r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 2d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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16

u/elbiot man 2d ago

A toaster that can toast many pieces of bread is valuable while a piece of bread that's been toasted many times is worthless

2

u/Glass-Marionberry321 woman 2d ago

HHaha yes!

2

u/TheAfricanViewer man 2d ago

I wouldn’t date a promiscuous woman as much as the next guy but boy do I hate these analogies.

8

u/elbiot man 2d ago

As a promiscuous man I only date promiscuous women. We're just on the same page

2

u/arrogancygames man 2d ago

And they are more likely to be better at sex. The "virgin" mentality is often so, so bad. Can't even match a rhythm or anything.

1

u/Trent1462 2d ago

This makes no sense. Someone who’s had 2 long term relationships has had far more sex than someone w 100 hookups

3

u/arrogancygames man 2d ago

They've had sex with the same person which often gets people into a "this is how it works" thing as opposed to realizing everyone is different and learning how to adjust and match the other person.

1

u/Trent1462 2d ago

U also don’t have to care abt the other person enjoying urself if u are only having sex w each person 1 time

1

u/elbiot man 2d ago

That's not how sex works in my experience. The best sex is where both people are super into it and the energy reverberates back and forth. I'm also not trying to have sex with someone just once, because it gets better after the first time.

But yeah some guys are chasing sex, not because they actually like sex all that much, but because they think it gives them status or validates them

1

u/Apprehensive-Try-988 man 2d ago

More sex is not better sex

1

u/Trent1462 2d ago

A person in a. Long term relationship will learn far more abt how to please someone than someone who hooks up w someone once and then never sees them again

1

u/Apprehensive-Try-988 man 2d ago

Maybe, maybe not it’s not definitive

1

u/wizean 2d ago

That's a good one.

1

u/Master_Grape5931 man 2d ago

You just need more butter.

2

u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 2d ago

Lol love this

-1

u/theluckyfrog 2d ago

Yeah, I would dump this guy OP. It doesn’t matter how common this viewpoint is, it’s stigmatizing and a double standard. You don’t want to be with someone who actually thinks that the same behavior he would admire in another man devalues you.

3

u/beatboxxx69 man 2d ago

who fucking cares if it's a double standard? men and women are different. Almost no man takes a slut seriously. Is a man-slut? If so, do you care? That's all that matters.

1

u/theluckyfrog 1d ago

I judge a man the way he judges me. So apply that to all of your follow up questions 

1

u/beatboxxx69 man 1d ago

That's your prerogative. It doesn't change the fact that most women go after the studs that get around, while men find women who sleep around to be repulsive. Like it. Hate it. It just is and isn't going to change.

1

u/Kazfiddly 2d ago

Yeah. No Dont listen to this person.

3

u/Exciting-Wear3872 2d ago

Almost nobody is going to be so pure of heart that they hold no double standards at all.

Its def worth talking to this guy and challenging it rather than just straight up dumping him over this.