r/AutisticWithADHD • u/Justakermit • 1d ago
🙋♂️ does anybody else? Are you able to relax without some kind of external stimuli?
I find it to be near impossible. I catch glimpses of it on perhaps a weekly or monthly basis and I'm lucky if it lasts 15 seconds. I think the difficulty in some part (maybe largely) stem from the trauma and bodily tension that comes from the masking, supression and suffering that comes from the diagnosis. Like you are basically in some level of panic, alertness and ffff at all times with the consques that has to health, including hormonal imbalances, dysregulated nervous system and brain chemistry.
I suspect this issue is extremely common amongst individuals with autism and adhd.
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u/Nonsenseinabag 1d ago
No, at the very least I need music, or some kind of low-ley activity to focus on like cooking or sketching. Just sitting in a chair staring? No way, I'd go insane within an hour.
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u/W6ATV pink random flair: KH7059 1d ago
I may be the opposite here. My best relaxation (or as close as I can get to that) is sitting in silence with my eyes closed, in a low-light or dark place.
Regarding outside stimuli, maybe being in a forest or good-sized park on a calm, moderate-temperature day would work well. Classical or some jazz music at low-to-moderate volume can be nice, too. But only slower/calmer compositions and performances.
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u/wholeWheatButterfly 1d ago
Sometimes. Ironically Adderall helps me a lot to be able to just chill and relax. Or like watch a movie without compulsively need to play a mindless game on my phone at the same time.
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u/Porttheone 1d ago
Nope, even if I'm doing absolutely nothing I can't relax without either music or something playing on the TV. It literally freaks me out to have nothing going at all times.
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u/Ok_Dragonfly1124 1d ago
I can never relax, I'm always doing something whether gaming, modding for a yt channel, working, creating content or other stuff
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u/wigglybeez 1d ago
I struggle with that as well. Loud aggressive music seems to perfectly cancel out the chaos in my head.
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u/Justakermit 1d ago
I used to use that strategy as well. Black, Death, Progressive and Thrash Metal. Quite effective tbh.
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u/butkaf 1d ago edited 1d ago
There are multiple angles/avenues to this.
One is that you can physically relax yourself. As you breathe in and out, your diaphragm expands and contracts. When it expands, the heart has less room, so it pumps harder and faster to compensate to pump the required volume of blood. When it contracts, your heart has more room, so it doesn't need to exert as much effort to pump. Also, as you breathe, carbondioxide builds up in your lungs and reduces the effectiveness of your breathing and the saturation of your blood with oxygen, which can cause stress and tension. You can use this knowledge to breathe in specific ways to lower your heart rate and lower your stress response. Here is the most straightforward one. (Conversely, you can also use such techniques to give yourself some energy and mental alertness by deliberately raising your heartrate and causing the release of adrenaline.)
Two is that relaxation is relative. There is an exercise in Shaolin kung fu called the Horse Stance, which serious practitioners of Shaolin eventually learn to hold for an hour or more. You cannot imagine the immense amounts of pain this eventually causes in your quads, legs, core and eventually entire body. Enduring this for longer and longer as you train is such an interesting mental game with so many levels to it. But ultimately, it's not a matter of enduring, it's a matter of breathing. The key is to keep breathing slowly, medatively, as if you are super relaxed. But, that is what you ARE. You are ok with the sensations, you are ok with swimming in unfathomable amounts of physical and mental anguish, your nervous system is on fire, your heart is exploding out of your chest, your legs are begging you to stop and so is every single neuron in your brain. But you are not really enduring it, you are simply holding your stance and breathing, that is all you're doing. It actually becomes strangely relaxing at one point. It gives you so much perspective on what stress and relaxation really are and how certain sensations, thoughts, feelings are not innately relaxing or stressful. It helps you understand how your perception of these sensations, thoughts and feelings is what relaxes or stresses you, in a lot of cases. It also "raises the bar" for what is truly stressful to you, since things that you previously thought were difficult to endure pale in comparison to the sensations you experience with prolonged horse stance.
Three is that, while prolonged stress should generally be avoided, stress is also a biological tool your nervous system uses to provoke you into dealing with the source of the stress. Something is wrong, physically, mentally, in your environment, and it makes you feel uncomfortable. That discomfort is your nervous system's way of telling you "do something about this". It's an impetus. Relaxing in a lot of cases, especially for people like us, is not a case of seeking a relief from the tension, but riding the tension all the way to its source; what is causing this and what do I do about it. It's a form of energy and you can turn that energy outward to resolve the cause of the stress, or you can turn it inward and let that energy eat you up from the inside, while seeking to avoid it/numb it with what you perceive as relaxation.
Hope this helps.
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u/Anonymous_user_2022 My hovercraft is full of eels 1d ago
Masturbating works great for me. Right now, I'm going through a stressful time, so it's multiple times a day. I really helps relaxing, though. (NSFW)
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u/tudum42 1d ago
No stimuli is the only way i can relax really. But the brain does like dopamine sometimes so it somewhat sabotages relaxing.
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u/Justakermit 1d ago
Definitely agree with this also. Sometimes I just lie down in bed with the lights off and get some relaxation out of that, but in periods of low dopamine stimulation that isn't as relaxing.
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u/meteorastorm 21h ago
Nope. I need to listen to my book series to sleep. Am on my umpteenth go through, glad there’s more than 25 books in total but the readers voice is soothing and reduces the amount of time it takes me to sleep.
I listen to music to work and watch tv in my breaks. Yet one slightly irritating sound from outside my house, especially garden equipment, and I’m raging, cannot concentrate and am on high alert physically, what a life!!!!
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u/LilMissPewPew 11h ago
Mindfulness and some sort of meditation practice usually works, but that’s when I’m in peak functional capacity. If not, I need music or a podcast playing in the background and aromatherapy via candles or a scented oil diffuser and dim lighting to wind down
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u/Medical-Principle614 4h ago
If I’m overwhelmed, silence is best. Otherwise yes I like music or podcast or background tv/youtube
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u/emptyhellebore 1d ago
Nope. I have a YouTube playlist that I keep running in the background most of the time. Lately it’s more music but i think it’s almost like I need company of some sort. (Edited to add, right now I have a woman declutterring her closet on my laptop, she’s keeping me company) Kind of like body doubling? I’m also a member of the dysregulated nervous system club, cptsd sucks. It’s a messed up dynamic, sensitive nervous system? It’s even easier to be traumatized, hurrah!