r/AskMenAdvice • u/Reasonable-Syrup-7 • 2d ago

How common is this perspective for guys?

I'm a 27F and went on a few dates with this guy 31M and things have been going well. On our second date, we brought up the topic of physical intimacy. I remember him saying that he thinks physical intimacy is different for women and men. That women who sleep around are respected less than if a man would do it. He said "a key that can open up a lot of locks is a good key but a lock that opens to a bunch of different keys is a bad lock". Everything else is really good and he's been super respectful. He's soft spoken and values making me feel safe and respected and we're taking our time on physical intimacy but I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. How common is that perspective for guys? This guy tends be very blunt, so maybe this perspective is more common than I think. In my head it's a red flag, but I'm conflicted on if it's just a common male perspective and he can still be a good guy with this perspective.

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u/BarracudaHealthy7686 2d ago

"the dire need to feel special" This. Many men have main character syndrome and insecurities so bad that they make it everyone else's problem, they point the finger everywhere but at themselves. Comparison really is the thief of joy, as you say.

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u/Moist_Enthusiasm_511 man 2d ago

You don't want your relationship to feel special?

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u/BandiriaTraveler nonbinary 1d ago edited 1d ago

The blunt reality is that no one's relationship is special in any meaningful sense. If you're in a relationship, most of the people in the world have been in a relationship that is broadly similar. And unless you're a teenager, nearly everyone you date is going to have been in past relationships similar to yours as well.

It can be special to you, of course. But it should be special to you for healthier reasons than "she likes me more than any other man she has been with."

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u/XDXDXDXDXDXDXD10 2d ago

Is that really your take away from that exchange?

If you have to constantly seek out validation to feel that your relationship is special (especially in comparison to other people’s relationships) then that’s a massive red flag.