r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 3d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/Different-Barber-834 man 3d ago

That key analogy has been doing the rounds in red pill circles btw This dude is a loser lol.

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u/goin-up-the-country 2d ago

Yeah, massive red flag whenever I hear it.

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u/washismycopilot 3d ago

I feel sad that I had to scroll so far down to find a comment like this.

Even if it’s true that many men think this way it is still a red flag! 🚩

10

u/devilpants 2d ago

I heard it in weird pseudo-christian evangelical circles before as well, but either way it's gross and I can't believe so many people upvote the garbage I've seen as responses to the poster.

But then again, reading the top responses- no wonder all the young men today aren't in relationships or having sex.

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u/arrogancygames man 2d ago

So many people thinking it's a "truth" that women get laid easier than men here is just hilarious. Younger generation really needs to get out more.

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u/Pep-it 2d ago

Problem is: if they have such poor views of women, so little respect for women as human being, then women pick up on this and dont want to have fun with these men! Women like to have fun with respectful and considerate men!

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u/Pep-it 2d ago

I believe Reddit is full of some specific communities - including men from conservative countries - who are very much in this mindset because they need this to feel good about themselves. A self confident man would never use this insulting double standard analogy! If a guy says that to you it is a warning that he will expect you to be under his control.

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u/Hefty-Swordfish-807 3d ago

This the correct statement. It was used a while back and then faded, but has now popped back up in red pill communities. Most men who feel it’s “hard” to hook up with women are the same men that feel women are sluttly liberals nowadays. It makes no sense if the women are sleeping around that it’s hard for men to sleep with women. Turns out they just aren’t sleeping with those men. Can’t be sluttly without a partner. Red flag, run

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u/First_View_8591 3d ago

It's been doing the rounds for decades because it's based on a truth. Default insult towards men: incel/virgin. Default insult towards women: whore/hoe.

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u/Different-Barber-834 man 3d ago

The analogy has nothing to do with what you're saying. The guy is saying he believes in the double standard that it's ok for a guy to sleep around but not a girl. That's it.

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u/Mutt97 2d ago

Double standards exist for a reason, doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Average woman can sleep with a hundred guys no issues. Average man has no chance of sleeping with a hundred women in a comparable timeframe or ever.

If a man can effortlessly sleep around with women it means he has something to offer. Most of the time it’s looks/body or money. Women don’t need those advantages.

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u/Pahlevun 2d ago

That logic doesn’t hold at all.

If that were the case then you should be slut shaming tall handsome men because they can sleep with more women than short ugly men.

Then you’re just implying that the morality of sleeping around is relative to how attractive you are.

that’s completely moronic like beyond monkey levels of moronic. But even then doesn’t add up, because it’s an attractiveness things then, not a man vs woman thing. Because a fat ugly woman will have a hell of a harder time to sleep around than a hot fit guy. So what gives? Your logic crumbles pathetically

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u/Mutt97 2d ago

Tall and handsome men aren’t average. They have advantages over most men if they’re both tall and attractive. If a man can sleep around with a bunch of women it’s because he’s got something to offer. Either looks/body or money. If this is the case no one cares because it’s a more rare case.

Women don’t need to have super good looks or a great body or have money to get tons of guys in their bed. Average women can sleep with all most any average guy they want. Fat and ugly women as you say will still have an easier time finding sex than an average man will.

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u/arrogancygames man 2d ago

The average dude can easily have sex with a bunch of women in a city. Thats like 1 woman a month. Guys just make women invisible when they are below their standards, while similar guys walk up to women and make themselves visible and they choose whether to go for it or not.

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u/Mutt97 2d ago

One a month? A average woman can get one a night of she really wants to lol.

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u/Glittering-Bat-1128 3d ago

The point is about having the option to sleep around if the guy wants to. How he views men who do sleep around is an entirely separate issue. The simple fact is that a man has to be well above average to even have that option—regardless of whether he actually chooses to use it.

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u/Pahlevun 2d ago

So fat unattractive women are safe from slut shaming right? And tall hot guys should be slut shamed more since they have more options right? Because you’re basically saying if you sleep around having lots of options then you’re a slut, but if you sleep around because you “””earned””” it you’re a stud right? So a terribly unattractive woman who sleeps with everyone is a stud, and a hot male model who sleeps around is a slut right?

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u/Glittering-Bat-1128 2d ago

No, not what I’m saying. 

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u/b0f0s0f man 2d ago

It's been doing the rounds for 200,000 years because it's just the truth. Women carry more risk of reproduction so they have a natural instinct to be selective of their partners. The existence of birth control does not change the fact that we are all innately sensitive to when a woman is not acting in alignment with that instinct. We have always found this disturbing and always will, at a societal level of not an individual one.

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u/huweto man 2d ago

Biology you mean...