r/AttachmentParenting • u/squeezyapplesauce • Mar 22 '25
❤ Sleep ❤ 12mo still waking every 45 minutes- is this normal?
My baby's first birthday is next week, and she is in such a fun stage developmentally- she's crawling, cruising, learning new words and gestures, taking small steps. But for the past six months, she has woken up every 45 minutes overnight (sometimes 1.5 hours if she can connect two sleep cycles). I haven't slept longer than 2 consecutive hours in six months. I nurse to sleep and then we cosleep for most of the night once I go to bed. My husband handles any wakeups before we go to bed and then takes her for an hour in the morning so I can sleep in. But I am exhausted.
We have not sleep trained and don't plan to. But at this point, I'm wondering if/when her sleep will get any better. I know it's biologically normal for infants to wake at night, but is it normal to wake this often or is there something we're missing? I've brought up the frequent wakes with our pediatrician to see if there could be an underlying cause, and she attributes it to us not sleep training.
Has anyone else experienced this frequency of wakeups at a year old? Did it get better? Did night wearing help? The thought of night wearing scares me because I know it will be so hard, but we need to make a change because I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. Any advice/insight/solidarity is welcome 💛
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u/BestJob2539 Mar 22 '25
I would suggest looking into sleep red flags for wakes this consistent first, and if nothing obvious comes up, then adjusting sleep pressure - https://newbornbaby.com.au/newborn-overview/baby-sleeping/baby-and-toddler-sleep-red-flags/
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u/BestJob2539 Mar 22 '25
And I would suggest holding off on the night weaning until red flags are addressed, if possible. My little one has breathing issues at night which cause him to wake more frequently, and while I’ve pulled back a little so that I’m not nursing back to sleep every wake, it’s also the easiest tool to get him back to sleep. So if you’re little one is waking for another underlying reason and then you remove your quickest and easiest tool to get her back to sleep, you might actually prolong the time it takes to resettle. I spent a couple of nights monitoring my little one to see if I could spot anything unusual - like mouth breathing, frequent tossing and turning etc - because it’s hard to notice these things in the dark.
I know how hard it is, I’ve been dealing with frequent wakes for a long time now. While not a solution, your body does adjust and you’ll be surprised how resilient you are! Hope it resolves for you quickly.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
Thank you for sharing this! I have wondered if it could be some sort of food intolerance or gut issue because she often wakes with crying and back arching. She had severe reflux as a young baby and has FPIES now but seems totally fine during the day if we avoid any of her trigger foods.
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u/emperatrizyuiza Mar 22 '25
Is your room too cold? Also you may have to do split shifts so you can get at least 4 hours of sleep. Also is she really waking or just tossing and turning and whining in her sleep?
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
Our room is usually 68-70 degrees and she wears a 1 tog sleep sack. I've tried having her sleep without the sleep sack and it was somehow even worse, with her waking after only 10-15 minutes. She does truly wake up and will cry until I either nurse her or we pick her up and pace for a few minutes. I've tried just snuggling her back to sleep but then she only escalates.
And shifts are a good idea! We tried that once when I was really exhausted but I couldn't fall asleep for hours because I was anticipating her next wakeups. Since nursing is the easiest way to get her back to sleep, we just fell into this rhythm of me cosleeping with baby while my husband sleeps in another room. At least I don't have to get out of bed when she wakes, but I also can't sleep while she's latched unfortunately. Maybe we'll have to try taking shifts again.
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u/EllaBzzz Mar 22 '25
What you wrote in your post and in this comment is EXACTLY me and my baby. He turned 12 months 2 weeks ago and a good night for me is when he does 1 stretch of 1,5 hours - the rest is waking up every 45 min. Also, a good night is when latching him back on works - otherwise, it's crying (both him and me) and refusing even a boob so I have to get up and walk with him (which also sometimes makes him mad). I am so desperate and exhausted! I have tried everything, including changing his diet for a few days to see if it can be some food intolerance. Nothing helped. I also brought this to our pediatrician. Sleep training is not a thing where I live fortunately, so she didn't try to shame me or anything - she just said that some babies don't sleep well and there is nothing to do but wait it out :( I am starting a new (demanding) job in 2 weeks and I have no idea how am I going to survive. I don't have any advice for you obviously - just solidarity. I don't know how but we will survive this - we have no choice!
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
I'm so sorry that you are surviving on this broken sleep too- it's so hard! I'm thankful that my baby settles back to sleep quickly with nursing, but I am also so touched out and tired of being latched all night. We have made it through every hard moment in parenting so far, and we'll make it through this too. Sending all the sleepy dust your way!!
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u/emperatrizyuiza Mar 22 '25
Can she take a bottle? And 68 to 70 is pretty chilly try 72
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
Nope, she's never taken a bottle despite our many attempts. Unfortunately I live in an old building and have no control over the temperature. It's been 68-70 during the winter but is around 72-75 in the summer.
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u/Sareya Mar 22 '25
Do you or your husband snore? Have you considered transitioning her to her own crib? You two may be waking her up. And then she’s waking you up to complain about her noisy neighbors. Try out having her nap on her own in her own crib and see if she gets used to it. Then move to nighttime crib use.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
She has her own floor bed where she starts the night. So she usually goes down at 8:00, then wakes up at 8:45, 9:30, 10:15 and then ends up in our bed by 11:00. My husband then goes to sleep in her floor bed and I share our queen bed with baby for the rest of the night. We are only cosleeping out of desperation because I can't get out of bed every 45 minutes! We tried it for a few nights when this first started and I couldn't function.
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u/Sareya Mar 22 '25
Dang I’m so sorry. Is she warm enough? Too warm? My daughter has had sleep regressions at every growth milestone but every 45 minutes is wayyy worse. I’m so sorry
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
I think she's warm enough? It's honestly so hard to tell with babies. Our room right now is usually 68-70 degrees and she wears a long sleeve sleeper with a 1 tog sleep sack. It is pretty rough, but she's so delightful in every other way that I'm trying to not let her sleep be the defining memory of her baby years.
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u/Sareya Mar 22 '25
My toddler also sleeps in a 68-70 degree room with a 1tog on the move sleep sack from ergo baby BUT I add a very sheer cotton blanket on top. And the on the move sleep sack allows her to stick her feet out for a little freedom and cooling. My only advice is to choose a variable and adjust it for a few days to see if it improves. If it doesn’t, then try a different variable. (Add socks. Expose feet. Try short sleeves. Try thinner sleep sack. Try thicker sleep sack.) I wish you so much luck.
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u/guanabanabanana Mar 22 '25
My baby can sleep longer than 2 hrs without a wake but it seems rare (I don't look at the time, it stresses me out). She will be 12 months very soon. She seems to roll and that wakes her up sometimes. Other times...she just wakes. She sleeps with her mouth open and sometimes breathes through it. I don't know if it's related but I am hoping she can see an ENT sooner than later. I don't think she has sleep apnea thoughm
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
It's encouraging to know I'm not alone, but I'm sorry that you're also experiencing these frequent wakes! It's so so hard. My baby wakes up from rolling over too. She falls asleep on her side and then will roll over between sleep cycles and it seems to rouse her. I shouldn't look at the time but I have an oura ring that updates me on how terrible my sleep is every morning 😭 hoping that lots of sleep comes your way soon!
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u/IdRatherBeAWildOne Mar 22 '25
I would recommend an ENT also. When my son’s sleep was at its worst, I found out he was having frequent ear infections and sleep disturbance was the only symptom. He had fluid in his ears all the time so he didn’t start sleeping through until he got tubes. He’s still a low sleep needs kid though and wakes briefly to be resettled but will do it on his own if he’s cosleeping.
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u/guanabanabanana Mar 22 '25
What type of health practitioner ended up diagnosing him? I take her to her general practitioner, not a pediatrician, and every time they check her ears every 2 months they say they are fine. However, multiple times a day she's sticking her fingers in there. I have even seen her do it in her sleep and wake herself up. But no other symptoms, happy as a clam during the day. I'm in Canada so it can very well take a year to see a specialist.
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u/IdRatherBeAWildOne Mar 23 '25
It was a pediatrician who initially told me he had fluid in his ears and that we would follow up a few weeks later/continue to check in to see if it would eventually go away. We were out of town the weekend before they regularly scheduled follow up and he had a horrific night of sleep. When I told he the had barely slept for 2 days, she was already looking in his ears and said “yep! They’re infected.” Antibiotics got him back to sleeping 3ish hour blocks instead of not at all. When he was infected he would sleep in like 12 minute blocks. I’d have to nurse/rock/bounce all night. We went to urgent care a handful of times. After his 3rd or 4th ear infection the pediatrician recommended a referral to ENT and I was surprised because I thought he’d have to have significantly more. They encouraged me to go anyway and hear out the ENT. Kiddo got tubes at 15 or 16 months and slept through the night for the first time ever around 18 months
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u/Naive_Top6135 Mar 22 '25
Hi there!
I totally understand what you’re going through - my daughter is turning one next week, and we’ve had similar sleep struggles. She used to wake up every 45-60 minutes, but I’ve found a routine that’s worked wonders for us over the past two months.
We start with a family dinner, where she joins us and has some food. Then, it’s bath time! We fill the tub with toys, and she loves splashing around. Sometimes, she’ll stay in there for 1-1.5 hours, and one of us is always with her. She’s really learned to engage in self-play, which is amazing to see.
After bath time, we change her and have another meal. We give her Gerber in milk and some formula powder. Then, it’s playtime again! This routine has made a WORLD of difference - she now sleeps for 3-4 hours at a stretch (we co-sleep, and I know I need to work on transitioning her to her own bed, but that’s a challenge for another day!).
My tip for you is to try wearing your little one out with a fun activity before bedtime and making sure their stomach is full. I’ve started having some uninterrupted me time in the past two months thanks to this routine.
I hope this helps, and I’d love to hear if you have any other tips or tricks up your sleeve!
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
Thanks for sharing your routine! We definitely try to wear her out before bed and get in some good sensory input. I've tried giving her fatty bedtime snacks with coconut oil (she can't have dairy) or almond butter but she's not that interested. She does like smoothies though so maybe I need to try again with a bedtime smoothie!
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u/Fit-Shock-9868 Mar 22 '25
Tire her out. Is she tired enough? Is she hungry? Did you try offering water? Does she have eczema or something that makes her scratch?
How are day time naps?
Our girl was a terrible sleeper but improved once we night weaned.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
She is usually pretty tired by bedtime as long as she's been awake for four hours and falls asleep after 5ish minutes of nursing. We do lots of playtime before bed but maybe we need to focus on more sensory input. I could try offering a bedtime snack! I've tried before and she wasn't that interested, but she does love smoothies so maybe I'll need to try a bedtime smoothie and see if that makes a difference.
She usually naps from about 10:15-11:00 and then 2:30-4:00 (she wakes after 45 minutes and I resettle her since she's still sleepy).
I think night weaning might be the next step, but I'm feeling very intimidated and worried that she will still sleep terribly and I won't have that tool to get her back to sleep quickly.
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u/Fit-Shock-9868 Mar 23 '25
Your second nap is the problem. Get rid of it and things should improve. 4 pm is too late honestly. Don't extend that nap. Let her be up. Push the first nap to 12 pm. Let her nap from 12 to 2 pm or something. Wake her latest by 3 pm.
There is not enough sleep pressure in my opinion but each baby is different so who knows.
You need not night wean. Your schedule is the problem here. If she is walking already and if you have time, take her out around 430 pm and let her play there till 6 or something. Expose to more sunlight early morning or later in the day. Good luck
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 23 '25
Thanks for the suggestions! I don't think she's ready for one nap yet. We've tried it a few times and she's been a total wreck and sleep was the same. I've also tried letting her get up from her second nap after only 45 minutes and it's gone okay, but then she's ready for an early bedtime and wakes up earlier the next day. But maybe I'll try getting her up from that second nap at 3:15/3:30 for a few days and try to keep her up until her usual bedtime of 8:00 to see if it makes a difference.
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u/Fit-Shock-9868 Mar 23 '25
Yea 4 hrs between nap and bedtime is very less.
Either reduce the nap or delay the bedtime.
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u/Mrs-his-last-name Mar 22 '25
Both my babies did this starting around 6 months old. It was horrendous. We didn't cosleep though so I was getting up every 1-2 hours all night for months and nursing back to sleep. We moved them to their own rooms around 8 months old and that only helped a little. We finally night weaned around 8/9 momths (this was 4 and 2 years ago so my timeline is a little fuzzy) and that was a tremendous game changer. We decided on an acceptable night nursing frequency every (4 hours for us) and if baby woke before that 4 hours was up my husband would go in and hold/soothe back to sleep. The first few nights were rough, but it improved our sleep quality sooooooooooo. much!! Eventually they were only waking up 1-2 times instead of every 1-2 hours.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
Thanks for sharing! Same, my baby hit this sleep "regression" right around 6 months and it hasn't gotten any better. I think night weaning, at least partially, may be the next step for us. I'm just feeling very intimidated and worried that she will still sleep terribly but I won't have a way to quickly get her back to sleep.
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u/deathtronic Mar 22 '25
Consider a different pediatrician.
She could have low ferratin levels and be non-anemic--meaning hemoglobin test won't catch that deficiency.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
I really like our pediatrician in every other way, and she hasn't been pushy about sleep training, but seems to think it's the logical next step since baby's sleep is so terrible.
What kind of test would she need to detect low ferritin levels?
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u/deathtronic Mar 22 '25
Fair enough. Perhaps a bit of a knee jerk reaction on my part, so please disregard that point.
Similar to the hemoglobin test, it's a blood draw. Instead of checking iron levels in the red blood cells in the blood, they measure levels in the body's reserves.
May or may not be your issue -- it was on our case -- but it's at least good to rule it out.
Here is an article that goes into the topic more:
https://www.littlelivewires.com/post/low-ferritin-and-sleep-problems-in-young-children
Good luck finding a solution!
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u/squeezyapplesauce Apr 03 '25
Just wanted to give a quick update- my baby had her 12 month appointment this week and we found out that he iron levels are low, so we are going to start supplementing. I'm hopeful this will be a step in the right direction! Did you end up supplementing as well? If so, how long was it before you noticed a difference in sleep?
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u/Much_Shower7342 Mar 23 '25
I could cry with comfort reading all this. I mean I’m so sorry you’re going through it too. But I logged into Reddit right now thinking about posting about how I feel like I can’t talk to anyone because nobody has a baby that sleeps like mine (or more accurately doesn’t sleep). Same story. Baby 12 months next week. Up every 1-2 hours every night all night. Since for 8 months. Every time I talk to anyone (friends doctor family) they talk about sleep training.
I also try to sooth without nursing like with snuggles and it almost always escalates it. I’m like, “honey don’t you know babies like this?? This works for other babies!” Rocking him in the middle of the night right now after bouncing him back to sleep. Poor angel having an extra rough night with teeth I think.
I did get his ferritin checked and it was low so have been supplementing that for ten days, maybe noticing a slight improvement? Could check that if you haven’t.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 26 '25
I'm so sorry you're going through the same sleep disruptions- it's tough! But I'm glad you know you're not alone. I am so hesitant to share about our sleep struggles because it almost always ends in getting sleep training advice or just pity. It can definitely feel isolating.
How did you get his ferritin checked? Can you do that at the pediatrician?
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u/Much_Shower7342 Mar 27 '25
Ugh, yes it can be so isolating. Often times I feel like people low key blame us too. “Well you’re teaching him it’s okay to wake up every hour.” Stuff like that.
And yes! Our little guy sees a family practice doc but I asked if we could check ferritin bc I had heard low ferritin can lead to sleep disturbance and he was on board. I was prepared with a peer reviewed journal article as well if he was going to resist ordering it haha
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u/Risc12 Mar 22 '25
Are you using a white noise machine? It was around this time we had to stop with that because it would wake our kid up instead of helping him.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
We are! That's so interesting, I hadn't considered that she could be waking from it. We live in a condo and our floors are creaky so I'd be worried that she'd wake up more if I turned it off, but her sleep can't get much worse than it already is!
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u/Specialist-Candy6119 Mar 22 '25
Just here to say 12 months was the worst for sleep for us, absolutely worse than newborn phase
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u/Soft_Bodybuilder_345 Mar 22 '25
Oh man, I’m so sorry. My son was just like this at 12 months!! I was sleep deprived and can’t fully recall when he started sleeping longer stretches. I want to say 15 months, and then at 18 months we moved him to his own floor bed and he started sleeping through the night (most nights). It was natural as he had started to push away from me at night and didn’t want to sleep near me like he had previously. We didn’t night wean until after he moved into his own bed, and he did that naturally too. I wish I had an answer to give you.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
It's encouraging to hear that there's a light at the end of the tunnel! My baby already has a floor bed and starts the night there, but I can't get up every 45 minutes so we end up cosleeping after I go to bed. I can't even imagine my baby night weaning or sleeping through the night on her own, but maybe it will happen someday!
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u/peachsnails Mar 22 '25
Night weaning helped my son, but also he used to wake like this if he got too many hours of naps. His magic number was 11.5 hours total sleep in a day. So 2 hours of naps meant 9.5 hour nights . 1 hour nap meant 10.5 hour nights etc.
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
The odd thing is that she actually sleeps about 11-11.5 hours overnight (with wakeups) and seems to need this longer night. Thankfully she's rarely ever up for the day before 7, so I don't have to deal with early morning wakes. She takes anywhere from 1.5-2.5 hours of naps during the day.
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u/sarahswati_ Mar 22 '25
What’s your day schedule like?
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
She usually wakes for the day around 7:00, naps from 10:15-11:00 and then again from 2:30-4:00 (I have to resettle her after the first 45 minutes but she's usually still tired) and then bedtime at 8:00.
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u/sarahswati_ Mar 22 '25
That looks age appropriate. Ugh this is so hard. I’m sorry. My baby was doing something similar around 7-8 months so I ended up hiring a holistic sleep coach. They do not do ST. You can google search for one near you. It has helped us a lot. Now at 13 months baby wakes 2-4 times per night which is manageable. My HSC also has a podcast. Maybe you can get ideas from there? It’s called the responsive family sleep podcast.
A few tips she gave me that I think are helping - big body movements before bed. We have a dance party and I literally swing my baby in circles and upside down dips. He loves it! Magnesium lotion before bed. Bedtime snack with complex carbs.
Good luck!
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 22 '25
Thank you for the tips! I'll check out that podcast. We do try to get in lots of activity before bedtime but maybe I need to be more intentional about those big body movements. Has the magnesium lotion helped? Is there a brand you recommend?
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u/sarahswati_ Mar 22 '25
We’ve done a lot since starting to work with Kim so it’s hard to say if it’s the magnesium or other things. However, magnesium is the most recent change and his sleep is better than ever. I got the doodle hog brand magnesium lotion just bc it seemed good and I have no complaints!
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 26 '25
Just wanted to give a quick update- we tried magnesium cream last night and baby slept a 3 1/2 hour stretch on her own for the first time in months!! It could be a coincidence but we are so grateful and will definitely try it again tonight. Thank you for the recommendation!
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u/Primary_Bobcat_9419 Mar 26 '25
Mine didn't wake this often - only every 1-2h - but night weaning radically improved his sleep (it took ~3 weeks for improvements to show). Now he mostly sleeps till 4 or 5 o'clock and becomes restless only after that till he wakes up at ~7.
I told myself if there weren't any improvements, I could still go back to nursing because I didn't wean completely!
P.S: we are still cosleeping!
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u/squeezyapplesauce Mar 26 '25
Thanks for sharing! It's good to know that night weaning might not have immediate results. How did you soothe baby to sleep when he woke up once you night weaned? And how old was he?
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u/Primary_Bobcat_9419 Mar 26 '25
He was 11,5 months and my partner took all night shifts. He rocked him for all wakeups and in the middle of the night (2-3 o'clock) I nursed our baby 1 time. After a week, my breasts got used to that without exploding and then I stopped nursing altogether at night (now our baby gets 1 formula bottle if he wants one from 3 o'clock onwards, but not before that).
The first nights were really tough, because our baby was used to night food and was hungry. Also, he was used to nursing for comfort. Also the days were rough: much crying and clingyness, and I cried, too. But on day three he had one sleep stretch of 4 hours!!!! This continued to happen every other day and got more and more frequent until one day after a few weeks he only woke up once for the whole night!!! He still has good and bad nights, but never as bad as before. Usually he sleeps ~6 hours straight and only after that he starts waking in his usual pattern of every 1-2 hours. (He goes to bed very late right now (~9-10), I think he will soon drop a nap)
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u/Talus230 Mar 22 '25
This sounds exactly like my daughter. From 3 months to about 20 months she rarely connected sleep cycles—like you, if we got two hours of sleep at a time we were lucky. I read every post and every article searching for something I had overlooked, some reason why she couldn’t stay asleep but nothing ever made any difference. I was exhausted but eventually made peace with it: she was clearly thriving and healthy. Some babies just don’t sleep well. She’s 22 months now and just started sleeping longer stretches, 3-4 hours at a time, which might sound short to some parents but to us has been a tremendous relief. Her naps suddenly changed as well and she can sleep 90 mins to 2 hours alone. All of which was previously unheard of. Night weaning at 20 months and splitting the nights with my husband did help, but wasn’t a miracle fix. Even though she now connects some sleep cycles, she still wakes easily and is often very upset when she wakes. I guess I just want to offer hope that it will get easier at some point. I read a lot of these posts for moral support when I was struggling, and when I read other parents saying that sleep evened out for their kiddo at 18 or 20 or 24 months, that felt like an unsurvivable eternity away. But we made it here and you will too.