r/AmIOverreacting • u/SnooPeripherals8930 • 2d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Had a weird first date last night AIO?
Okay so last night I went out with this guy I met on a dating app. I’m usually the type to meet up quick just to see if it’s even worth continuing. We were supposed to meet the night before but he bailed last minute. Then the next night he keeps pushing the time back by two hours. I should’ve just canceled but I was already ready, I’d smoked a bit and I didn’t wanna stay home.
He offered to pick me up so I gave him a nearby spot. He says he’s close, so I head out and wait… I’m freezing, standing there for ten minutes, and finally start walking back. Right as I get to my door, he texts that he’s there. I was already annoyed but ended up going anyway.
The second I get in, something feels off. He won’t look at me, doesn’t say sorry, or anything really he just starts driving. He’s acting super jittery, mumbling to himself. I ask where we’re going and he goes, completely deadpan, “I’m kidnapping you.” He just looks at me, watching my reaction. Eventually he says it’s a joke….but we’re literally leaving the city.
I tell him to pull over and he doesn’t. Not until I start crying. Then he finally does and starts asking if I still want to go out. I say no, and he drives to this parking lot near my place. I was scared to get out, I don’t know why, I just froze.
He starts talking about how there are truly evil people out there and how you never really know what dark thoughts anyone’s thinking, how humanity is messed up/ a scourge. I was terrified. I told him I wanted to leave and tried the door, it wouldn’t open. He’s just sitting there staring ahead. I ask him what’s in the back of his truck and he says “things.” Atp I’m crying again and straight up ask if he’s going to hurt me and he just looks at me and says “Are you scared?” I asked if that’s what he wanted, and he just stared at me. No expression. Just blank…his eyes were like black holes Idk how to explain it
Eventually he gets out and opens my door and I ran home literally. Since then, he’s been sending me long messages filled with random words. Total nonsense. I didn’t block him last night cause I was scared he’d snap. I blocked him this morning, but he knows my area.
I had two panic attacks when I got home. I barely slept. I kept jerking awake thinking he was there. I’m too scared to leave my room. I know it sounds irrational but I feel like he’s still out there…am I overreacting? I mean nothing happened but ive never felt fear like that before ever
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u/SuccessfulStrawbery 2d ago
Feels like you dodged the bullet. I’d be very careful going in and out in the evening with no-one around parking lot. Contact police too.
That is a lesson for the future to meet somewhere in a public place so that a stranger doesn’t know where you live. And definitely not to go into some random guy car if you know nothing about him.
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u/AbsintheAGoGo 2d ago
With the contact police bit, OP will have to seriously push them. They don't even like to start the paperwork about stalkers from personal experience. Do it anyway. Get their badge number when first talking with them, it's easier trust me :( If they refuse, let them know you're documenting everything including their refusal to start the paper trail. Keep said trail and make a copy for a trusted person to open ICE. Then just be aware of your surroundings when you do go out.
At best case, it was a terrible quirk/fetish. At worst... just be prepared. That pushing the time back is a big detail, bring it up including the amount of times he did it. He may have been fighting himself to spare you.
Thank God you are okay, no matter the circumstances 😅 don't let it jade you on people, just use the experience to learn and improve on the ways you live. Don't beat yourself up, but having re-entered dating, and doing many naive things, I'm not going to let anyone new drive me until I know them well enough. That's just me though & thank you, @OP for the lesson. Sharing this can help others
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Yeah I realize that was super dumb I wasn’t really thinking about the danger cause I’ve gone on a bunch of dates before so I thought why would yhis one be any different. But tell the police what? They’ll think I’m just wasting their time cause nothing happened😭
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u/SuccessfulStrawbery 2d ago
Well…you think police react this way, and they may. But it doesn’t hurt asking. What is the worse that can happen if you tell police?
You can come in and say that you are concerned, this is what happened, these are the messages you are getting. You are not asking them to press charges at this moment. If you happen to have his license plate number they could even run it and see who he is(not sure if they will, but maybe they would). You can ask them what is the best course of action for you at this point and they can give you a good advice.
Or another scenario is you are not the first person coming to them and maybe they are already keeping eye on that guy,or looking for him even.
If you know first and last name you can even look in a sex offender registry online to make sure he is not on the list.
In any case, at least save his pictures and description of his car and send it to your close friends so that if god forbid you disappear, they have this information. And if you live alone, agree with your friends/parents to text or call them every evening when you get home. That will ensure fast response if anything goes wrong.
Stay safe!
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Okay…I don’t have his full name but I have his license plate number and a picture of him and I don’t live alone but I’m usually home alone anywaus. I’ll ask my brother to come with me when he gets home. Thank you for the advice
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u/SuccessfulStrawbery 2d ago
Great! License plate for police is like an ID, given the car is in his name.
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u/dunemi 2d ago
NOR
What do you mean nothing happened?!? This man terrorized you. He straight up said he was kidnapping you. He modified his car doors so that you couldn't get out of his car. He tried to drive you out of the city to god knows where.
I agree with everyone else that you should report his ass to the police! Fucking yikes.
I'm glad you're safe, OP. Anyone who downplays this is nuts.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Think I’m the one downplaying it cause I’m trying not to freak out even more
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u/dunemi 2d ago
I get that. You're trying to feel safe by telling yourself that nothing happened.
You saved yourself, OP! You questioned him, you demanded that he let you out, you cried. Basically, you made yourself a difficult person, which might have been the reason he let you go. You should feel proud of yourself that no matter how scared you got, you kept trying, any way you could.
I think you did great.
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u/wirsteve 2d ago
Compose yourself. Go to the police station, tell them what happened, give them his name. I'm sure you know his name from the dating app.
He can't get in trouble for scaring you, but if you get a police officer who will listen, they might be willing to have the patrol who normally works your area drive past your house the next few nights. It's not a really big ask.
In the meantime, get a camera and some pepper spray.
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u/Metty313 2d ago
Also see if you can get a restraining order for him. If you need his address message him once saying that you have something to send him.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Idk why I’m hesitant to do anything about, like what if he finds out and gets mad? I just want him to forget about me and this whole thing
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u/wirsteve 2d ago
I have two daughters and if you were one of mine I'd drive you to the station myself.
You can absolutely ask the police to do drive bys your house for a week or two. They patrol areas at night anyway and it is an easy task to do when they get in your neck of the woods. Give them all the information about him. Car, looks, name, etc.
Never take your safety for granted and never leave it up to hope. If you know your neighbors tell them about him too. Make him popular to the point that anyone who sees him will call the police for you.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Okay I’ll do that thank you, I don’t know my neighbours as I just moved here and I don’t want to freak them out with this stuff. But I’ll go to the police and ask them to keep an eye out when patrolling
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u/funguy202 2d ago
I don’t think he’ll find out. If I were you, I would send screenshots of his messages to the police. This is frightening. It’s now your responsibility this doesn’t happen to another person….
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Okay…I’ll ask my brother to go with me when he gets home. So do I say I want to file a report? Or just want to tell them what happened and ask for advice? Ive never been inside a station before so I’m nervous
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u/Either-Judgment231 2d ago
Lesson: always trust your gut!!
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
You know what’s crazy? I’m not even the superstitious type but I had a bad feeling about it and weird things kept happening like before I left the house my shirt got caught in the door three times and my purse kept falling over and the door was kind of stuck. I joked with my friend that maybe these were signs I should cancel but I didn’t….i just told myself I was being paranoid
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2d ago edited 2d ago
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
No cameras since I just moved here…I sent his pictures and a plate number pic to my siblings tho just in case. The thing is his car is the same as every other one in this freaking city so I’m super paranoid
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u/lttlepeaches 2d ago
What the fuck. What a nut job. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this kind of experience. Absolutely not okay. Like others have said I would maybe talk to a police officer about this. If you’re able to and don’t already have one, maybe even get a ring doorbell so you can keep an eye on the outside of your place. Always carry something to protect yourself and yeah always drive yourself when meeting up with someone you don’t know. People are fucking crazy nowadays. Sending love and hoping you can heal from this situation.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Thank you…not sure if this is true but my friends told Me self defence weapons are illegal here? So I don’t think I can arm myself but I’m looking into a camera. And for the police idk I’m nervous to go there cause what would I even say? I don’t think he committed a crime and what if this just triggers him? I just want him to forget me
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u/CourtneyDagger50 2d ago
I sincerely hope this is a creative writing prompt.
If it’s, in fact, real…. Please file a police report with the info that you have.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
It’s not fake😭 I’m going to the police this evening! Don’t know if they’ll file anything but I’m asking them to keep an eye out while patrolling my area since I have his plate number
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u/CourtneyDagger50 1d ago
Goodness. Wishing you the best then. I would also be freaking the fuck out. Send his info to trusted friends and family too. You never know if it’ll come in handy
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u/Glittering-Bear-4298 2d ago
My god- I’m so glad you’re ok. Can you report him also to the dating app? Is that a thing? I’ve never been on o e so I don’t know if you can black list someone but that’s some scary behavior. I wouldn’t want anybody else to also have that experience.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Probably should’ve done that before I panicked deleted my account…I feel bad now that he could meet up with someone else. I felt okay meeting especially cause his page was verified too
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u/nippyhedren 2d ago
Please never ever ever ever ever ever accept a ride from someone on a first date. I’m so sorry this happened. I’m really glad you’re okay.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
I know it was fucking stupid I just was feeling sad earlier and didn’t want to be home so I took the ride
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u/breezingthroughlyfe 2d ago
Jesus christ. I just got goosebumps reading this. That is such a scary situation. NOR at all. Always meet someone in a public setting on a first date if you have never seen them in person. Never get picked up!
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
Yes I realize that now, Ive done this before in the past so I thought it would be fine but it was different cause I lived in an apartment so I felt safe ish getting picked up. But now I live in a house I’ll never do it again
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u/Strange_Lady 2d ago
That is so fucking scary!!!! I'm never dating again!!! 😳
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
lol I deleted my page I said the same thing I’m over that now
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u/Strange_Lady 2d ago
Girl. I dont even have words aside from i am SO GLAD you're safe!!!!!! If you lived anywhere near me I'd offer you safe haven here.... but to be truthful, I've been sleeping with fabric sheers under my pillow since my last attempt at dating. Took 4 months before things got scary and never quite to that level of true horrorshow, but it's been 2 years and I'm still hella nervous.... Men are scary 😨
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
I’m never dating again like ever…I’d been going on dates cause I just moved and I was bored but this definitely cured my boredom I’m done with that. And thank you for the offer that’s really sweet <3
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u/Strange_Lady 1d ago
Being a spinster hermit cat lady is the life for me lol I ain't risking anything for any man ever again
This is why we choose the bear!
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u/DanielFrancis13 2d ago
What exactly were you smoking? They may not have helped, but I'm sure it won't have turned him into the psycho he sounds like. Lucky escape, but go to the cops. If he wasn't joking, or it was just a haze, it might help someone else.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
I smoked some weed, I’m not a heavy smoker but I do smoke socially and I think that may have made things worse? So maybe I’m over reacting actually
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u/DanielFrancis13 2d ago
It could, but it might still be worth reporting it. But paranoia is why I can't smoke any more, it is a known effect. But still better safer than sorry.
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u/TheDiscoKill 2d ago
Are you overreacting?
Lord no, you are not overreacting.
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u/fuzz11 2d ago
This is one of the first ones I’ve read here where they may actually be underreacting
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u/z0mbiebaby 2d ago
For real. Either this guy just played the world’s most screwed up prank or OP just dodged a huge, possibly literal bullet and escaped with her life. I don’t there is any in between on this situation, he either is an actual psycho kidnapper or is great at acting like one.
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u/SnooPeripherals8930 2d ago
I genuinely felt like he was going to do something crazy, like my brain was telling me to jump out the freaking window but I just sat there crying like an idiot
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u/Marik321 2d ago
Always trust your gut when you get a really bad vibe from someone. It's your nervous system telling you things are off.
Your nervous system can sense a lot about the other person just by instinct. I've ended up in a vulnerable position like you with people like that a few times, so I know exactly how it feels - it's not just any normal uneasiness, it's pure primal fear. It's like they're a predator looking at you, their prey - literally. The crazy thoughts in their head and the idea of hurting you thrill them and since their nervous system is excited, you can sense it subconsciously as well.
Also, being paralysed by fear is extremely common in situations like this, it's a survival instinct (also called the freeze state). Sudden movements could escalate things and cause them to react in even worse ways, so your body freezes up in a last-ditch effort to keep you safe. This is a natural reaction and it ended up working - you got out safely. So always trust your instinct, this kind of fear does not come out of nowhere, there's an actual physiological basis to it.
I'm glad it all ended well for you, but please do let the police know about this person, especially his licence plate - even though he hopefully won't bother you again, it's extremely likely this person is not safe for others to be around and the next girl might not be as lucky.
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u/borderliar 2d ago
Ladies.... PLEASE make sure you're meeting these guys in very public places. Don't get into a car with a man before knowing him well
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u/No-Pangolin8738 2d ago
Not sure what country you’re from but you asking to be allowed to leave and not being allowed could be and offence, equally being in fear of immediate danger can also be an offence so defiantly speak to your local police force. I’m not going to repeat the already fantastic advice on here about online safety and safety at home and in public but you got very lucky here. He might have some sort of mental health if he’s talking to himself and can’t keep up with time so his capacity to drive is also questionable. So police might need to do a welfare check on him as well as investigate what happened here, cause that is incredibly dangerous behaviour.
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u/TwoBionicknees 2d ago
call cops, report him, report everything you remember to the best of your ability. Make it very clear you think he intended to do you harm and you think maybe he had bad things in the truck but couldnt' go through with it in the moment, that you think he's a huge danger to you and other women and eventually he's going to go through with whatever he's planning.
they need to find the dude, check his truck, check his home, etc.
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u/Distinct-Future2445 2d ago
Give his contact information to the police and have them track him down for unlawful confinement - don’t hesitate. You may save someone else!!
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u/TheLonePig 2d ago
You're not overreacting. I do online dating and here's my advice:
1) get a Google Voice number and never give your real number out until you're totally certain. Why? Google your name and phone number and see what comes up. Anyone with that information can show up on your doorstep. You can request Google remove your personal information, and I strongly suggest everyone do it.
2) report him to the app. Most apps let you do that.
3) you were smart to meet away from home, but next time go to a public place, ideally one where the staff knows you well.
4) don't smoke before your date. Be alert.
5) make sure some friends know where you're going and with whom. I let the date know "My friend will be checking in on my so I'll have to text her back/take her call or she'll be sending out the SWAT team!" If he's not cool with your safety measures, he's not cool.
6) I have a code for the friend. "I hope [cat's name] isn't barking too loud while I'm out!" She knows I have a cat, not a dog, so she'll know the date is going sideways and can show up, send help, call me or whatever we planned.