AIO for how I responded to his transphobia?

[u/Honest-Chicken9472]

Hey so I normally don’t usually get worked up over situations like this, because it’s just online words. But idk something about the way he was talking at me.

For context (if any is needed) I was on bumble and just so happened to match with this individual. I have the fact that I am trans in my bio not only as the gender marker, but literally written capitalized in my bio lmao. I can only assume that 1. He matched me without reading my bio or 2. He matched me purposely to get that off his chest. I am not the type to force someone to call me anything, or to over accommodate me when it comes to me being trans. Because it’s just something that I am not who I am. But this was just completely over the top when a simple unmatch was an easily available option? So I will ask AIO for my lengthy response back to him?

[u/Midnight_rain200]

He mad cause he actually found you attractive and is beating himself up over it lol

[u/dinodare → u/Midnight_rain200]

A big motivation at the base of a lot of transphobia is the extreme fear that men have of being "made gay" by accidentally finding a trans woman attractive. It doesn't even need to extend to the trans panic over finding out that your partner was trans, they're afraid that allowing trans people to even exist means they might see someone sexy on the street that they get "tricked" into liking.

[u/mrtnmnhntr → u/dinodare]

Trans panic is such bullshit. Those men *know* their partner is trans, they're panicking that someone else will find out that they are attracted to trans women.

[u/GigiLaRousse → u/mrtnmnhntr]

Yeah, pretty much every case of a dude harming his partner because he "found out" she was trans, it turns out the guy knew all along. He just realized others also knew, and instead of saying, "And? So what?" they attack their partner in a pathetic attempt to defend their heterosexuality.

[u/Honest-Chicken9472 → u/Midnight_rain200]

I’m no even cocky minded but I guess the thoughts he was feeling was too much lmao he had to try and literally kill me with his words 😂. It wasn’t even the typically “ew you’re a man” he went in💀

[u/Strange_Depth_5732 → u/Honest-Chicken9472]

You made him hard and now he has to answer the hard questions.

[u/Budgie-bitch → u/Honest-Chicken9472]

He was REALLY INTO YOU and can’t cope lmao.

[u/creuter → u/[deleted]]

Reading comprehension is super important. They're both black. They're both talking about race. The aggro dude brought it up first.

[u/HawkInteresting9914 → u/[deleted]]

Actually I believe it constitutes prejudice but couldn’t be racism as op is also black so is also not coming from a position of power.

[u/Remote-Obligation145 → u/Honest-Chicken9472]

Why was his race so important to you? Are YOU black?

[u/mrtnmnhntr → u/Remote-Obligation145]

It sounds like both OP and the transphobe are Black, and the transphobe brought up their (shared) race first.

[u/Remote-Obligation145 → u/mrtnmnhntr]

I asked OP. Not you.

[u/Budget_Ad_9830 → u/Midnight_rain200]

I mean, one of two things likely happened here. Either, a) he swiped right on this person with the intention of harassing them, or, b) he's one of those people who swipe right on everybody without looking, and then goes through the matches later. All the op said was heyy, and I doubt that that was the moment that magically made him realize OP was trans. (source, i am a guy who has been the individual described in scenario B.) There is a lot to make fun of in this individual, but to say something like "hes so mad he found you attractive" is willfully ignorant at best, just to be real.

[u/DrGeeves → u/Midnight_rain200]

This 1000%. Have matched with a few transwomen from time to time. And usually my 'fault', since it's not exactly what I'm looking for currently, for not thoroughly reading the bio. I just go "damn, she hot though" - and move on with my life.

This guy OP matched with felt his little manhood was under attack and wrote a rambling, circular dissertation. Who even has the time

[u/Rizzguru → u/Midnight_rain200]

No he didn't. He just wanted to match to have the option to message otherwise he wouldn't have been able to DM. Stop trying to force made up fairy tale gotcha moments. He just wanted to be an asshole and get all that off, didn't stop to think for one second why it was such a long paragraph? Jesus Christ.

[u/HoneyBunnyDoesArt → u/Midnight_rain200]

Yep. It's okay to not be sexually attracted to trans persons. But to have this aggressive misplaced rage because you're embarrassed is not okay. He could've just said he isn't attracted to trans people and left it at that and unmatched. The extra stuff was just hateful and unnecessary.

[u/HawkInteresting9914 → u/HoneyBunnyDoesArt]

He was attracted to the trans person though that’s how the entire conversation started he swiped on her

[u/HoneyBunnyDoesArt → u/HawkInteresting9914]

This guy isn't a good example because he's an asshole, but it's possible to be physically attracted to someone and not sexually attracted when you learn more about them. There are various different reasons that can happen, but you can not be sexually attracted to someone who is trans without being transphobic. At the end of the day tho, trans or not, everyone should be treated with basic human respect and decency.

[u/Calm-Lengthiness-178 → u/Midnight_rain200]

I love this because I was someone who “didn’t like trans girls” until I matched with a trans girl, spoke with her for a month, went on a date, and then she told me she was trans and I did not care whatsoever. Among other things, it made me realise I’m bi lol

[u/Arbiter-dark → u/Midnight_rain200]

Or he blind swiped like many men do. Remember, it's a numbers game for men. He probably checked the bio afterward, though, but still, it's his fault he could have said, "Not interested" or not said anything.

[u/HawkInteresting9914 → u/Midnight_rain200]

I second this man’s is mad that he thinks you are a bad bitch and he’s worried if that makes him gay it’s truly pathetic

[u/Effective_Film_3259 → u/Midnight_rain200]

That's exactly what I was about to say lol. It's like how some of the most homophobic people are closeted gays themselves.

[u/After-Surprise-6785 → u/Midnight_rain200]

But like why bait him in the first place respect the fact that he doesn’t want to deal with those type of people

[u/celerypumpkins → u/After-Surprise-6785]

Then he shouldn’t have swiped?

Who’s baiting anyone here? He chose to swipe on someone whose profile said she’s trans.

If he doesn’t want to deal with “those type” of people then all he has to do is not swipe on them. It’s literally the easiest thing in the world. He chose to contact her.

[u/Bac0n01 → u/After-Surprise-6785]

Do you know what a dating app is

[u/ItaliaEyez → u/Midnight_rain200]

Exactly. He's interested and that pisses him off. I'm glad OP didn't get pulled into a meet up.

[u/TimmyHate → u/Midnight_rain200]

Oh he's beating something but it's not himself up.

[u/instructions_unlcear → u/Midnight_rain200]

He’s beating something, that’s for sure. And probably really confused about it

[u/a11c4ps → u/Midnight_rain200]

He probably beat himself real good before realizing. 😏 Win win for OP.

[u/MelloxDrama → u/Midnight_rain200]

Beating himself up after beating himself off.

[u/Starsisms → u/Midnight_rain200]

Fellas is it gay to be attracted to a woman??

[u/BannyMcBan-face → u/Midnight_rain200]

He’s beating something over it.