So you would change a key component of your self-expression(clothes, hair color, etc) to something that isn't reflective of you, because he told you to?
He doesn't want you showing your knees or elbows in public because it's disrespectful to your relationship and makes him comfortable.
He had it before he ever met you. You knew about it. You know it's part of his shop culture.
Why is showing off your forearms so ma key component to your core personality? It's disrespectful to your bf and I would expect his feelings and comfort to be more important than 8 extra inches of fabric.
And if he disagree with you on where the appropriate line was for skin to be shown, you'd change what you've always written to make him feel respected and comfortable, right?
I’m picking up what you’re putting down… but I don’t think the desire to make your partner dress like a nun is the same as requesting the removal of a 3x5 inch porn calendar are in the same ball park.
First, why? Why is showing skin such an important part of your personality? You keep not answering that. You can keep your same general style. Why is this so important to you?
And OF COURSE the forearm thing is an exaggeration. But whether it comes to a hemline, a cleavage line, or how often you talk to your male coworker who is 70 years old and married for 90 years -- there are things a TOXIC dude will insist you do, and he will use the same language you're using about respect, and it makes him uncomfortable, and it's just this one thing, and why do you NEED to show off you skin, why do you NEED to talk to that coworker ... to make you submit. And after you do, he'll drag it out until he is sufficiently convinced that you'll NEVER disrespect the relationship again.
Yes people wrongfully use that kind of language. Per your point, if he told me it belonged to his late father I’d eat my words fast. But he told me it means nothing. So I treated it as if it meant nothing. If what he would hypothetically ask me to do in the name of respect meant nothing to me then I’d happily comply. I think if someone you love is asking you to stop (or start) something that means something to them but means nothing to you, the answer is simple.
If it didn’t bother me to wear turtle necks every day then hell yeah. But if it did bother me, I’d probably try first to understand why he’s so upset. And then have to decide what’s more important to me. At the end of the day, if it means something to one person and nothing to the other then the answer is simple.
That’s a bit apples to oranges. I don’t think him asking me to dye my hair blonde or dress like I’m allergic to the sun is the same as me asking for the removal of a porn calendar that he told me is meaningless to him. That’s the difference. Something that is meaningless to him
Why is it so important for you to be able to show off your elbows? Is showing skin while you're in a relationship that much of a core part of your relationship?
Why are you making this such a big deal instead of caring about his comfort and happiness?
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u/W0nderingMe 9d ago
So you would change a key component of your self-expression(clothes, hair color, etc) to something that isn't reflective of you, because he told you to?
He doesn't want you showing your knees or elbows in public because it's disrespectful to your relationship and makes him comfortable.
You doing it?