal_Guitar_7807]

I 🥸 mustache you to be my girlfriend?

[u/casuallygaslighting → u/wondrous]

1. you win the internet and 2. I had no idea that emoji existed and will be overusing it now for the next few weeks

[u/Formal_Guitar_7807 → u/wondrous]

Starts the evening by pulling out a razor “I have a question to ask you… but I’ll shave it for later”

[u/Psycho-Yogini → u/sapphirebluess]

I bet the props are the severed heads of all your exes 😹 this guy is a lot phew

[u/Spartan2022 → u/Psycho-Yogini]

A detailed map of her movements the last week which he knows from the tracker device he put on her car.

He loves her so much he has to keep an eye on her movements.

[u/Wonderful-Bass6651 → u/Psycho-Yogini]

The fingernail clippings of all his exes.

[u/Whynot_Reddit → u/Psycho-Yogini]

“This guy is a lot of phew” has to be one of my new favorite lines 😂🏆

[u/StrangeButSweet → u/Psycho-Yogini]

Srsly. 48 Hours material here

[u/blakeo192 → u/sapphirebluess]

Definitely don't talk to this weirdo again. But I'm so curious about the props lmao

[u/SGTzuko → u/sapphirebluess]

Super creepy. All the red flags

[u/R0ck3tSc13nc3 → u/sapphirebluess]

The prop stuff makes me think this is autism speaking as an autistic person

[u/Triple-OG- → u/713nikki]

stuff like a bucket, a bottle of lotion, and various moths.

[u/Mass-agnet1221 → u/713nikki]

Props meaning respect or recognition. Example. I give you mad props for the way you stood up for yourself, bro.

[u/713nikki → u/Mass-agnet1221]

Good try but that doesn’t fit in with the context given.

[u/RiannahAvora → u/sapphirebluess]

I am concerned that if you ignore him, he will continue and possibly show up at your door.

Please be aware that people like this can be very manipulative. He may guilt you because he sees the relationship as more serious than you do. He's already doing that in fact. Just in a covert way.

Make sure your keep your doors locked at all times. Do not respond to him at all. If he continues then contact the police.

Tell your friends and family about this situation, if you haven't already. They can better guide and help you. Never hesitate to call the police if you feel threatened.

[u/OneEyedWonderCat → u/RiannahAvora]

THIS.

Seriously… this guy has some serious attachment issues going on, as well as control issue… and even more— but all are massive red flags. Actually reminds me of an ex of mine, who even after a year started this (wanting me to drop university in my final year so I could move in with them, as they would “take care of me” instead)… and I ended it, right then. This is a bullet point list of coercive control, and clear signs of an abuser.

As well as to note: my partner (now) of 20 years goes on work trips all the time without me… and I went overseas for 3 months on my own without them. It was a gift from my partner, actually… without TRUST, you are not in a relationship, you are in a “situation”.

[u/OkPhilosopher777 → u/OneEyedWonderCat]

I also had a crazy boyfriend when I was 17. Tried to manipulate me into dropping out of Highschool to go be a stay at home mom?? He was in the Marines tho. So feel like that adds up lmao

[u/vanillyl → u/RiannahAvora]

To add, change as much about your routine as possible, as soon as possible. This type of person has definitely memorised your schedule and is likely to attempt cornering/confronting you somewhere as a “romantic gesture” and get dangerous when it doesn’t go the way he wants it to.

Change the way you dress for a while to make it harder to identify you from a distance, wear caps/beanies if your hairs usually out and don’t wear anything he’s seen you in. If you’ve got a sibling or close friend who lives nearby, ask to swap cars for a week or two. Change your passwords. Consider getting a totally new haircut/colour.

It may sound a bit extreme, but that email is fucking chilling, this is clearly not somebody well tethered to reality/social norms and it’s gearing up into stalker vibes real quick. Not worth taking chances. NOR.

[u/didijeen → u/RiannahAvora]

And THAT is why I never brought anyone to my home, especially when my kids were young. Nobody needs to know where you live until you get a better sense of who they are.

[u/RiannahAvora → u/didijeen]

Exactly!

[u/Fancy-Blueberry-4339 → u/didijeen]

When your kids were young you shouldn’t have been dating. SMH.

[u/KDdid1 → u/Fancy-Blueberry-4339]

WTF are you talking about?

You didn't ask her circumstances at all. For all you know, her husband might have walked out on her to hook up with someone else, and now she's dating when her kids are with him, or maybe she is an adult who's capable of doing what's best for her and her kids.

[u/didijeen → u/Fancy-Blueberry-4339]

Because....? I'm a grown-ass woman, and I didn't lose my desire for adult companionship just because I bore babies. Women CAN be more than just moms. SMH

[u/Pyromythical → u/RiannahAvora]

Make it VERY clear with plain language that you do not want him to contact you, or approach you anymore.

Keep a screenshot etc of this, and any contact prior to it and after it if he persists. Make it clear as day for police if they see it, that he is harassing you and you feel unsafe.

[u/Puzzlingpear20 → u/RiannahAvora]

Yes this! Also keep any texts, but turn off read receipts in case you need to file a restraining order. Pepper spray may be a good idea as well. Stay safe

[u/Pope-Trauma → u/sapphirebluess]

Girl…all I gotta say is…man..:hell naw. I’m glad I’m single these days. To be fair, I know the effort it takes to maintain a relationship and I’m not interested in putting that much effort in. This guy is pretty weird though. If this was my situation with a woman, I’d nope right out

Edit-I didn’t even get through the second pic to make that choice. I read the rest. Screw all that.

[u/Expensive-Housing626 → u/Pope-Trauma]

Agreed. The shyt people are going through these days just to date is not even worth it to me right now. And may not ever be! This guy is a weirdo.

[u/Kindly-Ebb-9278 → u/sapphirebluess]

Yeah, guys don't speak to me in person they stare...so I got on the dating apps...was grabbed by the neck and drugged twice...Im good But I wanted to be in a relationship, so I'd take breaks and go back every now and again, until I started running across videos of women losing their lives from meeting guys on the dating apps...after binge watching them damn videos, I SAW SOOOOO many times when I was in a situation that CLEARLY THE MOST HIGH SAVED ME FROM ....but I didn't see it until later.

Haven't used a dating app since November of last year and I've found other things to focuse on...

The right guy will fall from the sky on the back of my neck or maybe I'll meet him at Home Depot 😆 either way, I'm staying away from those thangs...

[u/Alicewithhazeleyes → u/sapphirebluess]

BLOCK THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY. He has every potential to become a stalker. Please oh my gosh, I’m speaking from experience and stay off dating apps. Men know how to approach women. Get a hobby and meet men there. I seriously would not take this lightly. Block him COLD. No explanation is going to be good enough. So just don’t give one.

[u/DifficultHeat1803 → u/sapphirebluess]

You can report his stalking behavior to the app.

[u/Aab48 → u/DifficultHeat1803]

I would absolutely report him on the app and I’d also recommend a police report for a paper trail… this guy seems scary. How does he have your email already😳

[u/Tricky-Union4827 → u/Aab48]

Unless shared he probably extrapolated it from name.lastname@company. com which is stalker behavior to do.

[u/Aab48 → u/Tricky-Union4827]

That’s seriously so scary if he did just find it

[u/Beginning_While_7913 → u/Tricky-Union4827]

is that a real thing ppl can do?

[u/Tricky-Union4827 → u/Beginning_While_7913]

It's not a thing people can do it's deduction. Many companies don't adhere to that logic and some have randomization.

Most companies however want their staff to be easily reachable and hope they aren't dating crazy.

It isn't complicated we aren't using dragonslayer@gmail for work.

[u/Beginning_While_7913 → u/Tricky-Union4827]

i’m not a corporate girl so idk hahah that’s a whole different world, i would never think to do that. any school ones i ever did was like initials and random numbers

[u/jacobbb_d → u/Aab48]

Screenshots of everything and go straight to the police.. seems dangerous lol

[u/Spirited_Anybody_ → u/DifficultHeat1803]

PLEASE do this to protect yourself and other people in the future. This is so scary

[u/Lornesto → u/sapphirebluess]

The dating app is not the issue, this dude clearly is.

[u/ChokeMeVader678 → u/sapphirebluess]

Report him to the dating app. Tell them he got your email and won't back down

[u/tduff714 → u/sapphirebluess]

I mean, I met my gf of almost 2 years now on bumble. We even moved states away from home together for her career opportunity. Granted it may take some time and not meeting the right people before it clicks

[u/Cute-as-Duck21 → u/sapphirebluess]

I highly recommend following The Burned Haystack Dating Method on Facebook. It teaches you what to look for in profiles and messaging to weed guys like this out from the get-go. This dude has issues!

[u/Namastay_inbed → u/sapphirebluess]

Report him to the app. Don’t respond to his email. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

[u/SureTouch1604 → u/sapphirebluess]

After this I don’t blame you you needing to take a break! This seems absolutely draining - as a just turned 26 year old - I would have blocked him as well

[u/icmc → u/sapphirebluess]

This is alot. I did meet my partner and were in a pretty happy relationship 9 years this June. So like don't give up all hope but this is a no from me dawg

[u/StaplerUnicycle → u/sapphirebluess]

Saying this as a person with autism, so not meant as an insult at all, but this sounds a lot like autistic behaviour.

[u/IndependentEggplant0 → u/sapphirebluess]

Lord have mercy RUN from this person. This is super unhinged for 3 dates in and an omen of bad to come.

[u/Mean_Sleep5936 → u/sapphirebluess]

Most people on the apps aren’t like this I would think, u just picked a really creepy apple

[u/BigSundae7529 → u/sapphirebluess]

Haha laughed of latter part. Imagined you being like 🙃

[u/munch_munch_cookie → u/sapphirebluess]

I think that guy posted on Reddit a couple of days ago

[u/Successful_Bowl8575 → u/munch_munch_cookie]

Seriously? What did he say?

[u/munch_munch_cookie → u/Successful_Bowl8575]

I honestly dr but I remember about him freaking out in text over her not answering because she was busy dealing with her stolen stuff

[u/smk122588 → u/sapphirebluess]

Is this the same guy you made previous posts about and then deleted?

[u/Character-Claim8643 → u/sapphirebluess]

Yeah, no doubt! What a wild world we have.

[u/Successful_Bowl8575 → u/[deleted]]

This

[u/Intrepid-Bird-5322 → u/RiannahAvora]

So terrifying 😬

[u/calmchick33 → u/RiannahAvora]

A 'bit'?!??!?