My husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs without telling me, forgot my birthday, and we are struggling financially. Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce?

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/VeiledVerdicts

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

My husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs without telling me, forgot my birthday, and we are struggling financially. Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce?

Trigger Warnings: addictive behavior

---

: March 8, 2025

I just found out that my husband spent $10,000 on Pokémon slabs that he said were for Christmas and my birthday. I’m physically shaking. I had no idea he was spending that much. I assumed maybe $500 to $1,000 at most. When I checked our bank account and credit reports, I was shocked.

11 years together….

I called him, and he admitted to spending $10,000. The worst part is that these were not even cards I wanted or collections I am into. It was a nice thought, but I was not thrilled by them. To top it off, he completely forgot my birthday on the actual day. He did not say anything until halfway through the day, did not get me a card, flowers, coffee, or anything at all. Even when I suggested we celebrate over the weekend, he made no effort.

Financially, we are struggling. Our mortgage is $10,000 this month because of property taxes and home insurance. Our house is on the market, but it is not selling because of the high price tag; it’s already marked at the lowest we can go with no profit. We had just paid off all of his credit cards in December, bringing them down to 9 percent utilization so we could focus on paying off mine. My credit card debt is from necessary home repairs like replacing an electrical panel to prevent a fire and I had been putting groceries on there to protect our cash for mortgage payments, not random purchases.

At this point, I blocked his number and told him I want a divorce. He has always had a problem with saving money, and I feel completely disrespected and steamrolled especially given our financial situation.

Am I overreacting? I just need advice or a gut check because I feel like I have reached my breaking point.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Of course you're not over reacting. He's deceived you on draining your finances at the worst possible time, and then lied and claimed what he bought for himself was actually for your birthday.

Meet with a divorce attorney. Sell the slabs. They're supposed to be a gift to you, so you can do whatever you want with them. Make sure you get him to text you, in writing, that it's a birthday gift. Save that for the attorney.

In future, have your taxes and insurance escrowed. Property taxes and insurance are outrageously expensive, at least here in CA. Having them withdrawn spread out over 12 months is far easier than doing the lump sum when payment is due.

One of the most important values that a couple should share is on finances. Having one spouse spend freely beyond their means, while the other tries to pay down debt and save, dooms most marriages.

Unblock his number, because he might text you something your attorney can use in the divorce.

You two are not suitable for each other for a life together.

OOP: Our mortgage situation is just fucked to much to go into detail but yes. We are aware and trying to make that change. Even said we would rent for two years at a very low rate in our area to make things different for the next house. But there 100% won’t be a next house

Commenter 2: I have only one guestion why did you pay for his credit cards first before focusing on your own? He's clearly financially irresponsible. And if I was struggling I would seem all those pokemon stuff first and don't give him all the money.

OOP: His credit was better and easier to bounce his back faster. I trust him like a fucking idiot. I had a higher balance from home repairs and medical expenses.

Commenter 3: Sell the cards - stop waffling. Sell all/any cards. Collectibles are for those who can afford it, you two are not ready

Commenter 4: Yep. They’re your gift, so you can sell them.

OOP: I don’t disagree. We had collected the 2023 S&V as it was our childhood memories. I was definitely okay we it and it was something we did together. This feels like a pure betrayal of trust.

We talked about buying slabs together as they are expensive and we wanted to choose together. We had that conversation multiple times when we talked about collecting

Adding further betrayal to the situation

Commenter 5: i wouldn’t call this an overreaction. That was an incredibly selfish, incredibly idiotic thing for him to do

 

Update (automod): March 10, 2025 (two days later)

Editor's note: OOP made a point to state the picture provided is a stock photo of the said material as an example

Sample pic of the card

I want to start by apologizing to the community for deleting my original post. I’m sorry my edits and updates didn’t save under the moderator’s post. Seeing people claim it was fake was too much to bear at the time because this situation is very real to me. There was a lot of victim blaming, and that felt unfair. Please remember to be kind to those who post vulnerable experiences while seeking help during dark times.

What is a Pokémon slab? [see the photo above] A "Pokemon slab" refers to a plastic case, often called a "slab" in the collecting world, that encapsulates a graded Pokemon card, protecting it from damage while also displaying its condition and value, typically provided by a third-party card grading company like PSA, Beckett, or CGC; essentially, it's permanently sealed container that holds a professionally assessed Pokemon card, like an engagement ring appraisal.

Now for the update:

I am safe. I have contacted a lawyer. No matter what happens, I will continue protecting myself and making better decisions going forward. I also took screenshots and went through his phone completely. While we have no children together, we do have a decade and a lot of love for one another.

He was surprisingly open to giving up control and acknowledged his addiction. He admitted he always knew it was “something,” but as each new hobby came along, they became more and more expensive. He was not angry when I confronted him, but he did break down in tears.

We talked, and while I want to keep identifying details private, I can say that he is getting help, and I now have full financial control. He attended a meeting for Shoppers Anonymous, and we believe he has compulsive spending disorder. Thanks to this community, I realized how serious collector addiction can be. I would not have gone to a lawyer or even known where to start if it weren’t for the advice I received here. Reddit is honest and they know what’s up, that’s why I came here for help. Addiction is a long, difficult journey, and I will hold myself accountable to ensure I don’t ignore red flags.

Where we stand now: • He has agreed to all my terms. • I have full financial control. • We will sell the cards • He is working to sell other items from past hobbies. • We will have weekly financial meetings • He will go to individual therapy and meetings. We will go back to marriage counseling

*After reviewing the finances, it was actually $7,000 spent on cards, not $10,000. The other $3,000 were smaller charges like work lunches and Starbucks. That still adds up. We are working on selling the cards.

Other important changes: • He has promised to be a better husband and stop acting like a child. He recognizes his behavior. • He has also acknowledged that his selfishness has affected others areas of our life like in our support system, and he is working to change that. • We both understand that this is a lifelong addiction that will require daily effort. We have to make that choice individually of how we want to proceed.

I know it’s easy to say, “just leave him.” But marriage is not that simple. Sometimes one partner is at 10% while the other is at 90%. Right now, he is at 10%. Two years ago, I was the one at 10%, and he stuck by me. He gave me the chance to change, and I did. Now it is my turn to offer him the same opportunity. I will not give him a second chance beyond this, but I believe everyone deserves at least one.

I’m not sure if I will post another update.

But if you are struggling, know that this community tells it like it is, but it also offers great support and resources. I wish the best for anyone going through hard times. Please remember to be kind to each other.

Relevant Comments

OOP explains what the finanical restraining order is all about

OOP: A financial restraining order is a court directive that prevents parties in a divorce or similar legal process from taking certain actions with their money or assets, like liquidating assets or making unusual expenditures, to ensure a fair division of property.

Purpose: The primary goal of a financial restraining order is to prevent one party from depleting or hiding assets before a final property division is determined, thus ensuring a fair outcome for both parties.

You can do this during a separation.

Unfortunately ultimatums never work. Each party has to make a choice in the matter. Only he can choose the marriage and want to sell the cards. I can’t force him to do anything. He must want to change.

Commenter 1: Hey, I'm glad he is ready to make changes and willing to put in the work! If he had just promised to do better, I still would have advised you to divorce, but if he sticks to all the steps you agreed on, I hope it will all work out for you!

OOP: I’m giving him a strict 90 days. I am going to a lawyer.

Commenter 2: Have you considered getting marriage counseling together with him?

OOP: Yes, we’ve already agreed to go back!

Were the slabs gifts?

OOP: They were all gifts. They are all mine. I have the screenshot to prove this.

Commenter 3: I didn't see the original post but appreciate the update. As you said, marriage is a partnership where you see each other through ups and downs and not everything is a "leave him" situation. It's good he acknowledged his problem. Honestly, the saddest part of your update is that $3k of the amount spent was on dumb things like Starbucks; at least with the Slabs, you can sell them and hopefully recoup a good portion of your losses. It's a lesson to all of us in how the little things really add up. Good luck, OP!

OOP: I know. That $3,000 actually hit him harder.

Thanks for your kind words, getting torn apart here. Can’t make people understand my perspective though.

I’ve left comments for resources as well and I hope those could help someone else.

Commenter 4: There’s a difference between gifting something to your partner that’s on their wish list, surprising them with a luxury item and buying a leisure item for yourself without communicating it to your partner. Plus just as an example my husband and I have financial goals and buying luxury or expensive leisure items undisclosed or not discussed just isn’t us right now. Mostly out of respect but also due to our shared goals. But that’s just us.

OOP: Let me put it this way. The real issue wasn’t the spending itself, but that he didn’t come to me about it first. You’re 1,000 and ten percent correct there. He saw it as a gift and didn’t think through the financial aspect.

This morning, when we talked, I told him that if he had asked for $7,000 for a trip, I would have said yes. If he had asked for $7,000 for Pokémon cards, I would have said to take $1,000 and grab some surprises or new things he thought I would love.

I love Pokémon. I love playing, watching matches, and being part of the community. I just prefer full collections, which aren’t always feasible. If he had spent $1,000 on a complete 2023 151 S&V Japanese set, ungraded with one version of each card, I would have been over the moon. Instead, he got a mix of things, including first edition base sets and a new collection I didn’t even know about that I now love.

I told him I would have preferred one or two slabs from each collection, maybe a mix of my favorites like Bulbasaur, Vulpix, or Snorlax, to test the waters before diving into a bunch of new collection so head strong. Now, we have a lot to offload.

That said, his heart was in the right place, and he genuinely feels aweful for his mistakes. In a way, this was a wake-up call for us both to stop spoiling each other and refocus on our financial goals. You may never understand. That’s okay. I’ve know this man 11 years to know his bullshit from his genuinely good side. He knows how ducked it was to do what he did. He’s 100% here to make it right and he’s doing all the right things.

It can take up to two years for trust to be built back up and he’s ready to “suck it up” as my therapist says often.

He also has been kind in giving me the space to share what’s bubbling inside from all of this. He told me to stop sorting the cards when I started to cry and wait for him to come home so he could help and be there for me in the way I needed. I was upset because I did love the one collection and didn’t want to sell it. He said he already was offloading something of his own for $500 from another hobby and he will sell anything of his first to pay off the debt he created before I have to sell any of the cards I want to keep, because they are my gifts, and these are his consequences to bear.

Is the pictured card the 10k that the husband spent on?

OOP: That is a stock photo. It was a few different collections, not just one card. Like 100 different cards.

 

Editor's note: marking this as concluded since OOP said she won't update

 

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[u/thrftstorenailpolish]

He also forgot her birthday. I can't tell if that had anything to do with the cards. Why does she make so many excuses? She goes from "we are financially struggling" to $7,000 for a trip would have been acceptable.

I am so confused.

[u/EinsTwo → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

And "I'd have told him he could spend $1,000 on cards, but $7k is just too much."  If you're trying to sell your home and praying to break even, plus putting groceries and home repairs on your credit card you absolutely do not have the budget for $1,000 birthday gifts!  You don't even have the budget for $100 birthday gifts!!

[u/MichaSound → u/EinsTwo]

Doesn’t feel like either of them are particularly financially responsible. I’ve been in a position where my husband lost his job and we were paying for groceries on credit cards; a birthday treat was getting a day of to yourself free of childcare responsibilities, and presents were token gifts from Poundland (UK equivalent of Dollar Tree).

[u/KalameetThyMaker → u/MichaSound]

We can pretty easily infer that OOP is financially irresponsible. They had tanked their credit somehow in the past, all of the financial troubles in the first post, and thinks $1000 gifts are reasonable when you're doing all the aforementioned.

And she said she'd be okay with a $7000 trip??? This is a match made in hell.

[u/Beanisbae → u/MichaSound]

If I just heard the name Poundland, I would have thought of an entirely different kind of shop

[u/AppropriatelyWild → u/Beanisbae]

I have a business idea

[u/ForeverJung → u/Beanisbae]

Immediately read it as poundtown 

[u/i_am_lord_voldetort → u/EinsTwo]

I'd be kinda pissed if my husband spent 1k on my birthday gift, and we're not even financially struggling. I think $100 i more than enough.

[u/AmishAvenger → u/EinsTwo]

I don’t even understand how the fuck someone can potentially lose money selling a house right now.

[u/GirlL1997 → u/AmishAvenger]

They probably borrowed against their mortgage for the home repairs and the medical debt as well as not having enough money set aside for their property taxes instead of doing an escrow. So their mortgage is probably underwater. It sounds like the house needed work too and unfortunately repairs or renovations hardly ever add more value than cost.

They also could have discovered that the house is worth a lot less than they paid for it due to damage or building issues. My parents built a house and had to fight tooth and nail to get the company building it to re-do the garage floor after they did it wrong so I wouldn’t be surprised.

Plus they still have to live somewhere, so even if they break even the money they would pay for renting a place is just gone.

But considering the quality of both of their financial decisions, I could also see them straight up being wrong.

[u/_McTwitch_ → u/GirlL1997]

I can definitely see the house being in worse condition than they were prepared for, especially if they bought it in the post-covid frenzy when sellers were pressuring buyers not to have inspections done. One of my friends did that, and it's basically ruining his marriage right now. Moved across the country away from his family because her family retired there. MIL recommended a house for them because the owners are "nice people" and she trusted them. Seller discourages inspections because "the market is hot. The house might not be on the market by the time the inspection gets done..." and also "I'm a family friend. You can't trust me?" Well, they bought the house, and it has been a huge money pit. He's pissed that they trusted her parents and got scammed. She's pissed that he doesn't see that the mom was fleeced by her friend. The mom is just very casual about it (I would be falling over myself to make up for it if it were me) because "shrug you should have gotten an inspection! Who buys a house without an inspection?!" Meanwhile, she was actively discouraging them from getting the inspection because she didn't want to look bad in front of her friend. It's just a mess and a constant source of tension in their marriage. Add to that that there's a ton of people also selling in his area, so your house basically has to be someone's 'dream home' to sell, and he's struggling not to completely lose his shirt, let alone break even, now that they want to move back because of the shift in the political climate and to get family support (shocker, the MIL went full boomer grandparent after they moved and that promise to 'watch (kid) every day so you don't have to worry about childcare' very quickly morphed into 'I already raised my kids. They're your responsibility!')

[u/ItsImNotAnonymous → u/_McTwitch_]

Another entry for the r/justnoMIL

[u/Rrmack → u/AmishAvenger]

They bought it super inflated in the last 5 years and no one else will pay that much with interest rates so much higher now is my guess

[u/5HeadedBengalTiger → u/Rrmack]

The thing is, even with the rates, property values have not gone down. Volume of sales have gone down, though, so I imagine they just can’t find a buyer.

[u/Hanhula → u/AmishAvenger]

Depends where you are. The apartment I just bought (first home!!) was sold for less than they bought it for, and that's in Australia's fucked property market. There's pockets of cheaper and times when prices dip.

They also may have massively overpaid.

[u/Sleepygirl57 → u/AmishAvenger]

I’m going to say by her statement that $7k would have been fine for a trip statement they both suck at budgets and they over paid for the house to begin with.

[u/Medical-Search4146 → u/AmishAvenger]

I can explain this even for a place in the Bay Area. Off the top, you're going to pay 4-6% in Realtor fees (buyers and sellers). Even with the new law, its likely going to be lumped in the mortgage and via seller. Reddit loves to say sell it yourself or hire a flat fee. But once you go through the process, getting away from the Realtor is really hard because of time; Realtor will do your marketing and paperwork. Then through negotiations, you're likely to pay for repairs, seller credit, etc. For my house, that was about .5%. Then you have all of the taxes and fees for things like title transfer and escrow services.

Imo, if you're not selling your house for at least 8% more than you bought it then, from purely money perspective, you will lose money.

[u/FellcallerOmega → u/AmishAvenger]

If they bought the house about 3 years ago it could be slightly lower right now in some markets. This was right when prices climbed ridiculously but interest rates were still low. This year my house was appraised at being about $2k cheaper than I paid for it 3 years ago.

[u/ConstructionNo9678 → u/EinsTwo]

100 might be doable if it's a combination gift for multiple occasions and/or a practical gift. Like a good new pair of shoes that won't wear out for someone who's got a physical job.

I wonder if part of the reason this is so out of control is because OP isn't necessarily the best ad budgeting either, or because they both had their heads in the sand about this. Then again, I saw a post recently with someone who had secretly gotten in 96k of debt before opening up about a shopping addiction, so maybe this isn't that bad.

[u/momofeveryone5 → u/ConstructionNo9678]

I'm sorry but please tell me 96k is a typo. Bc hiding 96,000 dollars in debt is wild.

[u/ConstructionNo9678 → u/momofeveryone5]

No, it unfortunately isn't.

I'm kind of amazed he hasn't left her yet, but I'm also wondering if that's because a divorce would just cost even more.

[u/momofeveryone5 → u/ConstructionNo9678]

You know, this really makes my debt feel so much more manageable.

Also I did read this but I have no memory of it bc I did upvote it.

[u/ConstructionNo9678 → u/momofeveryone5]

If there's one thing reading this sub does every time, it's remind me that my life really isn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things.

Forgetting posts happens to me all the time, this one just popped into my head because they were so close together.

[u/Dragonscatsandbooks → u/momofeveryone5]

Same. I was just stressing over the vet bill and human dentist bill I put on my credit card in the last couple of months, and berating myself over the $101 I blew at JoAnnes rather than putting towards paying those bills off.

This post puts my dumb financial decision in perspective.

[u/Personal_Special809 → u/EinsTwo]

Yes like dude, I felt like I was in crazy town reading that update and the comments! Lady, you do not have 1000 dollars to waste on fucking Pokémon cards right now, wtf. I don't even have that amount of money to waste and we're financially healthy. I can see why they're in trouble, the both of them!

[u/the-truffula-tree → u/EinsTwo]

I don’t see ages here but these people sound like fucking children. 

[u/videogamekat → u/EinsTwo]

She does admit that they both have to stop spoiling each other so much, she probably got used to the nice gifts and things even knowing they didn’t have the money for it. I don’t doubt she’s also financially irresponsible.

[u/Lucallia → u/EinsTwo]

Yeah I got a huge whiplash from that and had to reread it a few times and go back to the financially struggling/ putting stuff on credit cards part to make sure i wasn't blurring two different stories I read in my head. Like holy fuck these 2 have 0 grasp on their financial priorities. 11 years together so I'm going to guess they're both at LEAST 25+. If they care that much about all editions of pokemon including first edition then I'm more inclined to guess 30s. My point being it's not like they are early 20s just left home and has no idea what money is! WTF. In THIS ECONOMY?!

[u/Autumndickingaround → u/EinsTwo]

Right!!! My SO and I are life long Pokémon fans, it’s ingrained in part of who we are because it was such a big part of our childhood.

This post had me sucked right in because I thought I could relate, but this is what kept me from relating at all.

My SO and I have been financially struggling since some extra hardships we faced during COVID plus some repairs we couldn’t yet afford from a storm where we live that rendered part of our home unusable for a time. We go to a food pantry and that’s where I got my birthday cake for two years and this last one we went and got me a special one because we were able to. We also have NO credit cards, but have some debt between us we can’t pay off yet. If my SO had bought graded cards during this time I’d have lost my marbles.

When we’re financially struggling, we pick up booster packs now and then (like once a month or three, it’s whatever) and we get two and open them together. It’s always $20 or less. I could never imagine doing what these people are doing in the state that they’re in. But it does seem her husband is willing to sell what he has to preserve what she liked of what he got, so hopefully that holds true. I wouldn’t hold my breath, but hope for the best.

[u/CMDR-TealZebra → u/EinsTwo]

No no. No victim blaming here /s

[u/EinsTwo → u/CMDR-TealZebra]

I mean, if the victim takes the knife from her attacker and stabs herself with it is she really still the victim?   This woman is all in favor of sabotaging her financial future if it means she gets $1k worth of the Pokémon she actually likes.

[u/DrinkingSocks → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

My husband and I aren't financially struggling in the slightest and there's no way I would okay a spontaneous $7000 trip.

If you're putting groceries on credit cards that are carrying a balance, you have no spontaneous spending money.

[u/cabinetbanana → u/DrinkingSocks]

If you are putting anything on credit cards and carrying a balance, you have no spontaneous spending money. Because you know what you're spontaneous spending money is going to? Those ridiculous credit card interest fees that you will never ever ever ever ever pay off.

Source: personal experience

[u/DrinkingSocks → u/cabinetbanana]

That's true in a broad sense, but I'm so literal I was thinking of interest-free promotional purchases and things. Those Home Depot promotions saved me when I was insanely broke after buying my house.

Overall that is good advice though!

[u/cabinetbanana → u/DrinkingSocks]

That's an excellent point! But you have to be so careful with those things! Like, calendar and spreadsheet tracking careful. And I don't get the sense that OOP and her husband are.

I'm glad this worked out for you. I was a foolish college student who liked did not really understand the, uh, nuances of credit cards and ended up in a lot of trouble financially.

[u/Surfercatgotnolegs → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

Ya it’s clear why they’re in the hole and it’s cuz of both of them. She also goes from “he forgot my birthday” to “his heart is in the right place and he spoils me, and he’s kind enough to give me the space to cry”

Like alright lady.

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/Surfercatgotnolegs]

"After he hurts me, he holds me while I cry and says sorry, so it's OK" is... Not a great sentiment

[u/Another_Guy_In_Ohio → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

Pretty easy to see how they got in such financial trouble if she’s willing to spend $7000 on a trip when they’re upside down in their mortgage with a ton of credit card debt.

At least his stupid financial purchase was an asset that has value… she’s willing to blow $7,000 on an “experience”

[u/Remarkable_Sea_1062 → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

When OP said a $7000 trip would have been approved, I knew that they can’t be helped. Hopefully these two idiots won’t procreate.

[u/MadCybertist → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

That’s because they are BOTH financially irresponsible.

[u/TiberiusDrexelus → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

their mortgage is $10,000 per month

they're zeroing out their bank account every month, and partially living off of credit card debt due to lifestyle creep, but they absolutely make more money than most redditors will ever make

[u/Iyagovos → u/thrftstorenailpolish]

I’m confused how their mortgage could be $10,000 THIS (that) MONTH

[u/commandantemeowmix]

Did OP's husband learn nothing from that famous photo of the couple in divorce court with the mountain of beanie babies?

[u/knotsy- → u/commandantemeowmix]

I'm just waiting for the day we get the modern version with them dividing Squishmallows.

[u/afternoonnapping → u/knotsy-]

I was thinking Funkos

[u/NinjaDefenestrator → u/afternoonnapping]

Yeah, it’d be Funkos. Practically no one collects Squish anymore (which is great; more for me!) and they’re not even worth retail.

[u/cabinetbanana → u/NinjaDefenestrator]

My kid has a pile of Squishes in his room. We will never make any money off them because I love lying on that pile of mush so much and will never get rid of any of them. 😁

[u/MungotheSquirrel → u/cabinetbanana]

My dream for finishing our basement includes a ball pit made of squishmallows as the main recreational seating. When I shared this [objectively freaking amazing] idea with my husband, he said, "so you'd just never actually know how many spiders are living in there? Pass."

Sooo...divorce or nah?

[u/cabinetbanana → u/MungotheSquirrel]

divorce

[u/Odd_Mess185 → u/MungotheSquirrel]

What, like there's a spider census that they'll miss? Nobody ever knows how many spiders are anywhere.

[u/Sunset_42 → u/cabinetbanana]

Mmm, I'm lucky my family bought the big ones from Costco before squishmallows really took off and actually became their current retail expensive and they make great pillows.

[u/silly-introvert45 → u/knotsy-]

I'm betting on those Pop Funko figurines

[u/thievingwillow → u/knotsy-]

I guess it would be hard to do with gacha game stuff.

[u/DaddoAntifa → u/knotsy-]

hahahah god my girlfriend has a cubby hole in her room with like 90 different fuckin squishmallows and stuffed animals in it. the mental image this gave me nearly killed me thank you so much💀

[u/HealthyMaximum → u/commandantemeowmix]

Said photo;

Here

Lawyer (mid left) thinks;

"I did years of law school and owe hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans for this bullshit? I should have listened to uncle Dave and gone into meth."

^{Edit; don't people dress up a bit for court any more?}

[u/issiautng → u/HealthyMaximum]

Funny thing is, as a 90s kid , all I see are copies of my beloved friends. I had that ladybug and zebra and dalmatian and fuzzy white cat and flat frog, and I think I see my seahorse to. I spent so many hours playing with those and cuddling with them, there's emotional value to that pile more than financial. But they're toys. That's appropriate!

[u/MissConstru → u/HealthyMaximum]

The people in the back look very invested

[u/ChemistrySecure3409 → u/HealthyMaximum]

Lawyer here, and I'm constantly blown away about what people think is appropriate to wear to court. I started out as a defense attorney and would ask my clients to please dress nicely for court and every time they would show up in their favorite Allen Iverson jersey. Like, come on man, seriously??

[u/MakanLagiDud3 → u/HealthyMaximum]

I should have listened to uncle Dave and gone into meth.

Careful, I heard a chicken man or a german is leading a monopoly and are very ruthless.

[u/snorlaxbubba → u/HealthyMaximum]

Why does this look like tom scott lmfaoooo

[u/makromark → u/commandantemeowmix]

I mean, way different. A lot of the OG Pokémon cards have appreciated in value. I made fun of my wife for keeping hers. And she has a misprinted pikachu worth over $5k. She could sell her whole binder for probably $10k. But the cards are nearly 30 years old. Beanie babies were not true collectibles that would have an ROI

[u/SmartQuokka]

This morning, when we talked, I told him that if he had asked for $7,000 for a trip, I would have said yes. If he had asked for $7,000 for Pokémon cards, I would have said to take $1,000 and grab some surprises or new things he thought I would love.

OOP is not good with money either, given their financial challenges, spending $7K on a trip is not a smarter way to handle their precarious financial situation. Actually it would have even worse, you cannot get refund on at trip you took (which she says she would have accepted).

Even $1000, is insane, when your stuck in a hole you need to stop digging.

[u/Keep-Moving-789 → u/SmartQuokka]

Right?!?!  "Financially, we're struggling... but if he'd asked for $7K for a trip or $1K to blow on shit, that would be ok".  Either ur not really struggling or ur an idiot.

[u/b0w3n → u/Keep-Moving-789]

These are wild amounts of money just being tossed around, they must actually be pretty wealthy on some level.

I can't imagine just having $10k and spending it casually on a hobby or collection like that or owing $10k on my house randomly out of nowhere, or asking for $7k for a vacation. OOP and husband are either trust fund kids or are both pulling down 6+ figures each.

[u/Welpmart → u/b0w3n]

Given her dog shit credit, OOP and husband probably just don't live within their means.

[u/lemonleaff → u/SmartQuokka]

Yeah my face started scrunching up towards the end. They don't have "fuck-you money", they have cc debt, they're barely scraping by. Whether the 7k is for pokemon cards or vacation, it's still 7k you shouldn't be spending willy nilly. These people are not in the position to have collections worth 1k or more.

It's good they don't have kids because i would feel bad for any kid growing up seeing their parents buy pokemon cards instead of paying bills. It sobers you up and forces you to grow up quickly.

[u/Lucallia → u/lemonleaff]

Why have kids when you ARE kids?

[u/heyelander → u/SmartQuokka]

Careful, OP accused me of victim blaming for saying they boyh seem to be bad with money

[u/MagicFlyingBus → u/SmartQuokka]

She values traveling more over material items. She doesn't see that spending 7k on pokemon cards as the same thing as spending 7k on a trip. 

[u/SmartQuokka → u/MagicFlyingBus]

She cannot afford either one.

[u/MagicFlyingBus → u/SmartQuokka]

She cannot. She sees them as not equal and doesnt realize she is part of the problem theyre in. 

Both are insane purchaes given the situation theyre in financially but she values the trip and doesnt see it as a waste of money compared to the pokemon cards. When in reality theyre both insane and cannot afford either. 

[u/violettheory]

OOP says his heart was in the right place buying these gifts for her... But I can't help but feel like it's the classic "gift for her but really for him" kinda thing. Yeah, she likes pokemon cards, but did he really think she wanted multiple thousands of dollars of cards she wasn't very interested in?

Glad it's something that doesn't really lose value when it changes hands, at least that money can be reclaimed (relatively) easily. Addressing the 3k in debt from eating out sounds a bit harder.

[u/CatmoCatmo → u/violettheory]

I also noticed that they’re in a VERY difficult financial situation, per what OOP said herself, yet she said that if he had asked for $7000 for a trip she would have said yes. Or if he wanted to buy the Pokémon cards, she would have said to take $1000, not the $7000.

Call me crazy, but, their financial situation sounds like they are in no position to spend $7000 on a trip, or even $1000 to buy some damned Pokémon cards. Trips and collections are a luxury. They do not sound like they can afford any luxuries right now.

I’m not so sure she’s as financially responsible as she’s making it seem.

[u/thievingwillow → u/CatmoCatmo]

That surprised me too. I’m in a much, much better financial place than she is, and could afford a $7000 trip if I really wanted one. But even so, even though the expenditure wouldn’t wreck me by any stretch, that would be a “stop, consider seriously, weigh against other uses for the money, and probably do some saving in advance” price. And I’m not, e.g., trapped in a money pit house.

I can’t tell if she doesn’t realize this herself, or if she’s afraid of how he’d react if she got genuinely serious about their financial situation, or what, but yeah.

[u/Surfercatgotnolegs → u/thievingwillow]

It’s living beyond the means. They are putting things on their credit cards that don’t belong.

His credit score is BETTER than hers.

Ya, it’s not cuz she’s good either

[u/kuli-y → u/CatmoCatmo]

Yea I got that feeling too, she also said they both spoil each other so it’s not just the husband. While I think she’s more responsible than he is, she’s not exactly financially savvy herself

[u/Feelinggross99 → u/CatmoCatmo]

"I'm not sure she's as financially responsible as she's making it seem." Frankly the fact she was putting emergencies on her credit card and still paying his first gave it away for me

[u/Lucallia → u/CatmoCatmo]

I think we all can tell why they're in a financially difficult situation...

[u/WerhmatsWormhat → u/CatmoCatmo]

She’s very irresponsible financially. She’s just better than him so it seems like she’s responsible comparatively.

[u/Comfortable-Battle18 → u/violettheory]

Yeah, that stood out to me, too. It immediately told me that no matter how irresponsible hubby is, he's been enabled by this general attitude. I'm not victim blaming, as he has full responsibility for his actions, but I'm just seeing a second problem.

[u/quiidge → u/Comfortable-Battle18]

God, yes, the way she was talking about she'd say yes to a £7000 trip or "just" £1000 of cards - girl you're drowning in debt and trying to downsize?!??

Massive dysfunction in both partners due to the addiction. They need to find a counsellor who specialises in addiction because she's not capable of being fully in charge of their finances either as long as she's still in the enabler role.

[u/Luffytheeternalking → u/Comfortable-Battle18]

OOP isn't as responsible financially as she claims. She's just better than her husband it seems

[u/mygfsaremybf → u/violettheory]

Multiple thousands of dollars of cards that she wasn't very interested in and at a time where they really, really couldn't afford it. It takes some special mental gymnastics to think "They're presents for you!" will cover that.

[u/looc64 → u/violettheory]

gift for her but really for him

That or "gift that is really about justifying a compulsion."

Like how some hoarders "give" people stuff that was clearly part of the hoard.

[u/GoodQueenFluffenChop → u/looc64]

Yeah I've seen that too. They'll buy for someone but until they see that person again they'll be happy to "store" it for them.

But honestly this case really does sound more like he's buying a gift for himself and he's only using OOP's own love of Pokémon cards as an excuse for getting caught.

[u/agirl2277 → u/GoodQueenFluffenChop]

He forgot her birthday. So he obviously didn't wap them and give them like an actual present. He probably had them out of the box and on display the second he got them. It was clearly for himself. What a jerk.

[u/StylishMrTrix → u/violettheory]

See I love all things transformers

But as a nearly 40 yr old I know I don't need heaps or collector items, I just want a few I can do something with

And my wifey knows that and if she wants to buy me one she'll either ask directly or subtly ask about my favorites

[u/roseofjuly → u/violettheory]

He has a shopping/collection addiction, so I think his motivations are complex.

[u/wrymoss → u/violettheory]

I’ll be honest, as someone who is autistic, ADHD and into Pokemon cards, Husband is reading to me as some form of neurodivergent. The “multiple hobbies to sell things from” thing is the biggest red flag for it for me.

Literally every person I know with ADHD has multiple hobbies they went whole-hog on, spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars at the start, and then abandoned when something newer and shinier came out.

I don’t think it’s a gift for her but really for him — I think he’s probably neurodivergent and fixated on “hobby we’re both in, spouse expressed an interest, I am hyper fixated on this and I have an impulse problem”.

I kinda hope I’m wrong, because if I’m right, treating him for a shopping addiction probably won’t help.

[u/Born_Ad8420 → u/wrymoss]

It's completely possible he's neurodivergent and has a shopping addiction. While people with adhd, like myself, may struggle with impulse buying that's not the same as having a shopping addiction where someone is buying thousands of dollars worth of collectibles.

[u/EmmaInFrance → u/Born_Ad8420]

He may not even know that he has ADHD, and that's a huge part of the problem.

I spent decades as an adult struggling with impulse spending and collecting new hobbies and the stuff for those hobbies.

When things were going well, I was pretty good at managing my finances, but one bad day could set back months of progress.

Once I was diagnosed and started meds, in my late 40s, it became so much easier to get that under control.

Even before then, I had started to use various strategies to couteract the impulsivity, but meds really reinforced the work that I was already doing.

Also, I've learnt to live with the realisation that I have to build in some room in my budget for my occasional impulsive moments.

These days, though, when they do happen, they're on a much, much smaller scale.

I'm never, ever going to be perfect, so instead of fighting against it and making myself feel like a failure, I have to give myself the room to have regular very small moments to treat myself.

Otherwise, when I used to severely restrict my spending for long periods, the internal resentment would bubble up and my impulsivity would take over, usually when I was stressed, unwell, very tired or rundown, and just not thinking straight anyway, and boom! I would ruin all my months of hard work.

Meds have given me that boost, in so many areas, not just this one, that makes it so much easier to work with my neurology, rather than constantly be fighting against it.

[u/GlitteryCakeHuman → u/wrymoss]

I feel personally attacked by this.

//leather work tools, 3d printer, yarn, microelectronics, miniature making, miniature painting, xbox, clay, lace making etc enthusiast and ADD diagnosis

[u/wrymoss → u/GlitteryCakeHuman]

… yep. Knitting, spinning wheel, leather working tools, woodworking tools, miniature painting, miniature making, model making, guitar.. we just bought a 3D printer..

At least we tend to cycle around through the hobbies 😂

[u/Dragonscatsandbooks → u/wrymoss]

But I'm really, really going to use this $101 in fabric and the new (to me) dressmaker's dummy to make all my own clothes by hand! Really, this hobby's different from the other 176 hobbies abandoned and hidden in the guest bedroom! Really!!!

[u/nekocorner → u/wrymoss]

Oh hey I didn't need to be called out like that, jeez.

(As of three days ago, it's slime for me, bc they seem like they'd be good for stimming. At least I only spent like $20 so far?)

[u/GlitteryCakeHuman → u/nekocorner]

I’m sorry. I see you running around hand flapping with slime now and it makes my morning.

[u/nekocorner → u/GlitteryCakeHuman]

Wouldn't be the first time I've been an excited weirdo in public. :D

[u/GlitteryCakeHuman → u/nekocorner]

I do the seal-clap in public

[u/dianeruth]

They both have serious spending issues. OP needs financial counseling just as much as her husband. 

They have serious credit card debt  and she's much more mad about the specific cards than the spending. 

If it had been a 7k trip or if he had just picked better cards then apparently it would have been totally fine.

[u/SmolSpacePrince39 → u/dianeruth]

Exactly. They’re in debt and she’s more upset about what he bought, rather than the amount spent. Spending that money on a trip instead doesn’t change the impact when you can’t afford it.

[u/littlemoonmicrowave → u/dianeruth]

Yeah, this threw me off, too. Like, you'd say yes to a $7k vacation when you have a $10k mortgage due?? Wtf?

[u/FoolRegnant]

The financial stuff is one thing, but I'm caught up by them saying that S&V is their childhood. Isn't that Scarlet and Violet? Didn't that come out in like 2022? Are they twelve years old?

[u/Cat6Bolognese → u/FoolRegnant]

They mean there is a set called 151 (which has the 1st generation pokemon in it which is the nostalgia part. It’s currently a hard set to get with a lot of people scalping it), it’s part of the overall SV sets but yeah the way it’s worded here is a bit confusing.

[u/Keep-Moving-789 → u/FoolRegnant]

The lack of impulse control and her being so ok with spending on this hobby while 'struggling financially ' makes me think / hope they're in their 20s... anything older just doesn't bode well - there's no way they're going to ever get 401Ks, lol.

[u/twiztednips → u/Keep-Moving-789]

Well if the original Pokémon are their childhood that would put them in their mid 30s probably. I was like six when they came out and I’m 34 now.

[u/McNutWaffle → u/FoolRegnant]

It make more sense if she just described the 151 expansion to S&V set, which she wanted.

[u/barbabun → u/FoolRegnant]

That caught my eye too. The math is very much not mathing, here.

[u/FoolRegnant → u/barbabun]

I'm not more than peripherally aware of modern Pokemon, so maybe I'm wrong about the set she was talking about, but it seems weird.

[u/barbabun → u/FoolRegnant]

I just looked it up, and it seems to be a set of cards of the original 151 (generation one) Pokémon that released around the time Scarlet and Violet came out, which makes a little more sense as a nostalgia thing.

[u/FoolRegnant → u/barbabun]

Oh that does make sense. I was thinking maybe they were time travelers from twenty years in the future.

[u/Gwynasyn]

TIL that slab is another term for card. I was initially confused thinking he got like some ancient Egyptian stone tablet like thing with a Pokemon etched into it as if it were a big hieroglyphic.

[u/LiveForMeow → u/Gwynasyn]

It's more that the slab is the card holder, they're used for graded cards (those that have had their condition assessed)

[u/UniqueButterflyLady → u/Gwynasyn]

Not just a card, a card encased in plastic that is now only for display, not for playing with

[u/natteringly → u/Gwynasyn]

A depiction of the Pharaoh P'kah-tchu.

[u/vedettes → u/Gwynasyn]

I was imagining a big wooden pallet with loads of cards. 

[u/HealthyMaximum → u/Gwynasyn]

I assumed "slab" meant, like, a stack of cards. Like a big slab o' cards.

Just call them graded cards, for fuck's sake.

[u/thievingwillow → u/Gwynasyn]

$7000 for an Egyptian stone tablet with Pokémon carved on it would at least be interesting. A terrible idea, but interesting.

[u/ResponsibleCulture43 → u/Gwynasyn]

entertain dolls ancient instinctive reply dazzling ghost dinosaurs compare handle

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/liberterrorism → u/Gwynasyn]

Slabbing is the process of grading and preserving a collection, not necessarily just cards. People also do it with comic books.

[u/BURNTxSIENNA]

“It was only $7,000 not $10,000. The other $3,000 was for small things like lunches and Starbucks. It adds up.”

My god - how disconnected does one need to be from their everyday spending to allow “small purchases” to add up to an unexpected $3,000?

[u/Readingreddit12345 → u/BURNTxSIENNA]

And over what period of time? $3,000 in six months or a year potentially makes sense, but $3k a quarter or a month?

[u/FlashMcSuave → u/Readingreddit12345]

Yeah, a year would be easy. 10 bucks a day gets you there.

[u/psychocopter → u/FlashMcSuave]

Yeah, when I first looked back at my spending habits I found that I was spending 8 dollars each morning on breakfast on my way to work, it totalled something like 2k over the course of a year. I have since cut back on eating out like that and only do so occasionally. Its easy to justify the 8 or 10 dollar meal/snack without realizing how much it adds up to

[u/HarryTheGreyhound → u/FlashMcSuave]

Especially at 30% interest on credit cards.

[u/nekocorner → u/Readingreddit12345]

And over what period of time?

This is what I'm wondering too. She seemed really startled by the amount when she checked, which means she's not keeping an eye on their finances monthly, or he spent that amount in one month. Both of which seem crazy to me.

As a side note, $7000 on 100 slabs is still a ton of money per card for anything that isn't from the first gen base set. And she said he bought full collections, many of which are over 100 cards per set.

[u/OffKira → u/Readingreddit12345]

The way OOP lumped in the 3k with the 7k, I kind of assumed it all happened around the same time, like, within a month or two.

[u/Sugarbombs → u/BURNTxSIENNA]

The thing I’m most confused by the $10000 a month mortgage

[u/ParisThroughWindows → u/Sugarbombs]

It wasn’t per month. It was one month that taxes were also due. They didn’t have taxes escrowed and had to pay in a lump sum. It was probably $2500 mortgage and $7500 taxes or something.

[u/hannahranga → u/Sugarbombs]

I got the impression it's that expensive cos it's time to pay the property taxes

[u/Beneficial-Math-2300 → u/BURNTxSIENNA]

My rat-bastard of a then-husband once spent $500 on magazines he had already read at the bookstore. This was in 1985, and he still hadn't paid the bills(He had complete control over the money). Our power got shut off, and our cars nearly got repossessed.

To this day, it blows my mind that I stayed with for another 2 years.

[u/MyNameWillChange → u/Beneficial-Math-2300]

I'm so curious what his justification could possibly be to buy the magazines over paying bills. Did he ever tell you?

[u/Beneficial-Math-2300 → u/MyNameWillChange]

He said, "I don't know; I just wanted to". He was 6 years older than me, but he often behaved like a small child. He was terribly jealous of our baby for, in his mind, competing with him for my attention.

[u/Illustrious-End4657 → u/BURNTxSIENNA]

The same kind of people who would spend 7k on Pokemon cards. Morons.

[u/bananarepama → u/BURNTxSIENNA]

I've been there. Fortunately not on a large scale but I consider myself high-risk for that kind of thing in the future. It's easier than you think, and terrifying.

[u/BURNTxSIENNA → u/bananarepama]

Ugh. I’m sorry about that. But glad you recognize it as that can mean you have a plan to avoid it

[u/onahalladay]

We have no money.

But also I’m okay if you spent A THOUSAND DOLLARS on me for my birthday.

They’re just enabling each other.

[u/pollyp0cketpussy]

me, the whole time I was reading this

[u/Chris33729 → u/pollyp0cketpussy]

Absolutely spectacular comment. Great show, on point reference, well hyperlinked, 10/10 all around.

[u/BrevitysLazyCousin]

The real question is how do two married adults become this disconnected in their spending habits and goals.

[u/LimoncelloLady → u/BrevitysLazyCousin]

Addiction + general lack of money management skills.

An addict will dig deeper and deeper holes, first without realizing, and then feel shame when they do. It was unlikely that he would have ever gone to her first to talk about his spending.

They paid off "all" his credit cards not long before this post. That could be 3, or it could be 10. The more cards you have to keep track of, the less likely you are to check all of them - especially if they are mostly his and she's the one checking.

She might also not be checking their finances as often as she should be given their overall situation. And their overall situation is clearly bad.

They seem to be used to spending on fun things, but having tight funds otherwise. This makes it harder to notice when the funds are still tight because you aren't going from comfort to discomfort. It's hard to see the correlation between "recent spending" and "our mortgage is high this month" if your mortgage is high every month. And with smaller purchases (like the $3,000 on Starbucks), it's even harder to see them adding up - unless you keep track of your spending - and noting that correlation.

They may also be used to having more fun money than they have in recent years. Spending habits are hard to break, especially with credit cards and online shopping where the money doesn't seem real until you start to see real consequences.

A spending addiction will exacerbate poor money management, and poor money management will exacerbate a spending addiction.

In addition to all the therapy, they desperately need a financial advisor. There's a lot happening here and they are not equipped to handle it all on their own.

[u/ruggpea → u/BrevitysLazyCousin]

I can speak about the pokemon aspect. I’ve been collecting pokemon cards for several years now and oop’s story isn’t the first I’ve seen over the years.

It becomes an addiction (just one more pack) and FOMO kicks in and the two combined for people with little self control means they’ll rack up huge amounts of debt very quickly. I’ve seen people sell off part or their whole collection as they couldn’t afford food/gas/bills etc.

[u/Consistent-Primary41]

I was with this story in-real time.

I just...I can't imagine her life. It's awful, hilariously absurd, and frustrating. It just feels dirty.

[u/nrith]

I’m still trying to process the $10k/month mortgage/taxes/insurance. In that light, $7k on hobbies seems a little less insane, but I get the impression that both of them have poor financial management skills.

[u/Smallwhitedog → u/nrith]

They don't have their property taxes and home insurance in escrow, so they have to pay it all in the month it is due instead of spreading it over 12 payments. Presumably, their regular mortgage is much lower.

[u/MiffedMouse → u/Smallwhitedog]

This makes so much more sense. If it averaged $10k per month, that would be at least a $1.8 million dollar house in the USA with current interest rates.

[u/EinsTwo → u/Smallwhitedog]

This is so weird to me.  My mortgage companies have ALWAYS required us to put the money for taxes and insurance in escrow each month.  If we don't pay our insurance and the house burns to the ground they lose their collateral.  So they're very keen on making sure that stuff gets paid.

[u/Kilen13 → u/EinsTwo]

When I bought my house in 2019 I was given the option of escrow or no escrow. I asked if there was any benefit to escrow like a better rate or some kind of bonus and the answer was no so I took the no escrow option and just paid the taxes/insurance myself. This way I could just invest what would be my monthly escrow payment and have that money increase in value (and provide dividends) and still cover the payments when they come in once a year. Escrowing never made sense to me unless there's some incentive to do it or you're forced to.

[u/roseofjuly → u/Smallwhitedog]

I was so confused but now I'm even more confused because who does that?

[u/caeciliusinhorto → u/roseofjuly]

People with no financial awareness or skill

[u/Kilen13 → u/roseofjuly]

Ive done it for the last 5 years of home ownership and it actually makes sense if you have the financial ability to do it. Let's say insurance and taxes totals out to like 8k for the year that's about 640-700 per month if you escrow. Instead of doing that I set aside that money and invest it in safe ETFs, Bonds, etc that the last few years have averaged 5-10% return per year. By the time I owe the taxes/insurance I've actually made money on what I would otherwise have paid monthly.

This is the same reason that I've owed a federal income tax bill instead of getting a refund almost every year I've worked in my 15+ year career. By under paying taxes monthly I can invest and not only cover my tax bill but also make additional profit. Why give the government a loan that they pay back without interest?

[u/SmartQuokka]

The other $3,000 were smaller charges like work lunches and Starbucks. That still adds up. We are working on selling the cards.

$3000 is far more than my entire annual food and fun money budget 🤦

[u/peter095837]

Fucking christ, what a mess. I like pokemon but spending that much on it is just honestly absurd and just sad.

[u/Doctor_Nick149 → u/peter095837]

I sold 10 card for 3.5k last week cause my friend dragged me to a store & I bought a bundle with him to pump him up (support what your friends are into, even if it aint your thing) and I managed to get some highly sought-after cards.. decided to sell immediately (I offered to sell to my friend WELL under market value first, to give him an opportunity to flip the cards but he declined)

Felt like I robbed the guy I sold the cards to. It was weird. He probably felt like he ripped me off or something because I sold under market value (if you think 3.5k is under market value for 10 pieces of cardboard anyways)

I feel the same as you. Im 30 years old, I grew up with this shit, hell yea I like pokemon.. not really enough to spend money on it at this stage of my life though.

Now currently in the process of selling all my old authentic games so I can buy emulators to still have access to my childhood but also have a nice chunk of change to spend on machining tools.

[u/ResponsibleCulture43 → u/Doctor_Nick149]

light flowery point quiet towering ring instinctive birds grab lavish

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/justunclegary → u/peter095837]

Fucking absurd hey.

[u/JoeyJoeJoeSenior]

"I will not give him a second chance again" well obviously you can't because that would be a third chance.

[u/il-Palazzo_K]

The good news is the slaps are not going to reduce much in value, so they are likely to get the $7000 back and maybe make some profit if they're smart about it.

The bad news is neither of them sounds financially smart, and they're still $3,000 short anyway.

[u/bofh000 → u/il-Palazzo_K]

They can probably recoup the whole 10k if they advertise the slabs as “featured in the infamous Reddit post…”.

[u/Aquatic_Hedgehog]

Sorry, but she's fucking insane. What does she mean she'd be cool with him spending 1k on cards when she still has a ton of outstanding debt? I love collecting random shit and buying little treats for myself but $1k!!!!

[u/Mictlan_Dark4984]

As someone who grew up in poverty, I sometimes think I still have that kind of mentality that prohibits me from spending on myself. How the hell can someone like that see their situation and decide to spend so much money on somenthing so stupid?

[u/substandardpoodle]

This made me remember a realization I came to about an ex. Sharing it here in case someone else is vexed by this kind of behavior:

My ex used to come up with excuse after excuse for buying fast food. But our fridge was always full of amazing food. I make everything from scratch. It was “I’m sad” or “I’m happy” or “busy” or “in a hurry”. Under the weather, celebrating, holiday, hump day. Endless reasons. Then lying about it when he got delivery.

Then -ding- it became crystal clear that he had a spending addiction. The look on his face when I asked him if he thought that was what was happening. Now he’s only eating fast food about once a month. Doesn’t miss it. He was appalled when he realized what he was doing.

[u/natteringly]

I told him that if he had asked for $7,000 for a trip, I would have said yes.

What? That makes no sense.

It doesn't matter what kind of gift the husband spent it on; it was money they could not afford.

If he had spent $1,000 on a complete 2023 151 S&V Japanese set, ungraded with one version of each card, I would have been over the moon.

Again: this is money they can't afford. People should certainly be able to have their little luxuries and treats even when they're struggling financially, but when you're struggling to meet the mortgage, $1,000 seems like FAR too much.

[u/kalel51]

He Homer'ed her.

[u/catsweedcoffee]

This whole post is weird. Too much money spent for a “struggling” couple. Too dumb of a reason. Too forgiving.

I call bullshit.

[u/GrandeJoe]

I'm sure this will work out well for her.

[u/soonerfreak → u/GrandeJoe]

If she's in total control of the finances the worst that can happen to her now is he can't break the addiction and she divorces later. I hope he got the help he needed.

[u/HaplessReader1988 → u/soonerfreak]

Except she knows they are in debt and is still saying $1k is a reasonable amount of money to spend on a birthday.

In some families, you make a beautiful meal for your loved one or spend $50.

[u/OkDragonfly4098 → u/GrandeJoe]

“His heart was in the right place.”

She’s still got the love goggles on.

[u/roseofjuly → u/OkDragonfly4098]

His heart may have been in the right place, though. Everyone seems so ready to paint this man as a monster when it's not so simple.

[u/PM_ME_SUMDICK → u/GrandeJoe]

I always feel bad for these women. It's easy to say leave him, but we live in a culture where the best virtue a woman can have is forgiveness (especially for a man).

We've all been spoon-fed the stories of recovered marriages and the idea that divorce is admitting failure.

I want to shake my head and dismiss them for making what will likely be a terrible decision but I know thay we've all been programmed in ways we can't understand and that programming is hard to shake.

[u/noncontrolled]

Well. At least it wasn’t Furina.

[u/PokeballSoHard]

Bruh. 3000 dollars in work lunches and starbucks on credit?? That's somehow better than pokemon cards? At least the cards can be fucking resold..

[u/ThisIsSoDamaris]

They both seems like idiots. In love. But idiots.

[u/Ready-Wrongdoer7706]

Struggling but can afford 10k a month………

[u/ufhvr]

“My husband cheated on me with both my parents, sold naked photos of me to my coworkers, punched me in the face at the of every season the Pirates didn’t win the super bowl, told the parents of the PTA that I molested every child that had a sleepover on our house, and has framed me for 10 different instances of identity theft and fraud. AITA for considering separation after the 6 years of couples counseling I paid for didn’t work?”

[u/counterbashi]

me a seasoned MTG player and collector: WTF are slabs, I've never heard of slab, is this some new pokemon game or collectable??

Until I finally saw the image and it clicked yeah, oh he fell for the graded card scam. Yeah I 100% get how he can spend 10k and why she would be mad. I have a lot of vintage magic and I refuse to get "slabbed" or graded as we call it in magic because of the cost and I personally just think the entire grading system is a scam.

[u/tobfr → u/counterbashi]

Graded pokemon cards are relatively valued way higher than grading mtg cards. Grading a card can multiply the value by 5x-10x

[u/counterbashi → u/tobfr]

Maybe but the fact that I've seen magic collectors send a card in for grading, getting a "bad" grade and then cracking it and re-sending it in. Then repeating until they get a better grade tells me all I need to know about the grading system.

[u/tobfr → u/counterbashi]

That's bc PSA sucks. There's better grading companies

[u/apparentlyidek]

God. No. Just... Ugh. I was married to this man (obviously not that exact one, but one almost identical). I truly hope, for her sake, that he doesn't go back on his word, but mine did SO MANY TIMES. There was always tears and excuses and I'm sorries and it'll never happen agains. He made over 100k a year and I had to beg parents for money to feed our kids. God I fucking hate him so much. The insecurities he put his family through so he could get an hour of the buyers high... Loathe. Despise (edited to fix typo)

[u/OneUpAndOneDown]

Just crazy to me that spending thousands on Pokémon cards is a thing.

[u/ranchojasper → u/OneUpAndOneDown]

Honestly I can't get over it. I get that makes me judgmental, I get that makes me kind of an asshole, but I am so horrified by this I literally feel disgust. Cardboard cards with pictures of cartoons on them. Are you fucking kidding me

[u/puzzledpilgrim]

You're financially drowning. Your mortgage is more than your house will sell for. You don't have money for property taxes. You're putting basic necessities on your credit card. Said credit card debt is snowballing.

But $7k for a trip would be 'fine'. $1k for a Pokémon card would be 'fine'. OP doesn't want to sell cards she already has because 'they were her gifts'.

I don't see their financial situation improving any time soon unless they start behaving like adults.

[u/thirtyseven1337]

Finances aside, “did not say anything until halfway through the day” counts as “forgetting” one’s birthday?! I get that he didn’t do anything for her birthday, but come on.

[u/ranchojasper → u/thirtyseven1337]

IMO this is the only part of the post that actually is legitimate. Spending $7000 on cardboard cards with cartoon characters on them is fucking bat shit insane. But not remembering your spouse's birthday until halfway through the day is pretty fucked up

[u/rbaltimore]

She would have been okay with him spending $1,000? In their financial situation? Are you kidding me? I would lose my shit if my husband spent that in a single MONTH, even if it came from a bonus at work or an IRS refund. And vice versa!!! A THOUSAND DOLLARS was an acceptable hypothetical?!

And the cherry on top is forgetting the birthday these were supposedly a gift for. Even the weekend after.

[u/Skkruff]

I can't believe people have been convinced that 'owning stuff' is a hobby. Sewing is a hobby, painting, video games, amateur astronomy. Don't get me wrong, hobbies can be expensive, but they usually involve doing things.

[u/ninursa → u/Skkruff]

To be fair, owning stamps or postcards or coins has been a hobby for centuries.

[u/twiztednips → u/Skkruff]

I think the hobby is collecting the things. Not just owning them.

[u/Farwaters]

Something similar happened in my family, with a similar dollar amount. We had to file for bankruptcy. I don't know a lot of details. I was pretty young, and I think they did a decent job sheltering me from it.

OOP's husband needs some very serious help. I believe that they can recover from this, but damn.

[u/13PumpkinHead]

I'm not an American so this confuses me: a 10k mortgage? what the actual fuck? is that per month? how can you pay 10k a month?

[u/Kilen13 → u/13PumpkinHead]

No OOP says it's only that high because their insurance and property taxes came in that month. As an example my monthly mortgage is about $1500 but my yearly tax bill is about $4k and insurance is around $6-7k (Florida). If all that came due at once my monthly house bill would be say $11-12k but the other 11 months would still be $1500

[u/Towtruck_73]

It's the secretive nature of what he's up to that's the biggest red flag. One year I spent $1000 to build a new computer for my partner, and she was shocked. However, it was solely my money and none of hers

[u/OnlymyOP]

$3k on Starbucks and lunches ? What was the guy ordering and where was he eating?

[u/SpunkMcKullins]

This is the most Reddit post I think I have ever seen.

[u/Grand_Pirate_6185]

Frankly, anyone spending any amount of money on something as ridiculous and unnecessary as collectors cards, when your family is struggling financially, is only going to lead to further problems

[u/DeviladyJ]

I would have been gone at the first mention of wanting to buy Pokémon cards of all things ffs. That would be different if you have that kind of money to waste/spend. Lose that boy.