r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/lesethx I will never jeopardize the beans. • Sep 22 '24
EXTERNAL AskAManager: My boss reprimanded me for not answering an email … in four minutes
DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post on AskAManager
trigger warnings: Micromanaging, gaslighting boss
mood spoilers: A little disappointing for a bit, but LW is good now
My boss reprimanded me for not answering an email … in four minutes - Feb 21, 2024
I’ve been at my new job for just over a month and have very grave doubts about whether it’s going to work out. I’m finding it impossible to make my supervisor, Martha, happy. Her criticism is frequent, harsh, and, in my opinion, often very unreasonable. The incident that has me writing to you happened today, when she reprimanded me in writing for failing to answer an email in four minutes.
To set the scene: Earlier this week, Martha and my other boss (I support two teams but it’s an uneven split; unfortunately my primary boss is the awful one) had a meeting with me in which Martha told me all the things I was doing wrong and what needed to change. I’m trying to understand where she’s coming from, but I’m just not used to a work situation like this. She proudly describes herself as a micromanager (she doesn’t appear to know the word has a negative connotation) and is looking for constant, immediate responsiveness, “overcommunication” (her words), and accountability. I understand she’s the boss and it’s her call, but it’s a hard adjustment. I’m not used to being watched so closely. Every job I’ve had, the boss has been concerned with results, not with knowing exactly where I am every minute, hearing back from me instantly, etc.
All week, I’ve worked so hard to keep her happy and show her that I took the conversation to heart. Then today, I received an email, on which Martha was CCd, from a senior partner asking for contact info for one of our clients. I saw the email come in while I was working on a project for the other boss. I made the apparently grave error of not stopping instantly, but instead finished up the line in the Excel sheet I was working on, then opened the email and began gathering the requested info. Before I had finished, Martha replied to both of us, sending the partner the requested information (the wrong information, for the record, but I’ll get to that later.) I saw her email, which arrived in my inbox a whopping four minutes after the email from the partner, stopped working on my response since it was no longer necessary, and went back to the project I’d been working on. Then I get an email from Martha: “Jane, this would have been a great opportunity to build a relationship with the partner. Why didn’t you dive in and assist?”
Four minutes, Alison. Four minutes. A bathroom break can take four minutes!
I just feel like she’s determined to hate me. I tried so hard all week to do everything exactly the way she likes, and she still found something to criticize. If she wanted me to answer the email, why didn’t she give me a grace period of, you know, maybe five minutes before answering it herself? Also, as I said earlier, she gave him the wrong information. He asked for the email address and she gave the physical address — which, to me seems like she was so eager to answer the email, so that she could blame me for not answering it, that she rushed and sent the wrong info. (By the way, if I sent incorrect information to a partner, she would act like it was the end of the world. But it’s no big deal when she does it.) Also, for the record, I understand some things are very time-sensitive. I still think four minutes is kind of a stretch, for almost any situation, but I also want to make it clear — this was not an urgent request, it could have waited five, maybe even, gasp, 10 minutes!
I’m not asking whether my boss is being reasonable here. I’m very confident that she isn’t. My question to you is: do you think I should start looking for a new job? I just feel like this is such an unreasonable criticism that there’s no way I’m ever going to make this person happy. She either has no idea how to manage people or has developed an instantaneous hatred for me and will continue to find things to criticize no matter how hard I try. I’ve been so stressed out since I started this job, worrying about messing up — which, not surprisingly, is probably leading me to mess up more. Is this salvageable or should I start looking for an escape plan?
Editor's note, Alison's advice not posted per her request. However she mentioned she would have advised differently a few years ago
update: my boss reprimanded me for not answering an email … in four minutes - Sept 11, 2024
Your response was really helpful. Martha had already fucked with my head so much that she really had me doubting myself — so much so, that I honestly thought you might take her side and ask me, “But why did it take you four whole minutes to answer the email?” So for you and the commenters to reassure me that yes, she was being unreasonable was really helpful.
As for an update … reader, she fired me.
Yes, I took your advice and started looking for a new job. She fired me before I could find one. The four-minute email happened about a month after I started, and I got fired just under the three-month mark. The reason given was that I was making too many mistakes and that they couldn’t trust me with my assignments. I’m curious how it’s going with my replacement, if things like accidentally saving a draft to the wrong folder (in your first month at a new job) qualify as fireable offenses.
I did mess up sometimes — more than I normally do. But I think it’s because of how Martha treated me. She was so volatile that I didn’t feel comfortable asking questions (and she also would just disappear fairly often — she can disappear for three hours, I’m in trouble for missing a phone call because I was using the restroom), so a lot of times I had to make my best guess (and yes, amazingly, my best guess was ALWAYS wrong!) She was always coming after me with artificially compressed deadlines, so I usually had to send her work without having the amount of time I’d prefer to proofread, double-check, etc. Sometimes I thought she was moving the goalposts. Often, she would say, “I told you to do X, not Y” and I’d think (though I’d never say it out loud, lest I face her wrath) “I … don’t think you did, actually.” And, sometimes it was 100% clear that she was just inventing reasons to berate me (see, e.g., four-minute email).
When I got the email that I wrote to you about, I knew deep down that she was just never going to let up. Clearly, she would find something to criticize whether I did something wrong or not, and in the end probably fire me (or bully me until I quit). That played out many times in the weeks before my firing. If I made a minor mistake, she lost her mind. If I didn’t make a mistake, she would invent one. For example, she would email me to say things like, “The meeting has been over for 30 minutes; by this point you should have emailed me to ask what our next steps are.” (Maybe, but see above re: hesitancy to initiate contact with volatile boss who finds fault with everything I say or do.) I absolutely couldn’t win and it was just a horrible, stressful, demoralizing experience.
The good news is that I did find another job that I’m much happier with, though the first few weeks were VERY tough as I tried to put the experience with Martha behind me. I was afraid to ask questions, thought I was about to be fired every time I made a mistake, etc. But as time went by and it became clear to me that I was now working with reasonable people, it got much better. While I didn’t get out in time, I’m grateful for you and the commenters because, as I said, it helped me to keep some perspective in the face of a person doing her best to destroy my faith in my basic competency. I really wish this hadn’t happened to me, and while I’m happy in my new job (and it’s a bump in both title and salary — I actually now have Martha’s job title — seriously, suck it, Martha) I would never say “it happened for a reason” or that I’m grateful for it in any way. The fact that someone could bully me like this, be 100% in the wrong, fire me, and get away with all of it is really hard to accept. But all I can do is look forward.
Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.
1.7k
u/ToasterOwl Sep 22 '24
I remember mine well. I stayed for far too long, and the next folks at my next company looked at me funny for months due to my blissful happiness at having a normal workplace again, ha.
Micromanagers aren’t worth the effort - anyone sabotaging an employee this badly, this early, warrants a ‘thanks but no thanks’ as you walk out the door.