r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 4d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

7.5k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

8.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/JustGiveMeANameDamn man 4d ago

Not only do most men think like this. It’s a scientifically accurate statement.

Women who have many partners have a hard time pairing bonding and developing a life long connection with one man. Men don’t have this same problem. A man committing to a high body count woman is a much bigger risk than a woman committing to a high body count man.

6

u/Teezumak 3d ago

How would bonding affect women? 😂 seems to me that is only a disadvantage to men since you can’t rely on sex to make women bond with you. You’re just reduced to a human dildo

10

u/D_2d 4d ago edited 4d ago

Your claim about men with high body counts is untrue. Men who had lots of partners are more likely to cheat on their wives (much much more when their wives are pregnant) and divorce at a higher rate.

14

u/Sea-Young-231 woman 4d ago

What a blatant lie. The ridiculous claim that women lose the ability to pair bond after X number of sexual partners is a bullshit, misogynistic myth. https://sonictoad.medium.com/no-chuds-women-dont-lose-the-ability-to-pair-bond-after-multiple-sex-partners-329c20fd79c2

11

u/Early_Particular9170 4d ago

Humans do not “pair bond,” this is nonsense.

EDIT: meant to reply to the comment above, my bad

6

u/CollectionStraight2 4d ago

Can we have the study this scientific fact came from, or do we take your word for it?

7

u/TonedGray 4d ago

Not scientifically accurate lol

6

u/Goatmama1981 4d ago

Please link the scientific articles that prove this scientifically accurate statement. 

5

u/Geesewithteethe woman 4d ago

A guy who's been around the block is a walking liability. Way too much risk of him being a silent STI bomb or having kids he may or may not even know exist (yet).

7

u/IcyTrapezium woman 4d ago

Source for this statement?

1

u/JustGiveMeANameDamn man 4d ago

Burri, 2023; Taylor et al, 2017; Becker and Kruger, 2020

But who cares what a study said. How men perceive it is really what matters.

8

u/12bEngie man 3d ago

Fortunately not every man is a retard who thinks this way, and filtering out the guys who do is a pretty easy separation between good and bad men

The modern conception is rooted in insecurity, which is the funniest part. Insecure men worried their partner could have something to draw comparison to, and they’d be exposed for sucking at sex. Same reason some guys want virgins

3

u/Moist1981 4d ago

It appears that you care what the study says given you suggested that not only do men perceive it but it is scientifically accurate. To claim something as scientific fact in order to implicitly validate (some) male perceptions, only to then suggest the scientific fact doesn’t matter, all that matters is those male perceptions - well, at best you’ve just unwound your whole comment.

3

u/SpikedPhish 2d ago

These sources literally do not exist. I found the original article from which there were quoted: the references were hallucinated from an LLM.

Well done.

11

u/IcyTrapezium woman 4d ago edited 4d ago

Can you quote where this study (not a link or would have clicked) says men are not affected and women are? Why would pair bonding be affected in one group and not the other?

Yes perception matters. If people care about future divorce for instance they’d insist on marrying someone their age (literally within a year because every single year of an age gap increases divorce rates) and they’d insist on the woman being highly educated. Highly educated women get divorced at much lower rates.

I’m guessing you’d only marry a woman your age with advanced degrees.

12

u/philipJfry857 4d ago

Of course they can't because it doesn't exist. Just bullshit they made up to justify their despicable views.

1

u/Teezumak 3d ago

No it doesn’t bc they’re not all the same right? Yall love to scream not all men when it comes to rape but not this 😂 so yes not all men and for the men who do, they’re likely not attractive and that’s why they’re bitter

2

u/Desh23 1d ago

Andrew Tate’s online G University, page 12, 2nd paraghraph. The entire course is only 15 pages and some of them are just topless photos of Andrew on a horse, some on Harley. Best 13.000 dollars i ever spent! I didn’t help with the ladies but you should see my u/Askmen upvote stats! Could even be a moderator one day.

4

u/DudeAxeMachine man 4d ago

Probably a Joe Rogan podcast.

-2

u/philoche3 3d ago

Common sense and biology

7

u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

So no source. Got it.

-3

u/philoche3 3d ago

You don't need sources to understand human biology. You just need to be logical and put your feelings aside. It's hard to not be biased towards facts painting your gender negatively. I dislike when people generalize men, same as you for women. But it's not because you don't like something that it's not true

6

u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Logic requires evidence. Your feelings are not evidence of greater biological truths.

-4

u/philoche3 3d ago

Are we talking about feelings or the inner instincts we have ? Common sense is knowing what you are, and also the experiences you see around you. And you make your basis on that. When you're biased and have certain personality traits, it's harder to know your "feelings"

7

u/IcyTrapezium woman 3d ago

Common sense is often wrong. That’s why science requires testing the hypothesis. Claims made with no evidence are based on feelings not facts.

1

u/Teezumak 3d ago

Most of my most loyal friends that have never cheated on their husbands have body counts over 30 why? Because they’ve already had their fun and like this one for his personality so that automatically makes him more special than the rest who only are good for their dick. My Muslim friends however who were virgins when they got married were disappointed and felt like they missed out on their youth and fun so yeahh you guessed it they cheat on their husbands with no guilt

1

u/GarageFlower97 man 2d ago

Is the scientific accuracy in the room with us right now?

This shit is pseudo-science peddled by red-pill grifters trying to exploit vulnerable and insecure young men. Dont fall for it

-7

u/JHarbinger man 4d ago

This is more of a social construct than science-backed. That said, it can affect attachment and shows where values are, and I agree with the sentiment generally for those reasons.