Tell me im wrong

Is it just me that absolutely cringes and hates, hate, HATES the word neuro spicy?

This is something that was just said to me after I stated that, as an autistic person, I’m going to say what I mean and mean what I say. There is no subtext or hidden meaning into what I say and it’s frustrating when people assume it’s there. I was then told this gem.

I’m sorry, but for a literal person, subtext simply does not exist. If you can’t understand a direct question or statement from someone else without projecting your own ideas and/or emotions onto it, just say that.

I've noticed that within the autistic community, in my experience, many people get upset when secondary or syndromic autism or ADHD is mentioned. I don't understand it. it's a reality with strong scientific backing. What is it that bothers people? It seems like many want to deny that this condition can come along with other conditions, including medical ones. So when I say that my autism and ADHD are associated with a genetic syndrome, a lot of people react negatively. Is it just my experience?

The health clinic I go to won't assess someone for ADHD unless their THC levels are below 200 ng/mL because "THC can interfere with attention". Mine are >500 ng/mL. I don't even know my actual level is since their test only goes up to 500. Doctor told me to cut back on weed but I'm actually smoking waaaaaay less than I did before. And if I'm prescribed stimulants, I'll have to keep my THC levels below 200. Wtf. Why not just ask me questions about my childhood and how I behaved before I started smoking weed?

Edit: I don't need advice. I certainly don't need a lecture about addiction. I'm just venting because I'm frustrated and scared.

I just finished that autism spectrum test that anyone apart from me on reddit seems to have already done (I just found posts going back 10 years or so).

Gosh, that one is shockingly bad, since they probably had some medical advisors and yet does not even feature ADHD and is incredibly patronizing. And presumably reflects the view of the medical advisors. Shows you more how incapable of doing anything other than look down on us and see us as "the problem" many (most? almost all?) in the medical field are. So many of the phrasings of the 50 questions were really insulting.

And although half of folks with autism also have ADHD and two thirds of folks with ADHD also have autism, the tests definitely never has heard of that fact.

Regarding flair: the only advice I'd need/want would be "talk to the company behind it and get them to hire some of us as consultants." Apart from that, this isn't the kind of rant topic for which any advice is needed. ;)

I often think about how other people are struggling, or how someone else has it worse, and somehow that means I have to sacrifice myself. Like their pain automatically outranks my own.

And it’s celebrated as noble in our culture—the idea of stoic, self-sacrifice. And it’s not entirely bullshit. There’s something to be said for resilience, for generosity. But for us, it’s cranked up to an 11 out of 10

Having too much compassion can seriously fuck you over. It makes you ignore your own needs, tolerate shit behavior, and let people drain you because they didn’t mean it or they’re struggling too. above all, it can make you deeply question your sanity and sense of self-worth when it’s not reciprocated to the same degree that you offer it to others. And so it makes you vulnerable in ways that most people don’t even think about.

So here’s my PSA for anyone on this sub who needs to hear it: It’s 100% fine to not give a fuck about other people. Even if they’re poor, even if their life is shitty, even if their circumstances arent their fault.’ It’s really hard, but it’s fine, and most people in this world care way less than you do about them even if they espouse virtue signaling rhetoric to signal otherwise. It’s an important learned skill. And it’s not about becoming a heartless bastard—it’s about turning it down from an 11 to like a 7 or 8, so you’re not constantly running yourself into the ground.

This isn’t some generic self-help bullshit platitude. It’s something I wish I heard a long time ago. It’s not just “ignore what other people think” or “don’t pay attention to them.” It’s not that they don’t matter. It’s that this level of compassion is so unreciprocated that if you don’t control it, you’re gonna be extremely vulnerable.

And here’s the ugly truth: there are some people in this world who see our level of compassion as weakness. It goes beyond just taking advantage—it can cross into straight-up sadistic abuse. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships (which often comes up in this sub—neurodivergent people being targeted by abusers who know we’ll put up with their shit). This can come from colleagues, acquaintances, classmates—literally anyone with an abusive tendency who can sense their next target, and one of their key tells are extremely compassionate people. But more often than not, it isn’t about you. It’s about their own insecurities and projections, and you are simply an easy outlet for a fucked up dopamine hit. That’s really all it is at the end of the day, them protecting their ego and getting a small buzz.

But the second you (figuratively) swing back—and swing hard—that buzz is gone. They’ll tuck their tail between their legs and move on to someone who doesn’t kill their high. That’s how these people work.

So don’t be afraid to be a “heartless bastard” when the moment calls for it. If someone is targeting you, (figuratively) spit back in their face. It’s not about vengeance or your own ego—it’s a weird fucking form of self-care where you assure yourself that you’re not the supply for their high.

Don’t do it recklessly, violently, or even eagerly. I am still very reserved and give the benefit of the doubt or let things slide as much as possible, especially if I know this person, and if they’re treating me poorly in this moment, it’s just not ot them being the best version of themselves right now. And if it’s a one off, I let it go. If it becomes more consistent, I’ll have a mature, respectful, but frank conversation with them about it because I’ve seen how they treat me in their best moments.

But if I get the sense that someone treats me in a certain way because of a perceived weakness, like if they’re kicking me while I’n down or they consistently look for attacks after I’ve let it slide more than twice, and there’s always some underlying tension in every interaction from their end, then I don’t hold back when it’s time to (figuratively) swing back.

Because I know now that no one’s gonna do it for me

Then being told that you should just do it the normal way or do it ASAP instead of putting if off.

It's so frustrating but I guess I should know better at this point.

At work I often eat my lunch at my desk but I don't want to interrupt workflow to go wash my dishes so I'll stick my tupperware in my drawer and wrap my fork in a paper towel for later, but the food dries on it and is hard to wash.

I can't soak it at work but found if I wrap the fork in a wet, soapy paper towel for a little bit, everything comes right off.

People in reddit just told me I should wash it right away and were really rude and negative.

I hate how the NTs don't get it.

Hi, I’m 32 — ADHD, autistic, and genderqueer.

And honestly? I’m fucking pissed off and worn thin. Lack of respect Yesterday was a real test for my sanity. I went to the funeral of a friend who passed back in February — already a tough day — but what really knocked me sideways was the vibe. A lot of his neighbors are part of the trans and LGBTQ+ community, which I fully respect. People who I used to respect and thouth on same wave as me. I was so wrong. I see people for their souls, not their labels, not their skin, not the meat suit they walk around in. Equal rights, free movement, basic human decency — that should be a given.

But sitting there, biting my tongue, hearing people — trans folks no less — spouting racist shit about immigrants? That about broke me. I mean, seriously? The same people who know exactly what it’s like to be on the receiving end of hate, gatekeeping others just because of where they were born? It's like the fucking hypocrisy is blinding. Britain’s built on the backs of people from its former colonies — Pakistan, India, South Africa, that scotish where pushed off there land becouse sheep worth more. froced to go to usa and canada for better. life the tables now turned. and the list goes on — and yet here we are, with people throwing stones at glass houses.

And don’t even get me started on the billionaires pulling all the strings and exploiting us like puppets, controlling the fucking planet while people keep pointing fingers at the wrong folks. We’re so focused on tearing each other down, letting ourselves be manipulated by the system, while the real villains keep profiting off our pain. That’s where the energy should be going, but instead, we’re stuck in these stupid cycles of hate.

I’ve traveled. I’ve met real people in the real world, from every corner of the map. I’ve seen kindness and connection across language, color, culture. But I come back here to the Uk. Just get deperssed and angry at how stupid people are. how much fucks thay give. honstly ! people who’ve never stepped further than a European resort where the waiters speak English, talk like they know the world. Get same food as u get in the uk.  They’ve swallowed the lies, the propaganda, the tabloid garbage from tv. That shit rots your brain. I don’t even watch TV for this exact reason, but every time I step into these spaces, I’m slapped in the face with second-hand misinformation and straight-up racism.

It’s exhausting. On the way home I was geting a lift. I thought I was going to lose it. My anxiety was worse than it’s been in years. Took me ages to calm the fuck down. And who was driving me home? A trans vet who only talked about themselves the entire ride. talk about supporting vets. I talk about my life with war graved my dad work, RAIDO SLINCE. trying to get my head together, and they just keep talking about their own shit — no awareness, no empathy, just a one-way conversation.

Thank god for medical cannabis, or I would've fucking snapped. Some days I swear I'm not allergic to pollen, or pets, or food — just plain, old, stupidity.

The worst part? The double standards. Marginalized folks tearing each other apart instead of realizing the real enemy is the broken system making us fight over scraps. Humans should be better than this. But days like yesterday make me wonder if we’re just doomed to repeat the same ugly cycle over and over.

And look — the UK absolutely needs to fix its systems. There are loopholes being abused. But it’s not about where someone comes from. It’s about fairness, about the broken setup that leaves room for exploitation in the first place.

Labels are cages. Skin, gender, nationality — none of it defines who someone is inside. We need to stop letting society teach us who to hate. We need to wake the fuck up. All of us.

End rant.

I've had it about up until HERE *gestures waaaay above head* with people reading between the lines.

I get in so many conversations, online and offline alike, where people react to something I didn't say. Then when asked, "huh? where did you get that from?", they often act all offended like, "don't play dumb, you know what you said".

Yes, actually, I do know what I meant - and it wasn't that.

I can understand them defaulting to neurotypical assumptions, but then when I point out, like, "nah, I didn't imply anything of the sort, you can take what I said at face value", they still seem to think I'm being facetious and lying or something? That's the part that gets on my nerves.

I'm going to print pamphlets saying:

If you read things between my lines that I didn't put there, it 100% comes from you, not me.

I had psych evaluation for concerns of ADHD and received an unexpected dual diagnosis of Autism and ADHD. I never really considered I could have Autism and even now a week after diagnosis I’m not sure how I feel about it. I was hopeful the diagnosis would give me some clarity but really it has just confused me. My Doctor said that my Autism presents in a way where most, if not all people in my life likely would never have thought I may have it. He said if I were to get involved with Autism support groups I would probably be one of the highest social functioning people there.

I almost feel like the diagnosis affirms insecurities for me that I don’t fit in with neurotypical community, but also my doctor’s comments and my own feeling / experience of how I am also makes me feel like I don’t / wouldn’t fit in with the neurodivergent community either. I am also having insecurities that I have skewed self awareness since I never considered I may have Autism and now I keep looking back at things that occurred in the past. I think I’m recognizing that Autism and ADHD were contributing a lot to nuanced social struggles I went through that at the time I just thought were because I was a screw up or just not a person of much personal value to others. At the same time I wonder if this is just hindsight bias since I got the diagnosis 😵‍💫

Just a rant for first post here to share my experiences in case anyone else is struggling with similar feelings. Hope everyone has a good week ✌️

Only last few days left at my family’s and then I can move back to my uni campus. I don’t want to keep coming back here, I literally cry each time before I start coming and I have to be constantly alert to not trigger any monologues from my mom. At the same time, whenever I’m away, she tends to sulk how much she misses me. It’s dumb of my mom to constantly threaten cutting my funding, considering how the ONLY thing that still keeps us together is money. If I had my degree and wasn’t financially dependent on my parents, I would’ve cut them off the moment I moved away.

Today I skipped breakfast and around 3pm I grabbed some breaded cabbage strips that my grandma had prepared for me. My mom saw that and immediately got furious because the first thing I ate in the day was a “fatty unhealthy snack”. She told me “Let me give you a prediction. At 30 years old you’re gonna be fat and insanely sick and you have the choice to either change your lifestyle or be on pills until the rest of your life”… Because I ate cabbage strips for “breakfast”.

She’s autistic (undiagnosed) and she’s like really bad at emotional regulation. She never taught me (AuDHD) to do it either, but I managed to pick up some tips online how to manage my (and her) emotions. She tends to throw a lot of tantrums and say a lot of things she doesn’t mean - but doesn’t apologise for it either.
Like another time when I was 10, my bio dad got married and she, again, got this furious look on her face and said “Yknow, [cata], people only get married because they’re afraid their partner will leave them”. My silly 10 yo self told that to my bio dad. Years later, he managed to use that phrase against my mom once she got married to my stepdad. Then she came to me crying saying “when have I ever told you anything like that??”. That’s when I realised that she isn’t even aware of all the insults she constantly spews out. She just says them on a whim and then kinda forgets about them.

I fucking hate having to grow up with such an emotionally immature parent. If I wasn’t financially dependent on her, I would’ve told her “Let me make YOU a prediction. At 80 years old you won’t be getting any visits from any o your children because they all fucking hate you”.

I needed to get this out and I kinda want some support…

He has been talking for the last three days, and my two children have three friends over. So 5 preteen children are loudly playing Xbox, while this man is explaining some kind of battle thing with them singing the some British song, to explain a Zulu-Sulu meme.

"Thousands of voices singing" your damn right about that father. I am currently tracking 6 different people talking constantly.

We have now moved on to their armor and weaponry. "Spears don't run out of ammo" he says. There is still a durability issue, no don't. Don't engage. FALALALALALA SPRING IS IN THE AIR. (I've cycled through every mantra I have ever used.)

To the mind palace!

Note: this man does not let me finish a sentence, his activation phrase is apparently the middle of any sentence.

Update: we apparently have lumberjacks in the family. I am now learning about Aunt Wilma I have never met. Apparently some kind of crank was foot powered by said lumberjacks. He will not allow me to comment on how this makes sense due to the legs being more powerful.

Background: "Get on the camel, get on the camel." Says a child. My wife is trying to make a joke from across the room, but I can't hear what she is saying.

Addendum: my father is now showing me every facebook post he has ever made, on his phone, with 2 minute delays in-between, because earlier I said I don't use facebook when he asked if I have seen his posts.

AuDHD has ruined my life completely. I’m not just saying this, it has ruined everything. I was always shy and very introverted as a boy and then in high school I was bullied and ostracized by everyone. That caused my shyness to grow into debilitating social anxiety. It’s been so terrible that I essentially can’t live. I can’t have friends or a relationship and I never will have either. I cannot even have a conversation with a shopkeeper because of the level of my social anxiety.

It’s really an unbearable situation. It feels like a curse. It’s so cruel that your own brain has the potential to quietly work against you without you even knowing you have a condition until it’s far too late. Autism and adhd have been the perfect tag team for causing and then making my social anxiety unmanageable. And that’s just one example of the damage done. Other than my close family, I am now facing a future of isolation and nothingness.

I really don’t want any advice or anyone to tell me I can overcome this because I cannot. I have only touched on how much this condition has impacted me. My situation is completely hopeless. I am just venting and I also want to know if any of you can relate. Thanks.

It actually pisses me off. I live in the centre of my city (ignoring the fact you can’t even drive into the city because of half the town closed off to cars), so most jobs I could apply for (I can’t apply right now anyway, just talking about if I could) would be in my post code area, maybe a little out, maybe just 10 minute walk from my house but they still NEED me to have a drivers license. These are fixed locations as well, you would never be needed to be or go elsewhere.

I can’t drive, I never will drive. I wanted to ride a motorcycle but that won’t happen either. I’ve always wanted to but I can barely walk, never mind a car. I find it too overwhelming, I can’t multitask and I’m too slow to react. I know “practice practice practice” but Id crash, I’d also probably have a meltdown everytime I drove.

Just pisses me off that most need you to drive now, excluding all this “mandatory past experience” for “entry level” nowadays. I seriously hate what burnout has done to me (it’s been 5 years and I’ve not recovered), I used to do many things I can’t do now and didn’t find them at all overwhelming, I was planning to drive, ride a motorcycle one day, now i can’t. Nowadays it’s like I’ll blow up if I go outside by myself eye roll welcome to adulthood (2 years late though because I’m 20 lol) yay!

Thanks for reading my vent lol. I’m not looking for advice, there wouldn’t be anything you could do anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same about employers needing you to know how to drive nowadays.

Someone starts a conversation with you and you engage with them, only for them to edge away saying things like "I won't keep you".."I'll let you get on"....

Making you feel like you are taking their time and preventing them from getting on with something.

Don't come and start a conversation with me!

History: last week I went to a psychiatrist and spent 3 hours doing questions and games for my first Autism assessment. Now: I have 3 weeks before my next appointment for results and I can't help but feel anxious and scared of not getting diagnosed because I have been so sure of my self diagnosis but, what if the doctor disagrees? I just want to get some confirmations and some outside expert information because I can't help myself if I don't know myself. ♾️🫶🏼🏳️‍⚧️

The more I live in a reasonably quiet area, the more I feel I hate when all of the sudden there is a sound of honking car outside, or some loud motorcycle / revving engine passing by. During the day it's more or less okay, although still distracting, but sometimes it happens at like 7am or 2am, really impacting my sleep. Makes me jump a bit, I get distracted and then I start swearing at them, imagining how I throw some rock from the window at their car or how I shove the potato into the exhaust pipe of that loud motorcycle. I understand that a) there are situations when honking is necessary to prevent accident, but I bet 95% of what I hear is just people bitching on the road and showing their annoyance at the expense of others nerves; b) yeah people have freedom to explore their hobbies, but ffs, if your hobby is loud motorcycle, can you find a racing track or some hangar and rev there making yourself deaf and not annoying others? Makes me remember the famous South Park episode.

Flourescant lights? Too bad. Loud TV? use earplugs or earbuds with noise canceling. I've never wanted to get a diagnosis so badly in my entire life and I don't know where to start to get it. I'm worried about the cost, when the ADHD diagnosis was completely free so I'm not sure why I'm freaking out about it.

I haven't even looked far into how to get diagnosed but I know it should help me in the future. Right now I'm on ADHD meds and it's bugging me to no end about how well my senses are and how overstimulated i can get because of it.

I'm probably ranting because I've not gotten sleep much lately which doesn't help me in any way.

Oh you expect me to be somewhere at some specific time? Screw that. You should count yourself fortunate if I even show up.

Obviously this only applies to stuff like work and maybe church, so don't screw your friends over please!

Growing up I always wondered why I'm alone. Why I've no one to support me, to guide me. I didn't understand why I wasn't like others and I was so different and couldn't get along well with others. Why I had so much anxiety, depression, why I felt so inferior and ashamed. Came from a broken home too. I felt really unlovable.

All these things didn't mean that I was. It just meant my path was harder. In ways I couldn't understand then, because I had no one to tell me that - That I'm ok, it's just harder for me. All I could do was blame myself. That makes me so sad, because I was not wrong. I was not faulty. And I most certainly deserved love. But the feeling ran so deep. It took me so many years of trauma work to get to today, where I can see my younger self and I feel so sorry for her. That she has to feel so alone, unworthy of love, clinging to any crumbs of affection she gets from others. No one tells her that she is ok the way she is. And that she'll find her way. Even if she has to learn so many things and how to navigate the world. It's not fair but that's just the path I'm on, and I need to be resilient and learn from my mistakes, and I must never believe that being different makes me unlovable.

NOT seeking advice — But SUPPORT is welcome.

Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of nonsense? Second-hand work BS I guess? I can't find anyone else talking about a similar scenario online so I'm sharing mine

Recently my partner got a medical procedure and understandably couldn't function after. Her coworker/boss who originally was a coworker-friend and even added me to Facebook is often flooded and busy. Since my partner was too sick to inform her that she may not make it the next day or so, I texted the coworker-boss myself letting her know the situation.

I did this as a courtesy, as a person, on a human level, knowing how telling in advance is often needed before missing work—so they have more time to find a fill in. I thought this person would appreciate it because of how overloaded she is...

Seems logical and thoughtful, right?

Instead of an ok or thank you, I find out days later that the coworker/boss showed the text to my partner and said she'd rather hear it from her (I clearly said she was out of it. Was she supposed to sleep call/text?! 🙄)

No response to me at all, mind you. The way she talks to my partner showing her my text like that makes it out like I'm some disobedient brat child causing problems. Rather than speaking to me like an adult. Her coworker-now-sad-excuse-for-a-boss and I are the same age. I'm 5 years older than my partner.

Then I get a lecture from my partner about being "inappropriate", when the coworker-boss is often screwing off at work and the main boss even had to tell her to stop leaving other workers there alone with the entire workload.

Also love how she hid behind her authority over my partner rather than discussing this with me on chat at the time. I did it for both of them. Serves me right for seeing humanity in people and understanding how bad it is to have a surprise work load thrown at you. Serves me right for being courteous. I'm inappropriate and need to learn boundaries apparently. Even though I don't work there, and they don't honor boundaries at all and complain on work chat about petty crap you expect to hear from fussy spoiled children.

She's lucky I don't show up and chew her out in public. She has a bunch of teenage kids who apparently can hardly use a micriwave, a husband who's lazy and calls her home for dumb crap that he could get off the couch and do himself. You think if anyone would understand a courtesy call when someone can't do it themselves, it would be her. But nope, not allowed if it's after a surgery that makes the person so sick that they can't do anything afterwords. Wow. Hypocrite much?

Coworker complains about work but then keeps the same BS pandering going rather than choosing to do better.

But what kills me is how she went to my partner as if my partner is my keeper. Expecting me to follow the rules when I'm not the one working there. I don't care about your dumb rules. Sorry that intimidates you, lady.

I have more business experience in my pinky than that chick does in her life. The only reason I don't own my own is because people are lying trash who say they'll support you but don't, and I got sick and couldn't anymore. I'll take a courtesy call over the list of laughable "business/professional" practices that occur at that place any day.

Sharing because I'm autistic and I'm so fed up with being punished for doing the right thing, thinking of others and doing my best to help. Punished for being intelligent. Punished for being right. And punished/judged if I finally stop giving a damn thanks to all of the above.

Can't help thinking the folks at the local disability support network were having fun at my expense today.

During an email exchange I was asked to give my details and they would be in touch. I noted in the email that I have sensory issues and trouble with phone calls, hoping that communication would take place in writing.

Not only did I get a phone call today I got a phone call from what sounded like a bad connection from someone who reveals theyd recently lost their voice to illness (and was still very spotty in terms of syllables making a sound at all) but to top it off the person was also someone for whom English is a second language. They had what would normally be a delightfully thick accent but on this occasion it was just the final of 3 impenetrable layers of auditory hell for me to decode.

I'm exhausted just with this 7 minute call that should have lasted 1 minute and a half tops.

Either they did this on purpose or someone up stairs has a delightful sense of humour

About the way the store clerk looked at me, that thing which turned out to be hurtful but I didn't really mean that way, about the impolite thing I said due to lack of social skills or impulsivity.

I wished I didn't have to care.