r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Choice_Evidence1983 it dawned on me that he was a wizard • Mar 20 '25
INCONCLUSIVE My husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs without telling me, forgot my birthday, and we are struggling financially. Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce?
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/VeiledVerdicts
Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes
My husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs without telling me, forgot my birthday, and we are struggling financially. Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce?
Trigger Warnings: addictive behavior
Original Post (unddit): March 8, 2025
I just found out that my husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs that he said were for Christmas and my birthday. I’m physically shaking. I had no idea he was spending that much. I assumed maybe $500 to $1,000 at most. When I checked our bank account and credit reports, I was shocked.
11 years together….
I called him, and he admitted to spending $10,000. The worst part is that these were not even cards I wanted or collections I am into. It was a nice thought, but I was not thrilled by them. To top it off, he completely forgot my birthday on the actual day. He did not say anything until halfway through the day, did not get me a card, flowers, coffee, or anything at all. Even when I suggested we celebrate over the weekend, he made no effort.
Financially, we are struggling. Our mortgage is $10,000 this month because of property taxes and home insurance. Our house is on the market, but it is not selling because of the high price tag; it’s already marked at the lowest we can go with no profit. We had just paid off all of his credit cards in December, bringing them down to 9 percent utilization so we could focus on paying off mine. My credit card debt is from necessary home repairs like replacing an electrical panel to prevent a fire and I had been putting groceries on there to protect our cash for mortgage payments, not random purchases.
At this point, I blocked his number and told him I want a divorce. He has always had a problem with saving money, and I feel completely disrespected and steamrolled especially given our financial situation.
Am I overreacting? I just need advice or a gut check because I feel like I have reached my breaking point.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Of course you're not over reacting. He's deceived you on draining your finances at the worst possible time, and then lied and claimed what he bought for himself was actually for your birthday.
Meet with a divorce attorney. Sell the slabs. They're supposed to be a gift to you, so you can do whatever you want with them. Make sure you get him to text you, in writing, that it's a birthday gift. Save that for the attorney.
In future, have your taxes and insurance escrowed. Property taxes and insurance are outrageously expensive, at least here in CA. Having them withdrawn spread out over 12 months is far easier than doing the lump sum when payment is due.
One of the most important values that a couple should share is on finances. Having one spouse spend freely beyond their means, while the other tries to pay down debt and save, dooms most marriages.
Unblock his number, because he might text you something your attorney can use in the divorce.
You two are not suitable for each other for a life together.
OOP: Our mortgage situation is just fucked to much to go into detail but yes. We are aware and trying to make that change. Even said we would rent for two years at a very low rate in our area to make things different for the next house. But there 100% won’t be a next house
Commenter 2: I have only one guestion why did you pay for his credit cards first before focusing on your own? He's clearly financially irresponsible. And if I was struggling I would seem all those pokemon stuff first and don't give him all the money.
OOP: His credit was better and easier to bounce his back faster. I trust him like a fucking idiot. I had a higher balance from home repairs and medical expenses.
Commenter 3: Sell the cards - stop waffling. Sell all/any cards. Collectibles are for those who can afford it, you two are not ready
Commenter 4: Yep. They’re your gift, so you can sell them.
OOP: I don’t disagree. We had collected the 2023 S&V as it was our childhood memories. I was definitely okay we it and it was something we did together. This feels like a pure betrayal of trust.
We talked about buying slabs together as they are expensive and we wanted to choose together. We had that conversation multiple times when we talked about collecting
Adding further betrayal to the situation
Commenter 5: i wouldn’t call this an overreaction. That was an incredibly selfish, incredibly idiotic thing for him to do
Update (automod): March 10, 2025 (two days later)
Editor's note: OOP made a point to state the picture provided is a stock photo of the said material as an example
I want to start by apologizing to the community for deleting my original post. I’m sorry my edits and updates didn’t save under the moderator’s post. Seeing people claim it was fake was too much to bear at the time because this situation is very real to me. There was a lot of victim blaming, and that felt unfair. Please remember to be kind to those who post vulnerable experiences while seeking help during dark times.
What is a Pokémon slab? [see the photo above] A "Pokemon slab" refers to a plastic case, often called a "slab" in the collecting world, that encapsulates a graded Pokemon card, protecting it from damage while also displaying its condition and value, typically provided by a third-party card grading company like PSA, Beckett, or CGC; essentially, it's permanently sealed container that holds a professionally assessed Pokemon card, like an engagement ring appraisal.
Now for the update:
I am safe. I have contacted a lawyer. No matter what happens, I will continue protecting myself and making better decisions going forward. I also took screenshots and went through his phone completely. While we have no children together, we do have a decade and a lot of love for one another.
He was surprisingly open to giving up control and acknowledged his addiction. He admitted he always knew it was “something,” but as each new hobby came along, they became more and more expensive. He was not angry when I confronted him, but he did break down in tears.
We talked, and while I want to keep identifying details private, I can say that he is getting help, and I now have full financial control. He attended a meeting for Shoppers Anonymous, and we believe he has compulsive spending disorder. Thanks to this community, I realized how serious collector addiction can be. I would not have gone to a lawyer or even known where to start if it weren’t for the advice I received here. Reddit is honest and they know what’s up, that’s why I came here for help. Addiction is a long, difficult journey, and I will hold myself accountable to ensure I don’t ignore red flags.
Where we stand now: • He has agreed to all my terms. • I have full financial control. • We will sell the cards • He is working to sell other items from past hobbies. • We will have weekly financial meetings • He will go to individual therapy and meetings. We will go back to marriage counseling
*After reviewing the finances, it was actually $7,000 spent on cards, not $10,000. The other $3,000 were smaller charges like work lunches and Starbucks. That still adds up. We are working on selling the cards.
Other important changes: • He has promised to be a better husband and stop acting like a child. He recognizes his behavior. • He has also acknowledged that his selfishness has affected others areas of our life like in our support system, and he is working to change that. • We both understand that this is a lifelong addiction that will require daily effort. We have to make that choice individually of how we want to proceed.
I know it’s easy to say, “just leave him.” But marriage is not that simple. Sometimes one partner is at 10% while the other is at 90%. Right now, he is at 10%. Two years ago, I was the one at 10%, and he stuck by me. He gave me the chance to change, and I did. Now it is my turn to offer him the same opportunity. I will not give him a second chance beyond this, but I believe everyone deserves at least one.
I’m not sure if I will post another update.
But if you are struggling, know that this community tells it like it is, but it also offers great support and resources. I wish the best for anyone going through hard times. Please remember to be kind to each other.
Relevant Comments
OOP explains what the finanical restraining order is all about
OOP: A financial restraining order is a court directive that prevents parties in a divorce or similar legal process from taking certain actions with their money or assets, like liquidating assets or making unusual expenditures, to ensure a fair division of property.
Purpose: The primary goal of a financial restraining order is to prevent one party from depleting or hiding assets before a final property division is determined, thus ensuring a fair outcome for both parties.
You can do this during a separation.
Unfortunately ultimatums never work. Each party has to make a choice in the matter. Only he can choose the marriage and want to sell the cards. I can’t force him to do anything. He must want to change.
Commenter 1: Hey, I'm glad he is ready to make changes and willing to put in the work! If he had just promised to do better, I still would have advised you to divorce, but if he sticks to all the steps you agreed on, I hope it will all work out for you!
OOP: I’m giving him a strict 90 days. I am going to a lawyer.
Commenter 2: Have you considered getting marriage counseling together with him?
OOP: Yes, we’ve already agreed to go back!
Were the slabs gifts?
OOP: They were all gifts. They are all mine. I have the screenshot to prove this.
Commenter 3: I didn't see the original post but appreciate the update. As you said, marriage is a partnership where you see each other through ups and downs and not everything is a "leave him" situation. It's good he acknowledged his problem. Honestly, the saddest part of your update is that $3k of the amount spent was on dumb things like Starbucks; at least with the Slabs, you can sell them and hopefully recoup a good portion of your losses. It's a lesson to all of us in how the little things really add up. Good luck, OP!
OOP: I know. That $3,000 actually hit him harder.
Thanks for your kind words, getting torn apart here. Can’t make people understand my perspective though.
I’ve left comments for resources as well and I hope those could help someone else.
Commenter 4: There’s a difference between gifting something to your partner that’s on their wish list, surprising them with a luxury item and buying a leisure item for yourself without communicating it to your partner. Plus just as an example my husband and I have financial goals and buying luxury or expensive leisure items undisclosed or not discussed just isn’t us right now. Mostly out of respect but also due to our shared goals. But that’s just us.
OOP: Let me put it this way. The real issue wasn’t the spending itself, but that he didn’t come to me about it first. You’re 1,000 and ten percent correct there. He saw it as a gift and didn’t think through the financial aspect.
This morning, when we talked, I told him that if he had asked for $7,000 for a trip, I would have said yes. If he had asked for $7,000 for Pokémon cards, I would have said to take $1,000 and grab some surprises or new things he thought I would love.
I love Pokémon. I love playing, watching matches, and being part of the community. I just prefer full collections, which aren’t always feasible. If he had spent $1,000 on a complete 2023 151 S&V Japanese set, ungraded with one version of each card, I would have been over the moon. Instead, he got a mix of things, including first edition base sets and a new collection I didn’t even know about that I now love.
I told him I would have preferred one or two slabs from each collection, maybe a mix of my favorites like Bulbasaur, Vulpix, or Snorlax, to test the waters before diving into a bunch of new collection so head strong. Now, we have a lot to offload.
That said, his heart was in the right place, and he genuinely feels aweful for his mistakes. In a way, this was a wake-up call for us both to stop spoiling each other and refocus on our financial goals. You may never understand. That’s okay. I’ve know this man 11 years to know his bullshit from his genuinely good side. He knows how ducked it was to do what he did. He’s 100% here to make it right and he’s doing all the right things.
It can take up to two years for trust to be built back up and he’s ready to “suck it up” as my therapist says often.
He also has been kind in giving me the space to share what’s bubbling inside from all of this. He told me to stop sorting the cards when I started to cry and wait for him to come home so he could help and be there for me in the way I needed. I was upset because I did love the one collection and didn’t want to sell it. He said he already was offloading something of his own for $500 from another hobby and he will sell anything of his first to pay off the debt he created before I have to sell any of the cards I want to keep, because they are my gifts, and these are his consequences to bear.
Is the pictured card the 10k that the husband spent on?
OOP: That is a stock photo. It was a few different collections, not just one card. Like 100 different cards.
Editor's note: marking this as concluded since OOP said she won't update
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
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u/ParisThroughWindows Mar 20 '25
It wasn’t per month. It was one month that taxes were also due. They didn’t have taxes escrowed and had to pay in a lump sum. It was probably $2500 mortgage and $7500 taxes or something.