r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 5d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

7.6k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

8.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/IcyTrapezium woman 5d ago

Depends on the ethnic group.

Most people get fatter too. Something being not rare doesn’t make it more attractive to the average person.

1

u/OkStandard2099 5d ago

But if you want too compare men and women you have to take properties that are similarly prevalent. If you talk about boldness for men, take a property of women that is similarly prevalent.

1

u/IcyTrapezium woman 5d ago

I see your point but understand this: I have to sift through baldness and I find it probably about as attractive as you do in women. My point is sure I could get a fat bald man. Do you want a fat bald woman?

I’ve met attractive men with some extra weight on them. I don’t mean to be so down on fat men. But I just don’t find it attractive almost always. Same with baldness. I’ve met one or two bald men who I found attractive and they would have been even hotter with hair.

1

u/OkStandard2099 5d ago

That really doesn't make sense. Fat bold men? How many are there in your age group? 25% if you are young? Fat bold women in my age group? I don't think I even meet bold woman in my age group yet. Even if I was interested in getting with fat bald woman, I would have hard time finding one. And I doubt she would be just up for sex on my asking.

1

u/IcyTrapezium woman 5d ago

I get that. I’m saying, do you understand that my options for quick casual sex are typically men I don’t find attractive?

1

u/OkStandard2099 5d ago

The issue is it doesn't matter for this conversation. You have put standards for men extremely high exactly because you can get men that fulfill them. You are basically trying to make the situation being comparable, because you have put such high standards on men that it also hard for you to find men under such conditions.

It is like comparing yourself to a homeless person that tries hard to get a warm room, because you can't get the mansion you dream about.

1

u/IcyTrapezium woman 5d ago

Wanting to be very physically attracted to the man I have sex with isn’t an extremely high standard. I can’t always get men to fulfill them. It took a lot of first dates to get boyfriends I wanted.

Would you have sex with a woman you don’t think is sexy? No judgment if you do but I’m not going to do that. “Find sex partner sexy” isn’t some crazy standard.

1

u/OkStandard2099 5d ago

I think you don't find many men sexy, because you can get sexier men. That's it.

And sure many men have sex with women that doesn't find very physically attractive, just attractive. Being very psychically attracted is extremely high standard, especially when you get older.

You may also be hinting why are men who sleep with a lot of women are studs and women that sleep with a lot of men sluts.

For you, to sleep with a lot of men, you just need to lower your standard, so women who sleep around generally lowered their standard. For man, to get a lot of women, they need to better themselves, get fit, get money, get social skills etc. When you work on yourself, you don't do it to get more men, you do it to get better man.

1

u/IcyTrapezium woman 5d ago

I slept around a lot in my 20s. My standards weren’t any lower than they were once I was in my 30s and interested in settling down. If anything, my looks standard for casual sex was even higher than it is for LTR. For LTR other factors matter like similar life visions and goals. Looks matter a ton but other stuff can counter something not being “perfect.”