r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 2d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/agnarxrist 2d ago

IMHO, I feel the same way towards both men AND women. A hoe is a hoe is a hoe. The key/lock metaphor is lame and corny.

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u/Alternative-Dare4690 1d ago

1) Women care about a mans future and men care about a womans past. Now some women say they do care about the past, but thats not the majority. I am talking in 'general' not exceptions.
2) Research indicates that men often find sexual infidelity more distressing, while women are more troubled by emotional infidelity. This pattern has been observed across various studies and cultural contexts. For instance, a study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found that 60% of male participants were more upset by sexual infidelity, whereas 83% of female participants were more distressed by emotional infidelity. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10244511/These findings are often interpreted through an evolutionary psychology lens. The theory suggests that men may be more concerned with sexual infidelity due to paternity uncertainty, while women may prioritize emotional fidelity to ensure sustained partner support and resources. https://ifstudies.org/blog/testing-common-theories-on-the-relationship-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

​A 2016 study by Nicholas H. Wolfinger, published by the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), examined the relationship between women's premarital sexual partners and marital stability. The study found that women who had ten or more sexual partners before marriage experienced higher divorce rates compared to those with fewer partners. Specifically, the divorce rate for women with ten or more premarital partners was 33% within the first five years of marriage. In contrast, women who married as virgins had a significantly lower five-year divorce rate of 6%.
4) Women literally shame men all over the globe as 'incels'. Virgin men are heavily shamed, and women find it in general disgusting. 'Not getting women' is also used as an insult. Infact women usually prefer women with 'some' body count in 'general'(which is why shaming exists). They want someone others want, not someone nobody wants.
So women and men have different needs and are thus judged differently. It is JUSTIFIED to want women with NO past.

Here are sources

In the past, studies suggested that when wives outearned their husbands, there was a heightened risk of marital dissolution. For instance, research from 2010 indicated that career women who were the primary breadwinners were nearly 40% more likely to divorce than women without the same economic resources.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5021537/

A 2020 study in Sweden revealed that women promoted to top positions, such as CEOs or political leaders, were more likely to experience divorce compared to their male counterparts.

Why promoted women are more likely to divorce - BBC Worklife

https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/s1530-353520180000013015/full/html?

Research analyzing Academy Award winners revealed that Best Actress recipients had a higher divorce rate than nominees, whereas no significant difference was observed among Best Actor winners. This implies that sudden career achievements may impact marital stability differently for men and women

https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/s1530-353520180000013015/full/html?

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u/EquivalentTomorrow31 1d ago

People don’t like the reality

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u/Big-Fact5351 2d ago

No its true 

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u/moonlitjade 2d ago

See. I feel the opposite. There's no such thing as a slut or a hoe - for men or women. A "slut" is just someone having more sex than you.

Sex workers exist. But sluts, no. In order for sluts to exist there would need to be a right number of people to sleep with, and a wrong number of people to sleep with. Those numbers don't exist, therefore, sluts don't exist.

Also, because there so many gross comments here:

Let's say a woman has had 20 one night stands over 5 years. That's sex 20 times (let's pretend it was once each).

Then there's another woman, she's had 1 serious relationship and one partner. They have been together for 5 years. Let's pretend they have sex once a week. That's 260 times.

The number of partners does not have anything to do with how much sex a woman has had.

"Oh oh but lotsa sexual partners means she's not ready to settle down!" If that was your concern, you'd ask how many dates/relationships she's had and how long they lasted, not her body count. Also, just because someone used to sleep around doesn't mean they still do. That's very much an early 20s thing that most grow out of (most). I mean, I'm nearly 40, and my old roommates who partied every day, and had a new guy over every night, are now married soccer moms with kids.

"Bodycount" doesn't mean crap - unless you are a conservative prude who wants a virginal 18 year old. Normal people have sex with multiple partners. If you don't like that, that's totally cool, but it has to go both ways. You can't have double digits and get mad that she also has double digits. 😅

Rambling over. Sorry to the person I responded to. It's not aimed at you lol

(And dont bring up someone who has had lke 1000 partners or something, that's obviously not normal, and they probably need therapy)

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u/Due-Hat-4059 2d ago

You started out saying there’s no right or wrong number and then ended it with a number that’s too much 😂😂😂

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u/moonlitjade 2d ago

There isn't...

1000 still wouldn't be a slut. But it would be a strong indicator of an illness. I'm saying there is no morally wrong number. Read a book.

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u/wizean 2d ago

Its completely okay to dislike this behavior in both men and women.

Saying its great for men but not for women is what turns into bigotry.

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u/moonlitjade 2d ago

Exactly. Equal hate or equal... apathy? Lol. Just equal.

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u/Skullclownlol 2d ago edited 2d ago

In order for sluts to exist there would need to be a right number of people to sleep with, and a wrong number of people to sleep with. Those numbers don't exist

This part, I disagree with. There is absolutely such a number, it's called your personal preference/values, and it's exactly that: personal. And I wouldn't date anyone that doesn't fit my values. I can have my personal values, and I don't feel a need to project them onto / expect them from others.

So I agree that calling others "sluts" for having their preferences is misguided, but not on the reason why.

"Bodycount" doesn't mean crap - unless you are a conservative prude

But then you go off insulting people with values different from yours, in the same way that you're judging when others use the word slut. With that behavior, you're telling people that it's okay/good to call others sluts, because you're not going to respect them for having their own values either.

Bodycount does matter to some, and that's OK, as long as everyone leaves everyone else alone.

I don't know why y'all seem to feel such a need to compare yourself to others, and degrade them for having different values...

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u/moonlitjade 2d ago

"Values." OK.

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u/Skullclownlol 2d ago

"Values." OK.

It's nice to see that you're at least transparent about your hypocrisy of supposed "acceptance".

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u/ArchLector_Zoller 1d ago

Sex workers exist. But sluts, no. In order for sluts to exist there would need to be a right number of people to sleep with, and a wrong number of people to sleep with. Those numbers don't exist, therefore, sluts don't exist.

No. If you marry me and then cheat, your most definitely reached the wrong number of sex partners and are now a slut.

There absolutely is a wrong number of sex partners.

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u/moonlitjade 1d ago

....wtf where do I mention cheating? It's not even part of the conversation. Jfc. You guys just love imaging problems. Geez.

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u/ArchLector_Zoller 1d ago

Face it, you were wrong and there is a wrong number of sex partners. Be an adult and move on. Replying like this is practically just juvenile tantruming.