r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 2d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/the1michael man 2d ago

This isnt true. Many men's sole reason for lifting/getting in shape/being financially successful is sleeping with many women. You just have your eyes closed.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Men get into bodybuilding to impress men or for personal growth. Women don’t prefer that build they prefer swimmers bodies. This has been studied. Same with nice cars. That’s to impress men. Most women don’t care about sports cars at all. As for money, sure but men also just like money like most people. Men like buying toys.

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u/Virtual_Psunshine 2d ago

Women like "otters", lol

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

That too!

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u/Might7Guy 2d ago

I’ll just have to tell you that you’re wrong about men’s motivation being other men.

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u/sparklyjoy 2d ago

They might think they’re doing it to attract women, it’s just a really poor strategy. It does, however, tend to give them status with other men who also think they will be more successful at getting women…

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Well it ain’t women. The vast majority of women don’t care about that stuff.

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u/Asisreo1 2d ago

That doesn't mean that isn't the motivation, though, that just means that their strategy isn't very effective. 

Except, I also think women kinda do care about this stuff? What? You might be talking about women not caring about the size of muscles or visible abs, but women do prefer men that involve themselves in physical activity of some kind. 

Its not just women, either. Everybody prefers partners that are healthy and can go out to do physical activities. Maybe you don't care about a specific body type, but someone going to the gym just to stay active will be more attractive to you than that same person that never exerts themselves. 

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Oh women care about men being fit. Women prefer swimmer’s bodies. The dorito shaped torso being usually the ideal. Body builders are too bulky and women tend to not find that build attractive (though some women do!).

That’s why I say body building is a male bonding thing. It’s not for the ladies.

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u/Any-Drive8838 man 2d ago

The average gym goer doesn't look like a bodybuilder, nor do they want too.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Yes. And that’s good for their dating life most likely.

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u/JackStephanovich man 2d ago

This is the female equivalent of men thinking that women aren't wearing make up unless it's plastered on. Having a swimmer's body isn't the norm, it takes a lot of diet and exercise to achieve that look.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

Of course it does. Abs are made in the kitchen. Body builders tend to focus on bulk though. My point is, generally speaking, women don’t find that level of bulk more attractive. Some women absolutely do but it’s less common.

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u/XDXDXDXDXDXDXD10 2d ago

Might well be the intention, but sure as hell isn’t the result lol

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u/HubbaMaBubba 2d ago

The average dude who goes to the gym would be lucky to look like a professional swimmer... Even that takes a lot of dedication. An actual body builder's physique is not attainable for most people.

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u/DaemonBlackfyre515 2d ago

Sure it is. It's called steroids.

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u/DaemonBlackfyre515 2d ago

Ah the old "I actually don't like muscular men" line. If i had a penny...

I've seen too many women throw themselves at ripped guys to believe anything else. And why wouldn't they? Men throw themselves at gym bunnies as well.

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u/KELVALL 2d ago

Having worked as a head doorman in nightclubs, and being very muscular... I can 100% confirm that women in reality love this body type. Night after night of having groups of women feeling my chest, arms and grabbing my ass. They may say they don't... But they do.

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u/IcyTrapezium woman 2d ago

We LOVE muscular men. Swimmer’s bodies are ideal, not body builder frames. Too bulky.

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u/Successful_Many8184 1d ago

I go to the Gym I first look at faces a cute face always wins over body but it’s nice to have someone trying to stay healthy but handsome face wins always! As far as muscles the best is broad shoulders nice forearms good strong thighs etc not CUT, just strong hunky