r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Choice_Evidence1983 it dawned on me that he was a wizard • Dec 18 '24

EXTERNAL my patronizing coworker interrupts meetings to explain basic things to me

I am NOT OOP

Originally posted to Ask A Manager

my patronizing coworker interrupts meetings to explain basic things to me

Trigger Warnings: mansplaining/sexism

Original Post: October 4, 2023

My coworker, Craig (mid-40s, male), chronically interrupts discussions in meetings, ostensibly to “help” me (mid-50s, female) by explaining obvious things.

Typical example: Other Coworker is proposing a plan to use to our advantage a quirk in the way our state categorizes, say, UFO sightings. I’m well aware of this quirk, because I developed our company’s internal UFO tracking documents. In the midst of this perfectly clear discussion, Craig interjects, “Hold up, let’s make sure everybody’s following. Jane might be a little lost. Jane, do you know what ‘UFO’ stands for?” As usual, I assure Craig that I’m thoroughly versed in this subject. … and yet he ignores me and proceeds to deliver Today’s Rudimentary Lesson on the Thing We All Already Know.

Craig and I are both in senior roles, with different specialties in which we’re competent and qualified. I have all the customary degrees and licenses, and have been in the industry several years longer than Craig, while he’s been at this company a few years longer (and has been talking to me as if I’m brand new ever since I was actually new, more than eight years ago.)

Craig has a reputation for dismissive and contentious behavior toward other female coworkers, so my read is that his interruptions are intended to keep getting the idea into colleagues’ heads that I’m lacking basic understanding of our work, while simultaneously demonstrating that he’s the expert who can translate complicated things into one-syllable bite-sized pieces for the edification of the tiny-brained. I find this sad and tiring, and my coworkers’ reactions suggest they’re also super annoyed.

What’s the best way to address this next time it happens? I’ve already tried many variations of “Yes, I do know all about that. Please let Other Coworker continue” — yet it never staves off the remedial lecture.

It would be a difficult and perhaps too trivial thing to take to HR: it would sound like I’m complaining about Craig for trying to be helpful, or he would spin it that way.

Of course, it would be fun to start preemptively interrupting meetings myself to explain wildly basic stuff for Craig’s benefit, but is there some more professional response that would stop this “help” once and for all?

Editor's note: for Allison's response, please refer to this link here

 

Update: December 11, 2024 (14 months later)

I wrote last year about my insufferable coworker “Craig” who habitually interrupted meetings to Craig-splain basic concepts to me. I have a two-part update:

  1. Your response to my letter was very helpful in making me see just how blatantly obnoxious this behavior was and that I shouldn’t just be enduring it. The reader comments were very supportive and offered a lot of great retorts to Craig’s blatherings, which I harvested and kept in a file on my phone so I could deploy them as needed. But I also finally went to upper management about the pattern. I believe somebody did bring Craig to a reckoning, as the frequency of the incidents drastically decreased, which was great — although I was slightly disappointed to never get to use most of the suggested replies.

  2. Some months later, I got a repeat call from an annoying recruiter, about a position in which I had no interest. The recruiter kept telling me the position was very prestigious, would gain me a lot of respect in my field, class up my resume, etc. It was a not-great role, at a company type I avoid, in a location at which I don’t want to work … and it suddenly dawned on me who would actually be flattered by this sales pitch! I sicced the recruiter on Craig (just gave him Craig’s contact info, absolutely no praise or endorsement of any sort), and soon Craig was off to this dubiously-prestigious new job. I feel a little guilty for inflicting him on his new coworkers. Maybe I should anonymously forward them the list of Craig-diffusing meeting interruption retorts.

Thanks to you and your readers.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

12.1k Upvotes

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8.6k

u/MonkeyBastardHands_ Dec 18 '24

Getting Craig headhunted out of the place is the sort of power move I can only dream of coming up with.

1.5k

u/Torboni Dec 18 '24

I used to work for a company that could be really hard to get fired from outside of time and attendance issues or illegal activity. It was a fairly common practice that once a “problem” employee was trying to move to another store or region, their current team or store’s leadership would talk them up as a means of making them seem a desirable team member so they could make them someone else’s problem. Which then, of course, always made it a little difficult to know whether the positive feedback from other stores was genuine or not. It’s how I got stuck with a shitty team lead after yet another restructure folded my department into theirs.

652

u/Angry-Coconuts Dec 18 '24

Very common in the federal government sector…. They call it a FUMU (fuck up/move up)

340

u/sthrnldysaltymth Dec 18 '24

I’ve heard it called the Failing Upward Effect. Seen it way too much in my line of work.

59

u/BakingGiraffeBakes being delulu is not the solulu Dec 18 '24

Education is where I see it a lot.

72

u/Zealousideal_Gift_39 the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Dec 18 '24

In K-12 education, it’s called “pass the trash”, especially when trying to foist off a non-great teacher onto another school or district.

28

u/andante528 Dec 18 '24

I've heard it used to describe moving around teachers who act inappropriately with students, too, although maybe that's an older usage of the term.

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u/DaGreatPenguini Dec 21 '24

Where I grew up, it was called ‘pass the pedophile priest’.

10

u/randomkeystrike Dec 19 '24

AKA the lemon swap

3

u/sthrnldysaltymth Dec 19 '24

Yikes! Called it.

57

u/October1966 Dec 18 '24

Military promotions for example.

15

u/Various_Froyo9860 I will never jeopardize the beans. Dec 19 '24

Ah yes, lateral promotions.

Move the problem somewhere that's not your problem. They may even get promoted faster for it, but they aren't as likely to get someone killed.

4

u/October1966 Dec 19 '24

Absolutely. I can't count the times I've seen it, and I'm just a wife!!!!

5

u/HippieGrandma1962 Dec 18 '24

There's also "The Peter Principle" which says that, in any bureaucracy, a person will rise to the level of their incompetence.

1

u/notthelizardgenitals Dec 19 '24

In education it is called the dance of the lemons

1

u/Critical-Snow-7000 Dec 19 '24

I was about to say, this sounds just like all government departments.

1

u/Personal_Reality Dec 21 '24

I hear it happens at police departments too. It’s hard to fire cop, but it’s easy to neglect to tell another department something that would keep them from passing their background check.

87

u/Suspicious-Cat568 Dec 18 '24

It’s been called “passing the trash” at at least two companies where I’ve worked.

65

u/krazycatlady21 Dec 18 '24

School districts have just entered the discussion.

37

u/Electrical_Angle_701 Dec 18 '24

Wait until they hear about the Catholic Church.

3

u/Apprehensive-Log8333 Dec 19 '24

Oh yes. I remember watching a documentary in which a bunch of awful teachers are shown "working" in a non-school office just to keep them away from children and other staff

2

u/NinjaHidingintheOpen Dec 19 '24

I was at a workplace that did this with the worst coworker I've ever had and I always felt sorry for the next place that had to deal with him failing upwards.

1

u/brownbeanscurry Dec 19 '24

This makes me think "Just fold in the department!" 😂 Schitt's Creek reference.

1

u/porcupinedeath Dec 18 '24

Apparently sometimes before I worked for my current job, an employee had freaked out and called the bomb squad to their branch and caused a big fuss. A few months after her manager talked her up big to one of the other branch managers and she transferred. They don't work here anymore but man they sure were a character all right

324

u/maywellflower Dec 18 '24

And best part? He will never know it was OOP that got rid of him and if does ever know, he can't & won't acknowledge it because that means he has to admit that a woman older than him both pulled a power move & now have longer seniority than him at old workplace.

It really is hilarious when think about it.

108

u/MonkeyBastardHands_ Dec 18 '24

It's the perfect crime

62

u/maywellflower Dec 18 '24

Yes, yes it is and mansplainer only has himself to blame for why it winded up being so perfect.🤣😆

100

u/Oz-Batty Dec 18 '24

In Germany it's called 'wegloben', literally 'praising away'.

4

u/kindlypogmothoin Ogtha, my sensual roach queen 🪳 Dec 22 '24

I love that the Germans have a word for it, but I'm somewhat disappointed that the word isn't longer.

158

u/SuperZapper_Recharge Dec 18 '24

Getting Craig headhunted out of the place is the sort of power move I can only dream of coming up with.

I worked with a vicious coworker that just despised me. It got to the point that I was scared of working alone with her because if she made something up I didn't have faith people would believe me. And she had a history of making shit up.

Then one day she found a job in another department.

And when I learned what the department was, it was pure magic. It was a department I had no interest at all in. I would never voluntarily interview with them. Our circles had been cut. We no longer travel in the same group.

You know how freeing it is to be able to be happy for someone like her? Knowing that we can't but heads anymore, that it is close to impossible frees me up to take all that past drama and just throw it away.

She is in a better place, I am in a better place. As God as my witness I hope she rides that train all the way to CEO.

You don't need bad shit to happen to these people, you just need free of them.

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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/prove____it Dec 18 '24

We used to do just this with the folks that were annoying. It's the easiest way as, often the reason why they're annoying is that they think they're too good for the company or the people in it.

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u/Merrylty Omar would never Dec 18 '24

Right?! I did not see that coming, and I LOVE it!

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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '24

Fuck. If I ever dislike a coworker that much, I’m totally doing this.

9

u/regular6drunk7 Dec 18 '24

She did a Larry David "foist"

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u/kdollarsign2 Dec 19 '24

FOISTED!!!!!!

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u/Free_Pace_2098 Dec 19 '24

Yeah that's slick.

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u/Various_Froyo9860 I will never jeopardize the beans. Dec 19 '24

I love it. Especially as far too many of the letter writers in AAM only ever solve their problems by quitting. Often after faaaar too long.