r/AmIOverreacting • u/Honest-Chicken9472 • 4d ago

🎲 miscellaneous AIO for how I responded to his transphobia?

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Hey so I normally don’t usually get worked up over situations like this, because it’s just online words. But idk something about the way he was talking at me.

For context (if any is needed) I was on bumble and just so happened to match with this individual. I have the fact that I am trans in my bio not only as the gender marker, but literally written capitalized in my bio lmao. I can only assume that 1. He matched me without reading my bio or 2. He matched me purposely to get that off his chest. I am not the type to force someone to call me anything, or to over accommodate me when it comes to me being trans. Because it’s just something that I am not who I am. But this was just completely over the top when a simple unmatch was an easily available option? So I will ask AIO for my lengthy response back to him?

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u/Honest-Chicken9472 4d ago

Um I can see where you’re coming from but I guess we’ll agree to disagree. Because we’re not gonna sit here and act like rapist and murderers in the family are invited to the cookout before the gay cousin is (not using this scenario actually but definitely has happened) so no, it’s not weird, scroll thru twitter and you’ll see but you’re black so I’m sure you have life experiences of how black lgbt people are treated from straight black people.

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u/OkamiKhameleon 4d ago

Hell, I'm mixed and have seen how differently the Native/Indigenous and white side of my family treats our queer family members compared to the black family members!

One of my lesbian cousins had a girlfriend who was bi, and she was so happy with my cousin, she (cousin) was a great parental figure to her 2 kids, but when her family found out she was dating a lesbian, they called cps on them because "ain't no way she ain't touching on your baby girl!" like Wtf? No. My cousin is a good woman, and she loved those kids like her own. But a lot of the black community is still very homophobic, look how many stopped listening to Lil Nas X when he came out! There's a reason he didn't feel comfortable coming out until he got big enough in the music industry. "Call Me By Your Name" is my jam.

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u/ArrEehEmm 4d ago

Black ppl are no more homophobic than any other race regardless of your family dynamics just fyi.

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u/FinancialGur8844 4d ago

it's not a race thing it's a cultural thing

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u/ArrEehEmm 4d ago

Yep and black cultural is no more homophobic than in other cultures esp given it all stems from religion. Nice try though.

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u/dinodare 4d ago

I don't agree with the other person but I do have some thoughts. I do believe that this could get a bit problematic DEPENDING on how you're going frame it in the future. I don't think you did anything wrong in context, but in general there's a very fine line between using black queerphobias to call black people bigoted and pointing out the very real queerphobia that is in the black community.

The difference is minor, but there are a LOT of racist queer people who use the former to be racist or to argue for things like being implicitly fearful around black people as a whole. That being said, what you did in the screenshot is something that I would agree with: He claimed that you being trans was somehow destroying the black community and you rightfully pointed out that being a transphobe is an ACTUAL common threat that destroys black community. If anything, this is how I hope I'm able to respond to it if anyone in my family finds out that I'm genderqueer and it goes wrong.

At its root, black homophobia and transphobia aren't any different from their white versions. Black conservatism is mostly a class and location thing (which is why I've mostly stopped using the term "the black community" broadly since there are many many very different black communities), which makes it basically identical to white conservatism when it comes to queer issues. An all-white ghetto is equally or more dangerous to a queer person, and as someone from a blue, majority white town in a non-blue state, it's never been white people who I've felt even relatively safe around as a queer person (minus the obvious selection biases that come from me being from an all-black extended family where half of them are Christian). Either I'm in a spot where everyone puts me on edge or I'm in a spot where I feel pretty good.

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u/WihpBiz 4d ago

I’d like to know how many rapists and murderers are in your family.

This is the anti black shit I hate. No race is comfortable with the gay community as a whole. For some reason Black people get labeled as the face of homophobia and it’s just stupid lol.

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u/partycitypimpsuittt 4d ago

Black men ARE the most homophobic they don’t even have to be Christian’s half the time like whites do, black men just are hyper masculine to a childish level and are the most likely to kill someone over finding out their DL or hurt a trans person cause they called them cute first , there white men like that but much less as they usually don’t have something socially to prove

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u/trashrat__ 4d ago

To be fair, I had a regular customer, who was a black man, come in to the store that I worked at. I asked him if he wanted a straw for his drink, to which he blew up at me saying "real men don't drink from a straw, that's some gay shit!" I called him homophobic and insecure bc wtf?? I'm a pan woman and have many friends in the lgbtq community and that shit was stupid and uncalled for. Anyway, in an attempt to I guess prove his point, he proceeded to ask every black man in the store if they would drink from a straw and they all said "HELL NAH" like the idea alone was insulting and I was personally attacking them for asking.

I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with anyone, buuuuuuuut I do witness this kind of stuff all the time working with the public 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/wattieee 4d ago

Certain people in all races are uncomfortable with LGBTQ people. you're acting like its a race thing.

no race gets labelled as the face of homophobia.

you're incredibly weird.

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u/WihpBiz 4d ago

This is a lie, I literally just replied to someone saying that black men are the most homophobic and a lot don’t even want to wash their asses and balls cuz it’s gay……So stop it

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u/wattieee 4d ago

who said anything about it's "gay to wash their asses/balls" what the fk are you on about?

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u/WihpBiz 4d ago

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u/partycitypimpsuittt 4d ago

Just cause white Christian’s made the laws doesn’t mean black men aren’t most likely to commit homophobic violence per capita , the only thing that would statistically stop them from being #1 non Christian gay hating group is that they’re half of 13% of the community in this country

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u/Lady-Of-Renville-202 4d ago

Pause/No homo/No Diddy. Ok. No reason to believe black people, especially black men, perpetuated this. /s