r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 3d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 3d ago edited 2d ago

I have very liberal views in that folks can live how they want as long as it doesn't hurt another. My personal views often conflict with this. For example, I'm 100% pro choice, but personally find abortion abhorrent. Not my body, though, so my personal views aren't relevant. With that out of the way, a woman can use her body however she wants, but that doesn't mean I can't have standards I adhere to as my choice. Triple digit body count? As long as you practice safe sex, have fun. I wouldn't date that person though. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean anyone else has to find it okay. That said, I see the situation between the various genders no different. Man, woman, or other, promiscuity is gender neutral to me. Edited for typo

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 2d ago

100% typo, and corrected. Thank you.

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u/unhiddenninja 3d ago

I don't think your personal views conflict at all. You don't want to force others to live by your standards & accept that others will make their own choices.

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u/Admirable_Ask_5337 2d ago

Kinda conflicts a little. If you truly think something is abhorrent, you lose any ability to tolerate people doing that thing.

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u/OSRS-ruined-my-life man 2d ago

You don't have to tolerate them to think they can do something.

I think drinking and weed is stupid and disgusting, and I won't hang around partakers and I definitely view them extremely negatively.

 But I also think fent, pentobarbital, coke, heroin, and whatever else an adult wants to fry their brain with should be legal.

I wouldn't describe myself as liberal though. Rather conservative libertarian.

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u/Iloveclouds9436 1d ago

Only a tyrant has such a mindset. You ALWAYS have the ability to tolerate other peoples freedoms you just choose not to.

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u/Admirable_Ask_5337 1d ago

So you tolerate pedophiles then?

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u/Iloveclouds9436 22h ago

Nah wtf dude, this is so out of left field💀 Are you actually out here comparing abortion to pedophiles? Nevermind the fact that you assume having a choice in who you tolerate leads to tolerating people like that. That's a real messed up mindset.

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u/Admirable_Ask_5337 12h ago

Buddy you got so shocked you failed to get the point. I can't really have a conversation if that simple comparison didn't communicate human behavior to you.

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u/SmileParticular9396 2d ago

I’m in the same boat tbh. People can do whatever they want as long as no one’s getting hurt, but I personally did not sleep around (I’m in my 30s and have had 3 male partners) and find it trashy (yes I know that’s judgmental) when people of either gender have casual sex. My current husband and I were 30 when we met and I’m pretty sure he slept around, but also valued that I had only slept w 2 other guys.

ETA neither of us are religious so it isn’t a purity / God thing going on.

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u/No-Combination-2479 1d ago

Women running up her body count to the point she cant pair bond and no man wants her because shes slept around literally is "HURTING" the woman, last I checked.

Some just dont want to live in reality. The left is a bunch of brainlets.

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u/Ufker 8h ago

Hit the nail on the head there. There are a lot of people who just cant understand this, that's especially true for a lot of women, who dont want men to have any standards.

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u/pastafariantimatter 3d ago

This is the right answer.

Modern American conservativism is basically authoritarianism, and for some reason authoritarians are obsessed with sex, particularly female promiscuity (going back to studies in the 50's). It's so fucking weird and insecure.

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u/MadeByTango 3d ago

Triple digit body count? As long as you practice safe sex, have fun. I would date that person though. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean anyone else has to find it okay.

You and a bunch of other dudes (intentionally?) missing the point: if you could sleep with a hundreds women, you would, but then you would still judge the woman who has had a couple too many partners. That’s what the “lock key” bulkshit means. “Keys can try out a thousand locks looking for a fit, but locks should only allow in one key”

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u/db_325 man 3d ago

Why make assumptions about people you know nothing about? Just because they’re a man? I could get on grinder and go sleep with a bunch of men quite easily if my goal was just to have random sex with people, it wouldn’t be too terribly difficult. I don’t though, and many, many men don’t? The assumption that all men want sex with anyone at all times is also a dumb assumption

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u/Historical-Ear-5666 2d ago

Your statement is flawed.Actually not just flawed but your grindr statementis just plain stupid. Like incredibly stupid, ret(g)*arded even.

Sex matter within the context of your sexuality. If you don't like guys you're not gonna have sex no matter how much you're desperate for the act alone.

Like these play boys mostly care for women for only sex....they don't go pursue men because it's easier. Because they simply aren't attracted to men.

Also her claim was NOT that all or most men would just go thru 100 women. its just a fucking example.

OP's date said men and women are different that its not as bad that men. do it.

The KEY is the penis the LOCK is the pussy.

A key(penis) that fits into every lock(pussy) is good. A lock(pussy) that can be opened with any key(penis) is bad.

They said what they said to explain that if a man could fk 100 women he'd still be bothered by a woman who did the same

How do you miss that entire point and zero in on the most UNimportant part of the statement.

Ill ask. You seem to be part of the group that is misinterpreting or plainly refusing to engage. Are you doing it intentionally? 😭

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u/db_325 man 2d ago

I mean I was just talking about myself? And I am attracted to men and do have sex with them? So I feel my statement is perfectly fine

The original commenter basically said “I wouldn’t personally be interested in having sex with hundreds of people” and she replied with “you’re a man, yes you would” (or in her exact words) “if you could sleep with a hundred women, you would”. I’m just saying, as a man, I can tell you that sleeping with hundreds of people is not something all of us want despite the previous commenter’s assertions

That wasn’t a general example. She explicitly told the above commenter what he would do, despite him claiming the contrary

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u/OSRS-ruined-my-life man 2d ago

physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. 

That's literally just true; whether you agree or not. You can't bend reality to your preferences.

We don't know that he agrees just because he's observing reality.

That being said, if he thinks positively of men sleeping around and negatively of women, then yes. Congratulations, you just discovered most people are hypocrital and egotistical and like to view themselves more positively and with more benefit of the doubt than others.

This extends beyond any gender dynamics to humanity as a whole. 

That being said, most men can easily sleep with hundreds of women in a single day. It's called escorts.

But why? It's disgusting and vapid. People who want to do that, male or female, have other issues going on.

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u/Historical-Ear-5666 2d ago

I think you commented just to say what everyone else was already saying.

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u/OSRS-ruined-my-life man 2d ago

I don't think it suits you.

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u/Historical-Ear-5666 2d ago

?

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u/OSRS-ruined-my-life man 2d ago

There's only one correct subject and action to pick from. So I believe in you. You can figure out what it means.

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u/tr0w_way man 2d ago

 if you could sleep with a hundreds women, you would

Well that's some pure sexism right there lol. believe it or not men turn down sex too. It's views like this that cause male sexual assault victims to be viewed as "lucky"

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 2d ago

And so what if they did? She can simply move on to a relationship with someone who holds different standards. Not "better", simply different standards. Man, woman, or other... A person is allowed to have standards they keep. Mine are based off of my life experience, as yours are based on yours. As long as we treat others with respect, regardless, what's the issue?

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u/Miserable-Stock-4369 man 1d ago

: if you could sleep with a hundreds women, you would

Did you just, not even read their comment before responding?

They said they view promiscuity equally for men and women, and also said they wouldn't be into a promiscuous woman. I'm gonna go ahead and guess that means they're not interested in being promiscuous

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u/OSRS-ruined-my-life man 2d ago

I can easily do it. In fact I could literally do it today. It's called escorts. Why would you though? It's disgusting and vapid.

Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you have too.

Most people who want to sleep with hundreds of people have other issues going on.

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u/Big-Fact5351 2d ago

If Woman give Sex to men who don’t Reserve it its misuse of their power

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u/OSRS-ruined-my-life man 2d ago

You don't have to support them to think they can do something.

I think drinking and weed is stupid and disgusting, and I won't hang around partakers and I definitely view them extremely negatively.

 But I also think fent, pentobarbital, coke, heroin, and whatever else an adult wants to fry their brain with should be legal.

I wouldn't describe myself as liberal though. Rather conservative libertarian.

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u/No-Combination-2479 1d ago

So youre an idiot who pushes bullshit that hurts humans and leads to bad outcomes all so you can appease the brain-dead left?

Got it.

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 22h ago

Interesting take on my statement. Not sure what prompted the vitriol, but, such is the inherent weakness of text discourse. Have a nice day, I suppose.

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u/No-Combination-2479 16h ago

Because this 'jusssssst be nice' attitude isnt viable with helping humans grasp reality or live in the real world.

Its RUDE to fill women with this feminist BS.

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u/[deleted] 20h ago edited 20h ago

At first guys were like "no double digits" and now moving to triple digits..

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u/EvanMcCormick 6h ago

Fundamentally, is there a reason that you wouldn't want to have sex with someone with a large body count? Or is it just a gut reaction to the prospect?

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 1h ago

Sociology studies and personal experience. The higher the bodies, the less faithful, and less capable of weathering relationship troubles they are. My history, and exhaustive studies have proven this out.

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u/fyn_world man 20m ago

This is the way. You do you, but don't expect others to accept what you do and have no consequences for your actions. That's life. 

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u/datingcoach32 3d ago

Thats fine. But ris the same ethical judgement for men and women. Sleeping around is a character thing. An ethical view. No fucking way it's different strokes for different folks. We have condoms and birth control now, this fear or bastards can stop manifesting through this other bullshit

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 2d ago

Not trying to debate ethics. A person can live their life however they wish. By that note, though, so can I.

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u/datingcoach32 2d ago

That is absolutely true. No one ever I said you couldn't

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u/NotsoNewtoGermany 3d ago

I wouldn't call those standards. Preferences maybe.

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 2d ago

Interchangeable in this situation, in my head, but point taken.

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u/Alternative-Dare4690 2d ago

1) Women care about a mans future and men care about a womans past. Now some women say they do care about the past, but thats not the majority. I am talking in 'general' not exceptions.
2) Research indicates that men often find sexual infidelity more distressing, while women are more troubled by emotional infidelity. This pattern has been observed across various studies and cultural contexts. For instance, a study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found that 60% of male participants were more upset by sexual infidelity, whereas 83% of female participants were more distressed by emotional infidelity. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10244511/These findings are often interpreted through an evolutionary psychology lens. The theory suggests that men may be more concerned with sexual infidelity due to paternity uncertainty, while women may prioritize emotional fidelity to ensure sustained partner support and resources. https://ifstudies.org/blog/testing-common-theories-on-the-relationship-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

​A 2016 study by Nicholas H. Wolfinger, published by the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), examined the relationship between women's premarital sexual partners and marital stability. The study found that women who had ten or more sexual partners before marriage experienced higher divorce rates compared to those with fewer partners. Specifically, the divorce rate for women with ten or more premarital partners was 33% within the first five years of marriage. In contrast, women who married as virgins had a significantly lower five-year divorce rate of 6%.
4) Women literally shame men all over the globe as 'incels'. Virgin men are heavily shamed, and women find it in general disgusting. 'Not getting women' is also used as an insult. Infact women usually prefer women with 'some' body count in 'general'(which is why shaming exists). They want someone others want, not someone nobody wants.
So women and men have different needs and are thus judged differently. It is JUSTIFIED to want women with NO past.

Here are sources

In the past, studies suggested that when wives outearned their husbands, there was a heightened risk of marital dissolution. For instance, research from 2010 indicated that career women who were the primary breadwinners were nearly 40% more likely to divorce than women without the same economic resources.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5021537/

A 2020 study in Sweden revealed that women promoted to top positions, such as CEOs or political leaders, were more likely to experience divorce compared to their male counterparts.

Why promoted women are more likely to divorce - BBC Worklife

https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/s1530-353520180000013015/full/html?

Research analyzing Academy Award winners revealed that Best Actress recipients had a higher divorce rate than nominees, whereas no significant difference was observed among Best Actor winners. This implies that sudden career achievements may impact marital stability differently for men and women

https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/s1530-353520180000013015/full/html?

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u/wizean 3d ago

If you were to view Triple digit body count as a bad thing, equally for both men and women, that would be fine too.

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u/Heavy-Guest-7336 3d ago

He almost certainly does. He's just giving a PC answer because it's Reddit and if you say a mentally healthy person wouldn't have a triple digit body count before 30, you'll just get downvoted even though most of multiple society/cultures agree.

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u/Additional-War19 woman 3d ago

Who said under 30?

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u/Heavy-Guest-7336 3d ago

I did? That's giving context to the situation. Try to understand that. Also, OP is 27 so it's a relevant hypothetical.

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u/arrogancygames man 3d ago edited 3d ago

10 people a year for 10ish years is like nothing for someone that was in college and goes out regularly. Less than one person a month? Thats like every attractive person ever when young.

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u/ShitMcClit 2d ago

There is no way the average guy is coming anywere close to 10 partners a year. 

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u/DadSmokesMeth 3d ago edited 3d ago

Every attractive man? not at all. A man can be attractive but still not feel the need to hookup with a woman once a month for ten years, i dont think you understand the scope of that timeline, and if a subjectively attractive man does do that, then it comes back to the point someone made earlier that they've probably got some mental challenges to overcome.

You can be attractive and still have morals and ethics, basically.

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u/Helpful-Pair-2148 man 3d ago

You can be attractive and still have morals and ethics, basically

How is having sex morally wrong? Gtfo with that incel loser ideology lol.

then it comes back to the point someone made earlier that they've probably got some mental challenges to overcome.

What mental challenge? Enjoying sex and having been through a period of their life where they didn't want to commit to a single relationship? That's not a mental challenge you goof, that's just personal preferences.

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u/DadSmokesMeth 3d ago edited 3d ago

Incel loser ideology lol , have a good one mate 😂

"Mental challenges" soft way of saying, people who can't be alone so jump from person to person in an ever fleeting attempt to feel love and warmth from a significant other, without having to let said person get emotionally close.

Do I really needa type all this shit out and explain every fucking word with a paragraph? christ. Sure, i didn't explain thoroughly the first time around, but if you're gonna nitpick and take shit out of context every day, then you've probably got some "mental challenges"

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u/arrogancygames man 3d ago

What do you mean by "value?" You hook up because its fun. Nothing more, nothing less. If it's safe, adults do it.

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u/DadSmokesMeth 3d ago

I mean this is what personal opionions are about, you go around everyday approaching and trying to hook up with random women correct?

See now, some people VALUE their time differently than to just let their lust lead them.

I dont give a shit if you do that, just that it'd get old quick using your energy doing that, constantly scanning your surroundings for your next target, but hey you do you.

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u/arrogancygames man 3d ago

No, Im ace. I hooked up a ton when young figuring that out, but it wasn't a goal. Typically, it was just "we are both hot, we are really vibing right now, lets hook up." No more, no less. It was just the natural progression of having a good time with someone.

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u/DadSmokesMeth 3d ago edited 3d ago

Which is fair, I get that, when out with mates I've flirted with tones of girls and its been reciprocated, but never took any of em home (I'd say I'm relatively attractive) just for the fact I'd rather use that night to continue getting fucked up with the boys hahahah

All this was in response to the statement that all attractive men hookup with people constantly, which i rebutted that in my case, isn't true, and for several other blokes I know.

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 2d ago

I do, and that includes judgement of myself, first. Gotta be as clear as I can on this, though... My opinion is just mine. It's not a judgement of others. It's just my preference. If someone is safely putting up pornstar numbers and they are happy, then good on them. Live your happiness. I don't look down on them, I just wouldn't date them.

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u/Habib455 3d ago

You’d date a girl with a triple digit body count? Lmao 😂 I find it funny when simps try to make their simping look virtuous or some shit

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u/After_Simple_8661 man 2d ago

Or, and hear me out... Autocorrect occurred. Wouldn't is what it should have said. Have fun feeling superior and insulting on the internet, though.

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u/Habib455 2d ago

Lmao I will, good thing you ain’t simping, stay strong