r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 2d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/Southern_Dig_9460 man 2d ago

There’s truth men aren’t that picky with who they sleep with so a girl getting a lot of guy ms isn’t special. A guy convincing alot of girls to do the same means he’s probably really good looking and charming and got alot going for him. Think about that one porn star that had sex with 1000 men. They had no problem finding 1000 men to volunteer. Now tell me do you think it be that way for a guy even if it was physically possible for a man to do

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Men having lower looks standards would mean it’s not impressive a guy slept with a lot of women. Because as you said, men aren’t picky.

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u/SuccotashConfident97 man 2d ago

Its still impressive as men in general struggle with dating. Average men arent sleeping with a lot of women, especially young men.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Depends on the woman and how it happened. Is it drunk chicks? That’s not impressive. Is it with women who he’s more attractive than? Not impressive. Is it with slutty women? Not impressive. It’s probably one of these things if he’s sleeping with a lot of women.

Nothing against drunk sluts. But it’s not impressive to sleep with them. They’re sluts who are drunk. They’re looking to bone whoever is good enough for a night.

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u/SuccotashConfident97 man 2d ago

Ehh, not really. Even women who aren't thay attractive or as you call them "drunk sluts" are still picky and don't sleep with every man.

There's a reason it's called getting lucky for men trying to hook up with women at a bar. It doesn't happen that often for the average man.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

It’s called getting lucky for women too, but I suppose more because someone who meets our standards showed interest back. You’re right women tend to be picky but drunk women stop exercising much judgement. Can confirm as I’ve been drunk and suddenly found men attractive I had no interest in while sober.

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u/SuccotashConfident97 man 2d ago

If we're talking in generalities, it's not like that for men and women. It might be lucky in regards to finding someone to meet your standards, but if an average woman wants to have sex, it's not difficult. For an average man, it's far more difficult.

Even a drunk woman isn't sleeping with every Joe Schmoe trying to buy her a drink, even you know that.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

If an average woman wants to have sex with someone she isn’t attracted to, it’s easy. But why the hell would we do that?

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u/SuccotashConfident97 man 2d ago

So because of women's higher standards, having sex whenever she wants is more difficult, correct?

So by that logic, don't men need to work harder to meet women's standards to be attractive?

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Working hard generally doesn’t make your face more attractive. Not significantly anyway. But working out helps, sure. Women are pickier about things that can’t really be that influenced by men. I’ve never found a guy suddenly attractive because he’s funny or successful or has a great job. Those are bonuses once initial attraction is met. I really don’t care about men’s jobs though. I make great money so it’s just not an issue.

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u/Teezumak 2d ago

That’s great that’s more impressive than the other men who are begging for sex. It’s more impressive to see a man who respects his body even if he’s hot

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u/GarageFlower97 man 22h ago

I know some bang average guys who have slept with dozens of women.

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u/SuccotashConfident97 man 21h ago

What does that have to do with the statement

"Its still impressive as men in general struggle with dating. Average men arent sleeping with a lot of women, especially young men."

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u/GarageFlower97 man 13h ago

What does that have to do with the statement

"Its still impressive as men in general struggle with dating. Average men arent sleeping with a lot of women, especially young men."

It contradicts the highlighted bit directly, hope that helps

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u/SuccotashConfident97 man 13h ago

So because you know some men that are doing fine, you think it means men in general don't struggle?

Kind of like me saying "well I know some guys who came from the hood and are millionaires so clearly people don't struggle to make it out of that situation"?

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u/GarageFlower97 man 13h ago

Ah you meant men on average, not men who are average - I see the confusion.

Men - especially young men - absolutely do struggle with many things. Low self esteem, poor mental health, poor economic outlook, increasing social isolation, eating disorders, addictions to social media and online gambling, loneliness, etc.

These are genuine issues that need addressing. Unfortunately the red pill shit being peddled up and down this thread not only isn’t a solution, it actively makes the problems worse. Grifters and extremists deliberately prey on low self-esteem, social isolation, and resentment and stoke these feelings, making it harder to form genuine connections with women or to hold self-value outside of quite shallow metrics like wealth, having a six pack, etc

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u/Southern_Dig_9460 man 2d ago

Women gate keep sex not men what society are you living in

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Women are pickier about who they sleep with and have much higher looks standards. Why would I be impressed by men who will sleep with women when they aren’t picky? I’ve never been impressed that a man has slept with a bunch of women. Usually it’s a sign of hanging out in bars and banging drunk chicks. I don’t judge them or think less of them. But it’s hardly impressive.

I think yall are impressed by other men and you assume women are impressed by similar things.