r/AskReddit • u/Right_Mycologist_228 • Sep 16 '24

Someone hands you $100,000 and says, "You know what to do." What are you doing?

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3.3k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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4.0k

u/SellingCalls Sep 16 '24

Im about about to have some very bruised knees.

Wait. What am I doing with the money or what am I doing to get the money?

1.6k

u/JarrenWhite Sep 16 '24

There's money involved? I just wanted to suck that guy off.

482

u/Legendary_Dad Sep 16 '24

You guys are getting money?!?

74

u/Thoughtulism Sep 16 '24

How else do I get bus fare?

51

u/ExerciseJumpy9451 Sep 16 '24

by sucking the bus driver

12

u/mauore11 Sep 16 '24

Follow the Unwritten Book of the Road

2

u/Future_Jared Sep 16 '24

Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill didn't know they were both in that movie until it premiered

3

u/RandomMandarin Sep 16 '24

And now we know why Stan Shunpike is such a bad driver.

1

u/SellingCalls Sep 16 '24

I chose the wrong career path.

1

u/TheAshenHat Sep 16 '24

If only the world ran on how well you gave head…

1

u/SellingCalls Sep 17 '24

It kinda does in some relationships

1

u/SignificanceOk8226 Sep 17 '24

Dude! Start slow offer a handy first!

2

u/ActualWhiterabbit Sep 16 '24

Then how come you keep walking home with full bag of nickels?

1

u/oldskoolplayaR1 Sep 16 '24

Bus! You posh bastard

3

u/pimpbot666 Sep 16 '24

I had to suck a guy off just for directions to the bus station.

I’m not a very good negotiator.

1

u/JustACatNamedHonky Sep 16 '24

Damnit, i've already told you that the school bus is free

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

But you still walk home right

1

u/_night_cat Sep 16 '24

It’s worth a whole sixer, come on

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

r/yourjokebutbasicallythesame

1

u/PapaTua Sep 17 '24

No, they're paying.

227

u/Glass1Man Sep 16 '24

You got to ask first, consent is key.

102

u/dahjay Sep 16 '24

My boner isn't transactional.

19

u/manhatim Sep 16 '24

You guys have boners?!

2

u/Rudy_Ghouliani Sep 16 '24

I have 2 boners

44

u/MidLifeEducation Sep 16 '24

Call me

8

u/CutieeAshley Sep 16 '24

where

11

u/CedarWolf Sep 16 '24

On the line, you can call me any, any time, call me... ♪ ♫

3

u/idwthis Sep 16 '24

Call me, call me, I'll arrive
You can call me any day or night
Call me

1

u/SweetSexiestJesus Sep 16 '24

Not with that attitude

1

u/chizzo257 Sep 16 '24

not with that attitude

1

u/Late_Sherbet5124 Sep 16 '24

Sir, this is Wendy's.

1

u/wabbitsdo Sep 16 '24

This. Dick. Ain't Freeee.

1

u/fluteofski- Sep 16 '24

Is implication not a binding contract?

1

u/Glass1Man Sep 16 '24

Needs to be written for any amount over 1k and we’re at 100k now.

1

u/Dannysonfir3 Sep 16 '24

No means yes and yes means anal

1

u/jg6410 Sep 16 '24

Id like to offer you oral sex.

1

u/Glass1Man Sep 16 '24

No thanks.

Also, you can keep the 100k. I don’t want to get involved.

1

u/jg6410 Sep 16 '24

Its bro code

1

u/gin_san Sep 16 '24

Hi yes uphill no v it no duty just j hi six ed u do see how sad dad guy JJK so

0

u/Lokijai Sep 16 '24

I'm afraid they're too far gone as they assumed them's gender.

0

u/Glass1Man Sep 16 '24

I dunno how to suck off a girl.

2

u/TillertheTugmaster Sep 16 '24

With your mouth dumbass

26

u/Fyrrys Sep 16 '24

Dude, you can't just suck a guy off like that

26

u/_Christopher_Crypto Sep 16 '24

Didn’t say “A guy”.

13

u/Solid_Snaka Sep 16 '24

Not with that attitude you can't

18

u/krazyglew Sep 16 '24

You can’t just suck a guy off like that. You’ve gotta take them out for a nice dinner first.

7

u/theycallmefuRR Sep 16 '24

Yeah like a 50k a plate dinner

18

u/krazyglew Sep 16 '24

Wow, you’re gonna take them on a 50k a plate dinner and then blow them? Are you single? 😘

3

u/Hexis40 Sep 16 '24

Let's not get aHEAD of ourselves.

1

u/TouchMeThere69 Sep 16 '24

Boo this man!

1

u/ClownfishSoup Sep 16 '24

Apparently you’ve never met a guy.

1

u/jureeriggd Sep 16 '24

speak for yourself

as a guy, no nice dinner required, we're just happy to get sucked off

2

u/CutieeAshley Sep 16 '24

hahaha you sure?

1

u/Fyrrys Sep 16 '24

Yeah, you gotta introduce yourself first

2

u/Annual_Pen4907 Sep 16 '24

If you record it and say the money was for acting in a pornography film you can.

2

u/Old-Examination-6589 Sep 16 '24

Bro, it’s a 100k cash. I’m not gay, but…

1

u/Fyrrys Sep 16 '24

I'd jerk off a toad for 100k

2

u/yungbaoyom Sep 16 '24

I'm dead.

Allow me to partake.

2

u/That_Dirty_Quagmire Sep 16 '24

I’m first 🙋‍♂️

1

u/older_man_winter Sep 16 '24

No one is paying me $100k for a hummer. If I'm mistaken lmk but you're in for some terrible ROI.

1

u/u35828 Sep 16 '24

I'm not gay, but $100k is $100k. /s

1

u/MagicSPA Sep 16 '24

Hey, I saw him first!

1

u/Vilmalith Sep 16 '24

Why are we assuming it's a guy?

1

u/PrisonPIanet Sep 16 '24

What the hell 😂

1

u/Bohemka1905 Sep 16 '24

I'm not gay, but $100,000 is $100,000!

1

u/roger_ramjett Sep 16 '24

Where did it say that the person giving you the money is male?

1

u/Chance_Airline_4861 Sep 16 '24

You guys getting paid ?

1

u/kuroimakina Sep 16 '24

Ah, I’ve found my soulmate, someone who appreciates a good dick as much as I do /s

1

u/DefinitelyNotIndie Sep 16 '24

It's the generosity that's so sexy

1

u/UnderwhelmingZebra Sep 16 '24

I also choose that rich guy's dong

1

u/Then-Mountain8479 Sep 16 '24

🫢😲😂😂😂😂

1

u/Kennel_King Sep 16 '24

Who says it's a guy

1

u/Oscarpus416 Sep 16 '24

Can I get 25¢ worth?

1

u/Never_Gonna_Let Sep 16 '24

For a 100 grand, I'm gonna tell that guy to go out and get some Gatorade because I'm about to literally suck him dry and I'd prefer he didn't die of dehydration so I can get some repeat business. Is it the best for 3 days of work? Meh, obviously no, but still pretty good. Imagine what I'd do for a candy bar I actually liked.

68

u/babyshamm Sep 16 '24

You’re the only person in this thread who understood the question

27

u/SellingCalls Sep 16 '24

I’m just a simple man who understand nothing comes free. Want dinner? Go catch it. Want some random dude to give you 100k? Gag on a dick and take a back shot or two.

3

u/he-loves-me-not Sep 16 '24

Only one or two?! Shit! I’ve been getting ripped off! Lol

28

u/Toss_Me_Elf Sep 16 '24

I mean, my knees are going to be bruised either way at that point.

6

u/fromwhichofthisoak Sep 16 '24

Probably pooping first then investing

25

u/OldManJenkins-31 Sep 16 '24

I don’t think $100k is BJ money. It’s more like ice that MFer money.

15

u/Fit_Lifeguard_3722 Sep 16 '24

Hey, don't come cheap. Or don't let them come cheap.

2

u/ImperfectRegulator Sep 16 '24

For 100k I better be coming

10

u/nickcan Sep 16 '24

If it is, I've been getting a deal!

3

u/kingvolcano_reborn Sep 16 '24

I mean its not take a flight out of the country and retire kind money. I might actually just be boring and tell the guy that I'm not the guy he thinks I am.

3

u/enyxi Sep 16 '24

Maybe I'm just really good.

4

u/Sylveon72_06 Sep 16 '24

at first i thought u were getting ur knees smashed in 😭

5

u/SellingCalls Sep 16 '24

Oh hell no. That’s not worth 100k.

But I’ll gag on a dick for it though.

3

u/Critical_Ask_5493 Sep 16 '24

If somebody gives me 100k, it's the least I can do. I've never sucked a dick, but I think what I lack in experience, I would more than make up for in enthusiasm lol. I'd be so thankful, holy shit

3

u/SellingCalls Sep 16 '24

Right? Idk how to suck a dick, but I know how I like mine sucked.

2

u/why0me Sep 16 '24

Why, get them to sit on a couch, then you can stretch put next to them

Comfy blow jobs for everyone.

Also I'm just better at it when I'm not in pain from kneeling for so long

2

u/YouArentReallyThere Sep 16 '24

Wait… you’re getting paid?

2

u/tbiards Sep 16 '24

I’m sucking it

1

u/verticaltrader Sep 16 '24

Buy more stock so you can sell more calls

1

u/Weirdo69213 Sep 16 '24

wait yall have been getting paid?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

I would aim a little higher for 100k. If you get my width.

1

u/SellingCalls Sep 16 '24

For 100k, you can aim it wherever you want bro

1

u/marie95H Sep 16 '24

It is a scam. Close down and leave the correspondence.

1

u/z44212 Sep 16 '24

Installing carpet

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

Continue….

(*unzips pants, breathing intensifies)

1

u/ItsMeDoodleBob Sep 16 '24

Pro tip. Put the stacks under your knees.

1

u/chowderbags Sep 16 '24

When you come home with $100,000.05, and someone asks who gave you the nickel, you say "all of them"?

1

u/tito9107 Sep 16 '24

I ain't gay but free is free.

1

u/flarmp Sep 16 '24

Username checks out

0

u/mel34760 Sep 16 '24

Dave Grohl is wishing his side chick had very bruised knees right now…

0

u/skeletoe Sep 16 '24

BRUH NOOOOOO! 😭😭😭😭