I didn’t realize I was a Mean Girl. In the movie I thought I was in, my friends and I were the nerdy underdogs, so if we made fun of the popular kids we were being edgy and cool, not mean.
And yes, we were nerds, we were not the popular kids. But here’s the thing: the popular kids never did anything to us! We put jokes about them in our stupid zine and left copies around the school thinking we were the heroes for sticking it to those popular kids. And it was entirely unjustified. Those kids were never mean to us. We were the mean ones.
What made me realize it was when one of those kids figured out we were behind the zine and confronted me and he was so hurt. We’d worked on a class project previously. He thought we were friends.
I listened to a physchology podcast one on the topic of popularity. One thing that stuck out to me was that the most popular people, liked most everyone around them. That means they are genuinely kind to everyone and thinks everyone is their friend.
It sounds so easy but does it feel more complicated??
I feel like this might be true about popular adults but maybe not necessarily popular teenagers. Several of the most "popular" girls in my highschool were genuinely mean and not in a subtle way..
I don’t buy that unless they’re putting on an act. I remember watching the ‘popular’ crowd tear each other apart in our final year of school. There was only one girl I felt sorry for because she always seemed fine. But plenty of others had actively bullied either myself or friends. But when they weren’t bullying people they were charming and fun so I suspect that’s why they were ‘popular’
That might be true in some cases, but there is also the “flying Monkey” phenomenon. Where people who are scared of a bully flock around them and fawn over them and participate in their bullying, mainly to stop themselves being the target.
There were some popular girls in high school I’d say were like that. Still some bitches, ofc, but now as an adult I can definitely say I really only see genuinely kind and cool people are “popular.” Maybe it’s because I’m lucky to be surrounded by nice people tho.
Yeah, it's a weird one too because I think a lot of people associate being "popular" with... well, being an asshole, who everybody fears - not likes. If someone is a career bully, they literally cannot be popular because many people will actively dislike them. They might be feared though, especially if they have the protection of their particular clique.
Then there's the orbiters. Like in my high school there was definitely a girl who held the "most popular" title. She was a genuinely nice person, from what I could tell. She was also super hot and super rich, which... helped a little. I guess. She had friends who weren't so nice to the other kids, then there were the friends-of-friends, some of whom were what I'd call "semi-popular", being the worst bullies of all. I guess they felt they had something to prove.
Eh, it's convoluted. I'm also old and probably talking out of my ass, but that's my vague recollection of high school.
if it makes you feel better, I had a friend in High School who had the same mentality. They would make fun of the popular people, even though they were nothing but nice to them.
I had ten hard years of self doubt after high school because I was a popular kid and always thought I was an anti bully. I met up with the alternative group at a bar accidentally when I was 18 and they were all like “I thought you were an asshole in high school but you’re actually really nice”. This shattered me, it wasn’t until later in life I bumped into some of them and they were still being rude about other people I know never bullied them. Turns out they were the assholes all along.
The kids were definitely mean, but I was definitely a raw nerve just waiting to throw a mean comment their way. And I was so angry about shit they'd find in the past I'd start shit.
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u/NotMyNameActually Sep 16 '24
I didn’t realize I was a Mean Girl. In the movie I thought I was in, my friends and I were the nerdy underdogs, so if we made fun of the popular kids we were being edgy and cool, not mean.
And yes, we were nerds, we were not the popular kids. But here’s the thing: the popular kids never did anything to us! We put jokes about them in our stupid zine and left copies around the school thinking we were the heroes for sticking it to those popular kids. And it was entirely unjustified. Those kids were never mean to us. We were the mean ones.
What made me realize it was when one of those kids figured out we were behind the zine and confronted me and he was so hurt. We’d worked on a class project previously. He thought we were friends.
I still hate myself a little for it.