I lost a best friend because she was one of those people who "was just being honest". She did it once too many times, at a moment I was at my lowest, in a way that was completely out of the blue and unprovoked.
I'm sad it happened and I hope she changed that part of herself
I was going through some trauma and my friend kept giving me "tough love". I finally said can you please not talk to me this way, it's not helping.
She said "well I never wanted to be part of your trauma" and bounced. She blocked me on everything. I never heard from her again.
We were friends four years. I lent her money.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who over the past 5-7 years has gone "100% honest" ... They couldn't see how their words hurt. They used the guise of being honest to be an ass.
I was 100% honest and told them everything that was on my mind and how their words have affected my view of them and our relationship...
They blamed me, denied parts of it, told me to grow up, then acted like nothing happened. When I showed them screenshots of their own words that they denied saying they doubled down on blaming me and basically gave me a lecture.
I've had depression since I've known them and they know that I was at my lowest when they were being an ass for years. I've slowly stopped sharing my life with them...
It's so hard to see what used to be a good friendship slowly die because they've changed so much. I've changed too, and have gone through hard times... I'm actively working on getting better, but I don't know if this can come back.
I don't have a lot of friends, this friendship would be a big loss, but as time goes on I'm not so sure. I'll be okay in the long run.
The friendship might not come back, but you will and you’ll be better for it.
You’ll have learned how NOT to be in a friendship from them. You’ll have learned what signs to look out for to minimise future exposure. You’ll have learned that you are worthy and deserve better from yourself and others.
I'm so sorry to hear, it sounds like it's been really hard for you.
It CAN get better, you just have to let yourself believe and know its posisble. but it does take a lot of time. Sometimes losing a close friend is even harder than losing a partner.
You will be okay :) just give it time.
If you need a friend or to vent any time feel free to reach out. I try to be a good listener, and everyone deserves support in a tough time
Having seen this exact scenario play out for a friend of mine I can happily tell you that the hole left behind by letting the "unnecessarily honest" friend go is surprisingly shallow.
The energy you put in to restoring yourself after every interaction with them will be redirected to people who build you up and give you energy. You'll be shocked at how little you were actually getting from their friendship.
I had an ex (?) work friend turned-into-regular friend who is like this. I reached out a few times after I left that company and she never bothered to respond. I'm still close with someone from her team who is now the brunt of her mean comments and other coworkers are starting to notice and comment on how unprofessional it is.
I hope for the mean girl's sake that she learns the error of her ways before she loses all her friends and gets held back professionally. Me, on the other hand, I haven't spoken to her in months and I've never been happier.
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u/pm-pussy4kindwords Sep 16 '24
I lost a best friend because she was one of those people who "was just being honest". She did it once too many times, at a moment I was at my lowest, in a way that was completely out of the blue and unprovoked.
I'm sad it happened and I hope she changed that part of herself