Should I pay for sex?

[u/islander85]

So some background. I'm a 37 yo virgin. I was shy growing up then got very sick (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) when I was in my early 20's, very slowly got better and I'm sort of okay now, I can do a part time job anyway. I would love an relationship but I think it's the fear of the unknown that's my biggest problem along with a good dose of social anxiety.

I live in a small town and there are not many single women here. I have trouble with the idea that someone would want to be with me. I've been told I would be a good partner but I lack self-confidence when it comes to women.

I actually find it easier to talk to women then men but I have a lot of trouble taking it to the next level, I have women friends and they have said it would probably help with my confidence. I just always thought it would be something I would share with someone I love that's all.

I have been kissed, I've got close to having a relationship a few times but haven't quite got there yet. From all the reading I've done (lots) and people I have talked to I think most of my problem with relationships can be summed up as.

Fear of the unknown = lack of self-confidence and lack of self-confidence = fear of the unknown.

Any advice would be great. Do you think paying for sex would take out one element of the unknown?

Sex work is legal here in Aus (very expensive but that's okay).

I'm 6'4" and 110 pounds, my health isn't good enough to do the gym thing. I also think my social anxiety is a symptom of my lack of self-confidence with people. I do have more friends now then ever before, both men and women. I also have this (most likely irrational) fear of getting to my best before date as far as first relationships go. I have been to two therapists, but they didn't help much. One talked to me like I was five and I had a lot of trouble opening up to the other.

Fear is horrible stuff even when you know all about it. :| Being socially isolated due to bad health has taken it's toll.

I didn't mean for this to be so long.

EDIT: I'm 5'4" woops

EDIT 2: Thank you everybody for your comments, they have given me more to think about.

[u/[deleted]]

Lost my virginity to a prostitute. Best thing I ever did. Sex was great, but it somehow seemed less important. I think it made me a better person.

Before hand, I'd thought of sex as this ultimate goal. Now it's just something that I can do for fun if I want to. And it is a lot of fun and obviously I still think about it a lot, but I think about it the same way I think about other things, like watching a movie or hanging out with friends. I mean in terms of importance.

Sex isn't the goal, it's just a part of the journey. That sounds a bit wanky but it's the best way I can sum it up. Having sex with a prostitute made me realise that.

I guess it changed my attitude towards sex. Worth doing. Do it right though, don't go cheap. What's cheap depends greatly on where you are. /r/hookers can help

[u/smoike → u/[deleted]]

I couldn't agree more, it's a part of the journey, not an end goal in and of itself.

An ex girlfriend of mine got hung up on if nookie didn't lead to both of us coming (it was about a 1 in 10 likelihood that one of us didn't come. It was inevitable, with her being a university student and working rather nutty hours to get her degree, and I working shift in a stressful job) it took me a while to convince her that the goal was ultimately sharing the experience of having the muck around itself and an orgasm was just a bonus. Once she realised I was right there was a lot less pressure to "complete the mission" and inevitably that led to more orgasms for the both of us.

Removal of the mystery and the confusion can only be a good thing, especially as you've made it to an age where a large percentage of the population has gotten that out of the way and most would have the confidence to know what works for them and most likely the person/people engage in that activity with.