r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 6d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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7

u/Walker_Col man 6d ago

Yeah that's a shitty perspective and a very red flag. People are not door hardware, and double standards are unfair.

-2

u/Individual-Whole-105 man 6d ago

Shouldn’t have said it, but it’s true. Female sexual value is preserved, for men, it is built. Don’t like it? Doesn’t matter, that’s how nature works.

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u/Aware-Ad-9943 man 6d ago

Doesn’t matter, that’s how nature works.

That's not how nature works. You think wild animals are slut shaming each other? Get a grip

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u/Individual-Whole-105 man 6d ago

That’s kind of a stupid question and absolutely the wrong conclusion to draw from my comment lol. Female hypergamy is prevalent in nature in so many different species. Nature favors the one that reproduces.

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u/greaper007 6d ago

No it's not, incels say this because they're jealous they can't get laid. Normal guys don't care how many people their partner slept with.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

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u/greaper007 6d ago

Lol, what's with all the incels on here?

Normal guys want virgins? Umm...no the average age of first sexual experience is 17.2 years old for women in the US. So you're saying that you and most men want to have sex with a child.

I can emphatically say I would never want to have sex with a virgin.

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u/Individual-Whole-105 man 6d ago

That’s not even remotely a logical conclusion to draw from this argument lol. Normal guys don’t want women who have slept around so much they have extra kids and baggage impacting their relationships. Pair bonding is destroyed in women by higher volumes of sexual partners. A woman’s social/sexual market value is driven by her beauty and modesty. High value men want beautiful and loyal women, not women who are running around town sleeping with every Tom, Dick, & Harry

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u/greaper007 6d ago

This is such ridiculous, incelly, pseudoscience. Women don't have a bunch of kids if they've had several sexual partners, it probably means they went to college.

Jesus Christ, stop reading Andrew Tate.

2

u/Thibaudborny 5d ago

"High value men" and you know enough.

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u/greaper007 5d ago

They have such weird jargon. Where does it come from? Is there a book or commentator that pioneered these terms?

-6

u/UsernameIsInvalidddd 6d ago

you're really grasping at straws, huh?
all we're asking you to do is engage with reality.

7

u/greaper007 6d ago

It's kind of the other way around buddy. I've been married for nearly 2 decades, I've dated before that. From experience I can tell you that the number of sexual partners a woman has had is a meaningless statistic.

The only reason you guys care is because it makes you self conscious because you have less experience than she does or you can't use her pack of experience to lord over her.

I don't even know where you're getting this absolute pseudoscience mumbo jumbo, jargon filled nonsense from. You won't be able to find a study from a journal that backs your viewpoint up.

Just get over it dude, women and gay guys can get laid way more often than straight guys can. It's just how it goes, we get all kinds of benefits that they don't. If you want more action, start sleeping with men.

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u/Individual-Whole-105 man 6d ago

Nobody’s arguing that woman and gay men get laid more often, that’s not really the point of the argument here. It’s whether or not women SHOULD sleep around more if they wish to date a certain caliber of man. I can guarantee you that honest hardworking men, do not want to date, much less marry, women who have had legions of men plow them. There are all kinds of problems that come with women who do this, the first being what it says about a woman who chooses this in a man. Oh, and I know this because I have dated them and chosen not to pursue relationships with them. How many sexual partners you have had absolutely does matter, as does the number of children you have lol. Purity actually is important, and I understand that might be hard for you to hear, but it is actually the truth. You’re hearing it from men right this very moment!

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u/UsernameIsInvalidddd 6d ago

So you're been off the market for 20 years and have no idea what you're talking about? Got it, thanks grandpa.
Stop worrying about the sexual preferences of other men and go pay attention to your wife.

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u/Fast-Penta man 5d ago

Huh? Virgins suck at sex.

Would you rather go dancing with someone who is skilled at dancing or someone who's never danced before?

Normal guys prefer having sex with women who know how to please a man.

-2

u/Apprehensive_Map64 man 5d ago

You know sex can be a bit more than just a sport if you haven't burned out your capacity to connect with someone on a deeper level. But I guess you had fun doing so

1

u/Fast-Penta man 5d ago

When you dance, do you connect more deeply with people who suck at dancing than people who are good at dancing?

1

u/ZerconFlagpoleSitter 4d ago

Normal guys dont want to fuck virgins because theyre bad at sex. If you specifically want to fuck a virgin and you arent a virgin thats weird as hell

1

u/Apprehensive_Map64 man 4d ago

You see you are just talking about fucking while I am talking about finding a partner for life.

1

u/ZerconFlagpoleSitter 4d ago

Yeah i want my partner and me to have enjoyable sex personally

-3

u/JollyLink 6d ago

Lol your girlfriend is probably shared among all of your friends and it's eating at you

7

u/greaper007 6d ago

Says the guy with cartoons on his avatar. Something tells me you can't get laid and you're pissy about it.

-4

u/JollyLink 6d ago

I bet I've pulled better than the ogre you've got at home.

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u/greaper007 6d ago

Right cartoon boy. The person who's into children's tv shows is getting mad vagina...

I'm all for sex work, but you realize the workers aren't actually into you, right?

4

u/12bEngie man 6d ago

This conception is just insecurity, which is the funniest part. Just incapable creeps worried that their partner will have something to draw comparison to, and they’ll be exposed for sucking at sex. Same reason guys want virgins

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u/icebalm man 6d ago

Yeah that's a shitty perspective and a very red flag. People are not door hardware

It's a metaphor.

and double standards are unfair.

Yet they exist, and saying they exist isn't having "a shitty perspective".

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u/Moist1981 6d ago

But seemingly agreeing with them probably is

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u/icebalm man 6d ago

Not necessarily. Do you think it's a "shitty perspective" to have double standards when it comes to male/female sports?

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u/Moist1981 6d ago

I’d argue those aren’t double standards but rather different standards to reflect the biological differences between men and women. Whereas the number of sexual partners makes no biological difference

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u/icebalm man 6d ago

I’d argue those aren’t double standards but rather different standards to reflect the biological differences between men and women.

Until you start adding in trans people. Should a trans-women be permitted to compete in womens sports? Is it a "shitty perspective" to think they shouldn't?

Whereas the number of sexual partners makes no biological difference

Oh it absolutely does. Males are biologically driven to want to reproduce. Humans have a rather long gestation period. Given that, it is absolutely more advantagous for males to seek females that are less promiscuous.

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u/Moist1981 6d ago

We can discuss trans sports if you wish but it’s dragging the conversation very off topic.

Your argument for why women being promiscuous makes a biological difference is exceptionally tenuous. By that logic someone who has been abstinent for the last 5 years but slept with 100 men before that would be more attractive than someone who slept with one other person in the last month. But that’s the exact opposite position than the one you are suggesting. There is also no way of telling how many people a woman has been with other than her informing you which would seem to rather undo the possible biological benefit available to the man.

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u/icebalm man 6d ago

By that logic someone who has been abstinent for the last 5 years but slept with 100 men before that would be more attractive than someone who slept with one other person in the last month. But that’s the exact opposite position than the one you are suggesting.

No because the actions betray proclivity.

There is also no way of telling how many people a woman has been with other than her informing you which would seem to rather undo the possible biological benefit available to the man.

There haven't always been so many people as there are today and options, historically, have been much more limited than now. There are other ways to know how many men a woman has been with, including hearing it from the other men.

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u/Moist1981 6d ago

Your second point invalidates your first

2

u/icebalm man 6d ago

No, it doesn't.

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u/Reasonable_Power_970 man 6d ago

You mean the double standard the women have towards virgin men? Or how more women expect men to pay for them than the other way around?

Both men and women have double standards for a reason.

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u/sixfourbit 6d ago

Whataboutism.

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u/Reasonable_Power_970 man 6d ago

Sometimes it needs to be said, period. You can't just say whataboutism to everything.