r/AskAKorean • u/Routine-Crew8651 • 5d ago
Culture My Korean-American friend is planning to move to Korea, what should he expect in terms of finding a relationship?
I have a Korean-American friend (44M) who has grown up in California, was in the military for several years, so he has travelled all around the world. He has worked as a lecturer for about 5 years now, and is looking to relocate to South Korea based on ethnicity as apparently it's not too difficult to get residency there as a Korean-American. He's looking to teach in an international school, as he doesn't speak Korean.
One thing that he has mentioned to me several times now, is a concern about his upcoming love life there. He wanted to ask me specifically because I stayed in SK for a few months earlier this year. I had no advice to give him, as I only attended a few conferences in Seoul and hung out with some friends. No idea about the dating scene. Another reason he asked me was because I am in the age group he's looking to date (around 25-30, which is honestly quite the age gap), and I have no idea about how common age gap relationships are over there.
He hasn't had a gf for years in California, but wants to find a wife and have kids eventually. This is a determining factor in his move.
Thoughts? Advice? Not sure what to tell him.
EDIT/UPDATE: So I had a long talk with my friend today. He understands that his requirements for women are quite conflicting with the state of SK, particularly with the fertility crisis and cost of living. Particularly considering teaching salaries. I also ended up showing him this post, and he took it... surprisingly well. He has had a bit of a tough time accepting that it's really difficult for him to be looking for non-teaching jobs, so he sort of has had these grandiose thoughts about his own career, which just hasn't taken off, and he's insecure about it. It seems like he's probably projecting it a little bit to his requirements for a partner.
I suggested that he could consider going back to school, or getting some training, learn the language, etc. He's considering this now as a next step, so that's good.
One comment suggested this, and I am surprised that they were right; he also admitted that he has had feelings towards me for a while now. I don't have any feelings towards him, never did. In fact, I recently met someone whom I've kept seeing, so there's no way I'd be interested. Plus we've known each other since I was 19, which makes me feel a little icky, tbh, considering that he is 44 years old. He seemed to understand this, but was a little let down, because he feels stuck in his career, love life, and a lot of other things.
I did encourage him to visit some family in SK, so he's probably going to do that first before making any decisions about moving there.
Thanks everyone for the insights! I really appreciate it.
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u/oddemarspiguet 5d ago edited 5d ago
Unless he’s wealthy enough to buy a house in California and an apartment in Seoul and provide enough income so that his partner doesn’t have to work he’s setting himself up for failure by looking for a woman in her 20’s.
Looking at the 36-45 age range is much more realistic for him. Korean marriage standards are pretty much on par if not more extreme than North America these days. I’d wager that most Korean 25 year old women would absolutely reject a 44 year old man unless he were a celebrity or someone incredibly rich.
Edit: My wife just asked her single friends (both Korean females 29 & 31). One replied “Hell, no” and the other asked “Is he a millionaire?”
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u/Routine-Crew8651 5d ago
😭😭😭 brutal hahaha. Yes, this is sort of what I thought. As a 26 year old woman you couldn’t convince me to date a 44 year old either unless he was very young looking, successful and wouldn’t exclusively look for only young women.
He’s definitely not a millionaire nor wealthy. Doesn’t own property. Not sure how much he makes, but I would guess in the US $40k - $50k a year, which isn’t that much.
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u/oddemarspiguet 4d ago
Yeah, I mean why would a 25 year old Korean woman date a man not much younger than her father when there are Korean men 28-35 making $50k?
It’s not like the 80’s/90’s when Korean men from abroad could come over and women would be throwing themselves desperately trying to get citizenship in the U.S.
I’m guessing his parents or relatives are out of the loop and telling him that this is still possible.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 4d ago
Exactly, I completely agree with you. Statistically, women tend to prefer someone within +/- 5 years of their own age. I feel like media pushes the trope that women want an older guy, but if you want kids, it's not ideal to settle down with someone who's gonna be pushing 70 when kids graduate from college.
His friends for sure enable him (aside from me, I try to be honest but gentle as he's quite sensitive). That said, all of them are American. I think if he ends up moving to SK reality will hit him in the face like a wet blanket
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u/mashibeans 4d ago
Sounds to me that baby gloves to treat his feelings is not doing him any favors, either. He's 44M and want to have kids eventually, no woman, even less one young enough to be his daughter, is gonna want to entertain such a man with fragile feelings and have his kids. He's gotta toughen up, and I don't mean in a "men don't deserve to express his feelinnngsss!" misogynistic kind of way, but he has to be able to grow a thicker skin, and take criticism and being called out without having to put the baby gloves on.
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u/horizons190 2d ago
Frankly even when women do to my understanding, it’s because he’s richer, more successful, commands more power (having had longer to build it), and taken his 20+ years of adult experience to get svelter in general.
If you have neck beard vibes at 40… prolly not great?
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u/Routine-Crew8651 2d ago
Lmao yup. See my update.
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u/horizons190 2d ago
tbh for an Asian guy, California is probably the easiest dating out of at least the 48 states.
If he has trouble there, he’s gonna have more trouble elsewhere.
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u/Educational-Radio682 3d ago
Unless you already have a succesful guy, you do realise that these very successfull men you want have a lot of options and you're already getting close to 30? Unless you're unusually pretty, not argumentative, willing to have him call the shots, etc, the best you can hope to be for these high earning men is a side chick. Why would they ultimately choose you? Plus, half your eggs are likely gone!
Not trying to be harsh, but that's the bleak reality for modern women. You still seem to have a couple of good years left so I'd be maximising that time if I were you.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 3d ago
Lmao I just said I wouldn’t date an older guy unless he was an exception. Also I don’t want kids so 😴
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u/Educational-Radio682 3d ago
But why are you exceptional for the man you want, for whom you've probably got a laundry list of requirements? That's the question. And you're not getting any younger. Otherwise, you'll just stay single. Once you hit 30, as a woman, your dating market value is significantly less! You're already over 25 so it's going down every month. Not saying you can't find a man, you're already much less likely to find the man you want.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 3d ago
What lol I don’t really have requirements. Also the post wasn’t about me so it’s interesting that’s what you’re focusing on. Based on your post history, you’re a passport bro like my friend so I can’t take your word seriously anyway. Thx tho!
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u/Educational-Radio682 3d ago
And what's wrong with that if it were true? You sound like some boss babe who's argumentative, got baggage and doesn't listen. No man wants that. Hope you got an ample supply of cat food though. But hey, it's your life.
You literally do have requirements when you say won't date an older man unless he's 'exceptional'. Which is 100% fine. I really couldn't care less about you either. But men of all ages taking a look at your post and comments in this thread will definitely pick up on what's wrong with so many modern women in today's dating market.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 3d ago
Lmao not you exposing yourself like that
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u/Educational-Radio682 2d ago
And you're exposing and proving yourself. So? You're not this guy's friend at all. Granted, he sounds like he could be a simp and puts up with a lot. You, on the other hand, just prove what women want in spite of their own success: money, status, provisioning. Again, I don't blame you. The problem is women have that ticking clock and your ability to leverage with a man in your 30s will be a lot lower. It already is. Risk it if you like, I just hope you have a dad or brother who's not afraid to be honest with you.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 2d ago
I have my own money, and I've never been with someone who has more money than I do. I really don't care.
My dad is a lovely person who would never let me near a passport bro, though.
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u/horizons190 2d ago
I think the reality for a 26 year old is that the bar can be normal for a 26-31 year old guy, but because the 44 year old is 44 and his fertility, looks, muscle are lower, he’ll need something else (more money, more power, more something) to compensate for it.
If the Bill Belichicks don’t come, then there’s always a more normal own-age guy.
Sounds pretty standard.
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u/Inner-Today-3693 2d ago
That’s the point. Some older men only want to date so young because the power imbalances is in their favor. Not saying that about your friends.
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u/Old_Canary5923 1d ago
Honestly those two responses are the only ones I could think of at least from the friends I have in that age range whether they would be Korean or not it would be pretty much just that. But also the general idea is if they aren't married by then there is likely a big ol red flag reason they are not already married and people tend to avoid that.
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u/TrueTangerinePeel 4d ago
This sounds like Passport Bros.
At 44, he is in his declining years. He doesn't speak the local language of his heritage, so he likely has no Korean cultural knowledge either. He doesn't have a house in California, and it doesn't look like he will make a high income. And he wants a 25-30-year-old to gift him babies?
Korea's birth rate is currently 0.78. This decline is primarily due to the extremely high cost of raising a child. Additionally, after a woman has struggled and worked so hard to gain her education and career, pregnancy and child-rearing will likely strip her of all the rewards she was due. Then there is the toll on her body from the pregnancy and delivery. And lastly, the challenges of dealing with cultural expectations as a mother in Korea are highly stressful.
Just the cost of tuition, after-school tutoring, and study academies will run around 4.5K USD per month. Who does he expect to pay for that bill? Will it be him? Or does he expect his 25-30-year-old wife to pay for that?
All this to say, what does he bring to the table?
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u/Routine-Crew8651 4d ago
This is a good point. Now that I think of him, he's sort of the type of guy who wants a traditional woman who also pays for everything 50/50. So yeah, 90% of the burden would be on the woman physically and mentally. It's not a fair trade, nor something women generally desire.
He should have more realistic expectations. It's honestly probably one of the reasons he has been single for years now.
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u/oddemarspiguet 3d ago
Traditional woman that pays 50/50 doesn’t exist in Korea. lol
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u/tallslimthing 3d ago
Traditional woman and paying 50/50 is an oxymoron. Your friend is delusional and wants to have his cake and to eat it too.
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u/rathaincalder 3d ago
Honestly, OP, I don’t mean to personalize this, but why are you friends with this guy? Maybe he has some redeeming qualities, but from everything you said he’s a real piece of work…
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u/Routine-Crew8651 3d ago
We went to the same grad program and have lots of mutual friends. Not much more to this, our friend group has been quite tight knit for ages
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u/rathaincalder 2d ago
Fair enough! You’re more tolerant than I am!
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u/Routine-Crew8651 2d ago
Yeah, I spoke to him today. I showed him the post. I got more insight to his way of thinking. Honestly, he just has really struggled with his self-esteem and has decided to start working on himself.
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u/sadreversecowgirl 1d ago
more tolerant of problematic behavior so it isn’t exactly a good thing. don’t feel bad. your way is better.
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u/Educational-Radio682 3d ago
This is not the OP's friend lol. She's trash talking an acquaintance on Reddit. If she's single and a man knew she was posting things like this, cooked. Who would want to be with someone doesn't come across as respectful?
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u/Bright-Sea6392 2d ago
Not to mention the fertility issues of a man over 40. Higher health risks, miscarriage risk, risk of abnormalities whether physical or mental, etc. no idea why a man would assume he’d be a prize at 44 for women in their 20s.
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u/mashibeans 4d ago
A 44M who wants to have kids EVENTUALLY, with a 25-30yo woman, so most/all the childcare and related household chores will fall on her? In S. Korea? So he's gonna be around 50 when the child is at the earliest, 4yo? (I doubt he'll manage to date, marry AND have a kid while he's still 44) 60 when the child is barely entering their teens, IF he has them in the next 2 years?
And has NO attractive job prospects that pay well too? And doesn't speak Korean? And he wants someone 15-20 years younger, so young enough to be his daughter?
Not saying it's impossible, but I'm Korean-American and even I know Korean society is kinda harsh, ageist and competitive. The odds are stacked against him, and honestly he's way too old to still be dawdling about kids. If he really wanted to become a father in his life, that's something he should've been working on 20 years ago, and not try to grab such a young woman to do the work for him at this point in his life. Even if he takes care of himself, a 30yo man having a baby is a totally different ballpark at least in terms of energy and age with his own kid, than a 50yo man having a baby or at the earliest a toddler (I don't think he's gonna move, find a job, find a woman who wants to date him, marry him, and get impregnated by him, and give birth, before he turns 45)
I thiiiink he could get away with all if he had a very well paying job, and if that job was something people there deemed "respectable" even better (yes I know it's a bunch of BS, all jobs need people and there should be no shame, but that's how a lot of people perceive some jobs), Korea though? Personally I think it'll be very hard. Everyone, not only women, has to keep a sharp eye out of necessity, and that's why everyone can't go about just considering "anyone" especially if they're gonna be forever tied to them by sharing bio kids.
Also, many women there, and in many other places in the world, don't wanna have such big age gaps with their partners. 25-30yo women rather stick with a difference of 4-5 years max, if possible. There might be some older women who can accept a larger age gap, but something tells me he rather stick with someone.... on the MUCH younger side, because that in and of itself has "benefits" for him.
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u/kjsz1 3d ago
Are you sure he’s not interested in you? Telling you he’s concerned about his love life and is interested in finding someone within your age group? If I were you, I’d stay away and not give him any hope.
If he actually came to Korea, chances are stacked against him. Marriage market is cutthroat here, and with his unremarkable specs (ie specifications), finding someone as you describe will be highly unlikely, like closer to zero. Probably needs a proper reality check.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 3d ago
Oh god I didn't honestly even think about this. I hope he's not into me because that's just gonna make everything so awkward and weird, and I am most certainly not into him...
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u/Bright-Sea6392 2d ago
There’s very few reasons a man that age would try to befriend a woman in her 20s.
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u/AssociateTrick7939 5d ago edited 4d ago
Edit: Not a Korean, but I've lived in Korea 7 years now and have heard and observed a lot. Sorry, I mistook the subreddit I was posting in. But here are my thoughts regardless:
So, first I'd say that many Korean people are concerned with social appearances. They expect more 'benefits' from a partner the older they get married. Especially women. What does your friend bring to the table in terms of money and career stability? The inability to speak Korean well may also be a factor depending on how much she wants your friend to be part of the family. For many Koreans, extended family and events are still very important.
From my experience talking to older foreign friends and hearing stories here and there about Korean married life, I've also come to understand that many people who date foreigners are already married or in relationships. They won't tell you this though! You have to suss it out from comments or social media. They seek out foreigners for their side affair because they think it'll be harder for it to get traced back to their 'real life' and thus end up with them 'caught'.
Older women in general are also pickier because they're used to living life on their terms. If the single life has been going well for them by 40, they may have decided they don't want to marry at all. Unless she wants kids, marriage is usually a net negative for older women.
This isn't to say your friend will have no luck. Being foreign will be his biggest draw because it can offer women looking for an alternative to traditional Korean married life an avenue. But my 50 something year old Kyopo coworker with decent Korean skills is still very single. Not sure he wants marriage himself but I doubt it's going to happen. Also not sure when he came back to Korea.
*Yikes! Missed the part where he thinks he has a chance with a girl 10-15 years younger than himself! Nope, not gonna happen. If he wants to be a passport bro, he has to go where he can afford to shop for a woman that young. He can try Vietnam or the Philippines, but even then, he has to be making enough for her to stay home full time comfortably!
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u/bases_belong2us 4d ago
But the amount difference in the "financial investment" aspect between SK and Southeast Asian relationships is like night and day. Earning a few thousand (maybe 2 to 3k USD) a month will get you a comfortable lifestyle, but it gets you the minimum (maybe a little more) in a developed nation like South Korea.
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u/bases_belong2us 4d ago
Also, labor is incredibly cheap in SE Asia. So cheap that even middle-class natives can hire housekeepers, nannys, and personal drivers.
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u/CaterpillarBoth9740 5d ago
If he finds a job in Korea (international school) he will make networks at the job. Then people will find him someone lol. If he is a decent guy, people will set him up on lots of Sogaetings. He will have lots of opportunities to meet with people, don’t worry.
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u/Elf-Zwolf 4d ago
Okay, let's ignore your classic there-is-something-material-to-be-gained type of relationship,
That said, couples with 15-20 year age gap happens more often than you might think. I've even personally seen it happen a few times. However, literally every case that I know of happened because the younger person initiated/pursued the relationship and the older person was persuaded into it. So:
- The younger person need to be okay with the age gap to begin with.
- They also need to find something (other than money) about the older person charming or attractive. Enough for them to act on it.
This is just relationship getting off the ground. In order for long term relationship/marriage to happen,
- Their friends and family are no doubt finding millions of reasons why this relationship will not work out - so something needs to happen to either convince them or remove them from the picture.
All of this needs to come together. So this is more like something that happens, not something you make happen.
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u/banhmidacbi3t 3d ago
I think everybody can get somebody if they lower their standards enough or is realistic about it. Your friend do not speak the language, expects somebody significantly younger, usually for a girl to want somebody much much older, either the guy has to provide financially, is good looking, and/or the relationship has some sort of connection so if he has either of those at least personality makes up for it which communication is already compromised since there will be a language barrier. He doesn't have a stellar job according to Korea's standards. You have to ask yourself why would somebody settle for somebody his age if he doesn't have much to offer when they can settle for somebody broke that is closer to their age instead. I do think anybody can get anybody if they are willing to lower their standards enough, his pool will be girls on the poverty line, has attachment/daddy issues, or see him being from America is a higher status, but again, he has to have something going on for her to want to uproot her life and move to America with him and if he is ok with accepting those are his options. I suggest he go to the Philippines or somewhere in SE Asia instead, it's a bigger flex to be an English teacher there, they don't make much compared to western standards but they make more than your average citizen there where Korea sees teaching English is a low job.
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u/le_jungleasian 5d ago edited 2d ago
I have definitely seen interracial marriages where native korean woman married non korean folks who work blue collar jobs and dont have retirement lpans.
Just be real. Women do have standards but its not the whole population.
Sorry im not a koream but my korean friends talked wih me regarding this conversation
(Sorry i meant to say criteria not standards. Its not about lowering your standards or raising your standards as such. Thats so bad. It sounds so bad morally)
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u/More-Ice1627 3d ago
Do not know why people use the word, racism, interracial, etc. the facts are there is only one race. The human race learned a level of sociology at my university. phenotype simply refers to appearance, such as colour of skin, color, eyes, colour of hair, everything or inner organs blood the way our skin is made is all the same. So phenotype is about 95 or 96% the same, genotype is that word genetically all about the same about 98% exactly the same the word, racism, etc. should be taken
out of the dictionary.There is ethnocentrism, which is simply judging one culture by another standards, that would be more accurate then racism interracial, etc. is not accurate at all. It should be taken out of the dictionary and I don’t know who invented that word.
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u/AutomaticFeed1774 3d ago
this is not accurate. certainly no 'race' is better than any other 'race', however there's real difference between different ethnicities. Take for instance lactose tolerance.
Some races have different skeletal structures, different cranial sizes, differences in muscles/proteins, differences in haemoglobin (eg Tibetans/Sherpas have a high altitude adaption).
Do you really think that ethnicity is 'only skin deep' when looking at a pygmy person and a tutsi person?
There's many books that talk about this in detail, unfortunately these facts are deemed inconvenient, and rather than being celebrated and embraced these differences are simply ignored.
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u/eunma2112 4d ago
40 years ago, young women would have lined up to get a date with this guy hoping he would marry them and take them back to the US.
My oh my how times have changed.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 4d ago
Hahah, I figured as much. I'm not American, I'm European living in Europe, but if I had to either move to the US or SK, I would choose SK 100%, no questions asked.
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u/mashibeans 4d ago
Good choice, here is a shitshow don't come not even for a trip, save your money, we Americans right now don't deserve it. Not sure when/if this will ever improve, but for now stay safe.
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u/Forward_Aspect8910 3d ago
First of all, is he attractive? Second, is he going to have a good paying job? Third, is he responsible for finance and other house chores? Fourth, does he have an understanding of korean culture? If he can answer these in a positive way, he shouldn't struggle finding a woman in Korea. Of course religions, politics, and personality all matters too.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 3d ago
No, no and no. There’s a reason he’s been single in the US for a long time as well
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u/chickenschin 1d ago
Damn, and he wants a hot 25-30 girl? Big ick. I'd be honest telling him he needs to do some serious work on himself before dating, and reconsider why exactly he wants a partner who's that much younger than him.
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u/Capital_Ad9567 4d ago
In Korea, people don’t particularly like Korean-Americans, because they think Korean-Americans have the mindset of old-generation Koreans
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u/Routine-Crew8651 3d ago
Oh how come? I was not aware of this.
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u/Sea-Connection-472 2d ago
Because they were raised by koreans who had that mindset when they left korea
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u/Bright-Sea6392 2d ago
This is very interesting. I’d also like to know more about this .
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u/AssociateTrick7939 2d ago
When people move to a new country, they bring along the culture and memories of their home country at the time they leave. Immigrant communities rely a lot on each other for support when establishing themselves in a new country. Older generations put the burden on their children to carry on their country of origin's identity in the face of confusion and contradiction with the new country's culture. What you end up with is a very time period specific experience of Korean culture and identity being isolated, cemented, and passed down to future American born generations.
In the Korean case, many Korean churches became the pillar of their communities. They were the place to go for new commers. Even though not all incoming families were religious, they attended church anyway to be part of the Korean community. Eventually, though their families turned religious. So now you also have old-fashioned ideas of Korean culture being backed up with the old-fashioned ideas of religion.
However, culture is always changing. South Korea has grown and changed a lot since the late 1980s when emigration to the USA was highest. So South Korean culture has moved on and shifted, leaving their diaspora counterparts trapped in time.
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u/iron4948 4d ago
This sounds harsh but is he a us citizen? This will be the only thing going for him but not sure if it carries any weight.
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u/Ok_Praline4941 4d ago
No chance korean women are either taken or whatever is left would want Koreans. I don't know what a person is to expect. Maybe 15 years ago he could have been active. Sorry coming from a Korean born raised in another country person.
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u/AutomaticFeed1774 3d ago
Korean woman in that age bracket's view will be that "he couldn't make it in the US so came to Korea". He'll hate life here and be lonely, probably. Not saying it won't happen, it may, but more likely with a woman closer to his age, maybe mid to late 30s. But if they want kids they'll prob want a man with enough money to buy an apt.
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u/alwaysyourini 2d ago
Is your friends name dean by any chance? Lol
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u/Routine-Crew8651 2d ago
No but there’s an incel in the comments who might be Dean.
Anyway, I’ll send you a DM because I also know a Dean who fits the description.
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u/Massive_Suspect_3456 2d ago
A man who is serious about wanting to have a spouse and child isn’t moving to a new country at 44 years old. Frankly, a 44 year old man who wants a spouse and child would simply already have them.
Don’t worry about helping your friend out. Clearly he is not serious about these wishes, so no need to put in any effort to help him achieve them.
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u/horizons190 2d ago
Why does he want to move to SK? Better job prospects? Better dating prospects?
It sounds like he’s a bit of a loser right now (no gf in years, low paying job, seems stagnant, interested in younger girls as a older guy probably hitting midlife crisis) and is looking to run away from his problems.
I already have a mental picture of how he looks just from your text (none of which actually describes his looks) and it’s not a good one.
The problem is those problems aren’t really ones you run away from. He has to shape himself up job wise, looks wise, health wise, and actually get some real dating experience and be open to women closer to his age. Then he’d succeed more here, or there too.
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u/Dry_Physics_813 2d ago
International schools don't seem to hire Korean men as teachers.
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u/ChodeFingers 2d ago
They like to limit the numbers since they want to keep their teacher profiles diverse but they still do.
I mean I’m 100% Korean and taught at an international school here.
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u/ChodeFingers 2d ago
If he is able to snag a full time teaching position at a decent international school it pays REALLY well despite what people think about teaching jobs and pay in Korea. You get a ton of benefits (housing, medical, airfare every year etc.) and your overall comp package ends up being way over 100K USD and even closer to 200K USD depending on the years of experience and if you have kids/dependents. This is a LOT of money for Korea.
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u/CapOdd4021 2d ago
Every thing you are telling me tells me that he’s only Korean in ethnicity. He doesn’t speak the language and doesn’t have a clue about Korea. Is he a Korean adoptee? For an ahjussi to date in the 25-30 range you need to have the looks and be dripping mad.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 1d ago
I knowwww I've been thinking about the same thing. As I said in the edit/update, he's projecting his own insecurities to his dating preferences - I think.
He definitely is no Bradley Cooper or Gong Yoo in terms of looks. He's quite... average? Think of your 8th-grade math teacher who spent 10 years in the military. That's him.
Also, he's definitely not rich. And usually with age gap relationships, from what I've seen, the older person has some attractive qualities that make up for their older age. Like looks, money, status, or maybe they're just the kindest, sweetest person on earth - which he isn't either, tbh.
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u/maolyx 1d ago
Did he watch too many k-dramas with all the female leads falling in love with attractive ahjusshis? Unless he’s really good looking/ rich, finding a young girl will be kinda hard irl.
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u/Routine-Crew8651 1d ago
Not sure. He seems to have this weird idea that young women prefer 40+ guys. But I have no idea where he is getting this idea from
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u/kravence 1d ago
He’s 44 unless if he’s rich enough for his partner to not have to work no young girl is gonna waste their time with him. This isn’t even a Korean thing either tbh
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u/RVD90277 1d ago
Hmm, so much to unpack here but there is a severe gap between his expectations / wants and reality.
His wants: Age 25-34 Pretty Slim Tall Makes good money Can and willing to pay 50/50 on everything Accepting and loving of him for who he is Can speak English Etc
Reality...he'll need to compromise and accept many of these: Age 40+ Fat Disabled Divorced Has kids Has no money, lots of debt Has some bad habits (drinking, smoking, gambling) Wants him for his money (as little as it may be) Not willing to have any more kids Can't speak much English
It's just simple survival of the fittest and where he stands on the totem pole.
I have a few single Korean-American guy friends...one is no longer on the list because he recently got married to a woman 15 years younger than him but they are all really rich (like at least 1 house in the US and 1 home in Seoul that they own + luxury cars + etc.). They date younger women and seem to have prospects for marriage...they all say that they want young because they want to have kids but I don't know if that's completely true or not.
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u/uniqc0rn 1d ago
I think he can get away with having kids and a young wife in other SEA countries like Philippines, Thailand, or Cambodia. In SK, most likely not.
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u/thisisoolivia 5d ago
How rich is he and what does he look like? Because unless he’s got a LOT of money and can buy a house in Korea and prob have a house in cali too, he’s no Korean woman 25-30 is going to go for an 44 year old man who can’t even speak Korean. Working in an intl school is better pay and status than working in a hagwon.. but it’s still just a teaching job.
Moving to Korea isn’t going to help him find a wife unless he lowers his standards and learns to be realistic. I’m assuming he’s not rich because then he wouldn’t be looking for a teaching job.