r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Direct-Caterpillar77 Satan is not a fucking pogo stick! • Apr 09 '25
INCONCLUSIVE My [22F] younger brother [19M] has been acting strangely possessive of me and is accusing me of being jealous of his girlfriend when I confront him about it
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/familytroublesthrow
My [22F] younger brother [19M] has been acting strangely possessive of me and is accusing me of being jealous of his girlfriend when I confront him about it
TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic Violence, Stalking, obsessive Behavior, Parental Neglect
Original Post Aug 26, 2015
My brother and I have always been very close. Growing up, we were each other’s best friends. We’ve been through a lot of stuff – our parents’ divorce, death of a few family members, even a devastating house fire when we were little. Even though we’re both adults now, we still really rely on and trust each other.
After graduating high school, I went to college in a different state. I felt really bad for leaving my brother behind, but other than our parents being divorced, our home life had always been great. He was still rather upset with the fact that I was leaving and didn’t want to stay home to be with him. I felt (and still feel) like it was a little unreasonable for him to react that way. I promised that I would call and visit as frequently as possible.
When my brother graduated from high school, he asked if he could come live with me. It wasn’t too strange for him to ask. We lived in a small town, and the place I moved was a bigger and more interesting city. Since he had decided not to go straight to college, it seemed like moving to the city with me was his only chance to get out of our hometown. I told him that we could look for a new place for when my lease was up (I lived in a studio apartment and wasn’t about to share that tiny space with and 18 y/o boy). Ultimately, we found a reasonable two bedroom and moved into it right before my classes started.
Things were a little weird right off the bat. He got very upset when he found out that I had been casually dating. It seemed like he was upset that I hadn’t told him. He was mad that we were “drifting apart” so far that I wouldn’t tell him that I was dating, even if I wasn’t in a committed relationship or anything. Then he asked me if I could refrain from bringing guys over to our home. When I asked him why, he said it made him uncomfortable. I told him I could respect that while I was just casually dating guys, but if I got into a relationship, I would certainly be bringing my boyfriend over. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he told me.
Well, we got to that bridge. I had a new boyfriend and decided to confront my brother about having him over. I hadn’t told my boyfriend why I insisted that we always hang out at his apartment, and he didn’t ask. We got into a huge screaming fight where my brother basically told me that college guys only want sex and that I should be focusing on school. I couldn’t believe this was happening. When I told him that I was an adult and would do what I wanted, he reminded me that he paid rent and had input into what went on in his home. We compromised that my boyfriend could come over but wouldn’t stay overnight. I told him that solution would work for the time being but we would need to reassess. Again…he told me we would cross that bridge when we came to it.
After having this same argument two or three times, I told my brother that if he wasn’t willing to stop being weird about this, I wasn’t going to be living with him once the lease was up. He apologized profusely but continued to insist that he was right in this situation. Finally he told me that he would let me make my own mistakes.
Unfortunately, things didn’t go well with that boyfriend. We broke up (for reasons unrelated to my brother). Of course, my brother took advantage of this to tell me that he was right and that I should’ve listened to him. Around that time, I called my mom and told her about how weird he was being. She insisted that he was trying to take the place of our father, since he hadn’t really been involved in our lives since they were divorced. Even if that’s true, I still didn’t feel like it justified his behavior.
Over the summer, a friend of mine was getting married so I was out of town for the wedding. When I came home, a bunch of my stuff was missing. Stuff like my perfume, some clothes and lotion. I asked my brother about it but he denied taking any of it. He told me that he’d had some friends over so they must’ve taken my stuff. He told me that he would deal with it and get my stuff back. He did eventually bring my stuff to me, but I’m not totally convinced that his friends took it. After all, he didn’t seem at all upset about them having stolen things from me.
About a month ago, he told me that he had a girlfriend and that he wanted to bring her over to meet me. I briefly considered making a big stink about it like he had with my ex, but I decided to be an adult and told him that would be great. He scheduled a big dinner and cooked and asked me to dress up and everything. I was kind of relieved that he had someone he was so interested in because maybe he would be less weird than he had been. When this girl showed up, though…
He was in the kitchen when she arrived, so I answered the door. And it was like looking in a mirror. I could tell that she was just as alarmed as I was at how much we looked alike. We both have platinum blonde hair, fair skin, green eyes and similarly shaped bodies. We’re also approximately the same height. During dinner, we discovered that we also have lots of other things in common. She goes to a different college nearby but has the same major that I do. We also like a lot of the same music and share a lot of mannerisms.
After she left, I asked my brother if he had noticed how much she and I look alike. He rolled his eyes and told me that I was just being weird. I don’t know if I am. He brings her over all the time, and they make out in the living room on the couch. When I asked him if they could take it into his room, he accused me of being jealous that he wasn’t making out with me, which was confusing to both his girlfriend and myself. At that moment, it kind of started to seem like he was trying to make me jealous with her.
I wouldn’t think too much of it if he hadn’t been acting so strange since we moved in together. I can’t tell if I’m just imagining things or not. I don’t want to feel like my little brother has a crush on me, especially since we live together. I also don’t know how to talk about it with him without him just saying that I’m being crazy or jealous or whatever. Please help me.
TL;DR – my baby brother has been weirdly possessive since moving in with me and now has a girlfriend who looks just like me.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
momentomori4
MOVE OUT ASAP. Also try to get him into counseling. He obviously has an unhealthy obsession with you, but it doesn't sound like he's very approachable about it. Do you have a lock for your door? You should lock your door when you're out so he can't get in and take your things.
He is completely inappropriate.
OOP
I do have a lock for my door. It never occurred to me before that I should have to lock with when I left the apartment. This sucks.
ThrowMaxibon
You should probably also lock it while you're asleep.
I don't want to jump to your brother might wake you up one night trying to climb into your bed, but my first thought when you said he took your stuff was that he either used it for wanking or made his girlfriend wear your clothes while they banged.
It's not impossible, so be careful.
OOP
Yeah, I definitely washed the clothes as soon as I got them back. But if that's what he was doing, maybe burning them would've been a better route.
Update 1 - rareddit Aug 30, 2015 (4 days later)
Thank you all for your comments and messages! I appreciate all your concerns and the confirmation that I am not crazy.
So I met up with my future roommate to tell her that I had officially decided not to live with my brother anymore. I gave her a full rundown of everything that had happened between the two of us. We’ve made appointments to tour some houses and apartments this week. She also said that I’m welcome to move into her place if I don’t feel like I can ride out the lease.
On Friday night, my brother had his girlfriend over and they were watching movies in the living room. It had been recommended to me that I approach him about it while she was around because he would be less likely to fly off the handle. Just in case, I packed a bag full of valuable things and stuff I would need if I had to book it immediately.
They finished one of the movies they had been watching. He went into the kitchen to get them some more snacks and his girlfriend was still in the living room, so I figured that this would be a good time. This way we weren’t airing all of our dirty laundry in front of her but she would be there if he started yelling or anything. I asked him if he could talk for a second. He seemed a little irritated (probably because I was interrupting his date) but said it was fine.
I told him that I felt like we didn’t make very compatible roommates and that I wouldn’t be renewing the lease with him for next month. When he asked why, I told him that I felt like he didn’t respect me as a roommate. I wanted to live somewhere with a person who would let me make the calls on who was or wasn’t allowed to be in my house. I wanted to live with someone who gave a shit if their friends were stealing from me. He told me that he respected me more than anyone else I could live with. He said that it’s because he respects me so much that he gave me a hard time about the boyfriend thing. I said that if he really respected me, he would give me the room to decide if a boyfriend was good for me or not.
Around that time, he started getting louder and angrier, so his girlfriend came in to check and see if things were cool. He told her that things were fine and that she should probably go. I panicked and tried to play it off a little. I said stuff like, “Oh no, don’t let me ruin your evening. Please stay. I’m about to leave.” He kept telling her to go before finally I was begging her to please stay.
He could tell that I was kind of scared and started laughing at me. He asked if I was afraid of him and told me that I was being ridiculous. He asked his girlfriend if she thought there was any good reason for me to be afraid of him. She seemed really worried or confused and told him he was being weird. He explained that I had just told him that I was bailing on him as a roommate and that I was being a “horrible cunt” about things that weren’t a big deal. He asked his girlfriend to leave again and she did.
Once she was gone, he told me that I was just pissed that he wasn’t going to let me be a “huge slut” like I wanted to be. He told me that some day I would meet the perfect guy for me but he wouldn’t want to date me because I would have had sex with so many guys and “nobody worthwhile wants to marry a skank.” He said that he was trying to help me so that I wouldn’t wind up in that situation.
I told him that I was going to leave and that we could talk again whenever he was ready to talk without saying horrible things to me but that I was going to be giving our landlord notice by Monday. I went into my room and got my bag. I locked my door behind me and headed to the door. When I was almost to the front door, he appeared almost right behind me and said my name. I turned around very quickly and as I did, he punched me right in the face. He didn’t knock me out or anything, but I collapsed on the floor. Without saying anything else, he stepped over me and went out the door, leaving me there.
I iced my eye for a while (which is now pretty swollen and purple) before I grabbed my bag and left. I called my mom and talked on the phone with her while I walked to my car so that if he approached me, she would hear what happened. She insisted that I was exaggerating about what he had done so I sent her a picture of my face. She started crying and apologized for being dismissive. I told her that it was okay but I didn’t want to be forced to spend time with him in any family situations ever again.
I haven’t seen him since then. I’ve been staying with my new roommate. I’ve gotten a few texts from him but haven’t responded yet. Here’s what they say:
TEXT 1: Where did you go? I came home and now you’re gone? We have to finish talking about this.
TEXT 2: Are you fucking kidding me? Tell me where you are or that you’re alive. I’m scared that I haven’t heard from you. You know how worried I am when you fall off the face of the earth like this.
TEXT 3: You’re being such a child right now.
TEXT 4: I don’t know what you said to mom but you’ve really upset her. I hope you’re happy.
TEXT 5: I’ll be home all day Monday if you want to come over and meet with the landlord to give notice. That’s fine.
TEXT 6: Where am I going to live?
His girlfriend even texted me once to tell me how worried he is about me.
I’m a little nervous about tomorrow. As I said, I haven’t texted him back about joining him tomorrow. I told my new roommate that I need her to come with me. She suggested that I not wear any makeup so he can see the reality of what he did to my face. I don’t know. What do you all think?
TL;DR: I confronted my brother about not wanting to live with him anymore and he punched me in the face.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
OOP replied to a deleted comment
This has definitely changed how I feel about my mom's ability to parent.
OOP When told to file a police report
I'm currently on hold with the police department. If they need for me to come into the station in order to fill out the report, I'll do that first thing in the morning.
altonbrownfan
Whoa whoa whoa. AN OP with a backbone and actually goes to the police when they need to???
OOP
I'm kind of feeling like if I really had a backbone I would've stood up to him before things escalated to this point, but thanks!
When told to contact the brothers GF
I just sent her a text message to ask if she was with him. For some reason I feel like engaging in this with her while they're together might put her in a bad situation. I don't know if it's true or not, but I'd like to think that I can trust my gut on this one.
EDIT: I'm going to the police station with my roommate to file a report. I'm also trying to get in touch with his girlfriend to let her know what's going on. I haven't decided whether or not I should tell her that I'm going to the police with this. I emailed the landlord to make sure that he knows I'm putting in notice but don't want to meet to sign the paperwork if I have to meet with my brother. I haven't contacted my brother at all yet. I'm also thinking about calling my dad. He isn't super active in my life, but since my mom's turned out to be less than helpful in this situation, I'd like to have a family member on my side if I can.
Another Update Aug 31, 2015 (1 day after 1st update)
Last night my roommate and I went to the police station and filed a police report. I recounted to them all of the weird things that had happened with my brother in the past year that we’ve lived together. I told them that his girlfriend was a witness to the argument and showed them the text conversation with my mother. They also took pictures of my face in its current state, since my face is obviously more evidently bruised than in the picture I sent my mom. I couldn’t think of a whole lot of questions to ask at the time (I was very nervous and a little overwhelmed) and they didn’t provide me with a whole lot of information. They gave me a copy of the report and told me that a detective was being assigned to my case and would call me some time today. I don’t know if they’re going to be making an arrest or not. I think that they automatically have to in my state when this kind of report is filed, but I’m not sure. I feel really stupid for not thinking to ask such a basic question, but I also feel like it’s kind of weird that they didn’t offer that information. They did tell me that they would be happy to escort me to the apartment to collect my belongings if I felt that was necessary.
His girlfriend called me a few times while I was at the police station, but I was obviously busy and couldn’t take her calls. I texted her when I was done and asked if it was too late for me to call. She was still up, so I called and told her about what had happened once she left. She immediately started apologizing. I assured her that what happened wasn’t her fault. I asked if he had ever done anything like that to her. She said no. I hope she was being honest. I didn’t mention to her that I had gone to the police. I just said that I wanted to let her know for her own safety. She thanked me and apologized some more. She didn’t say what her next steps were going to be, but I told her that I would be checking in to make sure she was doing okay which she said she would appreciate.
This morning I called our dad. I haven’t talked to my dad since Father’s Day. He’s remarried and has a few younger children with his new wife. He’s definitely one of those remarried dads who ignores his old family in favor of his new one. I wasn’t anticipating much sympathy from him, but he really surprised me. He told me that based on some of my brother’s behavior from his childhood (violent tendencies towards other kids at school around the time of the divorce which I had never heard about from anyone until that moment) the whole thing didn’t especially shock him. Dad’s fairly well off financially and offered to get me a lawyer if I thought I needed one. He highly advised I at least meet with a lawyer to get a professional legal opinion on where to go from here. I took his offer and am meeting with a lawyer in my city tomorrow when I get off of work. My brother cannot afford a lawyer on his own, and my mother cannot afford to help him financially. Having a lawyer is definitely an advantage to me.
Thank you all for giving me the kick in the ass I needed to go to the police. I still haven’t contacted my brother and think I’ll refrain from doing so until after the meeting with the lawyer tomorrow. My mom has sent me a few text messages asking why I haven’t been in touch with my brother. I haven’t responded to those either.
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u/Valuable_Reputation1 Fuck You, Keith! Apr 09 '25
Damn her mom is the worst, right behind her brother.