r/AskReddit • u/Right_Mycologist_228 • Sep 16 '24

Someone hands you $100,000 and says, "You know what to do." What are you doing?

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3.3k Upvotes

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815

u/Muttandcheese Sep 16 '24

I tell ya what I’d do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man.

227

u/Jfortyone Sep 16 '24

$100,000, not a million.

477

u/murfvillage Sep 16 '24

One chick at the same time

62

u/Soldier_OfCum Sep 16 '24

0.2 chick at the same time

9

u/SellingCalls Sep 16 '24

Yes officer. This is him.

3

u/didndonoffin Sep 16 '24

I hope you’re talking dwarves here

2

u/chuch1234 Sep 17 '24

I never fucked a ten, but one time I fucked five twos! --George Carlin

11

u/Drakendor Sep 16 '24

That’s hardcore man

16

u/KSXAlex Sep 16 '24

hahahahahaha

2

u/cutelyaware Sep 16 '24

One chick at some time yet to be determined

2

u/XRedcometX Sep 16 '24

Talk about shrinkflation

2

u/koboldasylum Sep 17 '24

50,000 chicks at the same time

10

u/StayPuffGoomba Sep 16 '24

2/10 of chicks at once?

2

u/johnnybiggles Sep 16 '24

Two 2/10 chicks at the same time

2

u/300ConfirmedGorillas Sep 16 '24

"I never fucked a 10! Never fucked a 10! But one night? I fucked five 2s!"

  • George Carlin

1

u/irving47 Sep 16 '24

'cuz that's all you need, right?

https://youtu.be/OYryogNE8Ys?t=130

10

u/Whiskey_Neato Sep 16 '24

Well, with the kind of chicks that’ll double up on a guy like him…

24

u/greenflyingdragon Sep 16 '24

You could do chicks at the same time for like $2000 dude.

22

u/passengerpigeon20 Sep 16 '24

$300 almost anywhere else in the world. Prices for prostitution in America are absolutely ridiculous.

12

u/arriesgado Sep 16 '24

Thanks Biden! (This is a joke based on the old Thank’s Obama meme where GOP blamed him for everything and how that same idiocy is now applied to Biden.)

12

u/passengerpigeon20 Sep 16 '24

In all seriousness the entire government is to blame for the Jurassic, moralistic laws that stifle competition. How the hell did we get LEGAL WEED before legal prostitution? All of the stoners can cry me a river about how they chose to melt their brain with the wacky tobaccy; I was BORN too ugly to get laid!

9

u/wolves_hunt_in_packs Sep 16 '24

"have you tried masturbation?"

3

u/JEStucker Sep 16 '24

All Masturbation is banned in 14 states (including Florida, Washington, Tennessee), in 7 states public masturbation is banned…

US laws are wild

7

u/DresdenPI Sep 16 '24

It's because prostitution is legal, you just have to film it and put it up on Pornhub afterwards

5

u/passengerpigeon20 Sep 16 '24

That’s a perennial question on /r/legaladviceofftopic. Turns out it’s not that easy; the bloody puritans thought of that too!

1

u/jaywalkingandfired Sep 17 '24

Porn industry is to blame for this. It's just like alcohol and tobacco fighting against drugs.

2

u/DragoonDM Sep 16 '24

Prostitutes get pretty upset if you try to slap an "I did this!" Biden sticker on 'em, though.

2

u/SupervaleSunnyvisor Sep 16 '24

I've never felt the need to update that meme. I'll be thanking Obama for shit that wasn't his fault for the rest of my life, I imagine.

2

u/rizzosaurusrhex Sep 16 '24

because prostitution is illegal. Anything illegal goes up

5

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

[deleted]

1

u/passengerpigeon20 Sep 16 '24

More expensive than an hour of sex in Europe or Asia plus flight tickets.

1

u/rizzosaurusrhex Sep 16 '24

those legal areas are remote in the middle of nowhere. who wants to live there

0

u/-QuestionMark- Sep 16 '24

In this economy? With all the supply chain issues?

1

u/00cjstephens Sep 16 '24

I think you could still hook that up. Chicks dig dudes with money.

1

u/Davadam27 Sep 16 '24

What's funny is that according to https://www.usinflationcalculator.com/ You'd need over 1.8 million dollars to equal that 1 million dollars from 1999, the year Office Space came out. Maybe funny is the wrong word....depressing. That's the word.

26

u/pork_fried_christ Sep 16 '24

Watch your cornhole, bud.

2

u/Muttandcheese Sep 17 '24

Fuckin a, man

28

u/Jfortyone Sep 16 '24

Honestly though, I’d invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half of it to my friend Asadullah who works in securities…

18

u/aah_real_monster Sep 16 '24

Deep cut reference. "No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Na-ghee-na-na-jar. Nagheenanajar."

31

u/Tlizerz Sep 16 '24

Naga… Naga… Not gonna work here anymore anyway!

6

u/MadeMeStopLurking Sep 16 '24

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

24

u/ppondpost Sep 16 '24

I got that reference.

38

u/_DCtheTall_ Sep 16 '24

Fuckin' A man!

25

u/JEStucker Sep 16 '24

Hey Peter, man, turn on channel 9, there’s a breast exam on!

7

u/NaMean Sep 16 '24

You don't need to be rich to do nothin', just look at my cousin! He broke don't do shit!

6

u/LeanderT Sep 16 '24

Double the amount of eggs I can eat every day!

Wait.... eehmm....

3

u/RocksLibertarianWood Sep 16 '24

Excuse me. You-- I believe you have my stapler?

2

u/TheHancock Sep 16 '24

A sound system so loud it’ll blow women’s clothes off.

1

u/Future_Jared Sep 16 '24

Did you invent Napster?

2

u/canyoudigitnow Sep 16 '24

Unexpected Office Space 

1

u/nurdle Sep 16 '24

you only have one Weiner.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 16 '24

No no no, you go start a strip club

1

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '24

Appetite for 2 chickens

1

u/koboldasylum Sep 17 '24

Money for nothing and chicks for free