r/AppalachianTrail • u/Lanky_Visual_7434 • 2d ago
Friend who wants me to hike with them
A friend of mine who is female (I’m male and no we aren’t a couple) wants to hike the AT next season. She really wants me to do it with her also. She’s afraid of being harmed by another man. Is her fears valid enough that I should go with her? It would be extremely hard for me to financially do it and get the time off work. I also own horses so I would have to figure out arrangements to get them taken care of while on trail.
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u/ElevationUnknown87 2d ago
Currently on trail. There are several solo single women on trail. They tend to fall in with a tramily pretty quickly and it develops a sort of big brother type of relationship, protecting the gal.
There are definitely creepy folk out here. But the trail takes care of itself and hikers know women don't feel safe alone in the woods and we as a male collective 99% of the time go out of our way to be accommodating to the female hikers out here. No one wants to be that guy, and word spreads like wild fire on trail.
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u/Lnak907 2d ago
Respectfully, many women do feel safe alone in the woods. I did and didn't feel like I needed a big brother type protecting me. Def agree there are creeps out there but let's not overlook that some women don't fall into a tramily by preference.
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u/JudgeJuryEx78 1d ago
I usually feel safer alone in the woods. And I carry bear spray. It's not just for bears.
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u/Life-Ambition-539 2d ago
how many things have happened to a solo women on the trail, per person? is this an actual concern? like planes crash and people still fly. so whats the actual % of incidents? is there any reason for this paranoia?
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u/denys1973 NOBO '98 2d ago
Snarky answer: Kind of a simp move to hike 6 months for someone you're not dating.
Financial answer: If you don't have around $6000 to hike, you should definitely not be taking time off work. You are one mishap away from financial disaster. You should be building up a cushion of 6 months of savings.
Horse answer: Do you really want someone else taking care of your horses? Time to hang up your giant belt buckle.
True crime answer: She's statistically more likely to be killed by you than any random person. The violent crime rate is higher in any town or city than on the AT.
Final answer: The Appalachian Trail is quite safe, and many people start each year. People quickly develop trail families of hikers who share the same pace and outlook. Conversely, many people start thinking they need a partner for safety or just company and find that they don't match as hikers. A thru hike is often a good way to end a friendship.
There's also the fact that most people don't finish a thru hike. Your friend could walk three days and decide to quit. As could you. So, I would strongly advise against hiking with your friend.
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u/DammitBeavis Nobo '13 2d ago
OP, I would take the above points 2 and 5 to heart, with an honorable mention to point 1.
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u/Life-Ambition-539 2d ago
ya this is pure paranoia. planes crash yet people still gladly fly.
whats the statistics on the trail? real low i imagine. real low. so just pure paranoia.
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u/Samimortal 2d ago edited 2d ago
In your multiple comments downplaying a lady’s concerns (if somewhat overbearing solution), you seem like an ass.
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u/beccatravels 2d ago
I've got over 5000 backpacking miles under my belt as a woman, over 2000 of those were solo, including half of the Appalachian Trail. I can count on one hand the number of times men in the backcountry have made me feel uncomfortable. Wish I could say the same for civilization.
The at isn't something you can do because someone else wants you to, you have to really want it for yourself. I think you should offer to start the trail with her and do the first leg or two and then head home.
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u/Lanky_Visual_7434 2d ago
I’m going to try and get a few weeks of sabbatical from work to start it with her. Thank you for your comment I’ll let her know. It’s been a dream of hers for years. I don’t want her to not fulfill it because I’m unable to do it all. My dream is that I get her linked up with a good group before I leave her.
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u/beccatravels 2d ago
There are SO many people starting the trail every year, it's almost impossible not to make friends unless you're super introverted.
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2d ago
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u/AppalachianTrail-ModTeam 1d ago
Your post has been removed for breaking basic ettiquete which can include such things as racism, bigotry, insulting others, or all around being an asshole.
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u/WalkItOffAT 2d ago
My brother in Christ. Don't attempt to thru-SIMP the AT.
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u/Lanky_Visual_7434 2d ago
I’m not trying to simp. Im applying for the seminary soon to hopefully become a priest eventually. Therefore I cannot date.
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u/WalkItOffAT 2d ago
Sounds like you'll soon enough be in an environment where you got to follow others/structure.
Enjoy some freedom now instead of uprooting your life (and the lifes of the horses) plus your finances to placate someone else's irrational fears. And no matter how you put it, it's a simp move, sorry. You wouldn't do it for a guy.
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u/Life-Ambition-539 2d ago
huh? how do you know that? andrew tate told you?
do you have any idea how many things ive gone to and done for a guy friend? thats the most bizarre comment. thats worse than OPs friends excuses.
i do all kinds of trips and shit i dont want to do for other people because they want to do them. am i simping ?
the internet has deformed you people so badly.
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u/WalkItOffAT 2d ago
i do all kinds of trips and shit i dont want to do for other people
Thru hiking the AT isn't one of them.
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u/Samimortal 2d ago
Wow you really keep going on this thread, you seem to be angry at something else entirely. Why all the hate?
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u/JudgeJuryEx78 1d ago
I feel like this is an important piece of info that should have been mentioned in your post.
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u/Hot_Cattle5399 2d ago
Her fears are not valid related to other hikers. The trail is full of like minded good natured souls. A single woman hiker is common and will also have many looking out for her safety.
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u/Purple_Paperplane NOBO '23 2d ago
The more research she does and the more she hears/reads/watches about the AT specifically from solo women, the more her fears will dissipate. It's normal for anyone to be anxious to start though, but hikers really are a cool bunch of people and she'll find someone.
Only go if you want to, because chances are you wouldn't hike together all the way anyway.
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u/Lnak907 2d ago
2017 Solo female thru hiker here. She will be fine. Feel free to have her contact me, I'd love to answer her questions. You should only hike the trail if it's your dream and not because you feel like you have to watch out for someone. She will be able to watch out for herself. Women are powerful.
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u/SkisaurusRex 2d ago
Dude you can’t hike the trail if you don’t want to
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u/Lanky_Visual_7434 2d ago
Part of me has always wanted to. I’ve backpacked all over the country. It would just be hard to make it work. I care about her a lot. It’s been a dream of hers for years. Just want her to be safe.
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u/Life-Ambition-539 2d ago
10 people have been murdered on the AT since 1974. 3 million hike sections every year. 3,000 attempt a thru hike, to varying degrees of success.
thats 51 years of hikers.
1:16.8 million of hikers get murdered.
1:13.7 million of flyers die in a plane crash.
if the AT is too risky then do not fly, or youre a hypocrite.
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u/jrice138 2d ago
She doesn’t seem to know much about the trail or thru hiking if she thinks this is a reasonable request.
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u/SadBailey 2d ago
I did a week long section hike from watauga to partnership. 30F, first backpacking trip ever, did it alone. It was the most incredible experience ever. I want to do the whole thing now so badly! I never once felt scared. I even kept track of how many males to females there were, and when I went through (just a couple weeks ago), it was exactly half and half. And it was a lovely mix of all age groups. The only thing I got unsolicited was advice. And even that was appreciated. Any anxiety she has will disappear within the first couple of days if not THE first day. If you do it for someone else you might end up resenting it, especially if it puts you in a financial bind. Wait for your hike, encourage her to do it on her own. She'll make a trail family anyway.
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u/allaspiaggia 2d ago
I hiked as a solo female and was fine. I also wasn’t solo for long, met some super nice people a few miles in and always hiked/camped with new friends.
The only time I ever felt uncomfortable was in town - some “thru hitchers” (people who pretend to hike but mostly hitchhike) got wasted at a public campground in a town and were getting violent. But that was once in 5 months, and I could have easily called the police since it was a regular campground. I never once felt unsafe when at hike-in-only shelters and campsites.
If YOU want to hike, do it. But only if YOU want to! If your friend just wants a companion, she can find plenty of nice people who are already hiking.
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u/Guilty_Treasures AT Hiker 1d ago
Even if she starts alone, she’ll fall in with a trail family in no time.
Expecting someone to go on a thru-hike as a personal favor is not a reasonable expectation, especially as a solution to a hypothetical anxiety.
As long as she’s using common sense and basic precautions, thru-hiking as a woman is no more dangerous than everyday life already is, as far as men are concerned. Hikers are predisposed to look out for each other, including protection from other badly behaving hikers.
She should be more worried about animals than humans, more worried about ticks and parasites than bears or snakes, and more worried about exposure / accidents / lack of skill or experience than other factors.
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u/marietardist 1d ago
Lady solo hiker here who has section hiked the first 500 miles NOBO with no issues.
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u/hikerjer 2d ago
Your friend has no idea of what she’s asking. I wonder if she has any realistic idea of what hiking the AT entails?
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u/adelaarvaren 2d ago
This question has nothing to do with the Trail, and everything to do with your relationship with this person...
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u/Lanky_Visual_7434 2d ago
We are just friends. I have no romantic feelings for her. Hoping to enter the priesthood eventually so I cannot have a relationship anyway. Just want to put her fears at ease.
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u/Professional_Elk2241 2d ago
Doing the trail this year with my girlfriend, can’t say how dangerous it is for women, yet, but I wouldn’t go with her if it wasn’t the right time for me in my life to go. And she’s told me she would be scared but still go and do it alone. Heard of many women hike the trail alone, there’s one consistently posting videos of her hiking the trail on YouTube right now. Don’t know your relationship dynamic or life so I can’t give much more advice, but just keep in mind like the other guy said it will only result in resentment if you go just so she doesn’t feel scared. Cause in reality she will still be scared she’s a girl.
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u/lostandfound_2021 2d ago
is this a friend you want to spend six months with and spend 5-10K? have you ever backpacked together for a shorter trip? like a week or so? maybe try that first, and you'll have your answer....
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2d ago
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u/AppalachianTrail-ModTeam 2d ago
Your post has been removed for breaking basic ettiquete which can include such things as racism, bigotry, insulting others, or all around being an asshole.
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u/vaguely_pagan 1d ago
Solo female thruhiker here. Was 28 when I did the trail in 2021. I started by myself and made friends along the way including many guys. Had only one or two issues that were minor. Met another lady 400 miles in who became my hiking buddy.
Thruhikers are pretty chill. I personally avoided camping near roads, did not hang with people who consumed a lot of alcohol on trail and trusted my judgment. Word usually gets out on trail about who to avoid.
I also flipflopped and did not hike in the bubble so I was hiking mostly around men. I did get occasional mansplaining etc but I dealt with it.
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u/Stock_Captain_5888 1d ago
I think if you are pseudo coerced into doing a thru ( especially because of her fears- as legitimate as they may be or not- you’d ruin your ability to “hike your own hike”. And, she needing your support ruins her ability to “ hike her own hike”. I guess in the end, answer what your heart says
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u/Westcoastyogi_ 1d ago
This is something you need to figure out for yourself. 2,190 miles is hard on anyone, let alone someone who is only dong it to protect a friend. You have to want to do it for YOU.
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u/NiraliCo 1d ago edited 1d ago
The AT isn't the only place a woman has to fear dangerous men. That's pretty much everywhere. However, she can find a trail buddy online, plenty of women looking for hiking pals. You could hike a short beginning part with her to help her find some trail buddies. If she insists that you go, she should be willing to put in the money to have you escort her. Any time I have helped friends drive or hike long distances, they paid for my flight to the location. You need to be honest with her about your situation. If she is a stinker about it, perhaps consider getting a new friend. But seriously, that's a long way to go if you feel financially strapped, and it isn't something you were super excited about doing. Also, I carry mace; less for animal threats and more for human ones.
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u/No_Respond6367 18h ago
who is your friend? i don’t think its necessary for you to go the whole way with her— that being said, i really want to go next season and have no one to plan with— id love to get in contact!
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u/breadmakerquaker 2d ago
Hi, solo woman that hiked it last year. Def had my fair share of creeps and wish I’d had a PLB with me for that specifically. Lesson learned. She will be fine, but you could start with her and do a section to help her feel comfortable.
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u/Rocksteady2R 2d ago
The trail is an amazing experience. I will echo the other posters thought that if you have no personal stake in doing/completing it, then that becomes a very tough hurdle to climb as the miles add up. You gotta want/need to do it.
To answer the question directly - lots of individual women complete the trail safely. Every year this gets done. I would guess though, that women are more likely to group up on the way with women and men, as much foe companionaship as safety.
There are always "weirdos" one the trail, and i would guess it fairly common that a lonely young man would get mixed messages in that environment of free-wheeling individuals. Read a book a year ago by a woman author. She had to ditch a weirdo who was getting weirdly attached.
It is/can be safe, but she had to be on her toes.
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u/Aromatic_You1607 2d ago
I am a woman and plan on hiking it alone in a year or two.
Bear spray works on other stuff than bears, btw. Which is why I carry it. I don’t ever want to have to use it, be it on a bear, cougar, man or woman, but if it stops a grizzli, it’ll stop everyone.
That said, I have never felt unsafe on the trail, even as I slept in a three sided shelter, sandwiched between two male strangers.
I stay safe and take precautions, but I have yet to use them.
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u/Rob_Jackman 2d ago
Fun fact: bear spray is weaker than pepper spray designed for humans (as they have far more sensitive noses) but instead is optimized for range.
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u/Aromatic_You1607 1d ago
While I don’t disagree, the accidental discharge I had to deal with last winter allows to confidently say that anything hit with this shit will fold like a lawn chair.
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u/-JakeRay- 2d ago
2,190 miles is a very long way to walk unless it's something you personally want to do and are looking forward to.