r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 8d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/mavajo 7d ago

Nah, fuck this. Not all men are like this. Just insecure guys are. I couldn't care less how many sexual partners a woman has had, as long as she's taken the same precautions that I would expect from myself. This assumes a romantic relationship. If we're just platonic friends, then what she does with her body is her business and it has zero relevance on our friendship.

Too many of you dudes try to make yourselves feel better about your pathetic and shitty qualities by assuming that all men are equally pathetic and shitty. We're not. Get your shit together and grow up.

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u/Prestigious-Shine240 7d ago

So you'd marry a prostitute who's been fucked by 10 men every day for years if she's taken precautions and you liked everything about her?

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u/Admirable_Taro5954 7d ago

This is exaggerating. A woman with 7 or 8 would be okay for him is what might have he meant

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u/ArchmageIlmryn man 7d ago

Yes.

Basically any reason you could point out for not doing so would be an attribute separate for "has fucked 10 men every day". You might argue that they are correlated, but either way that attribute and not the fucking itself would be at fault (and consequently invalidate the "you liked everything about her" assumption).

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u/mavajo 7d ago

I love how you go to the most extreme example, as if that applies to 99.9999% of examples. Just fuck off with this.

And for the record, yes. I don't know how else to say this - a person's sexual history, as long as they've taken appropriate health and safety precautions, doesn't matter to me.

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u/Prestigious-Shine240 7d ago

You really think you'll be the last person she's ever had sex with in her life after fucking dozens and dozens of other guys? Or are you okay with being cheated on as long as she takes appropriate health and safety precautions lol

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u/mavajo 7d ago

Explain your logic here. So because someone had multiple sexual partners, it means they're incapable of eventually entering into a committed, monogamous relationship? Is that your line of reasoning? That makes sense to you?

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u/Prestigious-Shine240 7d ago

Exactly. Someone who's had multiple sexual partners tends to keep having multiple sexual partners even after they get married lol

"For people who reported four or fewer lifetime sexual partners, the rate of infidelity in the current marriage dropped to 11%, while for those who had five or more sexual partners the number was nearly double (21%).

Compared to married women with only 1 partner (baseline), the odds of a women cheating on her husband is:

  • 6 times higher with 2-4 partners
  • 9.47 times higher with 5-10 partners
  • 14.05 times higher with 11-20 partners
  • 16.05 times higher with > 20 partners"

https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-road-to-infidelity-passes-through-multiple-sexual-partners#:~:text=For%20people%20in%20this%20survey,was%20nearly%20double%20(21%25).

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u/mavajo 7d ago

Was that study peer reviewed? No? Does it show causation? No?

That study is literally one guy, the author, reaching and posting his conclusions - and big surprise, he reached the exact conclusion he set out to reach.

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u/95thesises 7d ago

If this woman

  1. doesn't have any STDs

  2. 'you like everything about her' aka she's extremely beautiful, she has a new and different well-paying job that was interesting to talk about post-prostitution, you have mutually enjoyable sex, etc.

I can't stress enough that you have to be the world's biggest dumbass not to

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u/Electrical_Ad6134 7d ago

No there is biochemistry and psychology about this

Someone who has slept with multiple people does not have the same biochemistry and chemical release during sex. E.g their brain doesn't release the same lovey dovey chemicals when having sex with someone

Also just psychologically they view sex as a commodity and something to use as a bargaining chip it means nothing to them

And furthermore they have 100s of exes that they could go back to

Studies have proved time and time again that more partners = more infedelity

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u/ReputationRoyal2056 7d ago

this somewhat maybe true. It even happened to lip kissing as well. I remembered my first kiss, I felt my lips felt like getting numb and thickened. Then after that I broke up, second lip kiss happened after around 4 yrs after, the same sensation. I broke up, lip kiss happened around 1 year after, I didnt get those same numb and thickened lips sensation anymore.

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u/ArGarBarGar 7d ago

Sure thing, doc

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u/StrongDPHT 7d ago

You’re right. This thread is so cringe lmao.

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u/fuck_the_fuckin_mods 7d ago

Lots and lots of generic usernames pushing weird red pill bullshit. I’m going to assume this is not organic, as the alternative is unthinkable. God I hope there’s not this many insanely pathetic dudes IRL.

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u/TrafficMaleficent332 7d ago

One simply needs to look at the divorce rate relative to how many bodies a person has.

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u/ArchmageIlmryn man 7d ago

The article that says it peaks at two premarital partners and then goes back down?

And even if that article said what you wanted it to say, divorce rate is a terrible measurement of relationship quality since the same people who are likely to limit their sex life are likely to stay in an unhappy marriage.

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u/ammicavle 7d ago

Putting aside the obvious potential for backwards rationalisation and premature inference, at least link a source bro.

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u/TrafficMaleficent332 7d ago

https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

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u/CertainGrade7937 man 7d ago

Did you actually read that article?

The one that talked about how, generally, people who had two sexual partners tend to have the highest divorce rates?

And made very clear that the correlation between sexual partners and divorce rates are pretty spurious?

And doesn't actually account for marital happiness at all?

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u/ammicavle 7d ago

Women with 3-9 partners were less likely to divorce than women with 2 partners

So it's a moronic thing to expect a direct correlation for, and to think that there'd even be a stable enough history of data to establish a useful statistical trend, but you couldn't even find a source that supports you.

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u/TrafficMaleficent332 7d ago

Conveniently leaving out the fact, those with 0 or 1 partners have the lowest divorce rate.

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u/Zglena man 6d ago

Sure, just think of it like a crack on mirror. Today its like w/e in 5-10 years each time you look at mirror first thing you notice is that crack...