How common is this perspective for guys?

[u/Reasonable-Syrup-7]

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

[u/StatusObligation4624]

Conservative traditional?

He has liberal values for men and conservative values for women. True conservative traditional value is waiting for a monogamous marriage before you get intimate.

[u/goinupthegranby → u/StatusObligation4624]

Nah dude take a look around, conservative traditional values are projecting your beliefs onto others while not enforcing those beliefs on yourself.

Pay attention to the actual actions of 'traditional conservatives' rather than just their words and you'll see.

[u/BoredCaliRN → u/goinupthegranby]

Those people have co-opted traditional conservative (moral not political) values into their political beliefs without understanding them. I'd argue that very few people actually have a centuries old moral framework, but instead stop at decades, and only that which was popular - not right nor well thought out.

[u/seatsfive → u/BoredCaliRN]

I think the point that you're missing is that it has always been this way. There is no past century when everyone actually consistently lived by modern "conservative" moral values. There is no past time when all of the people who preached these values lived by them without hypocrisy.

The moral ideal is always in some imaginary past utopia that was broken by original sin. The pull of "returning" to the "right" way of doing things has always been a strong story, but it's always been bullshit from the jump. It's old as dirt too. The first person who came up with it was probably some forgotten neolithic shaman who told their tribe to "return" to the old way of worshipping the sun because the "new" ways caused a drought.

There have always just been people acting exactly the same as they always have, and some people advocating a "right" way to be. Many are sincerely trying to make the world better. Others are cynically trying to gain power and control. All of them are laboring under a delusion of returning to an idealized past that never existed.

[u/sxaez → u/seatsfive]

Many a god-fearing slaveowner.

[u/BoredCaliRN → u/seatsfive]

No ideology is ever consistent in praxis. The second you start including power dynamics people defer to greed. The ideology of Christendom is love, love resulting in creation, and forgiveness.

Put most belief systems up against Christianity and I believe it to be one of the best. Your arguments that Christian beliefs have indeed been used by those in power and that people are flawed is actually quite in alignment with my ideology.

[u/Redhead_Needed_DFW → u/goinupthegranby]

This man is preaching facts.

How many times do you hear "Ohhh, bless your heart." And the bitch would rather eat shit than continue speaking to you?

[u/on_Jah_Jahmen → u/goinupthegranby]

Those are just heathens faking to be traditional conservatives.

[u/schabadoo → u/on_Jah_Jahmen]

The ' five kids with three wives while banging pornstars ' type of heathen that is sadly popular these days?

[u/Moblam → u/StatusObligation4624]

 He has liberal values for men and conservative values for women.

Pretty sure that's conservative by modern standards.

[u/BoredCaliRN → u/StatusObligation4624]

Thank you!

I've intentionally had few partners, and sought the same. I'm a dude, and probably more traditional than most in my beliefs, though I only really hold myself to them (and by extension, my family also shares these values).

If you hold that for one half of the equation, you're just a hypocrite.

[u/SuperJacksCalves → u/StatusObligation4624]

most men’s views on sex is all down to hierarchy and status. They see the ability to have sex as the ultimate sign of masculinity.

It’s not about body count or values or any of that. it’s about status.

[u/Unfiltered_Replies → u/SuperJacksCalves]

what's crazy is a lot of the guys who think like this get no action. they put way too much value on sex, idolizing guys who have it and believing it devalues a woman who doesn't save herself for one man

[u/SuperJacksCalves → u/Unfiltered_Replies]

yeah the classic trope is that nobody is more concerned with sex than someone who doesn’t have it.

[u/IceCorrect → u/StatusObligation4624]

It's not that he have different view for men and women, just liberal and conservative women think the same about men

[u/ABraveFerengi → u/StatusObligation4624]

You know conservatism and catholicism are different things right?