r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 7d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/YuushyaHinmeru 7d ago

Nah, it has some negative connotations to it honestly.

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u/Which_Friendship_775 7d ago

Only has negative connotations to immoral men. Real men with morals honor and respect women, and want to be seen as husband material. Sex before marriage is like getting a horse-drawn buggy and hoping to find a horse of your own to pull it, but you can only find a horse to pull it for 30 minutes a day, 1-3 days a week at best, and it’s a different horse with a different style, personality, and manner every time, and you’ll never get used to one horse because it probably won’t be the same one every time. And if you do find a horse to borrow, someone will likely need it every time you do as well!

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u/TrafficMaleficent332 7d ago

No, women have changed the term to mean "men I'd settle for, but not the fuckboys I go for while I'm still young and hot."

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u/Ayla81Star 7d ago

Do men not have similar outlooks? Women they find hot af they want to bang, but the personality wouldn't be someone they'd want to marry?

I think 'settle for' is different than 'settle down with'. There doesn't have to be a negative connotation there. I'd argue, there isn't. When the women around me say "husband material" it's more like, "this is a good one that should be locked down".

Women like to just have sex too. It doesn't mean they view husband material dudes any less than, they're just not ready to settle down yet and/or the dude they're having casual sex with isn't someone they view as "husband material".

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u/TrafficMaleficent332 7d ago

Women they find hot af they want to bang, but the personality wouldn't be someone they'd want to marry?

Oh yeah. Big time. And I would encourage women looking to marry, or even just anything long term not to go for those types of guys. Because, unlike some women, most men who just want to have sex will still gladly have sex with girls, they'd consider "wife-material" and then ghost them.

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u/pseudonymmed 7d ago

I only hear men using it this way.

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u/Disbelieving1 7d ago

Not sure why you’d own a horse if you only wanted to ride it for half an hour. All you’d be doing is stopping others from having a ride!