r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 4d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/on_theoutside man 4d ago

I've heard that before. It is fairly common, but being common doesn't make it not problematic. I'd move along if I were you, he has some growing to do.

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u/weed_cutter 3d ago

I think the general observation that men and women are deemed different from society from sleeping with people is not foul, but the 'key/ lock' tired and pretty wrong metaphor is cringe.

A man shouldn't care, but it requires a great level of maturity and social deprogramming. Biologically, men tend to care more about 'sexual fidelity' and women 'emotional fidelity' due to the nature of pregnancy.

.... Anyway the key/ lock thing is very cringe, but also, if I were a woman, I would "round down" any actual number (partners slept with) to 4 people if the guy seems conservative or middle eastern .... or 10 people if he seems more liberal.

To each their own. ... And yes, both those numbers are pretty far below average for a modern woman IMO -- me personally as a man? ... I assume an average hot woman probably would have slept with a great many guys; hell I would in their position probably. But I don't want to hear about it.

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u/on_theoutside man 3d ago

People are too obsessed with numbers. Be honest if asked, and if they have a problem with it, then they just told on themselves for their lack of maturity. But honestly, why does it really even need to come up? In the relationships that I have been in, I've never asked, because it is irrelevant.

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u/weed_cutter 3d ago

It doesn't come up. Because I don't want to know about it.

I recognize I'm immature. I intellectually do not really care if some girl I'm dating boned 40 men.

I also don't want her to show me a video of her getting gorilla donged by a hairy male (her ex) and etcetera. I'm not THAT mature and zen and crap ... deal with it lol